December. It's the best month to visit New York City, as all the store Christmas decorations are on display, and it's not too cold to enjoy walking around the neighborhoods. But it's also the busiest time for people like me, as we use this period as an excuse to excessively schedule our time to meet as many people as possible.
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As most of my readers know, GFJ and I have broken our routines for the last 5 years. Whether we will go back to where we once were is up to her. All I can do is be available. Therein lies an interesting conundrum for me. Given what happened about a month or so ago, I have started to book my weekends independent of her.
Since the beginning of September, our schedules have grown a little out of sync with each other. I've had my cruise, she's had her vacation in Florida, she will be spending an upcoming weekend going to a baby shower and to see her son, and we will likely be apart for the holidays. Do I want to invest time in her without assurance of a positive return? It's a hard question for me to answer, as I'm afraid of opening up my heart again only to have it broken.
Recently, she hinted that she wanted to get together on a specific weekday, and I said that I wasn't too sure of what I had going on. This was true - I didn't bother to check my calendar. I knew that I had a couple of things to take care of, but I wasn't sure about having dinner. And I knew that both of us would be busy for the next two weeks, save for a weekend day when we were free from family duties. So we had dinner together and another long talk.
Throughout the rest of the month, I expect that there will be even more conflicts in our schedules. My brother is going to England soon, and will be there for two weeks. Since I have to be in the NYC area for my Dad while my brother is away, there is no way I could accompany GFJ to see her son even if I were asked to go. The rest of December will be very busy, as my meetup groups and other gatherings are filling up most open days and evenings up to the end of the year.
Given where I am in life, the problem of being Marian vs. having Romance has reared its ugly head, and I have no clean solution that allows me complete happiness. All I can do is muddle through, and look for a solution which provides a reasonable amount of happiness. I've been honest about the trade offs I am willing to make, and I hope that they are enough to maximize my potential return on romantic investment.
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