I think I know why RQS and I click, while my brother and I don't....

 

OK - To help understand things, I care about my brother very much.  But he's not the tyoe of person I'd associate with if we weren't related.  He's impulsive, and doesn't like to explore ideas before taking action.  He gets stuck thinking inside the box, while I think from the outside in.  For example: I'd consider secretly giving nukes to Ukraine (only for use if Kyiv were to fall to Russian forces, or if Russia were to be the first to use nukes in their war), as well as doing the same for Taiwan (for use only if invaded by the mainland).  When I said this, my brother shifted and said - then what would happen if China then sent nukes to Iran?  Then shut off the exploration on the topic.  He may see danger, but he can't explore ideas which when explored might result in a realistic solution to a problem.  He is very fixed in his way of thinking, and I'd never trust him with knowing about my life as Marian.

Now that I have discussed my brother and his narrowness of thought, I can pleasantly turn to RQS.  She's a blessing, as I've said many times.  Well, the other day, she let something slip (probably as a joke) about an interest in females.  We were looking at a couple of VLoggers and I said that if I were 30 again, I wouldn't turn her out of bed - and she said something similar about the woman.  Maybe that's how she can accept me presenting as Marian.  Who knows?

There are many types of love, and some of them are very strange.  I may not have the passion I imagined having for a "next girlfriend" when I'm with RQS.  But I care for her very much.  She's a good fit for me, and I'm glad that I have the love appropriate for a senior citizen for her, instead of the short lived passion of youth.  Hopefully, we will have many good years together. 

 

Favor, n: an effort in someone's behalf or interest

 

Favor, n: an effort in someone's behalf or interest.

The above is one of several uses of the word "favor".   It is not the meaning that someone used with me lately, nor is it the one that catalyzed another round of angry messages from someone who was once a close friend of mine.  I will not go into the content of those messages, as they are not the point here and I don't want to rub salt into that person's wounds.  The messages only spurred me to think about the following when communicating with someone with whom one does not have good relations:

First, one has to have real empathy for the other person.  Even if angry at that person, continue to see that person as  a human being worth respect, even if the thought of that person makes your blood boil.  If you can see an issue from their point of view, you might be able to avoid phrases or actions which would make the other person angry.  In short, one must think of how the other person may react before saying or doing anything.

Second, Don't expect others to think like you.  Often, people assume others share the same values, and then get angry when they don't react in the expected way.  Recently, I read about a husband who gave his wife jewelry every year, and never saw her wear it.  He didn't care to find out what she wanted; the gifts were simply an extension of what he'd have wanted had he been in her shoes.

Third, be generous with your thoughts and actions, but don't expect any thanks from the other person.  Sometimes, you will make a big mistake.  And that's normal.  Learn from your mistake and move on.  If you can, try to think of ways to make the other person feel better in the future.  Sometimes, the future will give you a second chance to get back into the good graces of a person.  And sometimes, it doesn't.

In the situation I mentioned at the top of the entry, an action thought of by one person as a favor was thought of by me as needlessly rubbing salt into an open wound.  If you received a "gift" which only brought back sour memories, would you think of it as a favor?  I doubt it.  Hopefully, the person who got upset at me will read this and understand where I come from.  But I doubt it.  If this happens, I'll bet that I will not hear of it.