Some random thoughts

 

Right now, I'm thinking about what will happen if Trump wins the election.  And it doesn't look good for anyone in the LGBTIQ community.  Recently, I  found a map of states which have passed "Bathroom Bills", and these tend to be the states which seem the most extreme in "traditional values".  One thing I've learned over the years is that when religion becomes too powerful (or too weak) a force in society, that society becomes more authoritarian in enforcing conformity.

Does this affect me?  You bet it does!  And it could get much worse if these religious radicals get even more power in a Trump administration.

Looking at the map, I found that my going to the loo in Florida was a criminal act.  Given that all trans people need to take bio-breaks now and then, it would be risky for me to get off a cruise ship in this state. This has placed an artificial restriction on how I visit this state - if I do visit it at all.  Just because I can still visit in stealth mode doesn't mean that I want to do this.  Instead, I'll avoid this state altogether, with the exception of when RQS and I visit her sister.

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Right now, my brother and I are looking to file paperwork to have dual citizenship with the US and one nation in Europe.  Both of us are doing this for completely different reasons.  Yet, both of us have the same goal - to have a place to escape to if the crud hits the fan in the United States.  Could this happen?  Sadly, the answer is yes.  When I see ominous parallels between this country and the Germany of 100 years ago, I get worried. Sometimes, it's just best to be able to get out of Dodge City before sundown.

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Not all is gloom and doom with me.  The other day, I had an fMRI done as part of a scientific study. Now that the study is underway, I received an Amazon gift certificate which is enough for me to replace a dying TV I have in the house.  The software I have to use on a daily basis is fun to use, albeit not excitingly so.  (I guess I am no longer into video games in the way I once was when younger.) 

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Dealing with bureaucracy can be a big pain.  Recently, as mentioned above, my brother got a bug up his behind that we needed to accelerate the progress in getting a second passport.  To do this, we need to get official copies of our birth certificates and that of our father.  I told my brother that I needed copies of our father's death certificate (I know how large bureaucracies work with official paperwork) before I went down to the city.  He forgot to send me this paperwork, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get our father's birth certificate for a few weeks.

My brother has way too much on his plate right nw, and he needs to feel that he's in control.  He told me of a problem that took 20 years to develop, and that he expects to clean it up in 2 years.  He may be able to clean up his firm's mess, but it will take longer for him (or someone else) to change the corporate culture that caused the problem.  He doesn't see that, as he focuses on the financial side of things and not the people side of things.

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RQS found a cruise to New England and Eastern Canada that we wanted to take in September.  Although I could afford to drop $1,200 on a whim, I knew that RQS spending this kind of coin now would get in her way of being able to afford next year's Alaska cruise.  After sending her some financial details, she realized that we would not be able to get the price of the cruise down to a level she could afford.  But damn!  The cruise was so near, and yet so far.

We certainly could use a cruise this winter.  I was thinking of taking a cheap MSC cruise and paying for RQS as a Christmas or Birthday present.  However, the cruises offered by MSC stop in Florida, and I certainly don't want to deal with Florida's bathroom laws while traveling as Marian.  I guess that we will need to find another trip to take early next year.

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When I bought my car, the salesman "helpfully" set up the radio presets in my car, as well as setting up my first service appointment.  One problem - I had to redo the presets to organize them the way I wanted and I had to schedule car maintenance earlier than he planned.  His "help" wasn't that helpful, as I now have a service appointment scheduled that I'll have to cancel soon.

While I'm thinking about my car, I shudder to think of how the auto companies will try to turn car features from purchase options to subscription options.  GM is trying to ditch Android Auto and Apple Car Ply, so that they can convert services provided by Google and Apple for FREE, and making the car owner pay for Maps, directions, etc when in the car.  I guess this may mean that I'll have to keep my car on the road longer than the 8 years I planned. 

Why do I want to replace my car within 8 years?  New York, like California is trying to force people to switch to EVs from ICE vehicles (EV- Electric, ICE - Internal Combustion Engine).  I want to buy what will likely be my last car while I can still get a gas powered vehicle.  I'll bet dollars to donuts that we will not have sufficient electric infrastructure in place to support the ICE->EV transition by 2035.  

