My brother says it's time for another Lobster Dinner

 

Normally, RQS and I joke about not being able to get to the Lobster Truck for our crustacean fix.  It's been a running joke of ours for quite a while, as we have often been away when the truck is near one of us.  Tonight, my brother said that we should get together over the holiday weekend (which should have passed by the time you read this) and go out for dinner.  This fouled up my plans for the weekend, but it is a good opportunity to feast.

Due to expected holiday related traffic, I'd have to drive down to RQS's place the day before the holiday and find a parking spot before all of the available spots are taken up by residents of her area.  And then, we'd drive out to Long Island to meet my brother, then spend more time getting to the restaurant where we'd be feasting.

- - - - - -

My original plan for the week was to take care of Monday tasks (dropping RQS off at her place, bringing in a printer for factory service, and doing laundry), then apply polish to my fingernails.  Well, my brother's call shot the nail polish idea to hell until the weekend.  But it did give more time to share with RQS, even though it took away a day I'd spend in a dress. Is it worth it to wear trousers to enjoy lobster on someone else's dime?  Yes.  My sister in law will not be home for at least one month (long story, best not told here right now).  So my brother is all alone.  That means that I must make some time to be with him. 

Working in a job which will de-materialize in a month or two is very stressful.  The firm my brother works for misled him about the time he'd end up working.  He told them that he was taking the job to have more time with his wife.  (Not exactly true, but a good excuse for switching jobs.)  Yet, he was working 60 hour weeks at his peak.  He is burnt out.  Yet, unless he finds something, he is stuck in his hell hole until they execute a planned employee purge.

When I talked with RQS this evening, I said that I was very glad we are both retired.  Several years ago, a degree in Computer Science would guarantee that a graduate would land a high paying job.  Today, it's another almost worthless piece of paper due to the Artificial Intelligence (AI) revolution.  There is no way I could retool and compete in this world.  Yet, my brother has to rush to build up his nest egg so that he can retire.

At least, this upcoming weekend's lobster dinner will be expensed to the business we jointly own, and not come out of this retiree's wallet....

Retirement can be the life of some people and the death of others

 

A little under 11 years ago, I was laid off by the bank I worked at for 30 years.  Before this happened, I was in total fear of what would happen next.  Today, I think of this as a great blessing.  Before being laid off, I was worried about what would happen if word of Marian got back to the bank.  Afterwards, I felt free to explore this part of myself and grow as a person.

Being retired has given me the freedom to be my authentic self.  I have traveled as Marian, and I have grown because I've done so.  When my legal identity is not revealed, I am able to call myself Marian, and people accept me as such.  I've found that people accept me more as Marian, in part, because I am more open as my authentic self.  Yes, some people clock me as transgender.  But I am usually treated with respect, as I live in a state which expects that people like me will be treated with respect.

At first, being retired meant that I had an excess of free time.  But this only meant that the ways I use my time and energy would change.  Now, I find that it takes me longer to get many things done, but I am much more relaxed in doing so. My time is no longer ruled by the clock and calendar, instead, it is managed by them.  There will always be events that take place on fixed times and days (such as going to church services), but most tasks can be done at my convenience.  If being employed is like classical music with fixed structures and tempos, then retirement is like jazz, where one has freedom to improvise around a known theme.

But this freedom isn't good for all people.  My former therapist was an alcoholic in recovery who always seemed in control of his life.  The structures he built in sobriety (exercise routines, AA meetings, and client appointments) weren't there in retirement.  As soon as he left his practice in White Plains for retirement in Honolulu, his life fell apart.  Within 5 years, his son was in danger of repeating his father's life, he had divorced his wife, and he finally passed away.  It is no secret that a large number of men tend to die within 3 years of retirement - employment gave these men a structure needed to live as long as they did.

