A rescue from a "Medical Prison"

 

By the time you read this, RQS will have been out of the hospital for 2 weeks. Hopefully, her blood levels will be level, and that she will not need a new medication.

- - - - - -

On the day before Thanksgiving, RQS was still in the hospital waiting to be released.  Having given the shift supervisor holy hell the night before, it seems like things started to get moving quickly. By the time I got to the hospital, she had been given her new prescription and was ready to go home.  Although she was released, the social worker assigned to her had arranged for RQS to get lunch - which never came.  So, RQS got dressed, and we took an Uber back to her place.

Once at RQS's place, we rested for a while.  Then, RQS got dressed, and we left for Croton.  A couple of hours later, we were in my car and off to get some Chinese food for dinner.  We've been to this place near Jefferson Valley several times, but we've never came close to spending $100.  This time, we broke that barrier - but it was well worth it!  We started with the Seafood Soup for 2, and then proceeded to the main course.  RQS had the mixed Seafood over thin, fried noodles, while I had the Roast Duck with Mixed Veggies.  Everything was very tasty and well worth every cent.

By the time we got home, RQS was ready to crash.  After a few minutes watching TV, we were back in the bedroom - where she promptly fell into a much needed 13 hour sleep.

Oysters with RQS

 

While at dinner in NYC, RQS and I discussed dinner plans for the weekend.  I suggested picking up Lobster at Shoprite, while RQS was thinking of Oysters at Whole Foods.  Guess what we chose - Oysters on Friday night and Lobsters on Saturday.  Yum!  (Just don't tell my doctor about this.)  Seafood would be the theme for the weekend, and all I might want to do was find some clam chowder or lobster bisque to make things perfect.

- - - - - -

I didn't get a good night's sleep before, and I woke up early on Friday morning having forgotten about our dinner choices for the weekend.  So, when RQS mentioned that she'd be coming up around 2:30 pm, I realized that I had to rush to get ready.  Like a typical woman, my dilemma was what to wear.  So I picked out a coral version of the navy blue dress I wore the night before and got ready to pick RQS up at the station.

Croton-Harmon station is undergoing major renovation.  The town is installing solar panels over the entire parking lot (at least, over the areas not prone to flooding) as a way of generating new revenue for the town.  This has caused major sections of the parking lot to be taken off line while the solar panels are installed above the parking areas.  (It'll be nice for many to be able to park in areas protected from inclement weather.  Sadly, this only helps those with preferred parking space permits.)  This week, construction took out the parking area that the local taxis normally use and this created a mess around the area where passengers usually depart the station and get to their rides home.  The taxi stands have been relocated to the far end of the station, people have to walk further to reach parked cars, and the pick-up area is much more congested than normal.  This made it hard for RQS to find me, so I had to call her to tell her where to find me.

Once in the car, we ended up going to Whole Foods for oysters.  Arriving at 3:00 (or so), the first thing we did was to order 3 dozen oysters and have them shucked for us.  30 minutes later, we were feasting on our trays in the store.  It's nice to be able to get oysters at $1 each on Fridays, as something expensive becomes an affordable treat.  Both of us found that 18 oysters each was a perfect midday meal to start a summer's weekend.

After finishing our meal, it was time to go home and relax.  Although we went out later for a ride, the oysters were the high point of the day....

Boy, did I need sleep! But I wouldn't have done too much anyway.

 

Given that my nails were done last week, I plan to stay in Marian Mode as long as my polish holds out.  That means at lease another week in comfortable dresses during this heat wave we're expecting this week. Although I may touch up my nails during the week, I figure that I won't have to remove my nail polish until the week after next when I meet with the sleep doctor.

- - - - - -

This morning, I got to sleep at 2:00 am, woke up at 7:00 am, went back to bed around 9:30 am, and finally got out of bed around 2:30 pm. If you add up all the hours of sleep, I probably got around 10 hours of good sleep.  RQS and I had a text conversation while she was on the train back to NYC, and I found out more details of a drive home that made me want to prevent RQS from ever being a passenger in a car that has that friend as a driver.  (Let's just say that Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder have much more common drivers' sense than this friend has when behind the wheel.

By the time I got out of the house, it was too late for me to stop by the Greek restaurant to find out whether I left a sweater there last week.  So, after a second call from TCL for the day, I decided to go to hell with myself and visit the Chinese Buffet.  This was a mistake for 2 reasons: (1) Temptation to eat too much, and (2) the food has gotten worse since the last time I visited the place.  I should have gone for pizza....

On the way back from the buffet, it was time to call RQS before she went to sleep.  We continued over voice the conversation we were having via text messages.  And then, we started to figure out which restaurant we'll be eating at when we go to NYC Restaurant week.

Did I do much of note today?  No!  But I did catch up a little on my sleep.  So I don't feel guilty.  Maybe I should feel guilty about buying a dress from Target and another exercise dress from Macy's.  Couple this with a pair of culottes from Universal Standard that will arrive tomorrow, and I will need to figure out what I want to prune from my closet and put in a donation bag....

Now that I'm back home, I'm catching up on things.