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Enough for now.   I hope you enjoyed some of my thoughts.....

 

My last day of packing, and I still can't find some things.

 

This is one trip that I'm glad to be traveling as Mario.  I don't have the right 3-season wear to travel as Marian.  And even as Mario, I  still have problems packing clothes that would take me from Summer to Winter and back during a single day.  What makes things worse, is that I misplaced (or donated) some of the cold weather gear that I bought (or was given) when I was with XGFJ.  

- - - - - -

My mind has been spinning in regard to what unknown unknowns could trip me up.  One of those things is what happens when we get off the plane and have to go through customs.  Another is what happens when we get to the cruise ship with different documentation requirements than I've needed for all of my other trips.  And then, there are the many currency/credit card issues that I have yet to experience for the first time.  AARGH!

Once I've gone through this experience, I'll be more relaxed for future trips.  Yet, I still have to do some research for future international trips to be taken as Marian.  When I go to Bermuda, I'll try to find out for sure whether it will be safe to go there as Marian, though my ID will say Mario.  Assuming that I end up going there as Marian, I still have a goal: To cruise around the British Isles as Marian, then return home on the Queen Mary. I'll be able to enjoy "Dressing to the Nines" and live even more of my life as Marian than I could have dreamed when I was much younger.

- - - - - -

But back to packing....

Now, I'm finishing up my packing.  Most of my electronic gizmos (chargers, wires, etc.) are going in my knapsack along with a week's worth of pills.  The rest of my medicine is going in my carry on bag.  I'll have a change of clothes in the carry-on, as well as enough underwear and socks for 3 days.. All of my paperwork will be stashed in the carry-on, as that will be the safest place to store them while in transit.  Once I arrive in London, I can put the passport in my trousers for when I reach customs.

Hopefully, I haven't missed anything major.  If so, I'll be writing about it soon.

The car is gone. (Not!)

 

The original title of this post is one I hoped would be true when I thought of something to write about.  I've known that DCD has always been a flake of some sort, avoiding harsh truths when he thinks he could take an easy way out.  So I had my worries that he would flake out in the middle of the car transfer process.  For all I care, he could take the old car and not pay me for it.  I simply wanted it out of my parking spot.  And this is where I had my concerns when he said that he couldn't take possession of the car until early May....

Well, early May came and DCD decided to flake out on me.  I asked him if things are going OK with DMV, and all I got was:

After this - Crickets!   He didn't respond to messages, nor did he answer to phone calls.  He has the signed bill of sale, and all the paperwork needed to register the car in his name.  But if he can't register the car AND the car is stuck in my driveway, I'm the one holding the bag for the car until I can figure out a way to get the title back in my name and a proper copy of the release of lien.

DCD is acting like an embarrassed child who is afraid to take responsibility for his actions.  Sadly, I still have to act like an adult and deal with him until he does the right thing.  Then, I can disconnect completely, as his "friendship" has been shown to be worthless.

I'm almost ready to sign away my old car.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm negotiating a contract with the fellow on the left.  DCD asks me a lot of questions that he should be able to answer by himself, such as computing Connecticut's tax on the car which he will soon be registering.

The other day, I met for DCD for a bite to eat, and I was ready to sign the bill of sale and the title, so that he could take these forms, plus the release of lien, and get the car registered in his name.  He wasn't ready to do that, as he still had to schedule an in-person visit to Connecticut DMV to get the car registered and get the plates for the car.  Hopefully, we'll be able to take care of this soon.

- - - - - -

Right now, the old car is sitting in an assigned parking spot, waiting for DCD to drive it away.  I want it gone by the end of the month, as I don't want a car I can't drive sitting in my driveway as long as my old PT Cruiser sat after its transmission failed.  Although I gave away that car 10 years ago, it never got on the road again.  The new owner planned to get the car fixed and never did, as he passed away before he had the chance to do so.