So what do I recommend for people, especially men, for whom retirement is in the near future?  To be direct - social engagement in late middle age is hard for most men, and it is much harder for them to connect with others and befriend them.  This is where women tend to have it much easier - their lives are built around the social glue that keeps society together.  Who tends to take care of babies?  Women.  Who tends to take care of household responsibilities other than physical upkeep of property - Women.  Who tends to dominate the nurturing jobs in society, such as Nurses and Teachers?  Women.  And to do this, they tend to build up networks that most men wish they could do.  When a woman approaches another person (especially other women), sexuality is not part of the equation.  Only when she deliberately sends out signals of interest does sex come in to play.  Men tend to be much more isolated, as their connections are usually built around their careers and not about their families' connections with other families.

For us transgenders, we send out more awkward messages - especially when we first come out.  What women learn over a lifetime of being female, we have to learn in  a crash course in femininity.  So, finding new friends is much harder for us than for cisgender people.  I am lucky that I was laid off from the bank when I was 57, and had time to develop myself into a person ready for full retirement.  Yes, making new friends is still awkward for me.  Yet, at least, I have done so.....  

 

Connecting with someone - A short post

 

Today's post will be short.  I had been exchanging emails with someone, and we finally had the chance to chat.  The chat was pleasant, and we will likely have lunch soon.

Why is this important?

Well, to answer that question takes time.  But I'm not going to answer it here.  Instead, I can say that this person was glad that I found someone nice in RQS, and I am glad that she has found someone nice.  It'll be a good thing when we finally meet again.

Reconnecting with people can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the types of ties that bind people together.  One person I know met up with a former roommate for a long weekend, and couldn't wait for that weekend to be over.  Other times, it's like the years that passed were like hours, and things pick up as if nothing happened in between.  In my case, it was good to reconnect.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been trying to reopen things with a friend from my college days.  A lot of stuff has gone on in his life, much of it related to health and family issues.  His story reminds me of Tolstoy's opening quote from Anna Karenina:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

With my friend, this is all too true.  I knew him to have an unhappy relationship with his parents and siblings from high school days.  Now, things are even worse.  Hopefully, things will get better from him soon.  At least, he's found a way to retire from his second career.....

One of these days, I'll have a "normal" sleep schedule

 

I've never been one to sleep when the rest of the world sleeps.  Yes, I'll get up early, so that I can make certain appointments.  But, when I have no critical appointments, I will sleep as long as possible.  In fact, when RQS comes over, she ends up syncing to my sleep pattern, instead of me syncing my sleep pattern to hers.  Normally, this wouldn't concern me, but it has lasted way too long this time around.

My mom once told me that when I was very young, I would always be awake at night and would sleep during the day.  As I grew up, this unusual pattern would always come back whenever I had no fixed daytime routine.  When I entered the workforce, I was most successful when I could get into work later than the average person and leave later as well.

Now that I'm retired, this has become a liability, as I could easily sleep 16 hours a day if I wanted to. Being active is the best way to have a long life.  Without the imposed need to be active, it's too easy to fall into the bad habits which would shorten my life.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the pandemic, I was depressed due to losing two of the people who were most important in my life.  On my days off from the census, I would occasionally go to various rail trails and walk two or three miles.  I'm not as motivated to do this anymore.  Yet, this would be the best thing to do.

Let's see what happens in the spring.  I might just get back into walking again, and stay in sync with the rest of the world.

Forgetfulness

Retirement has done a lot to my memories for things on my schedule.  Unless something is very important to me, I seem to be retaining less and less of "trivial" matters.  For example, the president of my co-op was going in for surgery.  Although I remembered this fact, what she was going in to the hospital for completely slipped out of my mind.  As soon as it came up in conversation, the memory was easy to retrieve.  Yet, I'm bothered by this age related change in affairs.

In the past, I had a photographic memory.  I could read a computer program, and then identify a single one of the hundreds of pages of code where the bug was likely to be found.  Today, I can not absorb as much knowledge as I did in my 20's.  To make things worse, without a regular routine, I am more likely to forget semi-regularly scheduled events for which I've committed myself.  And I have been very embarassed when this has happened.

