Having a weekend off at the wrong time.

 

One of the problems a person can have in a healthy relationship is not having enough alone time at the right points in a person's schedule.  In short, one needs "Me Time" - whatever way that time may be spent.  It certainly doesn't mean that one doesn't care for one's love.  Instead, it means that one has to recharge one's batteries to keep expressing that love.  For some, it means simply being with friends.  For others, it may mean pursuing one's hobbies.  In my case, it involves being able to live life as Marian, and share that life with my partner.

I enjoy being with people, but I'm not an extrovert.  It's the conversational aspect of being with people that I like - either by imparting information, or by receiving information.  My problem is that being a polymath that likes to share, I can overwhelm others with my knowledge. Luckily, I often end up finding intelligent people to be with, some of whom have similar issues to mine.

This coming weekend, RQS will be away in Boston visiting a friend.  That gives me a weekend that I can use to recharge my batteries   However, none of my meetup groups are holding any gatherings of interest to me.  Since the weather will be turning hot again, I don't plan on going into the city to visit any museums or see any plays.  I've already seen most of the friends I see on a regular basis - they are not the types with whom I can drop in at a moment's notice.  So, what will I do?  That's the question I have to answer. Given that my nail polish is still looking good, I will stay in Marian mode for the upcoming weekend. With my ears being newly pierced, swimming is out of the question.  One thing I know is that Air Conditioned comfort will be essential to get through the coming weekend.

Since the weather looks good for the start of the weekend, I'll consider going into NYC to see a play early on, and then drive somewhere late in the weekend.  It's not perfect.  But I realize how import a person RQS has become in my life, and that I will be glad to see her when she returns from her friend's place.

I woke up this morning to another strange thing...

It's amazing what some people can use as excuses in their lives to justify actions against others they don't like. This morning, I woke up to find that I have been removed from a meetup group that I never even attended.  The person running the group removed me for "Excessive Gossip". I won't name the person or the meetup group involved.  But I will say that the paths of this person and I will cross at other meetups.  And that I will be civil, but keep my distance.

I find it interesting that several negative events in my social life have occurred after I had my falling out with my former cruise partner.  Within two weeks of our falling out, she sent an email to GFJ ("my eyes only") to be forwarded to me.  Of course, one can't expect GFJ not to read the email. And shortly afterward, GFJ decided to break up with me.  A couple of weeks ago, an acquaintance of mine (in one of my meetup groups) sent an email to this former cruise partner, withing her a Merry Christmas.  And just before Christmas, this acquaintance decided to disconnect from me in social media and in other places.  Could there be something going on here? 

I'm not too worried about what either person could or would do.  The former cruise partner is out of my life by choice.  I didn't want to be obligated to her or to be controlled by her.  That's not what friendship is about.  With this other person, I figure that she will come to her senses one day.  Until then, I will keep my distance, as I don't want to upset her any more than she is now.

- - - - - -

Given what has been going on lately, it's easy to wonder whether something is wrong with me, or whether it is the world around me.  Another acquaintance once asked me why people avoided her when sitting at a table.  And out of kindness, I replied that I didn't have an answer.  The reality was very different.  This person's communication style was off putting in a hard to define way.  Knowing this, I have to ask myself a simple question: Have I changed much since I decided to fearlessly go into the world as Marian?  And secondary questions come to mind: Have these changes been a net negative?  What are these negative changes?

Thinking about my issues, I feel I have become more confident in myself.  This may bother those who are insecure, because they chose me as a friend when I was less secure than they were, making them feel more secure by comparison.  As I've grown, my inner security may have made them feel less secure by comparison.  Who knows?  But if this leads to me having less friends, I may have to accept this as a price for my growth.  Yet, the nagging question still keeps repeating itself: It is me, or is it the world around me?

- - - - - -

Later in the morning, I remembered that GFJ and I had come communicating to take care of.  I had previously registered for one meetup.  When I came back to register for two more from the same group, I found that GFJ had registered for all three meetups.  Either we will need to establish some guidelines for signing up for meetups in groups which we both are members, or GFJ will have to get used to seeing me as Marian.  If she doesn't want to try to have a relationship again, I feel no reason not to sign up for meetup groups in which I am interested in.  But if she wants to work on patching things up, I'd avoid having Marian in the same place as she is, and only have her see Mario in public.

When we finally got together this afternoon, GFJ and I went to see Bombshell.  If you were interested in how Roger Ailes was finally removed from power at Fox News, this would be the movie for you.  Afterwards, we sat down for a while and chatted - it looks like our romance is over, complete except for the final credits.  But we will still remain friends.  This just leaves me with an empty and sad feeling after 5+ years of being together.

Such is life....


PS: GFJ texted me late at night to say it's over.  😞  

PPS: Just before this entry was due to go public, I received the following from my former cruise partner.  What do you think of it?

It takes a very, very sick puppy to call someone every day for YEARS to chat-go on cruises with the person, happily wear the jewelry, handbags and clothes the person gave you and THEN write terrible things about the same person in your blog.

(I never asked for or wanted most of the stuff she gave me.  Yes, I appreciated some of the stuff, but I always felt uncomfortable with her always giving me stuff.).


Your description of ME was " someone with few friends, social anxiety, a food addict who is estranged from her son" - A mentally healthy person would have written "**** is a great friend and I am blessed to have her, she has always accepted me as I am, goes on cruises with me in Marian mode regardless of the stares and knowing it's hard finding jewelry in my size has found many things that fit me".

(She is a sick woman.  Yet, she was a great friend while it lasted.)

I was thinking of sitting with you to try to repair our friendship when I found that blog- I thought for years you were my BEST friend-turns out not only weren't you my friend but I really didn't know you.

(I made the mistake of being too truthful in descriptions. Your mileage will vary.)

As for *** - she read about how you wanted to be "Marian 24-7 and how happy you were when she left after the weekends so you could put on a DRESS". Leave that poor woman alone. You know how to manipulate her and have made her stay a lot longer then she would have. SHE DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER AND NICER THAN YOU. SHE IS NOT INTO WOMAN, SHE FINDS MARIAN DISTASTEFUL AND DESERVES TO FIND A MAN. The fact that you asked her if you could go to her meetups in a dress and could she give you dating tips for your NEXT relationship fills me with DISGUST. YOU'RE SICK! SICK! SICK!


(GFJ still cared.  She just couldn't deal with the Marian side of me.)

I understand you were very nasty to one of the members of the Beacon meet up group. Many people there do NOT WANT YOU THERE and I think they will be petitioning ***** to ask you to leave the group. You should be a "lady" and just leave.

(I wonder where she comes up with this crap.  I wasn't deliberately nasty to anyone.)

As far as I'm concerned- You have caused me great harm when I was nothing but good to you-You are spiritually and morally bankrupt. You are two faced, dishonest and dishonorable. You have nothing to write about yourself as you barely have a life so FEEL FREE TO PUT THIS IN YOUR BLOG YOU MALICIOUS NASTY BITCH.

(As you can see, she has a big bug up her ass after 2 1/2 months.)

It's been over 10 weeks since I was even in contact with my former cruise partner. As my readers are well aware, I've closed out the old blog because of two things - I erred too much in how much information I reveal about people, and because I was no longer free to talk about this person.  I'm much more careful in my current blog, only talking about things that are publicly available.

Dollars to donuts, she's trying to poison the well of my social life.