I'm lucky to have two parking spots I can use, as one spot blocks in the car in front of it when two cars are parked in these spots.  This is not much of an issue for a married couple, as they would be able to move a car so that the blocked-in car could get out.  But it wouldn't work if the two cars were owned by non-relatives. Yet, if I could find a Cheap, Low-Mileage, Well-Maintained 2 seat gas fueled Smart car, I might buy it - if only to be able to visit RQS and have a good chance of finding a parking spot quickly.

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If this deal with DCD falls through, I might put my old car back on the road again, just to have something cheap to drive to RQS's place.  Hopefully, this won't happen.....

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

Trying to keep on top of things - a short post

 

 

As my long time readers are aware, I am on my co-op's board of directors.  And the thing I hate doing most is paperwork - especially the type that I need to take notes for, or to record financial information.  So what happened to me?  I am now the official note taker for our monthly meetings, and have to deal with monthly minutes.  What bothers me more is that my brother is asking me to take care of all the paperwork for the family homestead, something I know I'll screw up no matter how easy he tries to make it for me.

It's hard for me to deal with paperwork, as I will gloss over things that should have been recorded and that I will misfile things in logical places.  And now, I'm trying to keep on top of things for which my actions could affect others.  AARGH!

Soon it will be time to take care of my taxes.  Hopefully, I will have overpaid enough during the period that I worked last year, so that what I underpaid from my pension will not cause me any negative tax consequences.  Next year, I can fix this issue by over withholding taxes from my social security payments.  Until then, I have to stay on top of things, so that I have enough money in the right places to pay my taxes.... 

I wish I had a picture of me without glasses.

NCL notified me that I had to check in for my cruise.  Although I was ready and willing to do so, I did not have a picture of me available that was suitable - all of the shots I've saved on this computer in female presentation have me wearing glasses.  So I will need to wait until the next time I'm dressed as Marian before I can take a photo of me without glasses.

Getting all the paperwork in order before a trip is a pain in the ass.  This time, I have to take care of airline check-in procedures in addition to cruise line check-in procedures. Although taking care of things isn't that difficult, more can go wrong and cause me trouble when at the airport or in Hawaii.  So I want to be sure that I have gotten things right before leaving home to go on my cruise.

Right now, I have started to arrange both my carry-on bag and my toiletry kit for my outbound travel. Even though I may not need to take off my shoes or pull out my electronics and liquids (I have trusted traveler status), I still have to follow the rules for passing through a security checkpoint.  In short, I have to be prepared for the random "SSSS" printed on the bottom of my boarding pass, whether or not I am actually subject to special screening. And then, I have to wait to get on the plane. Once I'm finally on the plane, I must be ready to be uncomfortable for the next 12 hours.  I'm lucky that I paid for confirmed seats on the aisle, as I may have a little more room to stretch out now and then. And I won't be disturbing anyone as I get out of my seat to go to the loo.   

When I last contacted Kim (Traveling Transgender), she didn't have much advice for me.  So I will likely need to talk to the TSA agent before going through the security checkpoint and ask for appropriate screening.  After I have successfully done this once, I expect I will have little trouble on the return trip.  (I'll be sure to keep emergency information on hand, lest I get stuck at the airport.)  This will be a new experience for me - Flying Pretty.  Kim has done this many times, and has written about it in her blog.  Sadly, she doesn't write much anymore, as her job now keeps her "down on the farm" much more now than in the past.

If I felt it were right for me at this time, I'd do several things.  First, I'd change my name to use the familiar version of my first name (works for both genders).  Then, I'd get partial FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) to make my face androgynous. And finally, I'd get some electrolysis done to remove my beard, and to eliminate the hairs on my back that I can't shave off by myself.  (If I had the time and money, I'd remove all the hair below the neck, save maybe my pubic hair.  But that's an expensive proposition.)  With these changes, I could get a wig styled in a way that I could go out as a female one day, and then use another wig (a toupee) for use when I want to present as a male.  Then, I could present my ID, and people would be looking at my face, and not the gender marker on the ID.