The other day, I went in for a periodic doctor's appointment, and mentioned that the one thing I am afraid of most is memory loss.  My grandmother (on my father's side) had dementia, and my aunt (not a blood relative) suffers from a form of dementia as well.  I don't think that my doctor really understands my fears in this area, as I have no one to take care of my affairs when I am unable to do so, as I don't have children who'd have an interest in doing so.

- - - - - -

Today, I read a NY Times article about a family who shared a genetic mutation for Fronto-Temporal Dementia.(FTD). It's sad when one knows that they have a 50/50 chance of losing one's ability to take care of one's self, to lose family because of this ailment, and to be isolated from everything worthwhile in life. Even though this is a genetic disease, many in the family wanted to live in denial.  I might have wanted to do the same.  But then, who knows?

There are so many moral issues imposed by others in the names of their faiths that get in the way of preventing diseases caused by genetic traits.  What if we could isolate sperm and eggs carrying these mutations before conception, and prevent the mutations from being carried on to future generations?  Imagine what would happen if Sickle Cell, Tay-Sachs, Hemophilia, and other genetic carried diseases were preventable.  Yet, organizations such as the Catholic Church are against "Test Tube Babies". I certainly don't think that Louise Brown would be upset that her parents used IVF to conceive her, although I think there are quite a few priests who would consider her birth an abomination.  In the case of the family with the FTD mutation, IVF with implantation of FTD-Free embryos (or aborting the fetuses with the mutation) would eliminate this disease from their blood line.  Wouldn't this be more humane than the heartbreak and suffering that will occur when this mutation is passed on to future generations.

- - - - - -

So, I go back to myself....

I don't know what I will do if I am ever given a diagnosis of early stage dementia.  But I think I will try to be like the main characters in the movie "The Bucket List" and enjoy as many valuable experiences as I can while able to enjoy them.

I just got a new dress from Universal Standard at a deep discount.

 

The above dress in yellow does nothing for the model in the picture.  But change it to blue, and the dress works very well on me.  And this is what I wore to night to have dinner with Vicki.

But first....

RQS had come up for a rare start-of-week stay, and we had a great time together.  No, we didn't do much of anything, save keep each other company for a few days.  While here, I told her of the dress I ordered from Universal Standard with a very deep discount.  I won't say how much of a discount I received, but it was enough for me to drop the hammer on buying a new dress when I wasn't planning on buying one. 

 

If I had known that this dress would be available in this color when I decided to buy the first dress, I might have chosen it instead.  I like the color, and I may still drop $148 (plus tax and shipping) to buy it if I have some extra money by the end of the month.  

Yet, I digress....

RQS thought the first dress looked good on me, and I did too.  So I wore it when dropping her off at the station to go home, and to pick Vicki up for dinner tonight - and I got compliments from Vicki as well. I think Vicki was surprised that I arrived at her house a little bit early.  This wasn't much of a problem, as we got to the restaurant relatively quickly.

Lefteris Gyro is one of our go-to places when we want Greek food.  They serve enough food there to feed an army, and I had enough food left over to be tomorrow's lunch. Although I won't say much about the conversation we had, it seems more likely that she and her husband may be spending their retirement in New York for reasons I won't go into here.  This pleases me for one reason - one of my closest friends may stay nearby in retirement, and I won't lose contact with her (as I almost did with WDS when he moved to Florida).

All too soon, I had to drop Vicki off at her house.  Hopefully, I'll be able to see her again before my next trip (and possibly introduce her to Vicki #2).

Thoughts on funding a retirement

Last year, about this time, I withdrew some money from my 401k.  The person at the service desk told me that I could withdraw money once per calendar year, and not once every 365 days.  He misunderstood what a "Calendar Year" meant, and I could have boxed myself in if I really needed to withdraw some money.

