I've gained and lost friends over the years. Sometimes, it's because we no longer serve each other's needs anymore. Other times, one (or both) people screw up and say/do things which create an unbridgeable chasm between those people. So I was surprised when someone, no longer a friend, emailed me the other day. I will not mention what this person said, or anything more about the contact, save that it was a surprise. Is it an opening to bridge a chasm? I doubt it. So I'm going to avoid responding to this person unless I get another contact, just to avoid another awkward exchange of emails. But it got me thinking about how people screw things up and sever relationships that should be strong.
Tonight, I had a conversation with a friend who has a family problem similar to what I was dealing with before my wife died. In my case, my wife's death was the event that gave my brother and I the ability to bridge our chasm. Sadly, with this friend, I don't see the friend's chasm being bridged because of accusations made of a spouse and a family's reactions to those accusations. Given that I know everyone involved in this family disaster, I feel that it is something that could have been avoided had some of the people involved had acted rationally instead of enabling someone's behaviors. (I side with my friend on this issue, as I think that the other person has serious issues that are not being addressed.)
With my friend, a family has been torn apart because of a false accusation. Not even a death in the family has given the parties involved enough of an opportunity to start healing their wounds. And until the accusation is properly addressed by all parties, the key players in this saga will not be able to be in the same room at the same time. Given the health of one of the family members, I expect that the next death in the family will make it impossible for these people to address the elephants still in their rooms.
So sad. So very sad....