Compared to many other transgender folk, I still have it good.  I've found that most people don't give a damn about how ugly a female I am, or how fat a male I am when I present in the associated gender.  I have a girlfriend who says she loves me, and I will do what it takes to preserve the relationship - even if I slow down my journey on this transgender path....

 

Cruising issues

 

I don't want to belabor something that frustrated me today - billing issues from my doctor's office caused by the office sending paperwork to the wrong insurance company.  So I'll talk about something more pleasant, and deal with this issue tomorrow....

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The above cruise route has already been changed to deal with the problem at Skagway.  Many ships originally scheduled to port at Skagway are now going to other Alaskan ports due to multiple rock slides making it unsafe to use the Railroad Dock.  Hopefully, they will be able to stabilize the land above the dock before next year's cruise season.

Skagway is my favorite port in Alaska.  The White Pass & Yukon Railroad is a must for any Inside Passage trip.  And I'd like to take this train again, if I can find a way to get to Alaska on another cruise.  However, I had no intentions of taking this "2 bucket list trip" cruise, and coming back with Covid-19 as my souvenir. (I also did not want to pay a high price for airfare, given both the high cost and inconvenience of air travel this year.)  Now, with the Railroad Dock unavailable to most cruise ships, ships are either stopping at Haines or Icy Strait Point, or they are adding an extra Sea Day to their cruises.

Assuming all goes well with my current relationship, I expect that we will be in Alaska and/or Hawaii sometime in the next few years.  Will we take a repositioning cruise like the one in the route map at the top of this entry?  Will we take a Hawaii cruise (from the West Coast or from Oahu?)  Will we take an Alaska cruise (Inside Passage or Northbound/Southbound to/from Denali)?  RQS has never taken what I'd call a bucket list trip, and it would be nice to share one with her.

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Thinking about what is going right in my relationship with RQS makes me think about what went wrong in my previous long term relationship.  Strangely enough, learning the things that bothered XGFJ have made it possible not to make those mistakes with RQS.  All XGFJ needed to do was put me on the spot and make things clear.  Instead, she decided to take the "easy" way out and hint to me what her needs were - dooming the relationship via a lack of effective communication.  Yes, there are other issues I see in the rear view mirror. But I put the blame for our relationship's failure with a lack of effective communication - a mistake I intend to prevent myself or RQS from making in our current relationship.

Getting older is a pain

 

If life were only this simple.  An older couple looking forward to a simpler life of ease.  Sadly, this is not the case for most of us, as we (collectively) have poorly prepared ourselves for the problems of getting old.

Today, I received another bill from a lab company which I thought was taken care of by my doctor's office.  Twice, I've contacted my doctor's office to get a billing error fixed, and this has not taken place.  The lady behind the desk says everything is fixed, only for me to find out that it is not fixed.  Since I don't want the bill to go into collections, I will need to take some time off from work to make phone calls to see what is going on and get things fixed.  AARGH!  We need single payer health care, and we won't get it in my lifetime.

On other matters, I have a car that is over 180k miles old.  I should be thinking of buying a new car.  But in this market, I have to ask the question - does it make sense to replace the car now, or should I deal with it when the car finally breaks down for good?  This is a hard question, as I don't plan on turning on social security benefits for 18 months, and I hate the idea of draining more money from savings than I absolutely need to do.

These problems, and others like it are to be expected as we get older.  Trans people have a few more of them, as many have to deal with legal issues and medical issues specific to the trans community.  (Luckily, I have not reached the point where I have to deal with these issues.  They would only be in front of me if I went through with a legal and/or medical transition.)  Hopefully, I will not need to worry about too many of them for a long while....

Lunch with a friend, then taking care of business afterwards.

I

 

I had scheduled lunch with a friend today. And, as usual, I was running a little bit late.  But my friend was also a little bit late, due to not seeing a permit restriction on the parking meter.  So, we ended up getting to the restaurant at the same time. Lunch was at a place I used to go to regularly when I worked for the bank.  So I knew it was likely to be good, and likely to be moderately priced.  And it was.  The conversation flowed like water, and the two of us are likely to meet up again soon - at least, I hope so

 

Getting home quickly was a must, as I knew that my GI tract was going to play a game with me - and it did.  But after a few minutes, I was OK and ready to go out again.  But I took it easy.  While out, I spoke with MWL, and she wasn't feeling that well.  So we cancelled our get together for the next morning.. This freed up my day, and I proceeded to go back to bed and sleep a little bit.  