 

OK, it's been a while since I've been able to sleep in my own bed.  And it feels strange!  I guess that I'll have to make it into NYC with RQS and have her try out the Saatva mattress I liked so much.  Given that RQS has fallen in love with her mattress from Bob's Discount Furniture. I figure that I will have a hard choice to make sometime soon - do I want a bed with a fixed base, or one with an adjustable base?

While I was away, I received a letter from a lawyer in Los Angeles that I am one of the beneficiaries of my uncle's trust.  My brother is more upset at the terms of what hell get from it than I am.  I guess it's because my uncle considered a close friend in LA that he's known for years to be as much a family member as his blood family is.  Given that I have seen a list of the beneficiaries, I have a strong feeling that my uncle wanted to see most of his money go to causes that he cared about.

I'm glad that I did a load of laundry on the second to last day that we were on the ship.  I only have a couple of days of dirty laundry from the cruise to add to my laundry basket for another load I have to put in to my co-op's washers/dryers before the end of the week.  The rest of the laundry in my suitcases can be put back into my dresser drawers.

Bill paying is a pain in the neck, and I had a small stack to take care of.  One of these bills was a credit card charge related to a cruise I'll be taking next year.  (More details on that later.)  I'm lucky that I have overpaid my co-op maintenance charges enough to skip one payment and still have a hefty surplus in my account.  (The same went for my electric bill as well, but not to the same degree.)  At this point, I am in good shape financially, even with an unexpected expense.

Depending on where I stand with my accounts, I'm thinking of surprising RQS with an expensive gift that we both can enjoy.  (No, it's not a ring.)  If I do so, it'll be closer to year end that I spring this on her.  She's a good woman, and I want to show how much I appreciate her being in my life.

Just before I took my recent trip, I found out that my online pharmacy was unable to reach my doctor's office to renew my prescription.  So I called the office this morning, and reached a receptionist who may not have bothered to see that the prescription is called in.  I'll have to double check this tomorrow, as I'm running low on this medicine.  Thinking about doctors, my CPAP machine is near the end of its life.  Tomorrow, I have to call the sleep doctor to see whether I need another consult and another sleep test before I can get a new machine.  (I also want to buy a second machine, just for travel.  But I'll talk with the doctor about that first....)  It's hard to believe that I got this machine 9 years ago!

As I said in the title of this post - I'm catching up on things....

Buying a new Refrigerator

I might have mentioned that I have a refrigerator that's on the fritz.  Although the freezer is working perfectly, the main compartment is unable to keep things cool enough for safety.  Something is wrong, and I cannot fix it.  So, I am replacing the unit before I have to throw away everything in the freezer.  (Even then, I still expect that I might have to toss some stuff because it's been stored too long.)

- - - - - -

Instead of car shopping, the first task of the day was to drive to the store where we made the salesman's day.  After telling him what we wanted, we were escorted to the appliances department where we were shown a group of refrigerators.  I asked only one question: Of all of these brands, which is the most reliable?  He answered that the Frigidaire was the most reliable, and I made my choice: Today's version of the same refrigerator that is in my apartment.  It was likely the quickest sale he'd make all week - and the week had barely started.

After this, RQS and I drove to Walmart to pick up some cheap Styrofoam coolers in which I could store freezer food while the new refrigerator is being installed.  If I'm lucky, it'll be cold enough for these containers to be left on my fire escape landing while the old refrigerator is taken out and the new one is put in its place.  By the time we were done, it was time to go to the train station to drop her off.

Once back home, it was time to rest before changing into Marian mode and going to a meetup in Mamaroneck.  Since this town was part of my old stomping grounds from where I worked for 25 years, I knew how to get to the restaurant quickly.  And yet, I was still late.  YGD had texted me to find out whether I was coming or not, even though I had left a message in the meetup's comment area that I might be late.  But I got there shortly after the text had been sent.

Once done with my meal, it was time to go home.  Luckily, I was on the road by 7:30 pm, as by 9:00 pm, I was out for the night.  Sleep was my companion for the evening, and with a brief awakening around 11:30 pm to get up to go to the bathroom and then to bed, I was out until the next morning.....

One of these days, I'll have a "normal" sleep schedule

 

I've never been one to sleep when the rest of the world sleeps.  Yes, I'll get up early, so that I can make certain appointments.  But, when I have no critical appointments, I will sleep as long as possible.  In fact, when RQS comes over, she ends up syncing to my sleep pattern, instead of me syncing my sleep pattern to hers.  Normally, this wouldn't concern me, but it has lasted way too long this time around.

My mom once told me that when I was very young, I would always be awake at night and would sleep during the day.  As I grew up, this unusual pattern would always come back whenever I had no fixed daytime routine.  When I entered the workforce, I was most successful when I could get into work later than the average person and leave later as well.

Now that I'm retired, this has become a liability, as I could easily sleep 16 hours a day if I wanted to. Being active is the best way to have a long life.  Without the imposed need to be active, it's too easy to fall into the bad habits which would shorten my life.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was depressed due to losing two of the people who were most important in my life.  On my days off from the census, I would occasionally go to various rail trails and walk two or three miles.  I'm not as motivated to do this anymore.  Yet, this would be the best thing to do.

Let's see what happens in the spring.  I might just get back into walking again, and stay in sync with the rest of the world.

I'm going to get really fat if I don't watch out

 

Today, I ended up having two meals out with friends.  How I did that, I don't know.  But I did enjoy both meals along with the company I had.

