Car shopping - Weekend #2

 

I'm certainly not in the market for this old truck.  But I am in the market for a new car, and it will most likely be an SUV, given the options available to me.  Gone are the days of nice sedans and coupes.  We are now in the age of the do anything vehicle.  And this is not a bad thing, considering that we all seem to need to carry large things in the back of the car now and then.

This weekend, I was forced to stay in Mario mode, so that I could visit several car dealerships and have ID that matches my gender presentation.  What bothers me is that I won't be able to get my nails done for a few weeks, so that Mario looks like he's expected to look - like a boring, heavy set, old guy.  And we had a frustrated laugh at the first dealership we visited.

Most of us have gone through the frustrating experience that is new car shopping in the Unites States. First you enter the showroom and meet a salesperson.  Then, they ask for your license, so that they can check your credit report and start the process of structuring a deal designed to get you to buy their car with maximum profit. When the salesperson comes back with your license, he starts asking you about your budget for the car, whether you will be financing the car and what kind of monthly payments you can afford, whether you have a car you'd like to trade, as well as other information he will need for his finance guy to structure a deal.  Only then, do you get to the process of taking a test drive.

Now, I have been around this block before, and I have had many dealers try to screw me - even when I was willing to buy a car at MSRP (both before, during, and after Covid-19).  So, I've taken the time to learn how to NOT provide much negotiating information to the "enemy". And RQS has been a great help to me while we have visited the dealerships.

Before RQS came up this weekend, I had a pleasant test drive of a Honda at a local dealership.  The salesman knew that I've been to this dance before, and didn't try to hard sell me on the car I tested.  Instead, we had a long, leisurely test drive on both local roads and the highway, and I found this to be the best car I had tested so far.  Although there is one thing I don't like about the car (the CVT transmission), I'd buy this car at the right price.  This would become the car I measure things against in test drives planned when RQS arrived.

On Saturday, we visited the first of these dealerships, a Mazda dealership, where we were greeted by a salesperson who offered us coffee and proceeded to ask for my license, so that he could make a copy.  After an excessive amount of time, RQS and I were starting to get frustrated.  But then, I think the salesperson couldn't pull a credit on me, as I had frozen it when my wallet was lifted in Chicago.  And only when he gave up, did he return to the desk to try and extract more information from me - which he didn't get.  After the test drive, we chatted and I got his opening price for the car - something in a fair range for the vehicle we tested.  Unfortunately, it was getting dark, so we suspended our shopping for the day.

Sunday came, and we ended up visiting 3 dealerships.  The first one we entered, a Subaru franchise in Yonkers, got me to write a "Nastygram" (as I call it).  We entered the dealership, and the receptionist was doing her business on the phone and didn't bother to acknowledge us.  After 10 minutes of walking around, no one bothered to ask us anything, so we left.  (Given the large inventory on their lot, I don't think they are too successful a dealership.)  And then it was onto the next dealership - a Yonkers Honda dealership.  Although we were acknowledged promptly, we still had to wait a while due to short staffing. When we finally met with a salesperson, we were told that they don't do test drives on Sundays, and that she couldn't give me an out the door price - she was required to haggle.  Since there's no way we'd even consider doing this without even a test drive, we moved onto a third dealership in White Plains. This time, we were greeted promptly, "interrogated" for sales information, and given our test drive. Although we did get an out the door price, it would not be as good as the price I got before the weekend started.

Monday came, and I wrote the "Nastygram" I mentioned above.  Even though I received an apologetic response later in the day, I won't return to that dealership.  I figure that I can get a better deal from other dealerships that carry its brands, assuming that I don't go with the Honda....

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

Game night - a short post

 

Although it was a perfect day to go outside and test drive some cars, I ended up staying indoors until it was time to go to game night.  

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One thing I've noticed at game night is that the people there always refer to me as SHE.  That's very important, as they know I'm transgender.  Whether or not I go for radical surgical alterations to my body or not is a minor issue with this group of friends.  People there are comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and just accept me as a normal person.

Even with being accepted, being the oldest person in the room does make me feel odd at times.  I am not good at games that require a lot of strategical thought - I might be more of a tactician than a strategist.  But I enjoy going there because I enjoy the company of younger people.  And that's something that will likely keep my mind active as I get older.

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With all of the above being said, I had a troublesome thought come to mind.  What would happen when people who only know Mario meet people who only know Marian?  I'd no longer be around.  But I'd hate to see people freaked out because I lived on both sides of the gender coin.

Dinner with a Transgender friend

 

It's not every day that I can get together with another person from our transgender community.  It takes a while for our conversations to get going because we come from opposite sides of the spectrum.  But, in the end, we get to chatting like typical ladies - albeit, not in the way one would expect.

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We arranged to meet at the restaurant at dinner time, but we screwed up which dinner time that was.  So, I ended up being 1/2 hour early, yet 1/2 hour late according to SKB's initial impressions of our time frame.  (I take half of the blame here, as I could have chosen the earlier to get there and we both could have gotten there at the originally expected time.)  One thing I can say - I don't want to be walking out on a side street near Atlantic Terminal / Barclay's Center after rush hour.  But I digress.  SKB ended up being later than expected due to a hunt for a parking spot. (There are many good reasons that I use mass transit in congested parts of big cities.) 

In many ways, SKB is the opposite of me.  I identify as a person who is left of center by today's standards. (I'd likely be considered a Goldwater Republican, the way he was towards the end of his life.)  SKB identifies as a person who is right of center.  I have almost no interest in sports, save for an interest in the history of baseball.  SKB has an interest in the most American of sports, football.  We should be like oil and water, but we always seem to have good conversations.

