It's amazing how 3 years of time changed things.

 

It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since XGFJ broke up with me. Unlike FCP, XGFJ is not angry with me, and this is a good thing.  Although FCP was at the wedding of XGFJ's son, this friendship was not meant to last long.  They only thing they had in common was me, and that was not a good enough connection for 2 people to maintain a friendship.  (I won't go into details about what each of these 2 people said about each other, but what they did say gave me the information I needed to find a sense of closure to the ending of both relationships.)

Sometimes, I find myself thinking about my past and the mistakes I made with XGFJ.  Yet, they were unavoidable - people have to effectively communicate their wants and needs in a relationship to get them.  Goodwill breaks down when effective communication doesn't occur.  Right now, XGFJ and I have goodwill, though our relationship has ended.  I can't say the same for FCP, as she can never forgive me for exposing too many of her inner feelings to the outside world.  Nor can I give her a hall pass for yelling at me, when calmer communication would have given her what she wanted much quicker and with fewer headaches.  

But I digress....

Since the end of these relationships, I have been able to establish a friendly communications channel with XGFJ.  Recently, she sent me a message that she was finally enjoying her long planned (and postponed) vacation in Greece. Although Greece is not a place I have on my bucket list, I might have gone with her if we were still in a relationship and we were able to include each other in activities with our friends.  Hopefully, the rest of her trip will go well, as I expect that we will be out of touch until I get back from Hawaii.

Rebuilding a social network takes time, especially after a pandemic.  I'm at the stage where I have to pick and choose who I want to see and how I spend my money to be with them.  Obviously, RQS is my highest priority.  I still see FH when our schedules permit.  But that's not often anymore. I'm still in loose contact with MWL, but we don't have much to say to each other either.  Although I still go to meetups, they are not as important to me as they used to be.

In many ways (but not all), RQS has it better than I do.  She is confident in herself, and actively pursues things that nurture her.  She keeps busy with her hobbies, and still finds time to be with me - as if I'm one of the (formerly) missing pieces in her life's puzzle.  It's a good thing for both of us that we have a relationship, and I hope it keeps growing as time goes on.  

Yet, I still wonder....  Will I ever need to rebuild my connections again?  And if so, will it be possible, given my age at the time?