I have a friend whose life has been quite a disaster. The other day, he came to me asking for advice as he had hit a low in his life. The question I had was: Do I tell him the unvarnished truth and risk the friendship? Or, do I try to soften things up, and help him continue along the erroneous path he's been taking in his life? I decided to risk the friendship and go for broke.
It took me a while to compose a reply to this friend's request for help. And I let him have my opinion, as if it were a gun shooting its load from both barrels. Surprisingly, he took things well. Whether or not he really thinks hard about what I said is something I can't determine. But I now know he took it in the spirit in which it was said, as he trusts my opinion and my ability to see things clearly.
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Why do I mention this?
One of the things I mentioned in a follow up message was that both he and his partner need to go to couples therapy. If 50% of marriages break up because of money, a good deal of the other 50% break up because of bad communications skills. His partner has supported him through thick and thin, throughout a period of life where his health deserted him. Without this woman in his life, he would likely be homeless - and he knows it.
A skill that I learned from my former therapist was to identify underlying emotions before they erupt as anger. With my friend, he still needs to learn a similar skill - how to hold back from casting his die before he understands the consequences of that cast. (See: Alea iacta est.) Sadly, he didn't trust his partner to do the communications for him during one hospital visit, and it caused him a lot of grief afterwards. Even now, he still has a problem judging the potential consequences of his actions.
Hopefully, my most recent communications with this friend will trigger him to get some help. Yet, I can't help but think: There, but for the grace of God, go I.
