Forgetfulness

 

One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things.  I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.  

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We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so.  Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.

So, what does this have to do with being transgender?

Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment.  In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger.  That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.

These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity.  If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much.  However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages.  In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last.  And this is what can keep me up at night.

Bahamas Cruise - Day 5 (Great Stirrup Cay, Bahamas)

 

Great Stirrup Cay - NCL's private island.  It's a nice playground, but not one I wanted to bother with.  If NCL had bothered to build a pier, I might have gotten off the ship to enjoy a pristine beach.  But that was not the case for me.  

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This was another day that I decided to stay on the ship.  Most people had gotten off the ship, leaving the pool/hot tub areas relatively empty.  So I decided to take another soak, and got in the wrong tub.  No, it was not because there was anything wrong with the tub itself.  Instead, I was surrounded with Trump supporters.  One thing you can't do with people who have drunk the Kool Aid is argue with them using facts.  Instead I tried to shift the topic as best I could, so that we'd have more things we could agree on than get agitated about.  (When one of these people mentioned "voter fraud", there was no way that I was going to cite the Associated Press and its statistic regarding this crime in battleground states.  These people would never believe it.)  At least, I got deeper tan lines from sitting in this tub for an hour....

What I found most interesting about this stop was that Royal Caribbean's private isle was next door - Little Stirrup Cay.  Of course, they had to rename the isle "Coco Cay", so that there wouldn't be brand confusion between the two islands.

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Tonight's dinner was with the woman I met on the trip to Fort Sumter.  The specialty restaurant we visited was good as usual, and I continue to be impressed with what they can do with meat on a grill. Now if only, I could get their recipe for a grilled pineapple, I'd be in heaven.  But that's another story. After dinner, I went to the casino, and then to the lounge.  I had a good time, but was surprised to find out that the lounge singer didn't know (what I think are) well known standards, such as "St. John's Infirmary."  And there was another person in the audience who had the same feelings that I did.  Too bad that I didn't get the chance to meet her husband.  I'd have liked to meet someone who'd forget his wallet at home.  (He has to be worse at remembering things than I am, as I only forgot my jewelry before going on this cruise.)

Sunday tends to be my day to take care of weekend chores.

This is what my laundry basket feels to me at the end of the week.  With the exception of one day (or two) which I must go out in the world as Mario, virtually all the clothes in my laundry basket are for Marian. This is a good thing, as I am able to live most of my week as a woman, and enjoy my time both as Marian and as Mario.

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Today, I had 2 things on the docket.  First, I had to buy pre-made meals for lunch at the office. Then, I had to do some laundry so that I'd have something clean to wear during the week.  However, I neglected to do some items, and this will force me to do another load later in the week.  But I digress....

This was not the day to go out and do anything.  It was rainy when I went out to Wegmans, and I ended up spending more money than I planned.  To make things worse, I wanted to get some extra cash from the ATM, and Chase's machines were down at my branch.  (I have no idea whether the whole network was down or not, but this is an inconvenience that justifies my maintenance of more than one checking account for cash withdrawals.

When I finally got around to doing laundry, I forgot a few tops that needed washing.  This is the type of problem a transgal has if she builds up a wardrobe geared to be an office worker, and suddenly finds work in a factory like setting.  Although I have a couple of tops on order, I have to keep all of then clean for work.  So I use all 5 tops I have, and wash them on weekends.  Unfortunately, I forgot to wash some of these tops, so it neccisitated use of a second wash cycle to get these tops ready for the coming week.  It is similar to what I needed to do when presenting as a male.  However, I couldd get away with doing things as a male that I can't do as a female.  So, I'm extra cautious when keeping up my appearances as a female.

Hopefully, by next week I'll have settled into a simple weekend routine.