- - - - - -

If it weren't for the fact that today would be the only time this month that I could see my friend from the census without problems, I would have preferred to stay in and relax for the day.  I hadn't gotten enough sleep last night, and the alarms only got me going around 11:00 am for a 12:30 pm lunch.  This ended up being perfect for me, as I arrived at the Italian joint in town and found my friend just sitting down to wait for me to arrive.

This was a day where I dominated the conversation, describing what happened on my most recent cruise. Hopefully, I did it in a way that kept her interest, as I'm pretty sure that she will never sail with MSC. While Carnival is described as the Walmart of cruise lines, catering to the "value oriented" customer, I described MSC as the bastard offspring between Target and K-Mart. From Target, MSC gets the glitz that attracts people to cruise with them.  And from K-Mart, MSC gets the low quality that causes people to say "Never Again!"  People attracted to MSC do not want the Carnival cruise experience, but want a subset of the experiences one can get on other, higher priced, cruise lines. Eventually, lunch had to end, and I proceeded home.  Originally, I was going to go to Jersey and do some shopping.   But I felt that I should put my leftovers in the refrigerator before going out.  As a result, I never bothered to go out until I met Vicki for dinner at Lefteris Gyro.

- - - - - -

I met Vicki just after she was done with her exercise class, and she was famished.  This time, Vicki would be the one carrying leftovers home.  Vicki listened to me describing the cruise, knowing that neither of us would likely cruise MSC in the future based on my most recent experience.  Yet, I felt this was a shame, as with a little more attention to the quality of the experience and less on nickel-dimeing the cruiser, they'd have product good enough to seriously make a run at grabbing market share from the big-3 American based cruise line corporations (Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and Norwegian).  Vicki told me about her retirement plans (which I won't go into here) and chatted about things going on with her and her husband.  All I will say about that is that he will go more than the extra mile for her.

All too soon, dinner had to end and we had to go our own ways.  Not to worry.  I'll see her again when I have my colonoscopy next week....

 

Lobster was one of many food truck selections we had today

 

RQS had a hankering for a lobster roll today, and I indulged it after taking care of some other business. But first....

Neither of us were in a hurry to get up this morning, and we took our time to get moving.  It was one of those days where I couldn't get up before noon, and RQS indulged my need for sleep.  It's just as well, as I felt more awake than usual after having an interrupted 8+ hours of sleep.  This would be my third day with RQS in Marian mode, and I wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

When we got moving, we first went to another furniture store to look at some more choices.  And again, the salesperson was all over us looking to make a sale. This sales person didn't bother me as much as she did RQS.  But we were still not ready to buy anything.  So it was off to Dobbs Ferry and the Lobster Truck.

It took us a little while to find our way to the train station, but we were rewarded by a multitude of food trucks at the riverside festival.  As much as I wasn't in the mood to spring for a couple of lobster rolls, I knew they would be a good value and that they would make RQS happy - so they were worth busting the budget a little.  And yet, we were both hungry afterwards.  So it was time to raid the ice box and finish off the Chinese food we left there

Since RQS decided to stay until tomorrow afternoon, I had to text DS to tell her that I couldn't make it for hiking.  I know she was upset, but what could I do?  I will always put my relationship with RQS first.  She is the only woman I've met in years that accepts me for who and what I am, and doesn't care much about what I wear.  She is a blessing, and I try to make her as happy as I can....

Hawaii Vacation - Day 04: Kualoa Ranch & Embarkation

The Kualoa Ranch.  It has been the setting for many TV shows and Movies.  You may recognize the scene above from movies such as the Jurassic Park franchise and the "recent" remake of Mighty Joe Young.  The ranch is beautiful, and well worth a visit.

But first....

Last night was my last night in Honolulu.  Packing my bags was an exercise for what I'll need to do a week from now when I return home from Hawaii.  And I didn't pack as well as I did when I was at home.  At least, I'll have more time to prepare for my next set of flights.  Next time, I'll have to pack as much as possible in my large bag without exceeding the 50 lb. limit - a task I'll dread the closer the time comes for me to do it.  At least, I have an accurate hand held scale to use while packing the bag.

Today, I knew what I had to do to have some food in my stomach before today's excursion.  To be safe, the night before, I had picked up a couple of bananas to eat if I couldn't get any food from the coffee shop in the hotel building.  And I was doubly fortunate that today's line was short enough to allow me to get a cup of black coffee and a breakfast turnover.  

So I left my large suitcase in the room for NCL to pick up and bring to the ship, then checked out of the hotel.  I was on the bus at 7:00 am, but we didn't get moving that early.  There was a "fun run" going on, and it got in the way of us going to the Kualoa Ranch via the normal route.  Instead, we had to go through an upscale residential district to get out of the Waikiki area and out of Honolulu.

The city of Honolulu is larger in area than I thought, and we made a stop at the Halona Blowhole Lookout.  This is a beautiful place to catch a view of the ocean.  But it was very windy there, as evidenced by the photo below:

I certainly don't look very attractive in this picture.  But I felt good, as people were accepting me as the female I wanted them to see.  