Today, I found out about this person's mistake.  And I now believe that I may have to think about moving my money from its current home to a new home, where I have greater flexibility in accessing my funds.  Am I annoyed?  Yes.  But not as much as I'd be if I absolutely needed the money.  This is the problem of someone who has retired, but still has to manage her money well.

- - - - - -

The other day, I met someone who (due to some misfortune) had to deplete her retirement savings in order to survive.  I feel for those who have not been able to accumulate the assets needed to have a good retirement.  From what I understand, 80% of baby boomers can not afford retirement.  For us transgenders, I'd bet this figure is even higher.  Not only are we likely to have lower Social Security earnings, but we are also likely to have lower amounts stashed away for our retirement.

What's going to happen to us when our bodies can no longer stand the stress of earning a living?  Even I have this type of worry, as I have no one who will look after me as I grow old.  Right now, I have the resources to take care of myself in good health.  But what happens when things change?  Other than my brother, my closest relatives live 2500+ miles away.  And this worries me a bit.  Yet, I am luckier than many transgender folk.  I still have my family.  But what about the rest of us?
 

I keep ordering useful things from Amazon

Toothpaste tablets.  Why would I buy them?  Given that I'll be flying to Hawaii soon, the less I have to put in a special liquids bag, the easier my trip through the security checkpoint will be.  This is only one of the purchases I've been making lately, as I have to prepare for travel in a way I haven't done in over a decade.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been buying things such as auto-on, rechargeable motion sensitive night lights, a cruise power strip (no surge protection), a clear sling bag (for use at Pearl Harbor), and a selfie stick (for taking pictures of me on my upcoming trip.).  I would never have bothered buying much of this stuff had I not been planning on a trip to Hawaii.  Given that I will likely be doing more travel in retirement than I did beforehand, I will be fleshing out an appropriate travel kit, something that can last me from 2 to 20 days as needed.

I understand how easy it was for my wife to become a spending addict.  Click on an item you want, and "by magic" it appears by your door.  You do not handle "real money".  Instead, you authorize a debit to your account (which you must fund), and lose the tactile feedback that paying with cash provides.  It is much easier to know that you are spending too much when you both see and feel less cash in your wallet.

Part of my spending spree has been to replace both a 20" carry-on suitcase and a 28" suitcase.  It cost 75% more than I planned, but I wanted to get something that would last a decade or two. I'm grateful to be able to do this, as I have a decent amount of money in my bank account from 40 years in the work force.  (If I didn't also have a good 401k and pension, I'd be in very bad shape right now.)  But this spending can't last.  Right now, my 401k is down 30% from its high point, and the yearly distribution I was planning on taking may need to be reduced.  I want to preserve as much capital as possible for now, and still want to enjoy living my current life of leisure.

- - - - - -

Last night, I met up with a transgender person for dinner.  If I weren't lucky enough to have been employed by a top-10 bank for 30 years, I might not have had the discretionary cash to afford this dinner.  I also might not have had the cash to have afforded the voice training, laser treatment and second wardrobe I need to go about in the world as Marian, some of that wardrobe coming from Amazon itself.  I only wonder what my late wife would have thought of the way I live my life today.

There is one problem with retirement other than money....

 

I have touched on this theme before - if I have no reason to get up in the morning, I simply do not do so.  And I've been doing this a lot lately, as I have no energy to get up and do things.

Since I decided to stop working, I have only gotten up early if I had something to do.  Otherwise, I'd wake up late and stay up late.  There is no routine I have to follow, and I am much more relaxed.  Yet, I'm afraid of becoming a couch potato like my dad was, and then being unable to take care of himself in his old age.

- - - - - -

Last night, I chatted with RQS and she said that she needed another pedicure and asked if we could go to the nail salon when she arrives for the weekend.  Since I wanted to get my nails done as well, I said that if we did so on a Friday, I'd have to be in Marian Mode all weekend.  Knowing that she likes to see Mario, I figured that this would get her to think about doing the pedicure on Sunday before she leaves for her place.