All too soon, our conversation had to end.  SKB was able to reach her house in 30 minutes, while it took me 30 minutes to reach Grand Central Terminal.  Since it was after 9:00 pm when I got there, almost every place where I could get a bottle of fizzy water was closed (or was closing down).  Luckily, one place was still open at 9:30, and I was able to get my seltzer before hopping on the train.

Normally, I get on a train that has a stop or two before reaching Croton.  This time, I caught the express whose first stop is in Croton.  As a result, I had to fight to stay awake just enough not to miss my station, instead of being able to fall asleep until the last stop.  Yet, I made it home by 11:00 pm, and was ready to fall asleep by midnight.

Planning for the future

 

I am a male with gender non-conforming presentation, or I am a transgender woman with very mild gender dysphoria.  In either case, I have to think about my future, and my potential needs as I grow old.  This means I may need to find senior care facilities which accommodate and cater to people like me.  I don't think I'll feel comfortable if I'm forced to present as Mario for the rest of my life.  And I don't think I'd feel comfortable if I'm only able to be with queer people like me.  I need to be in a place where I can mix between both worlds - something which may not be possible for a baby boomer like me.

Although there are services for the senior LGBT community, such as senior housing and senior centers, I will try to live on my own for as long as possible.  Yet, I will eventually need to find housing that fits the needs of an older version of myself, and I expect that there will not be enough of this type of housing when I need it.  So what will I do?  I have no children.  My niece and nephew live far enough away that they might as well not exist.  Having a spouse/partner in old age may help for a while, but she will also be suffering the slings and arrows of old age at the same time as I do.  If I were to dwell on it much, I'd be scared.  But I look at things like this as they come and address them when they come.

Yet, I wonder - what will the future bring?

As I see it, it's very important for me to build up a social network now, so that I have people I can ask for help as I need it.  For example, my tax preparer, an enrolled agent, has retired, and I have been asking around for references.  Hopefully, I will find one soon, as I would prefer to use someone other than the person I could use as a fall back.  I can only imagine what it will be like when I can no longer drive or go up/down stairs and have to move.  Who will be there to help me handle my affairs?  (Maybe I can ask my uncle about this when I visit him this spring.)  This is only the tip of the iceberg that is "growing old in today's America" and I have yet to find the answers I need.

Any ideas?

Car Shopping

 

So far, I have only been able to take the time to test drive one car, the Buick Envista.  As much as I like the car, I am not yet ready to drop the hammer and buy the car.  I have yet to drive the other two cars at the top of my list: the Honda HR-V and Mazda CX-30.

One of the issues I have living in two gender modes, is that I have to schedule events that require my presence as Mario (usually with people who only know me as Mario, or when my legal ID has to be presented) on days where I'll be in Mario mode.  So I haven't had much time to go out for test drives.  I expect that the process of test driving cars, arranging for insurance, then taking possession of the car will take 6 weeks.  So I expect that, barring any unforeseen issues, that I'll be driving something new in a few weeks.

Once I have the new car, I figure that I'll be taking mass transit more often to visit RQS at her place, as it will be harder to find a good parking spot in her neighborhood.  At least, the car I eventually will buy will have all the safety features I need, such as blind spot detection.  It'll be nice to drive a car I can depend on again (not saying my current car is not dependable) based on the age of the car, the wear and tear of the car, and the new safety features designed into the car.

I can't wait to have that "new car smell" around me again....

The high point of my day was at lunch

 

It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years since I've worked at the census, and 4 years since I felt comfortable with being 'out' as a transgender person.  Today, I met with one of my friends from the census and had a nice lunch.

My friend (let's call her CSC) and I have been trying to meet on a monthly basis since our work on the census ended.  And we've been able to keep up to date on happenings in our lives since then.  She's shared information on family events, her travels, and on things in general - and I've done the same.  The one thing I'll share about our conversation is how her dietary restrictions have affected her when dining out....

CSC comes from a Jewish family.  As a result, she lived in a kosher household and has never eaten pork or shellfish.  That is not an issue for her.  She is allergic to peanuts, peas, and bananas.  She is also a vegetarian who once ate meat in the past.  So, she finds herself having to talk about dietary issues every time she goes out to eat.  Even when she does so, things can go a little wrong as it did today; A pea was found in the yellow rice served to her, and she had to send it back for some white rice.  (A minor issue, Yes.  But she could have suffered a severe allergic reaction.)  She told me about visits to restaurants which had no vegetarian options on the menu, where the chef concocted some very tasty dishes just for her.  And she told me about restaurants that said they couldn't accommodate her - then they did.  Nowadays,  it's much easier for her, as most restaurants are willing to have both vegan and gluten free foods on the menu, as well as knowing how to keep "special requirements" food prepared separately from "regular" food.

All too soon, it was time to go.  So we made plans for the following month and went on our way.

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Once home, I had to switch back to Mario mode.  I had a handyman coming over to see about replacing the exhaust fan/ceiling light in the bathroom.  This will be a slightly more expensive project than I planned, as he suggested that he repaint the ceiling after he finishes installing the fixture.  (The ceiling paint has started to flake off in one area, and I've deferred doing this work.)  So, I handed him a deposit, and he will buy all the supplies needed for the job - and he will get back to me to schedule the work.

- - - - - -

Now that my 15 minutes as Mario was over with, it was time to switch back into Marian mode for a zoom call with my friends from Texas and RQS.  I'll bet that they noticed that I was exhausted, but I was able to stay awake during our meeting.  (Again, I didn't get enough good sleep the night before.)  Hopefully, we will all be able to get together again in 2025.  But that's another story.  Shortly afterwards was my nightly call with RQS to end my day.