Thinking about a different cruise than before

 

Normally, I wouldn't think of going on this cruise.  I've been to Port Canaveral, and was bored there.  I wasn't impressed by the cruise line's private island (Great Stirrup Cay), so I didn't take the tender to the island.  (My then girlfriend wasn't that impressed either, as the water wasn't clear, and the tenders were running with delays when we were there.)  But I do want to get to Charleston for a day, as this is a port that is not often on cruises from New York.

With the exception of the single 8 day cruise which adds a stop in Nassau, Bahamas, all of these cruises are reasonably priced.  Given that two of the stops are on US soil, and the other is on the company's private island, I figure that my risks of infection are minimized on this cruise.  I don't plan to get off the boat in Florida, and I may stay on the ship when we're at the private island.  But I will want to go out and see Charleston, and try and find out whether it is worth a return visit.

Yes, this will be a cruise in Marian mode - something I haven't done since my last cruise with my former cruise partner.  Hopefully, she'll be happy doing what she now does without me as a friend.  And I hope I will be just as happy having a stateroom to myself.

 

 

 

 

 

Favor, n: an effort in someone's behalf or interest

 

Favor, n: an effort in someone's behalf or interest.

The above is one of several uses of the word "favor".   It is not the meaning that someone used with me lately, nor is it the one that catalyzed another round of angry messages from someone who was once a close friend of mine.  I will not go into the content of those messages, as they are not the point here and I don't want to rub salt into that person's wounds.  The messages only spurred me to think about the following when communicating with someone with whom one does not have good relations:

First, one has to have real empathy for the other person.  Even if angry at that person, continue to see that person as  a human being worth respect, even if the thought of that person makes your blood boil.  If you can see an issue from their point of view, you might be able to avoid phrases or actions which would make the other person angry.  In short, one must think of how the other person may react before saying or doing anything.

Second, Don't expect others to think like you.  Often, people assume others share the same values, and then get angry when they don't react in the expected way.  Recently, I read about a husband who gave his wife jewelry every year, and never saw her wear it.  He didn't care to find out what she wanted; the gifts were simply an extension of what he'd have wanted had he been in her shoes.

Third, be generous with your thoughts and actions, but don't expect any thanks from the other person.  Sometimes, you will make a big mistake.  And that's normal.  Learn from your mistake and move on.  If you can, try to think of ways to make the other person feel better in the future.  Sometimes, the future will give you a second chance to get back into the good graces of a person.  And sometimes, it doesn't.

In the situation I mentioned at the top of the entry, an action thought of by one person as a favor was thought of by me as needlessly rubbing salt into an open wound.  If you received a "gift" which only brought back sour memories, would you think of it as a favor?  I doubt it.  Hopefully, the person who got upset at me will read this and understand where I come from.  But I doubt it.  If this happens, I'll bet that I will not hear of it.  

Sometimes, it's too easy to delete voicemails

Lately, I've gotten so much spam voicemail that I've forgotten that sometimes I person I want to hear from will leave me a message.  This is what happened to me this weekend.

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Recently, a woman at work and I have struck up a friendly acquaintanceship.  When I mentioned that I might need help sorting out all of the medicare options available to me, she volunteered to put her friend in contact with me.  One problem - I accidentally deleted the voicemail, and I don't remember the woman's name.  So I'll have to go back to my friend, mention the situation, and hope I can get the information I need.

Most of the time, dealing with voicemail spam is easy. One swipes to the right to delete the spam.  But when there's lots of spam in the voice mail folder, performing this task can be tedious.  Yes, there are ways to highlight each bad message and then mass deleting them.  But the process is not intuitive.  So I tend to do this one message at a time, and often delete messages I want to keep.

Yet, I'm willing to clean up the mess on my phone, as it's a lot easier to deal with the mess on my computer or in my apartment.

 

 

It's hard to keep up with my friends and family, but....

 

Ever since I've been "post retirement" working, I'm finding it impossible to get together with many of the people I'd like to be with.  Last year, it was the pandemic.  This year, it's been work exhaustion.  What will it be next year?

What I find strange is that the older I get, the harder it is to meet with people.  Some of the people I know are dying off.  Some are moving away to retirement residences (in low tax states).  Then, some are taking care of others, and not able to get out to do things for themselves.  In short, everyone has a life, and we're all trying to make as productive use of our time as possible.

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Recently, I got together with FH after several weeks of looking for a time we could get together.  We had a nice day talking about life and catching up on things.  Of course, I wasn't going to screw up a day with MWL to spend a Saturday with her.  Vicki #2 is impossible to meet up with these days, as she has important family problems of her own that she's dealing with.  And I haven't seen my brother in what seems like ages.  We all have responsibilities that we have to manage, and I respect my family, friends, and acquaintances for doing just this.

The other day, I found out that a cruise I was thinking of taking was sold out. As a result, I realize that I now have an opportunity to see some people I haven't seen in years.  The first is a transwoman I know who has cancer.  I know her through a woman who once was a close friend.  If I see this transwoman, it will have to be soon, as I know what cancer can do to a person.  In better times, I'd offer a seat to this former friend on my trip. It's doubtful that the two of us could be civil long enough to visit my acquaintance - so I will not even suggest it. (Neither of us were pleased by our last communication, and I don't want a repeat of this incident.)  Since it doesn't make sense to gamble on being in this city just for the sake of visiting this acquaintance, I'll make sure that I'll visit the usual tourist spots and get together with someone I met on one of my cruises.  The second person I'd meet is a train buff who reads this blog.  It'd be nice to catch up with her in Baltimore when I finally get to visit the B&O Railroad museum.  If I was lucky on this part of the trip, I'd also get to meet a transwoman (and her wife) who I haven't seen since my only trip to Fantasia Fair.