Even though it is left unsaid, I know I am walking a tightrope as I expose RQS to my Marian presentation.  I always want her to know that Mario is always there for her, no matter how I'm presenting at the moment.  One of the things I learned as I examined the failure of my last relationship is that we didn't communicate enough.  XGFJ always thought that a hint would be enough for me to know what is going on in her head, while I knew that important things had to be bluntly stated.  In my current relationship, I make sure to "reward" RQS for speaking her mind - especially if it's not an easy thing to say.

So far, encouraging RQS to be open with her feelings has worked for me, as well as the slow approach I've taken to getting her used to my Marian presentation.  Hopefully, things will keep working out well for the two of us - she's a good reason for me to enjoy waking up in the morning in retirement....

How do I feel, now that I'm retired?

 

Please pardon the slightly blurred picture above.  I was looking for a more colorful picture of me to post, and this is what I could find with a limited amount of time.  But why was I looking for something with color to post, you might ask?  Well, the answer is simple.  I feel that the weight of going into a soul crushing job has lifted, and that I am looking forward to the future.

Looking forward to the future does not mean that everything will be cheerful.  For example, if I assume that RQS and I will have a long term relationship, I must also assume the likelihood that one of us could die of old age before the other.  Who needs grief?  But that's a normal part of life if one lives to old age.  Having lost a spouse over 2 decades ago, I'd hate to go through that experience again.  And yet, the reward for taking that risk is worth all the pain it could bring.

I now have the freedom to plan and do new things.  Most of the big things I want to do involve travel.  Yet, the little things in life can be the most rewarding.  For example, I can hear it in RQS's voice when she talks about her exercise sessions.  This may motivate me to finally get back into an exercise routine - or, at least, I hope so.  (Right now, I'm looking at doing some yoga.  I'll talk about that in a later post.)  I may also get back to the reading I've put off, as well as taking care of the tasks I've long neglected.  

Yet, change does not come easily to me.  And this may be one of the biggest changes I'll deal with in life.  I could have muddled on, and continued to work at the soul sucking job.  But I'm reminded of Shirley, a woman I used to work with at the bank.  Her life ended on a very sad note.  Years ago, she worked full time, even after she reached retirement age, to have the medical benefits needed to cover her ailing husband's medical expenses.  Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Her retirement was not one of joy, but of sadness, as she knew she would die with no one left to care for her husband. (Her retirement lunch was a sad ritual, as it was a formality that only made things worse for everyone involved.)  I do not want that fate.  This is why I chose to leave while I still have enough of my health to do the things I want to do.

I have finally retired!

 

Although I've been talking about retirement for a while, I was always afraid to pull the cord and take the leap into the unknown.  Well, the other day, an incident at work caused me to do some serious thinking through the past weekend and commit to leaving my job.

I won't say much about the incident that caused me to make my decision, save that I was very tired when it happened.  There is an acronym for things that one should be aware of for those people who are prone to let loose with their feelings: HALT - Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, and Tired.  In my case, I was tired, and bothered by someone who didn't have the ability to interact with me as a normal person would.  (This person is intellectually disabled, and I normally would avoid him to prevent him from getting on my nerves.  But I digress....)

My finances are in decent shape for my age, and I have no significant debts.  So I figured that the best thing for me to do would be to exit the job and step into the unknown.  I handed my resignation in to my boss at the tail end of the day, and didn't bother looking back  Later on, I texted several people that I had left the firm, and two of them were surprised.  One of them even gave me a call to chat, and she mentioned that people in my area were doing a hard job.  (I must agree, it is a hard job for most and one best suited to people who can perform a repetitive task for 8 hours each day. This is why many intellectually disabled people are best suited to work at this place; they can thrive in an environment where they can show that they, too, can make meaningful contributions in the workplace.)

