Doing almost nothing until....

 

Lately, RQS and I have gotten into a routine.  In the mornings, we tend to stay up late, and then start to get moving in the afternoon.  This week was no different.

- - - - - -

We only had two things to do this Saturday - pick up a couple of books from the local library, and then drop off some donation bags at the local charity receiving center.  So, by 3 pm, we got ourselves moving and took care of these errands.

Once we were done with the mandated tasks, it was time to pick up some storage containers I could use to reorganize the refrigerator. And that meant a trip to Target, and then to Walmart.  If we weren't planning on a trip to Shoprite to pick up some lobsters, we would have driven North on Route 22 and explored Eastern Dutchess county.  But I digress.  

After getting home from Shoprite, I started to put water in the stock pot I use for boiling lobster, and let it get to a nice rolling boil before starting to put lobsters in the pot.  Then, I took care of the pot I used for cooking the corn to go with our lobster dinner.  Once the lobsters were ready, I set the food on the table, and we proceeded to have a tasty dinner for less than we would have spent going to a  restaurant.  Yum!

Next, it was time to reorganize and clean the refrigerator.  And this is where a couple of minor mishaps occurred. First, RQS knocked a glass off the counter, and we had to clean broken glass off the floor.  And then, she broke the crisper at the bottom of the refrigerator.  (I'll replace this with an OEM part when I get around to is.)  I eased her mind a little, then fixed the crisper for use until I can replace it. At this point, it was time to throw out stuff which has already gotten too old for consumption - including 6 bottles of white wine which have sat in the icebox for 10-20 years. In addition, there was 1 bottle that had to be over 25 years old, as I know it was a gift from my late wife's employer.  (As you can guess, I don't drink much wine at home.)

Buying storage containers for use in a refrigerator is a hit or miss thing. (At least, it is for me.)  I can eyeball a space and have a good idea of what fill fit in that space.  Yet, sometimes, I make a mistake and buy things that won't fit.  Today's trip was a little bit of both, as I was left with 2 containers which wouldn't fit into the spaces in which I wanted to use them.  When RQS made her first pass at refrigerator reorganization, she didn't pick up on the nuances I planned to use in reorganization.  So I sat on the floor and started to organize what was on the shelves into storage containers that made things easy to get at.

The two of us are a couple who have been working well together.  Unlike my relationship with XGFJ, I'm finding that we talk to each other more about the important things in the relationship.  Yes, there are elephants in the room, but we seem to be able to talk about the beast and how it has to be handled.  It's a nice feeling.... 

How much is too much?

 

How much is too much?  That is a question I have to ask as I clean up my apartment.  During the pandemic, I had allowed clutter to reach a critical mass.  And, I allowed myself to be entertained by online retail therapy.  In cleaning out the place, I've already donated several bags of clothing to charity, and will likely to donate more in the near future.

One of my weaknesses is to surf the web for dresses that both fit me and will look good on me.  Most cisgender females do not own as many dresses as I own.  But I wasn't able to wear dresses until I reached my 50's.  So, in a way, I'm making up for lost time.  Yet, as I develop my own sense of style, I end up tossing dresses that no longer fit my needs.  In the past, I would stand out because I was wearing dresses when cisgender women would default to wearing trouser like garments.  Now, I have a style which includes these garments when appropriate to wear them.  

If one is a lucky transgender person, one will have the resources to make the mistakes I've made while coming into her own. A word of warning to people newly out - you will stand out like a sore thumb as I did. To some, we may look like drag queens, as we go too far in our attempts to look female. Over time, things will fit into place, and you will blend in if you try to do so.  This might just be a function of finding out how much is too much....

I had to postpone lunch with a friend

 

Recently, I scheduled lunch with a friend from where I used to work.  Sadly, she is recovering from Covid, and I felt safer postponing our lunch until she has had more time to recover.

- - - - - -

My friend is one of two people I want to keep in touch with at the old job.  Although she knows I'm trans, she treats me as if I were a cisgender female.  Unfortunately, our schedules are hard to get into sync, as she is busy every morning, and has family responsibilities which I won't go into here.  As a result, the only time we can meet is on Fridays for lunch.

There are certain people in my life who are hard to schedule things with.  One of which is the former student clinician with whom I helped develop my feminine voice.  She's a person who I will likely need to find a way to squeeze her into my schedule when she is free.  And then, there are the people who live far enough away that we can't schedule a last minute get together.  

We all have friends like those I mention.  But these friendships seem harder to establish and maintain when one is transgender.  There are people who look at us in a strange way and fear us.  There are others who dislike us and consider us as untouchables for being transgender.  But there are the remaining people who accept us as people, no matter how far from the statistical norm we are. So, I cherish those friendships I make as Marian, and work hard to have them become stronger over time.

Hopefully, I'll be able to maintain these friendships as my relationship with RQS grows.  Keep your fingers crossed....

Cleaning up a mess

 

The above is not the mess in my house.  It is a picture of the mess from Ex-GF-M's place AFTER she emptied out a den where she tossed many things after her husband died.  Like me, in grief, she couldn't deal with the effort it takes to keep a place neat and tidy, and let things go to pot.  Even when the big mess is cleaned out, there are smaller messes still left to be taken care of - a process that has to be repeated until a place can be considered neat and tidy.

