The day before, counting down the hours

 

Today was one of the two days I dreaded this week; this was the day I had to start my prep for my colonoscopy.  And the "fun" began when I had to think about what my last solid meal would be and that I didn't have any yellow Jello in the house as I thought I had.

One of the "pleasures" of the day involve having a light meal before noon.  Given that one should have avoided vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds for two days before the procedure, this limits a person to meals high on protein.  (I wonder how my niece, a vegetarian would deal with this limitation.)  On the day before the procedure, one stops eating solid food and starts consuming both laxatives and fluids to purge the remaining "stuff" from the colon in advance of the procedure.  Given that I hate to wake up early, I knew that I had to do so in order to have something to eat before the noon deadline.

Two hours after the last meal comes the laxatives.  And you can guess what's coming next.  Another three hours go by, and then I start drinking some ghastly fluid geared to keep this queen on her throne as much as possible.  If I had my way, I'd have already started to feast on a huge steak.  But I'm following doctor's orders, and putting up with a little bit of hunger for the evening.  (I can only imagine how I'll be feeling once the procedure is completed tomorrow afternoon.)

Hopefully, I'll be able to go to sleep a bit early tonight, so that I can wake up early and finish off the remaining 32 ounces of the ghastly fluid.  

More on this tomorrow....

My refrigerator overfloweth

 

One of the problems in living alone is that it's hard to get enough variety AND small enough quantities of food at a reasonable price.  Either one has to over stuff a refrigerator, or pay too much for the small quantities one needs.  For example, I only need a tiny bit of celery to make a decent tuna salad for sandwiches.  Yet, I always end up wasting food by buying too much to feed only one person.  

What makes things worse is that it's so hard to plan my meals.  I'm lucky that I can buy my lunches at the local supermarket and heat them up in a microwave oven.  But this is not the healthiest thing to do, as I will always end up eating more than I should.  In certain ways, this is a problem not unique to single people.  Most of us are on the go, and don't have the time to do any serious meal planning.  Given that my mother was a horrible cook, she was not the person from whom to learn either cooking or meal planning.  This is where I wish they gave "Home Economics" to both boys and girls when I was of school age.

Over time, I may get the hang of things.  But the one thing I am grateful for is the rotisserie chicken found at many supermarkets and warehouse clubs.  A whole chicken can easily be made into 3-4 meals. And the trick is making at least one of those meals a lunch.  Chicken Salad sandwiches are always a good way to use an "old" chicken.  And I've done this more than enough times over the years.

Well...  Enough for now.   The pork tenderloin that's been in the freezer (and just thawed out) is finally ready to eat.  It's enough meat for two people, but I can always use it tomorrow night - as long as I'm not cooking anything else....

Last night, something came out of the blue

Last night, GFJ came over after hiking with her friends.  Neither of us were hungry, so we sat down and watched some movies on TV.  By the time we were most of the way through the last film, she wanted to have a serious conversation.  I always feared something like this could come, as she isn't comfortable with the Marian side of me.  Although I'd like to be Marian 24x7, there are some things I value much more than this, and being in a relationship with a loving woman like GFJ is one of them.  Hopefully, she will understand this, as I would be heartbroken if she were to leave me.

By the time I hit the pillow, I knew that my sleep wouldn't be restful.  Since I lost my cruising partner, I now had no one close that I could talk with about this. From having a couple of people I could confide in to none in less than a month, I was hurting inside. And the last thing I wanted to do would be to anesthetize myself with food, alcohol, or other things that dull my feelings.  Grief is a bitch.  But avoiding it would be worse.

- - - - - -

But enough of that for now....

Sunday came along with torrential rains.  Even though I woke up at 7 and could have gone to church, I was not in the mood to do so.  The combination of everything I've been going through over the past few weeks put me in a funk. I was not in the mood to do anything (including eating), so I hung out in the apartment and watched old movies.  By the time I was ready to eat anything, it was about 5, and I scarfed down some chicken from a can. This was not the time for me to get showered and dressed, as I know I'd overeat if I went out to eat.

Will I be talking with GFJ again soon?  Maybe.  The one time we separated, she made the first move to reestablish contact.  I'm hoping she does so again.  But I won't push her - she needs time to think, and it wasn't easy for her to start last night's conversation.