Does this mean that I will never go to work again?  No.  But it means that I will be much more picky in the type of work I do and the amount of work I do.  I can always use a little bit of extra cash....

Life is strange

 

During 2020-2021, I let my apartment go to waste while I did my best to take care of myself.  The above image is typical of me - during one of the few chances I had to get to a meetup, I let myself have a little fun.

Why do I mention this?  Well, being transgender got in the way of my last relationship, and my former cruise partner (FCP) sent my (now) ex girlfriend a note that should have been forwarded to me without opening.  Of course, curiosity got the better of her, and the rest is history.  FCP is no longer a friend, and the ex is just an ex - we only have simple communications, and not that of people who were once intimate partners.

There has been a great upside to this.  If the ex and I had not broken up, I would never have been in the position to meet RQS.  And for that, I am very grateful.  She accepts me for who and what I am, something that my most recent ex couldn't do. Although it takes some effort for us to talk about uncomfortable things, we know we need to do so in order to have a solid relationship.  So far, all the signs are still green for us, and I hope that they stay this way.

- - - - - -

I see one of my flaws getting in the way of things, and that is something we've already talked about.  As much as I dislike my job, I am hesitant to leave it.  I know that there isn't much of a chance that I'll find another job at my age, and that leaving means that I'll have to solely live off of my nest egg.  RQS is already retired, and she seems to be doing well in retirement.  She has taken up new hobbies (read: artistic pursuits) as well as doing the exercises needed to improve her body and her health.  And she'd like for me to do something similar when I retire - if only to have me around as long as possible.

Hopefully, I will retire sooner than later, as I've already committed myself to do so with my Hawaii cruise later this year.  It's too bad that RQS will be unable to go with me....

Ambivalence

I've talked about my ambivalence in regard to leaving my job.  RQS had to face a similar problem before she retired, and then dealt with it more quickly than I have so far.

One of the most salient points RQS made is that I need to be stimulated at work.  This job is putting me to sleep.  The big question is what I will do when I leave the work force for good.  I want to travel, but that takes money.  Until I figure out how to make travel pay my bills, I can only travel so much.  Yet, I can see myself producing a Vlog on surface transit (land and sea), documenting trips that are well worth taking.  There is a lot of competition in this area, and I have my doubts that I'd have enough interesting things to say to publish on a regular schedule.

Ideally, I'd know enough about LGBT travel to document my travels in female presentation.  Of course, there will be a lot of places that I will not be able to travel as Marian.  So I'd have to do my research beforehand, so that others could benefit from my work.

So much to think about....

Boy, did I need a day off to do nothing.

 

 

It was a great relief not having to go to work and spend 8 hours at a mostly mindless task.  The reason why my job exists is that machines do not yet have enough pattern recognition ability to locate specific information in an almost randomly formatted document, nor do they have the ability to figure out what data has been captured incorrectly in an automated OCR scan of the page.

For example, take the business information below:

Dewey, Cheatem and Howe, Esqs, LLP
101 Vesey Street, Suite 10L
New York, NY 10007

Often, a person's signature may obscure some of the text.  So we have to figure out what text is underneath the signature.  Sometimes, letters are mixed up with numbers and vice versa.  Suite 10L might be scanned as LOL, 101 or 1OL.  We have to fix that error as well.  And then, some of the information we need to enter into a database is not found on the main page, but on a second page.  A lot of micro decisions are made throughout the day, and I am exhausted by day's end.

When one does work like this on a daily basis for months at a time, one's mind gets a little fried.  I do not have the energy to read books anymore.  Instead, I surf the web for short articles worthy of a skim.  Lately, I'm watching YouTube videos for information related to cruising, car purchasing, and other information I find of interest. (I'm lucky to be able to filter out the people who don't know what they talk about, leaving only decent sources of information in the areas I've just mentioned.)

Soon, I plan to leave this job.  It's a little scary to shift into a new phase of life.  But it will be rewarding.

