One thing many seniors notice as we age is that we have a harder time recalling things. I fear extreme memory loss, as I would lose many of the emotional skills I've developed since I was middle aged.
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We all have times where a word takes time to come to mind, where other mental pathways need to be used to access the right word to communicate an idea. As we get older, many of us get up and forget for a minute why we did so. Given that people close to me have suffered with dementia, I can say that is one of my least favorite ways that I could progress to meeting my maker.
So, what does this have to do with being transgender?
Well, if I go too much further down my path, I could be in a situation where my body doesn't match what mind tells me I am at the current moment. In the extreme case, I could see a totally feminized version of me thinking I was male, only because that is how I identified while younger. That would be a form of hell for me and the people who would take care of me.
These are the type of thoughts that slow me in my path towards femininity. If I were in my 20's with years to reprogram my mind, I wouldn't worry much. However, I am in my mid 60's, and realize how important mental imprints are when a person ages. In senility, the oldest memories are the ones that go last. And this is what can keep me up at night.
