How do you talk to a friend named Maria....

 

I've known my friend Maria for almost as long as I've lived in my apartment.  We worked together near the beginning of our careers, and we've kept in contact with each other through the loss of my wife, her divorce, and the loss of her second husband.  Neither of us has been available when the other has been free, and that's a plus for a good friendship.  I'm probably the only person who can say that she slept in my bed every night for several months, and there was nothing immoral about it.  (I lent her a folding cot with thick mattress, as her ex-husband stole all of the bedroom furniture in the house.  My 'bed' was over 35 miles away when she slept in it.)

Maria knows me both as Mario and as Marian, and is comfortable with me in both presentations.  She leans to the right politically, while I lean to the left.  And yet, she finds what is going on in DC these days very disturbing.  So, when I started discussing politics, she didn't challenge me on the facts - she knew that the Orange Snowflake is up to no good.

The real reason for us getting together was to have lunch - we haven't been able to do so in months.  The secondary reason was to have some paperwork notarized.  Over lunch, I found out that her two grand-kids are living at home again, and that the eldest has already entered puberty.  (If I ever go through that experience again, it will be because of estrogen, not testosterone, like my first puberty.  But I digress.)  The younger of the two grand-kids is still cute.  I can only imagine what it will be like when this child enters puberty.  As you can guess, when a grandmother is raising her grandchildren, it takes a lot of energy out of a person, leaving little left for her volunteer work and for her social life.

Lunch lasted over 2 hours, and at the end, she notarized some of the documents I'll need to apply for my second passport.  And then, we left Cold Spring to go our separate ways....

- - - - - -

I had no energy when I got home, and it was all I could to so that 2 loads of laundry could get done.  By the time it was done, I had decided to blow off game night for a change.  I never do this.  But with RQS coming up tomorrow, I wanted to be ready for her arrival in the afternoon.

Later in the evening, RQS and I got into a long discussion about my brother, the family homestead, and interactions with  both friends and family.  I mentioned my friend Nan from the AOL Widows/Widowers chat room (long disbanded) and a wish to visit her in the "North Country"  RQS was up for it (she wanted some new photo opportunities), so I sent a DM to Nan to see if it would be OK.  Hopefully, she will be up for visitors, as I know that people in their 80's don't have a lot of life in front of them....

Dreams

 

For those of you who don't know me that well, I rarely dream when I sleep.  This could be due to an inability to go into deep sleep.  Or, it could be something else I've had for ages.  As long as I feel healthy, I don't care much, as a good sleep can be quite restful.

Years ago, I fell asleep on a train and felt that I was having a conversation with my late wife.  I felt wide awake and totally aware of my circumstances, and this dream made me feel quite good - until I asked one question: How could I be having this conversation when you passed away?  Then, POOF! she was gone.  

I've changed a lot over the years, and I can say that a lot of the time I've been a total jerk without realizing it.  Other times, I realized it after it was too late and couldn't stop.  And this leads to a dream I had recently.

Now for some background.

I met this couple at an AOL widows/widowers gathering about 26-27 years ago.  They eventually got married, and the gentleman adopted his wife's son.  This son has a visual impairment which will prevent him from ever driving.  As such, he will likely live near a big city for the rest of his life, due to transportation issues.  The day that the couple adopted their other son, their house caught on fire, and they were living in temporary digs for a year while their house was rebuilt.

At the time this was going on, I was dating Ex-GF-M, a woman who was morbidly obese. We planned to go to the couple's celebration of being able to return home, but I got the date and time wrong - but still arrived at the party late.  I didn't have the self esteem to simply leave my to be ex at the time - this is a big problem when a person has an unhealthy relationship glued together by a mutual addiction (food).  But I was aware of it, and was trying to get up the gumption to leave.

Well, I mentioned this to the couple (who were both obese as well), and was later cut off from being Facebook friends.   Could this be because I was a jerk in other ways without knowing it?  Could it have been because they saw my rejection of my then GF as an insult to them?  Who Knows?

Now to the present.

I have lost contact with this couple, and wouldn't mind being in loose contact again. The other night, I had a dream involving this couple.  They hadn't been on my mind for ages.  Could my subconscious be trying to tell me something?

So I wonder?  Should I try to reach out to this couple?  Should I address the elephant in the room from the past?  Again, who knows?  For all I know, it could be a signal that something bad has happened to them - but with no real evidence that this could be so.  Yet, I'd like to get some closure on the past.   And I'd like to apologize for being a jerk when I knew them.