The difference between two friends.

 

 

Today, I sent a picture of RQS to TCL and Vicki and got two very different types of responses.  Unlike most of  my posts, I plan to adapt the normal format to account for two different conversation threads....

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I started out by sending a picture of RQS to my two friends.  She was wearing a purple coat and colorful leggings.  Vicki responded with:

Pretty. Love all the purple and colors. Makes me think she's a fun person 

 

We then talked about where RQS and I were meeting, with nary a mention of RQS's background.  Contrast this with TCL's responses:

Does she know you took the picture and sending it to me?
What does she think about you wanting to send it to me?
What ethnicity is she?
Is she taking a picture of you? I see she's holding a cell phone.

Notice the difference?  Vicki is focused on who RQS is, while TCL is concerned about whether I have permission to send the picture to her and what ethnicity RQS identifies as.  Who do you think is the more accepting person?

I'll admit that RQS is far outside of the type of person I usually find attractive and want to date.  My wife (and most of the women I've dated in middle age) was a "dirty blonde", and I am attracted to women with this color hair.  RQS is anything but.  This is not the time and place where I plan to tell my readers more about her.  But both of us are surprised that we get along together so well....

Something I have to say....

 

There is a reason I chose this picture to lead off an entry in this blog.  Only the person who I hope reads this will understand why it is here....

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Recently, I received  a communication from someone who will remain nameless and faceless - as desired by that person.  It was a picture that was sent in response to this post ("An acquaintance has cancer"), saying it was a favor.  The friend I was with when I received this picture interpreted this communication as something other than a favor, confirming my read on things. (I could have been totally wrong on intent.  So I hope this person understands why I felt this way.)  Without going into any more details than this, I hope this person and her friend had a great time at their gathering.

Unfortunately, my actions in the past hurt this person very much, and all I can do anymore is to say "I'm Sorry".  Sadly, I feel that it will never be enough for her. This is a place where I burnt a bridge without meaning to, and nothing I can do or say can help alleviate this person's pain.  There are only so many "Mea Culpas" one can say before one stops caring to say "I'm Sorry" to someone who has been wronged.  One can only wear a Hair Shirt for just so long....

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In regard to another person who will also go nameless and faceless, I got to thinking that this person hurt me without meaning to.  An action noted in a statement of hers  in a recent conversation echoed an action that could have originally been her way of trying to get my attention, and it backfired big time.  Again, with things playing out the way they did, I'm not sure if anything much can be done to bridge more of the gap between us.  It'd take much more work from both of us to do that, and I haven't yet seen or heard what's needed from her if she wants to take the next step towards a solid friendship.  (Yet, I can hope this happens.)

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In both cases, there was cause for a person to feel betrayed.  And in both cases, things blew up and got out of control.  In the recent case, I only saw this picture with negative intent.  It might have been better had it not been sent, as the messages exchanged afterwards brought up ill feelings for both of us.  Yet, when I think about it, this was a case of two people who didn't trust each other, both finding out that after a negative incident that relearning how to trust a person and their motives can and will take some time.  It's never easy to cut a person some slack after a lot of hurt feelings.

 

 

 

PS: I hope that both people referenced here won't get too upset at my mention of this picture and the associated text messages....