- - - - - -

On a side note, my company asked me to supply a picture for a new ID card.  This picture was emailed overnight.  I'm very glad that they didn't ask me for a copy of my driver's license!

Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning....

 

Yesterday, I went into work when I should have stayed home, only because it was a beginning of a work week after a 3 day weekend.  A last of sleep the night before made it impossible for me to function at 50% on the job, and it was a miracle that I got anything done. Right now, I'm glad that it is not bright and sunny outside, as I just called in sick to the office so that I can recharge my batteries.

I have found that the occasional day that I can get up late helps a great deal.  Our American style of work is not a healthy one.  We treat workers as if they are disposable parts of a machine, and most have no idea that they would be treated better if they lived in many other developed countries.  I consider myself lucky that I can afford to retire, and that I don't need this job for the money it provides me.  (Money does help, as I haven't needed to drain savings lately.)  

Soon, I will retire for good.  I am worn out as a worker, and I plan to leave things for the younger folk to take care of.  It is the normal course of life.  Yet, I am envious of the people who have more years ahead of them than years behind them.  There are so many things I'd do differently now in my career that I didn't do way back when.  And now, I look forward to the next stage of life....

How things have changed

 

This is not a flattering picture of me.  But it is a reminder that I need to do something about my weight.

Why do I mention this?

First, I started going out in the world as Marian, knowing I was far from perfect.  It took a lot of internal energy to start going out in the world as Marian, and I was very scared to have people know about me where I live. Now, I don't care who sees me in either presentation.

Second, at the beginning of the pandemic, I was having problems with an ex girlfriend regarding meetup groups which she didn't want me attending.  Although she was able to blackball me from the one surviving group from that time, it really doesn't matter much anymore.  I don't have the time or energy to go to many of these functions any more.

Third, as much as I like having a job to keep me from getting too lethargic, I'm now at the point where I'm planning to retire for good.  It's a strange feeling for me, as I have almost never left a job on my own volition. The census was a job that I knew was going to end as soon as I took it.  I was laid off from most of my other jobs, as I either didn't perform up to standards, or that I was caught up in a purge - as happened at the bank I worked for 30 years.

Now that I have other things to do with my life, I may end up changing the frequency of published entries here, as I do not have enough to say for all of the 7 days of the week.  I'm out and about socially as Marian these days, and I am fully comfortable in the role of Marian.  There is not much new to me as Marian anymore, so I've been talking about other things than my life as Marian.  So to keep publishing new entries, I will be talking more about things going on in the world than what's going on in my life.  Hopefully, my readers will find this interesting....

Normalcy

 

What is normal?  For a trans person, it is being about living a normal life for the gender for which one identifies.  This means that after a period of transition, a trans person will live an uneventful life in issues of gender, save for those issues specific those people of that gender.

Once one has transitioned, all of the other issues in a person's life still go on.  The issue of gender dysphoria has been removed, but all other issues remain.  If one is prone to anger, one will still get angry quickly after transition. If one is warm and affectionate, this personality trait will still remain after one shifts to a new gender identity and presentation.  If one has family problems, they will still remain after transition.  In short, transition is not a be all and end all.

Why am I noting this?

For the past 15 months, I've been working at a job as Marian that I've grown to abhor.  It's not the job itself, but what I've let it do to my life.  I no longer have the energy to read in the way I once did.  I no longer have the time to prepare my own "healthy" meals.  And I no longer have the time to keep up with my friends.  This is not a normal I like to live.  Yet, it is the normal that many of us are forced to suffer for much of their lives.

Lately, I have identified a date for which I will be submitting my resignation, so that I have a chance of enjoying a summer spending time with RQS.  I will miss the extra money I get from working my job.  But I will be able to get back to a normal that I enjoyed more than the normal I have now....

A headhunter reached out to me for a position that I am qualified for

 

This computer is a relic, and the same applies to me.  However, a headhunter approached me today to discuss a position using technology I'm familiar with at the bank I used to work for.  Of course, only a person familiar with the Bank's IT department would have a clue (from this email) about the organization and area for which a person is being recruited.