Our next stop was a Buddhist temple in the middle of a cemetery.  It was a pretty place to visit, but we only used it as an opportunity to make a pit stop for bio breaks.  Other than the small main area of the temple, there wasn't that much to see except for a bell that could be rung.

Of course, a chance to ring a giant bell is not enough to justify lingering at this place.  It was time to go to the Kualoa Ranch.  I wasn't sure of what to expect when I got there.  But I knew one thing - I'd get some beautiful pictures, like the one below..

One thing I've noticed in Hawaii is that almost every tour guide talks about is that few things on the islands are "pure Hawaiian."  In the case of human settlement, less than 2% of the people living in the islands are "pure" Hawaiian stock.  (Even the origins of "native Hawaiians can't be determined, as there were at least 2 waves of Polynesian settlers to the islands.)  In the case of plant and animal life, each group of settlers brought their own plants and animals to the islands (see images of "Canoe Plants" below) which squeezed out much of the native flora and fauna.

 

 
Arriving at the Kuoloa Ranch, we went through an "Educational Experience" about how outside plants and animals have changed the islands.  Sadly, I couldn't maintain any interest in the presentation, as I hadn't been able to have a bite to eat since 6 am and was falling out due to a low blood sugar level.  Luckily, the presentation was short, and a tasty box lunch was served a little bit before noon.  After this was the movie site tour of the ranch.

All too soon, our time on Oahu had to end.  We got back to Honolulu by 3:30 pm, and then embarked on the ship.  Arriving after the majority of people have boarded the ship allowed us to breeze through check in and security. At that point, we were able to get on the ship.

(Pardon the hokey picture.   I bought it to get a

discounted price on the pictures I really wanted.)

The Pride of America (POA) has an interesting history.  The cruise line that commissioned the ship went bankrupt.  NCL bought the unfinished ship, and had it towed to Germany to be fitted out for service.  Congress enacted a law to allow this ship (and another non American built ship) to sail as US flagged ships.  Although no other cruise ship sails under a US flag, POA does, and is able to make the 7 day Hawaiian Island round trip from Honolulu.

Once on the ship, the first thing one will notice is that the ship reeks of America.  The seal of the United States is on the floor by the grand staircase - which, itself has an "American" feel.

 

Now, it was time to find my room.  Although I was below the buffet area, I didn't notice much noise coming from above.  However, I did get a little upset that my large suitcase hadn't yet made it to my cabin. So, I ended up going to guest services to take care of this, finding out that my suitcase was in transit, and that it should make it to my cabin before we left port.  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get my dinner reservations taken care of at this time, as the crew was starting to get ready for the mandated muster drill.

 

Most of the ship seems a little bit dated, as this is a 20+ year old ship. Yet, everything is in good repair.  Unfortunately, the bathroom is a little cramped and does not have enough room to store a woman's toiletries.  (It must have been designed by an unmarried male.  No hotel designs bathrooms anymore without input from females.) Additionally, the shower stall is separated from the rest of the bathroom by a shower curtain.  Yet, I did not find that shower water would flow into the rest of the bathroom, unlike an accessible bathroom I stayed in at a land based casino/hotel complex.

After the muster drill, it was time to get comfortable.  By the time I was ready to eat, I decided to try out the buffet - a big mistake.  Unlike all other onboard buffet experiences, I could not find utensils or napkins at any of the tables - I had to ask an overworked employee for help.  Like cabin service, food service was understaffed.  In the "post Covid" environment, it's hard to find enough qualified American workers to staff this ship.

Around 8:00 pm, I had a decision to make: Do I go to the Solo Travelers gathering, or do I go to the LGBTIQ gathering?  I made the obvious choice: I decided to go to sleep for a while.  And sleep I did, as I didn't wake up until 1:30 am....

Dinner with Vicki

 

It's always nice to get together with Vicki.  Tonight, it was sushi dinner at a new joint in Croton.  Although this place has been around for a few years, we never made it there for dinner.  We finally did, and enjoyed the experience.

But first....

When I got up today, I was in a rush and forgot a few things. This was a harbinger of little things to come. Arriving at the office, I found that I didn't take my morning medications.  So I figured that I'll avoid trying to play catch up, and take my evening pills when I got home.  I then noticed that I had lost an extendable back scratcher, so I used one that wasn't as effective - and left it at the office.  Since I had no more lunches available to me, I planned to buy 2 more lunches to finish out the week on my way home - that wouldn't happen either.  But I get ahead of myself.

I was surprised that I wasn't as sleepy as usual today, and was wide awake when I left the office.  Since I had errands to run, I drove to the auto parts store for a cabin air filter.  From there, it was off to Walmart to pick up some coin wrappers. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to stop off at home to drop off my goods, so I didn't bother going to Shoprite as planned.  Instead, I met Vicki at the Sushi parlor.

Vicki and I had a belated birthday celebration, ordering way too much food.  Yet, we did a good job at finishing what was in front of us, and figured that we'd be going there again soon. Both of us liked the dresses each of us were wearing, and I felt good about my choice of what I wore today.  Once done with our "nutritious dishes of little raw fishes", it was off the the Blue Pig for dessert.

All too soon, it was time to leave - and we went our separate ways.  I will miss her when she retires and leaves the NYC area....

