I still play hopscotch across gender lines

Unlike an acquaintance mentioned in a prior post, I have no intention of backsliding on my path to femininity.  Even though the AI generated picture above is only an aspirational goal, it is a good idea of what I'd look like after Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS).  And I want to look like this (as appropriate for my age) at some time in the future.

The big question will always be: How far can I go along my path and have RQS as my companion?  I'd rather stop at a point before she starts feeling uncomfortable than to go too far and lose her.  For me, having companionship at this stage of life is more important than being fully female.  The equipment between my legs is less important than how I present myself to the world.  Additionally, the ability to present myself to the world 24x7 as a female is not as important as having a partner at this stage of life.

So, where does this leave me right now?

Well, I am comfortable crossing gender lines as needed to get things done during the day.  For example, I have to do some tile shopping for repairs being done on my bathroom wall.  This is something best done while I'm in male mode.  Yet, I feel more comfortable in female mode overall.  

Yet, this can get a bit awkward when I need to be in Male mode part of the day, then Female mode for the rest of the day.  For example, I have electricians coming to my apartment several days next week. (I can't move all of the furniture out of the way to get all the needed work done on one visit.)  I'll need to be in male mode these days, then change into female mode after they have gone for the day.

For the most part, everyone in my apartment complex knows that I live a bi-gendered life.  But, I have to be careful which mode I use when I deal with the outside world.  If a mechanic sees me as a woman, they will either treat me as someone who doesn't know much about mechanical things - or worse....  Yet, presenting as a male can be just as awkward in female dominated spaces, such as makeup counters. 

Will this crossing of gender lines ever end?

I don't have a good answer to the above question.  If I didn't have to worry about RQS's feelings, I'd probably move much faster towards living 24x7 as a female.  Yet, I'd still want a relationship with my family, and that would likely mean that I would either have to out myself to the rest of the family or find ways to hide it....

Working as a woman

This picture was taken shortly before the pandemic.  The lady in the picture was one of my closest friends at the office.  And now, she's in the process of moving into the smaller apartment of her two family house. Her (and her husband's) dream is to live the RV life, pulling up stakes, and travel where and when they want.  Hopefully, they will be able to do it.

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Going in to the office as a woman was hard at first, when everyone in the office knew I was transgender.  There was no way to hide this fact, as all my correspondence had my male name on it.  Over time, I was accepted as just one of the girls - if not a vary large one.

It still feels a little strange to put on make up every day before leaving for the office.  If I were to have FFS, I would have an easier job of appearing as a female without makeup.  That will only happen if I were to decide to go full time.  By then, I'll have had to have lost about of a third of my body mass before doing this.  And that kind of weight loss will be a great effort for someone who has over eaten for all of his/her life.

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I figure that it'll be much harder for me to get my next job working as a female because of the now high unemployment rate. But I may just float a few resumes out there to see whether I get any bites.  If I do, I'll go to the interview and hope for the best.