 
Greetings!!

Hope you’re doing well!
 
I came across your resume on the job board and wanted to share the below opportunity with you and see if this is something you would be interested in discussing.
Please reply back with a copy of your UPDATED RESUME in word format if this is of interest to you and feel free to call me at xxx-yyy-zzzz or let me know a good number and best time to call you back.
Would welcome Referrals.

Job Title: Mainframe Programmer
Location: New York, NY or Pittsburgh, PA
Duration: 12 months initial contract & high possibility of extension
Need to come in the office one day/week
 
Key Skills: Hands-on Mainframe Programmer, COBOL, CICS, VSAM, DB2
 
In depth knowledge of IBM Mainframe z/OS environment with current hands on development, coding experience
Must have knowledge of programming languages COBOL, CICS
Experience with file systems VSAM
Strong knowledge of JCL/TSO/ISPF
Understanding of DB2 a plus
Should be able to run and analyze test jobs for various testing needs of QA/ UAT teams
Must have good communication skills, interaction with UAT and business teams
Will be supporting maintenance of critical applications in production, enhancements and new development projects
Experience with COBOL upgrade, reengineering and re-platforming of mainframe applications

The giveaway to me is the location of the position AND the technologies used.  My old application didn't use DB2, but had everything else in the alphabet soup contained in the above blurb.  So, I sent this headhunter my current resume, and a note mentioning that I've been retired for a while, but would be interested in getting back in the game for a while.  Mind you, I want to find out if it is the area from which I was laid off 8 years ago, as this would be the ultimate laugh for me.

Keep your fingers crossed....

We didn't go to The Automat.

 

Years ago, when I used to work in the NYC suburbs, I wanted to go to the last Automat to eat.  Sadly, by the time I had the time to do so, the last Automat had closed down.  Today, RQS and I were supposed to go into NYC and see "The Automat", a documentary about the Horn & Hardart Automat restaurants that used to dot New York City and Philadelphia. Unfortunately, the cold and raw weather, we ended up going to a local restaurant for dinner.  (We'll try to see this movie next weekend.)

RQS is warming up to the idea of having a bi-gendered boyfriend.  But then, she is also a person who could not find a traditional place in life, and has had to find her own non-traditional path.  Although I will not go into any details, RQS went to a good school and couldn't be part of any of the usual social groups because of her unique situation. Like me, she was a square peg that couldn't fit into a round hole.  Luckily this gave her time to study and figure out what she wanted to do with her life.  And from what I can tell, she was likely good at what she did during her career.  Yet, in the end, Covid brought an end to it.

Being with RQS is easy at this stage of getting to know each other.  I've already told her about my falling-outs with both XGFJ and FCP, and she hasn't yet run away.  Maybe, just maybe, I may have found a keeper....

Gradually, my blog is finding a new voice

 

Lately, I've noticed something.  With getting out and about as Marian being a common occurrence, other things have been taking up bandwidth in my life.  I'm seeing that I've been focused on the vacations I want to take, instead of affairs in my life.

In the past, I wrote too much about things in my life that included way too much about what was going on in others' lives.   Now, I have little to say about most of the other people in my life - save for minor things, or for very important things.  The things in the middle are gone.  An example of the little things would be going on a date with MWL or CWS.  An example of the big things would be the kerfuffle with FH.  It is no longer what I once said about FCP.  Sadly, I'll never be able to make it up to her as much as I once wanted to do this - she's permanently pissed off at me, and me at her (for other reasons).

Unlike the years leading up to 2020, I was not working then.  With 2020 and 2021, work has taken up a lot of my time.  And not much has been worth reporting here because I don't have as much time to live my life as before.  But that's OK ...for now.  I plan on retiring again soon, and getting back to many of the activities I love, and seeing the people I want to see again.