Sleep Problems

 

 

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle for no good reason.  So, I feel tired when I go in to work, and my productivity is down until lunch time.  It doesn't help that I am naturally awake late in the evening, and the effects of sleep deprivation have set in.

- - - - - -

When I was dating XGFJ, I always had problems with her nestling in my arm in bed.  It is not a romantic problem - it's an issue with RQS as well, but she accepts that I will need to shift my body now and then to keep comfortable.  The difference is simple - we communicate better now.  My previous relationship failed because of poor communication, and I wish it had ended earlier, so that we could have stayed close friends. 

- - - - - -

Going away for a short trip has its own problems.  In my case, if I don't bring my CPAP machine with me, I will fall back to having my sleep apnea cause me problems. When I was with XGFJ, she noted that the machine trained my subconscious to keep my airways unobstructed.  RQS notices that I sleep better with the machine, and has no problem with my use of the machine.  

- - - - - -

Even when all things are going right, there's a part of me that's restless.  If no one is with me, this is not an issue.  But, if someone is staying over, I can't just get up and put my thoughts into this blog.  Yet, I have less and less to say on a regular basis, and I am thinking of giving this blog a break for a while.  (I'll bet that FCP will be happy with that, as it was my previous blog that caused our rift (and, according to FCP, signaled the end of our relationship to XGFJ.))

- - - - - -

Luckily, I can get my sleep on weekends.  It's not enough.  But it will have to do until I retire.

A quick and short post - I'm So Tired!

 

I would like to have fallen asleep early last night.  However, it was the first session of online Jackbox Party Game night with DS.  

- - - - - -

Normally, I look forward to excuses to be with people, in-person or on-line. This time, I was too tired to do so - yet, did it anyway.  It showed.  By the time RQS called afterwards, I needed sleep badly.  By the time I was ready to sleep, all the energy I had was to clean off the makeup I was wearing all day, put on my jammies, and turn off the lights.  Being tired took care of all the rest.

Hopefully, I can make it through the day at work....

It's almost time for me to go - a quick post

 

This is a quick post....

I think it'll soon be time for me to leave my job.  The only question will be if it is on my steam or theirs.  The long and short of it is that my allergy is disruptive.  In a normal age, no one would care.  But in the age of Covid, any sneeze is suspect.

Assuming I leave, it'll be nice to be able to sleep late again.

Waking up late for a good reason....

 

Sometimes, I'm able to stay home late on a weekday.  It is such a treat.  And I wish I could do this much more often than I can do right now.  Yet, as long as I have this job, I intend to be a responsible employee for as long as possible.

Today, I did a Zoom interview for another civil service job.  However, if it is offered to me, I will be at risk of losing this job from the minute I accept it.  If you look closely at the warning I received, I can lose the position if either of the following two conditions are met: (1) that the person who previously held the position wants it back, or (2) that upon re-canvassing for the position, someone higher on the civil service list wants this position.  Normally, I wouldn't take such a risky position.  But a trusted friend said that I should go for it, as my current job is mind numbing.

Life is all about taking risks.  Right now, I can afford to take this risk.  But do I really want to do so?   The population served by this position can be troublesome.  Do I need the headaches? 

Not much to say today

 

 

Today was a dreary day, where I wanted to stay in bed all day.  And for the most part, that's what I did until I had to get up and start taking care of laundry for the week.

- - - - - -

Normally, I try to get my weekly chores done on Sunday, as I reserve Saturday for being with friends. Some of these Saturdays, you'll find Mario going out on a date, hoping to make another love connection with someone who could become special.  Other Saturdays, you'll find me spending time with a friend, just to keep from getting too lonely.

Given that it was wet and foggy outside, I decided to go outside as Mario - only to shop for a few lunches I could eat during the week at work, and to go downstairs to wash a load of colors.  (I can do whites during the week, as I now spend 5-6 days per week as Marian, and don't need them as much.) Soon, I expect that I'll see the new resident in both of my modes.  But I was glad I didn't see her today, as her dad was helping her move in. (He used to work on my car until I got better scheduling of regular maintenance from other shops.)  Sometime later this year, I'll see if she wants to be part of the board, as she suggested that she'd be willing to help out with things.

Towards mid evening, I worked with a fellow board member, and showed her the ropes of using zoom for a meeting.  Now, she has the tools to run a meeting without my assistance - and that's a load off my back.

Too tired to post much of anything

 

Getting up today at the sound of the alarm, I knew this was going to be a long day - and it was. Not only did I barely make it to work today, but being tired caught up with me.  If it weren't for a friendly face or two, I might have had more problems....

- - - - - -

Waking up, I normally read my emails, putz around a little bit, then get ready to go to work.  Well, all seemed to be going OK until I started out the door. Then I noticed that I was wearing my reading glasses, and not my "cosmetic" glasses.  (The latter are non correcting, and only serve to make my face look different enough for people not in the know not to connect Marian with Mario.)  So I went back upstairs and switched glasses.

Finally heading out the door for good, I managed to make it to the deli in time to pick up an egg sandwich on the way in to work. And I was still eating it when I encountered a traffic jam on Route 9a.  From what I heard, one lane of the stretch from Briarcliff Manor to Pleasantville was blocked due to an accident, causing a several mile traffic jam.  So I took side roads to the Taconic, and then missed my exit.  After doubling back to my exit, I barely made it into work on time - without having my needed cup of coffee to keep me awake.