Lately, RQS has been helping me straighten out my place.  It's been a slow slog for me, as we seem to be taking two steps forward and one step back each weekend.  On my own, I've been trying to take care of things as well.  Today, it was another day where I find myself cleaning up the space around my computer desk.

RQS has described me as a person who can be very organized, but gets overwhelmed by the process of organizing things.  In many ways, I think she's right. Julia Child had a better way of organizing her kitchen than I do for my desk.  On one of her kitchen walls, she had a diagram for each of her kitchen tools.  If she saw the outline, she knew that the tool was either in use, or needing to be cleaned.  I wish I could be that good in organizing things.  

A perfect example of my lack of personal organization is my freezer.  I love to buy certain foodstuffs on sale.  But I never seem to plan far enough in advance to thaw out tasty food - such as strip steaks I buy on sale at Stew Leonard's.  So, by the time I think of having a steak, there is no good way to thaw it out quick enough for me to enjoy it for dinner.  Often, I end up throwing out (formerly) good food, simply because it sat in the freezer too long.  AARGH!

I find it interesting that I can clean up other people's messes, but have a hard time cleaning up my own.  I guess it is how I am wired - if I get too close to things, my ability to make sense of those things is negatively affected.  Instead, I must be disinterested in some way to work effectively.  In the case of my desk, I may be interested too much to do much of anything.  And I may not be interested enough to care much.

Who knows?  I may get this desk straightened out yet.

There is one problem with retirement other than money....

 

I have touched on this theme before - if I have no reason to get up in the morning, I simply do not do so.  And I've been doing this a lot lately, as I have no energy to get up and do things.

Since I decided to stop working, I have only gotten up early if I had something to do.  Otherwise, I'd wake up late and stay up late.  There is no routine I have to follow, and I am much more relaxed.  Yet, I'm afraid of becoming a couch potato like my dad was, and then being unable to take care of himself in his old age.

- - - - - -

Last night, I chatted with RQS and she said that she needed another pedicure and asked if we could go to the nail salon when she arrives for the weekend.  Since I wanted to get my nails done as well, I said that if we did so on a Friday, I'd have to be in Marian Mode all weekend.  Knowing that she likes to see Mario, I figured that this would get her to think about doing the pedicure on Sunday before she leaves for her place.

Even though it is left unsaid, I know I am walking a tightrope as I expose RQS to my Marian presentation.  I always want her to know that Mario is always there for her, no matter how I'm presenting at the moment.  One of the things I learned as I examined the failure of my last relationship is that we didn't communicate enough.  XGFJ always thought that a hint would be enough for me to know what is going on in her head, while I knew that important things had to be bluntly stated.  In my current relationship, I make sure to "reward" RQS for speaking her mind - especially if it's not an easy thing to say.

So far, encouraging RQS to be open with her feelings has worked for me, as well as the slow approach I've taken to getting her used to my Marian presentation.  Hopefully, things will keep working out well for the two of us - she's a good reason for me to enjoy waking up in the morning in retirement....

Closing out a weekend with RQS

 

Last night, RQS and I stopped at the local Walmart to pick up some storage containers for her apartment.  Today was the day I had to drive her and those containers home.  And it was the perfect chance to introduce her to my brother and my sister in law.

We didn't get out of the house until early afternoon, and I took the chance to show her my old neighborhood on the way to my brother's place.  Things went well, and my brother picked up some Chinese food for us to enjoy before going home.  (I ate way too much of it.)  All too soon, it was time to go, and we drove back to RQS's place.

Now, it's always hard to find a parking spot in RQS's neighborhood, and I warned her that I might have to double park for a minute to unload the car, then leave.  Luckily, we found a parking spot after 10 minutes of cruising, and we spent another few hours together before I had to drive home.

This was one weekend that neither of us wanted to end.  One wonders when "reality" will set in....

A Better Weekend Day with RQS

 

Given yesterday's frustration, we decided to take it easy for a change.  Yes, it was another day in Mario Mode, but worth it, even if I'm not presenting as I'd like.  By the time we got out of the house, it was about 2 pm, and I figured that I'd show her were some people with money live in the nearby backwoods....

I'll always find it amazing how many large plots of land are available in the Hudson Valley.  No wonder why so many "rich" people are choosing to skip the Hamptons and buy more affordable land on the nearby back roads. For today's drive, I chose to drive along the original Albany Post Road in Putnam County and surprise RQS.

RQS, living in the outer boroughs of NYC, doesn't often get the chance to see large plots of land with one (or two) building(s) on them. Seeing these lots made her understand why good properties in the Hudson Valley are hot right now.  Although I do not know what the selling price of one property I am familiar with, I am sure that the owners made a decent profit compared to the price the property once sold for.

On the way home, we stopped in Cold Spring for a photographic expedition.  I stayed near the gazebo, while RQS experimented with her camera nearby.  As you can guess, this was an even better day than the day before.