Since daylight was gone, I knew that there wasn't that much I could do. Doing a lot of apartment cleanup is still needed, but something I wasn't ready to tackle.  (Maybe if I had someone in my life that meant a lot to me, I'd find the energy.  But that story is not one to be told today.)  Yet, I did find the time to look for two very important documents and found a third as well.  When I'm ready to sell my car, I will need both the finance company release of lien and the title to my car. And I found those two documents neatly filed away - something I don't usually do.  And then, I found the mortgage company's release of lien to my apartment.  This was something I didn't expect to see filed where I found it.  This was a nice stroke of luck for me.

Afterwards, I debated to whether I'd see the new Ghostbusters movie.  Part of me wanted to stay home. And part of me wanted to go out.  At the time I started this entry, I did not know what I wanted to do.  But I went out anyway - and enjoyed a good reworking of the original story - this time, with one friendly ghost.

My arm was stuck, and I didn't notice a thing!

 

I just got one of the above cards.  However, my card has my name, information about my first shot on the front, as well as my next appointment date on the rear.  Since some of the information may need to be kept private until we have "vaccination passport" apps, I plan to guard this card with my life for now.

When I made my vaccination appointment, the Yonkers site had just opened up for residents outside of the "cities" of Yonkers and Mt. Vernon.  New York's vaccination scheduling website still implied that appointments were still limited to residents of the two cities.  So I wasn't sure if I was going to be allowed to get my shot there.  As a consequence of this, I kept my appointment in South Queens until I was vaccinated.

The Yonkers vaccination site is in a decidedly "low rent" neighborhood.  Along North Broadway and Warburton Avenue, it's easy to see the urban blight that is often found in big cities. This site is a short walk from the Phillipse Manor Hall Historic Site, but I wouldn't be comfortable taking that walk - even in daylight. Luckily there was enough parking nearby, and I easily found a parking spot across from the vaccination site.  It felt strange driving down one of Yonkers' many hills, seeing the riverfront "high rent" district from a place (in walking distance, without considering hills) whose residents do not have much hope.

Entering the site was easy.  All I had to do was show my ID and my appointment confirmation.  Of course, when I'm presenting as a female, I have to identify myself as "Gender Nonconforming", so that others realize that I am rightfully using my male identification and paperwork.  Several people along the way asked me to show my paperwork, but this wasn't an issue for me.  I assumed that people wouldn't hassle me because of my feminine presentation, and I was right.  Virtually everyone addressed me as "Ma'am" until I had to show my ID, and even then, they kept addressing me as a female.  The only questions I was asked when sitting down for the shot were the important ones: Was this my first shot? Do I have any allergies? Do I understand the risks of this "emergency approved" vaccination?  From start to finish, it took me less than 30 minutes - 15 minutes of which were observations for adverse reactions to the shot.

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Recently, ex-presidents Carter, Clinton, Bush #43, and Obama made public service videos to encourage ALL Americans to get vaccinated, making sure that they were all seen getting their shots in public.  A noted absence in the ex-presidential public service message ranks was Trump.  When he finally spoke up to encourage people to get vaccinated, he waffled - trying to keep the loyalty of the Anti-Vaxers. It sickens me to think that he'd remind people that they can choose NOT to get their arms stuck, when we need to achieve herd immunity quickly.  At least, I don't feel that I'm at risk of dying from this virus anymore....

Someone I know was getting her Covid-19 shot. I wish it were me!

 

 

Yes, another person I know was scheduled to get her Covid-19 shot today.  The way things are going, I'll be among the last of the people I know to get the shots I need to start living a "normal" life again.  