Later in the morning, I found out that I screwed up a box of work yesterday, as I was typing too quickly for the system to keep up.  In short, I made too many proofing errors because I was trying to save some time. Luckily, the person who trained me offered some help, and I was able to repair things before it got to the customer.

Once I finally had my cups of coffee, I was alert for most of the day.  And I was sure NOT to take the shortcuts that almost got me in trouble.  But I knew that I would have to go to sleep early, as I was not in shape to go another day without enough rest. So, when I finally made it home, I was greeted by a pleasant surprise - a package containing two tops I need for my everyday work.

- - - - - -

I only wonder what tomorrow will bring....

 

 

If I only could have gotten to sleep

 

 

If I had been lucky, I'd have been able to fall asleep last night.  Vicki was scheduled to come over here in mid afternoon, and we were supposed to enjoy some take-out food instead of going to one of our usual restaurants.  It's been forever since I had anyone in this place, save for FL coming into my apartment, so that she could make use of the bathroom.  Other than the cleaning lady (who hasn't been here since February), the last person other than me inside this place was my ex girlfriend.

Around 3 am, I turned off the lights and turned off the TV, but couldn't get to sleep.  So I wasn't surprised to find me still awake around 7 am.  Even more surprising, I received a Facebook chat request from her.  (I sent her a skit from the comedienne Sarah Millican and sent it to her, hoping she'd get a laugh out of it.).  Given the time of the day, I don't think she was trying to reach me.  Instead, she accidentally tried to reach me (from what I could tell), and I decided to let her get on with her day without a conversation which could stir up feelings in both of us that would not be of use this early in the morning. At this point, I decided to make breakfast, and consider going back to bed for a couple of hours.  Of course, I went back to bed - and woke up around 11 am.  This meant that I wasn't going to get the place straightened up as much as I'd like to have done before Vicki arrived.  So, as I was taking garbage out to the dumpster, Vicki arrived with lunch.  

Before I go on too far, Vicki and I used to enjoy a local sushi/hibachi place in Croton.  This place has been closed for indoor dining since the pandemic started.  And this was our first opportunity to enjoy their food (especially their seafood soup) for a long time - and it was as good as I remembered.  Eventually, we got around to one of the purposes of her visit - giving me some "hand me downs", now that she has lost a bit of weight.  Sadly, my screwed up sleep got in the way, and I was struggling to stay awake (failing miserably) while we were chatting. So I was glad when Vicki left, allowing me to take a quick nap which lasted longer than expected.  And then, after a couple of hours of being awake, I fall asleep again. 

Why do I mention sleep so much?  My body clock is out of whack these days, and I found this happening during the early days of the pandemic.  Could there be a connection here?  Is this related to the lack of social stimuli due to the pandemic?  Who knows?  But it's something I'll have to deal with until I can find external stimuli to keep me awake during "normal" hours.

I never left the apartment, but my day got better when night came.

 

I didn't leave my apartment building all day, as I didn't even bother getting out of my Jammies until I had a Zoom meeting to go to.  Yes, I could have done much more during the day, but I was in no mood to bother showering, shaving, and getting dressed.  And this suited me just fine.

As has become a custom lately, I didn't go to sleep until the sun started to rise. And I didn't get up until more than half the sunlight hours had gone by the wayside. Not having much that needed to be done right away, I proceeded to relax in bed and watch TV all day.  Sometime in mid afternoon, there was a knocking on my door.  Not wearing anything but a slip, I was not going to answer the door.  Later on, I found out that our managing agent had left me a small token of appreciation - some Almond Nougat.  Yum!  I could easily ruin my blood sugar levels by finishing this gift in one night.  But I didn't.

At this point, I was up and moving, so I figured that I'd change into the oversized T-Shirt type garment (above) that I usually use for lounging around and to sleep. It's not a pretty garment, but it is comfortable.  And the next time I need to buy hosiery from this site, I will buy another one of these garments in a different color.

Now that I changed into this garment, it was time to do a quick make up job to make my face presentable as Marian.  And then I logged into the Zoom meetup.  After a couple of hours, it was just me and my friend who used to live in New York - and we gabbed for a couple of hours.  During our chat, we noted that both of us would likely be good travel companions.  However, I mentioned that I only wish that we both liked women, or that one of us were of the opposite sex.  (Little does she know the equipment I was born with.)  Even though 14 years separates us in age, I wish I could have met her as Mario.  Heck, I wish I could reveal myself to her for who and what I am, and see if things could work.  But I'd rather have this woman as a friend, than to place a extremely low probability bet on romance.  

Once the Zoom meetup was over, I decided to walk downstairs to my mailbox as I was, and get my mail.  Apart from an electric bill, I found a package addressed to me as Marian.  What could this package be?  It seems like a woman I am friends with from my gaming group saw the oven mitt (at the top of this entry) and thought of me.  She is another woman, that in another time and another place, that I'd consider dating.  But she is married (I also like this fellow quite a bit), and I know that she appreciates my friendship.   Here is another friendship I wouldn't have if I were living my life primarily as Mario.