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Several people I know have moved to Florida over the years.  I am not in a rush to go there.  But when I do, I will try to visit them.  Yet, assuming I do, I will need to make sure that my trans identity doesn't get in the way of doing things.  It'd be nice to see YGM again....

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Years ago, my wife and I went to the wedding of the daughter of my late uncle once removed.  (That is, my grandmother's brother's daughter, my cousin once removed.)  I don't remember much about that day, save that we didn't get to the church on time.  Since then, her dad, then her mom passed away.  My brother and I talked about going to visit her, but never did.  Hopefully, I will get the chance to see her soon.

 

 

 

I am totally exhausted from a job which requires little physical effort

 

One of the reasons I may quit my job is that I'm totally exhausted at the end of the day.  Although the job is not physically or mentally demanding, it saps the energy out of you.  If I can say one thing about this job it will be that I was given the chance to work as Marian, with only one (or two) people knowing that I am still legally Mario.

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Each day, I write out a long list of things to do - and then never get around to doing them.  It's part of my coping mechanism to deal with the boredom of my job.  Today, I was given the new responsibility of indexing family court documents.  (I don't bother reading what's inside these docs, as there is nothing I can legally talk about, nothing I want to remember, other than the fact that these documents pass past my eyes.)  Like another type of legal documents I've indexed, I look for two fields on/in each document, enter them into the database, and move onto the next document.  I am just a small part of the process.  Try doing this for 8 hours at a stretch, and you'll know how a job that requires no physical exertion can be exhausting.

With this being said, this work is an essential part of keeping our courts running.  The information in these documents must be preserved for "x" years, and warehouses would be bursting open if they had to keep all these documents in physical storage.  This is why my firm exists - to make the process of going paperless easier for the organizations that use our services.  And I'm glad I've been able to work for them for the past several months.

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Sooner or later, virtually all documentation will be electronic.  Then, the big consideration will be keeping the documents secure in electronic storage.  Can governments trust a private cloud?  What about private businesses?  Will the data repositories be safe from hackers?  We are entering a new age, and I'm not sure of whether we are prepared for the problems coming our way....

 

Game night came a little early this month.

 

The above picture has nothing to do with the subject of this entry.  I just thought it nice enough to be posted, and a reminder of travels I once made before the pandemic changed everything.

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Normally, game night is two weeks on, then two weeks off.  This month, the host made a minor mistake in scheduling, and we ended up getting together one week early.  That is more than OK with me, as I was there in time to play a game from the beginning AND play it until it came to a natural end.

The host and hostess of game night are good people, and I have signed some papers which should benefit their children if something bad were to happen to my family before I die.  Hopefully, this situation will never come to pass.  But it if does, I know of two people who will remember me even more fondly than they do now.  And this couple accepts me as Marian, not caring that my legal identity is still Mario....

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I've been going to game night for the better part of a decade now, and am considered one of the core group of people they will invite into their house to play games.  It's nice to be considered someone people wants to have around. 

Things can get to a healthy normal, but....

 

Yesterday, I had dinner with a friend who knows me only as Marian, but knows that Mario exists. She is 80 years old, and has had her vaccinations against Covid.  In passing, she mentioned that she has rarely gone out to eat with anyone since the pandemic started, and is masked going everywhere.  So I was very glad that she took the chance to have a bite to eat with me.

Both of us know the risks of being unvaccinated, and are very upset at when is going on in this country.  It doesn't take that much to reach a stage of normalcy - we've had it for a while in the Northeast due to our high rate of vaccination.  But this could end very quickly if a variant were to breach the vaccines' defenses and get most people sick (with symptoms).  At 80, my friend knows she has 10 years or so left to live a healthy life.  But what about me?  My dad lived to 92, and that gives me almost 30 years I should expect to live.

I know that I will eventually have problems getting out and about.  And at that time, I will have some hard decisions to make.

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The other day, I interviewed with the NYS Court System for a position.  Today, I got the rejection latter that I expected.  (Can anyone say "Ageism?")  Luckily, I didn't need the job, and I hope that it goes to someone who can be in that job for more than 5 years or so.

This event frees me up to plan for a Hawaii cruise later in the year.  If people get smart, they will get vaccinated and will wear their masks - and the number of sick people will drop to levels where I will feel safe in taking the cruise.  However, if people keep being stupid, I'll play it safe and book a different cruise when the illness rates are at a level I feel safe in booking a cruise.

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My friend Vicki and I have felt comfortable dining out throughout the pandemic.  When the authorities loosened restrictions enough for us to dine indoors, that's what we did.  But there are people who took unrealistic chances, such as members in one meetup group whose meetings I never attended and never will.  I only wonder how many of these people will feel if they are told to isolate themselves again.  Will they do so?  Frankly, it's hard for me to give much of a damn, as I am not part of the group.  However, what I'll miss is the chance to do things with Vicki.

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Life involves making choices and hoping for the best.  One has to make tradeoffs.  One person I know wants a soul mate to keep her from being lonely.  The woman I dined with last night wouldn't know what to do with a man if one were interested in her - she doesn't want to become anyone's nurse at this stage of her life.  She has chosen to be a complete person without a partner.  She has made some important tradeoffs to do this.  And I think she'll eventually die (hopefully, not for a long time) with few regrets in her life.  Isn't this the type of person that can inspire us to be better versions of ourselves?  I certainly think so.