- - - - - -

It seems as if every time I chat with TCL, and I make a mildly negative comment about something (though I'm doing well) she asks why I am complaining?  To give you an example of this, I made a negative comment on the paperwork my brother and I will need to fill out to claim some of the money left in my dad's estate.  When I made the comment, I was thinking of my dad, wishing he was still with us and that the money was still his.  She focused on the paperwork as being a small price I would pay to have some more money in my bank account, so I shouldn't complain about paperwork.  The reality is, most of us complain a little about the minor inconveniences we have to deal with in life.  If these were big problems, most of us would act upon them as best we could.  Minor complaints seem to be the way we try to make ourselves a little bit more comfortable while dealing with the little bumps along life's journey.

In my case, I have a minor item to "complain" about today. Since my friend had her Covid-19 shot scheduled for today, it got in the way of me seeing her.  Kvetch, Kvetch, Kvetch....   Not seeing her today may be a form of a blessing, as we were thinking of walking around Chinatown a little bit.  Did I really want to bring my car into Lower Manhattan?  Not really. But I would have thought about doing so to have some time with her.

If I had known what this day would be like, I'd have considered going out as Marian.  But today ended up being a Mario day. Could I change into Marian?  Yes.  But I might as well do a load or two of laundry and relax for a while before going out again....

 

 

 

 

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Shopping can be an addiction.

 

There's a part of me that keeps looking for things to add to my wardrobe. But every time I start looking at the usual sites, I find it harder and harder to find something worthwhile to add to my wardrobe.  It's not just because I will need to find room for new garments.  But it is also because I have nothing much to do, and am looking for something to occupy my mind.  I'll bet it was this feeling that tempted my late wife too much, causing her to give in and buy clothes she did not need.

Luckily, I seem to have gotten my fill of actually buying clothes.  It helps that the stores I would go to no longer have a brick and mortar presence.  Otherwise, I'd still be buying new dresses for my closet.  Even so, I will need to replace my wardrobe piece by piece as I lose weight. If I'm lucky, and maintain some sort of discipline, I may get back to wearing a size 18W dress again.

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On other matters....

As has become a habit with me lately, I didn't get much sleep last night.  So I figured I'd check to see if a problem I was having renewing one of my prescriptions could be resolved online.  Unfortunately, what I feared happening happened - my health insurance was not properly renewed.  So I had to spend the better part of an hour, first thing in the morning, to get the problem resolved with the insurance company.  Of course, this problem can not be resolved by snapping one's fingers, or by a single keystroke.  Instead, I'll have to wait another 24-48 hours for the paperwork to make it through the pipeline. So I'll now have to wait for a call before I can make next month's payment. 

While killing time (I had a co-op board meeting to attend in the evening, I scanned some emails from my inboxes. There were several indoor meetups being held by the Fun Time Friends group - and I will be passing on them until after I've been vaccinated for Covid. But there were two outdoor meetups that I am considering attending: (1) at the Poughkeepsie Bridge Across the Hudson, and (2) at Muscoot Farm.  Both involve a little bit of walking, but I can always skip out on that if I want if I'm getting a little tired.  If I had my criticisms about my ex's favorite dinner group and the virus, I have more regarding this group. But I don't have to attend any indoor activities, and these outdoor activities will be in "my" neck of the woods.

Of course, I've been trying to keep up to date with the women I've been chatting with on the dating sites.  There are two that I might get along with, but have special needs adult offspring. I'm not sure if I could deal with those issues, given my personality traits.  However, there are two that things seem to be clicking.  One lives in Manhattan, and the other in New Jersey. It doesn't make that much sense for me to do anything other than talk, with the infection rate spiking around here.  This morning, I read an alarming statistic regarding infection rates on Long Island, and it implies things are worse than we are being led to believe.  No, it's not something one can worry about in itself.  It's because our government has decided that it can't get away with another lock down, and is trying to muddle through until vaccinations start bringing the infection rate down.  (Contact tracing may be of help, but the statistics imply that we may be beyond the point where tracing may be an effective tool to stop the spread.) However, there is also some good news.  From my conversations with one of these women, the NYC subway is virtually empty during many rush ours as of late, and it might make sense to do a museum run before things get worse.