I don't think that some of my acquaintances will ever understand why I prefer being Marian over being Mario.  As I like to think about it, women have closer friendships - most men are always suspect in their motives.  Assuming this is true, it's a damn shame that biology and social systems isolate the male of our species - we could do much better if the two genders had more in common than we have right now....

 

It was my first full weekend without GFJ, and I wanted someone special to be with....

 

t was the day after Xmas and GFJ dropped her bombshell.  I couldn't say that it was completely unexpected.  But 5-6 years after leaving her husband, 1 year after her divorce, GFJ started to think about what she wanted in her life in the future.  I was just a place holder until she was ready to start thinking carefully about what she'll do for the rest of her life.

When I got home, I said some very stupid things, and I knew she had to be upset from her style of texting on the other side of the connection.  So we both decided to break away for the evening, and we connected once for a very short exchange of texts - she was still hurt and still processing her feelings.  In a way this was good - she couldn't say what she needed to say in person, and I got the chance to accidentally vent before thinking about what I was saying.  We both were hurting, and in the end, it's a good thing, as it forces us to look at any friendship we will have from a different perspective.

The big thing that frustrates me is - she knew what I am going into our relationship, and kept going with me for as long as she did.  If it was love she had, she did not give me a chance to know something was wrong when I could have slowed down my journey towards being Marian. And I had opened up my heart enough to hurt a bit when she dropped her bombshell.

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On Friday, other than the short message exchange, I did nothing all day.  If it weren't for bathroom visits and the need to eat, I'd have stayed in bed all day.  This didn't mean I slept all day.  Instead, I was reading a book due back to the library on Saturday - Good Economics for Hard Times.  It's an easily readable book that examines why people do not act as pure economic models expect they'd act.

When I looked at my face in the mirror during one of my bathroom visits, I noticed a few black hairs over my upper lip.  This means I will consider going to the laser place again to get a quick zapping for these hairs.  While looking at my face, I noticed some facial dark spots from where I had the dermatologist remove the big liver spots from my face.  Since I can no longer contact my former cruise partner and ask her for a little bit of information, I guess that I'll have to do without a long delayed follow-up visit to this doctor.  (Maybe I can call the practice in Mt. Kisco and find out whether the dermatologist on staff is the same man that I saw several years ago.  Any ideas from my readers?)

Since the news is so depressing these days, I couldn't bear to watch most of the movies on cable.  The TV Westerns have started to bore me a little.  So, for noise, I've left the shopping channel on, listening to the ladies selling women's clothing.  If you want truly forgettable media on TV, this is the stuff for you. Advertising 24x7, 363 days/year.  The only 2 days the channel isn't selling things are Thanksgiving and Christmas.   You can guess how much of a funk I was in....

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Saturday came, and I ended up barely eating anything during the day.  JS had contacted me, suggesting that we go to a movie - and I said OK.  She's feeling a bit down.  Her daughter is off her meds and needs serious help.  Her son needs to find work.  And she's killing herself with a job way too far from home.

Late last night, I sent a simple, short apology to GFJ for what I said to her the other night in that message exchange.  I haven't heard from her yet, and I doubt that I will hear from her anytime soon.  Thinking a little more about the past few months with her, I feel that she was more threatened than she'd admit about me developing as Marian.  Could she risk the possibility of me breaking a promise and going 24x7?  Once she fully realized that I was developing friendships with people like JS who saw me only as Marian, this catalyzed everything that went on in her head in the last few months of our relationship.  Too bad that I hadn't picked up on this earlier - it would have made things much easier for me to deal with, even if there is no right time to do so.

If GFJ and I are no longer friends because of my stupidity, I'll hold off from going to events where she might be present.  I certainly won't go to her "weekly group" meetings out of respect for her.  But I will consider theater groups if they are on my side of the Hudson.  She was right in one respect - she is much more of an outdoors person than I am. I won't be going to any of the hiking events that she enjoys so much. (I wouldn't even know how to start.) After seeing what a tick bite that she got on her property did to her, there's no way I want to deal with that kind of problem alone.  (At least she has a network of people who can help her out in time of need - I don't, and probably never will.)

- - - - - -

But back to JS.  She's the type of person who needs good friends, but is afraid of what will happen if she takes good advice.  The financial planner she once visited told her to sell the house and immediately retire to Florida.  Her son and daughter would have to fend for themselves.  The way JS is going, she'll drive herself into the grave, only postponing the day of reckoning for her kids.

By the time I made it to Ridgefield, JS had gone to the theater and found that the movie was sold out.  Instead, we changed our plans and went to the Hunan Noodle Bar for dinner.  The Thai Curry Seafood dish I had was yummy.  If I didn't have a bite on the way over to see JS, I'd have finished it all.  Instead, I had leftovers.

JS's situation is killing her. The job she has is killing her, as she's finding out that it's not a place to be.  She may know how to run a religious school, but she doesn't know how to run her life.  Her daughter doesn't bother to refill her prescriptions, and drops off her meds when they run out. And there are no consequences - JS takes care of this and other tasks that one would expect a 21 year old to manage for herself.  How else can the daughter learn, if mommy will clean up the daughter's mess every time?

On the way home from Ridgefield, I realized that I dodged a bullet.  If I had met her as Mario, I might have considered dating her because I was lonely.  And she's the kind of needy person who can suck the life out of you if you let her do so.  Until events force her to make the hard decisions she needs to make, both JS and her daughter's situation will continue to get worse.

- - - - - -

Instead of going straight home, I took the long way back home.  Thinking back on things, I think that when I found the job working for the census bureau and intended to go in as Marian, that this helped push GFJ into thinking that I can't stop my progress towards living as Marian 24x7.  What she didn't understand (if she read my old blog) was that there was one thing that made life as Mario enjoyable - the ability to have romance.  And that was worth NOT living 24x7.  But she couldn't help but be afraid that I could continue down my path and not be Mario for her.

Since GFJ has not bothered to contact me since I sent my apology message, I plan to compose and send one last message sometime early in the new year.  Since she was crying the last time I saw her, I realize that it took her a lot more emotional energy than expected to say that things were over. So instead of saying it in person, she felt that she had to finish the job in a message.

My response to her final breakup message must have hurt her to the core - in a way, I was the third person to betray her without meaning to do so.  My last message will note that she has not gotten back to me since the other day, that I will have to assume that she no longer wants any contact.  But I will also say that if she wants me as a friend, she will have to reach out - I do not want to hurt her any more than I have done so already by making another move.

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Sunday is often called "the Lord's Day" and I had to consider whether I'd be attending church in the morning. And given how I was feeling, I decided to take a pass.  I needed to get a little more sleep, given how screwed up my sleep patterns have been lately.  Since I had a brunch appointment with my former student clinician and her supervisor, I figured I could nap for another 2 hours and still be ready for 1 pm in Rockland County.

My plans were changed again by a text message - the former student clinician's best friend got into an accident and was in a hospital upstate.  So I texted that I wouldn't be going, and suggested that we reschedule for next week.  Hopefully, the supervisor got the message - she never seems to answer my texts, yet she is in contact with the student clinician.

At the same time as the above text exchange, I got a message from JS - she still wanted to see Little Woman and get together for lunch and we agreed to do this.  I started to get ready around 1 pm, and had just come out of the shower when JS called - she had broken a tooth, and wouldn't be able to make it today.  Since I really wasn't in the mood to see her a second day in a row, I was secretly happy, yet a little sad for her.  Hopefully, she'll be able to get her mouth patched up for an affordable cost. (Knowing what I know about dental costs, it'll be another $3,000 that she can not afford to spend. I feel sorry for any man who chooses to date her.)

So, at 2 pm, I turned on the movie channel and went to sleep for another 4 hours.  This is certainly not the way I want to spend my days.  It's too soon for me to seriously go out into the dating scene.  And when I do, I'll need a strategy to deal with the fact that I am transgender and currently live two lives.  I want a companion with whom I can go through life, and it doesn't look like it will happen anytime soon.


- - - - - -


PS: I told my friend Vicki about GFJ, and she had the same thoughts as I did.  Our romance was simply something to tide her through the times she was dealing with being separated from her husband.  Once the divorce came through, she had to figure out what she really wanted from life, and I was never going to be in her plans, given a prior breakup 4 1/2 years ago. So I know NOT to expect too much from her if we were to reconnect as friends.

A rainy day, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out again.

I decided to try and get an oil change, but to no avail.  The cars were double parked inside of Mavis's parking lot.  If I really want to get the tire rotation and oil change I need at a reasonable price, I'll have to go very early tomorrow morning.

- - - - - -

Last night, I didn't start trying to go to sleep until 2 am or so.  And it seemed to take forever for me to fall out.  But when I finally woke up, I had blown through 2 alarms, only waking up for a 10 am alarm I had set.  This meant that it was going to take some time for me to get moving, and I stayed in the comfort of a warm blanket as long as possible. Eventually, I was up and out of the house around 1 pm, and saw that there was no chance for me to get the oil change I need.  So I ended up picking up lunch at the local Mickey D's, then drove home for a while.

Around 4 pm, I looked out the window, and saw that it was raining.  Did I really want to drive to Connecticut?  I wasn't sure.  But I still had a couple of things to take care of.  First, I had received a "Canvas Letter" from NYS asking me to express my interest in a position across the river from me.  So I ran off a copy of my resume, and enclosed it with a signed copy of the letter, and returned it to Albany to be considered for the position.  Then, I found that my printer had run out of ink.  So, in addition to the Dermablend foundation I needed to buy, I also needed to buy a new ink cartridge for the printer.

I left my apartment around 5:30, which should have given me enough time to make it to the meetup in Norwalk.  Luckily, I allocated the extra 15 minutes, as there was a major backup on Route 95 that I was able to avoid by taking the Merritt.  And I got to the restaurant at the same time that the hostess was arriving.  Instead of sitting down at our table, we realized that "Happy Hour" ended at 7, and that we could still get a discounted drink at the bar.  So we placed our drink orders, had the bartender take the picture above, and then brought our drinks to the table.  From there, most of us partook of Monday's $6 burger night.  YUM!

All too soon, it was time to depart.  The drive home was less of a headache than the drive to the meetup - there was no rush hour start and stops.  However, the rain did get in the way of enjoying the drive, as I had to be much more alert than I usually would be. So I was very glad that I didn't take full advantage of Happy Hour....