Travel Issues

 

One of the problems with being a non-op TG traveler is that one's legal ID conflicts with their gender presentation.  That has been true in my case in my flights to Hawaii, California and Chicago, as well as my cruises from Honolulu, Los Angeles, and New York. For the most part, this has not been a problem for me, as I make sure to never visit places in which a non conforming gender presentation could get one into trouble.  Yet, I have visited ports as Mario that I'd never visit as Marian due to cultural issues in these places.  So, I choose to be careful whenever I travel.

Recently, I took a cruise from Southampton, UK to Norway and Belgium and did not have any problems in transit.  The only places that seemed to care about my ID were the airports, as US and UK security need to insure the public that flying is as safe as can be.  However, that means that I have to double and triple check rules and regulations whenever I travel as Marian.

One of my dreams is to sail home on the Queen Mary 2 as Marian.  This will mean that I have to double and triple check all UK and US requirements for entry/reentry long before I schedule this trip.  If a woman can wear a dress, then why can't I?  If I were a cisgender female this would not be a problem at all.  But there are many traditional people who see bi-gendered people like me as an anathema.  They fear what we represent, and would rather destroy us to preserve their view of the world, than to tolerate us and leave some questions unanswered.

Sooner or later, I will likely make the effort to change my name to the familiar form of my name which can be used by both genders.  And then, I will likely get a new photo on all picture ID which has me wearing an androgynous hairpiece, so that presenting this ID in male or female modes will not cause people to bat an eyelash.  But the big problem would be when/if I undergo partial facial feminization surgery, so that I look male without a wig, and female while wearing one.  This way, I can much more easily traverse the divide between male and female when desired.

Until then, I'll have to play it ultra cautious, as I don't want to be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time....

A visit to an old friend

 

Now back from my cruise, I couldn't wait to again present as Marian.  So, the first thing I did was to go into my closet and pick out a dress to wear.  And with one or two minor exceptions, I've been doing that for the past week.  So, it was only natural for me to get myself made up to go with RQS and visit Pat.

But first....

RQS needed to buy a new refrigerator. This was a perfect excuse to go across the river to both see Pat and to buy her refrigerator.  But one thing had to be considered: Both RQS and I like to get moving late in the day, and we didn't know whether Pat would be up to seeing us.  (We should also have considered the weather, as the weatherman predicted heavy rain for late in the day, and it came as scheduled.)

Around 4:00 pm, we left the apartment, and it was off to Rockland county to buy the refrigerator.  After a quick search, RQS found a cheap ice box to replace the decade+ old one in her kitchen.  (Her landlord refuses to replace the old one that is about to die, and she doesn't want to antagonize him - she has a below market rate apartment and wants to keep it.)  Within 15 minutes of entering the store, she had purchased a refrigerator to be delivered next week.

Before I go on too long, I must note one of the more annoying things about Pat.  She is often a leech.  When on a previous visit, we suggested taking her out for pizza, and she wangled us into taking her "boyfriend" along.  She noted that she has found a few friends to take her out into the neighborhood to go to places such as Starbucks.  We knew that she'd try to wangle us into taking her out to dinner, so we decided to first go to dinner before going to see Pat.

After "Having it our way" (you can guess what and where we ate), we met pat at her care home, and we took her out to Starbucks - just not the one she's accustomed to going.  Instead of the one less than a mile away from home, I figured that we'd take a little drive and go to one 15 minutes away.  This was a mistake, as Pat got into her routine of being a perpetual victim, blaming others for her misfortunes.  She was deathly afraid of the results of the recent presidential debate, and we couldn't distract her from this topic no matter how much we tried.  And then, when we wanted to talk about our recent Norway cruise (where we were awestruck by the scenery), she got on her high horse by inferring that the only good tourism is to get to know the people as if one were being invited into their homes. She was on her self righteous horse, and there was no way she could see that other people have different (and correct to them) perspectives on the world.  Neither of us could wait until the rain broke a bit to take her home.  And that's what we did when the rain eased off.

On our way home, RQS and I ruminated about our visit.  We both were depressed following our visit, knowing that Pat's attitude is why we don't visit more often.  Being an erratic emotional blood sucker makes a visit with Pat a 50/50 bet.  When she's "up", the visit is enjoyable.  When she's "down", the visit is unbearable.  No wonder why RQS and I rarely see Pat - we don't want to risk ruining days that often....

Cleaning up is so hard to do - a quick post.

 

I couldn't help it when I thought of cleaning up a mess that I would think of a toilet.  Not just any toilet, but the most expensive one I could think of.  

- - - - - -

Toilets have little to do with the mess in my apartment, save that I'd like to install a new one that will match the decor of my bathroom.  When I decided to run a vacuum over my carpet, I can see how worn out the carpet is, and how much I will need to do to get ready to replace it.  And even that is the least of today's concerns.  I have to start making headway in cleaning out the mess here, so that I can finally get a cleaning lady to come in on a regular basis and keep the place looking "presentable".

Right now, I've taken a break from cleaning up to prepare for RQS's arrival for a long weekend to write this entry.  It's therapeutic for me. But I will soon renew my rush to get some of the mess out of the way, so that RQS will feel comfortable.

- - - - - - 

Unfortunately, our country is a big mess.  Those who would overturn democracy are preparing to be in charge, and I'm afraid of what will happen if they get what they want.  The playbook has been written, and there's little I can do other than to sound an alarm.  But I'm not going to think about over the next few days.  RQS is coming over, and we're going refrigerator shopping for her apartment.

I could have done much more today than to have dinner with Vicki

 

OK, I was home for most of the day and didn't do much.  Yet, I did start unpacking, I did make appointments to get together with friends, and I did get together with Vicki for dinner.  But, the apartment is still an unmitigated mess, and RQS will be coming up on Thursday.  There are simply not enough hours in the day, nor is there enough energy in me to straighten up my mess.

When RQS comes up here this weekend, one of the things we will be doing is to shop for a new refrigerator for her apartment.  (That reminds me - call up warranty service for my ice box.)  Her landlord is unwilling to replace it.  And being in a rent stabilized apartment, she is loath to trigger any ill feelings between her and the landlord.

- - - - - -

I'm finding that I didn't back up all my Norway photos to Google Photos.  This is a minor thing to take care of, as I have the photos both on my phone and on my PC.  Now, I have to transfer the videos from main storage in the old (broken) phone.  At least, RQS has a "full" set of photos from this trip.

- - - - - -

Around 4:30, I got showered and dressed to go see Vicki for dinner.  Compared to what she was a few years ago, she looks emaciated!  But I'm not going to tell her that, as she's at the right weight for her age.  She notices that I gained a couple of pounds while I was on the cruise.  At least, I knew that in advance.

As you can see, I'm all over the place today.  I'm simply getting back into my normal routine, and I am taking time to get used to a "normal" routine again.

Now that I'm back home, I'm catching up on things.

 

OK, it's been a while since I've been able to sleep in my own bed.  And it feels strange!  I guess that I'll have to make it into NYC with RQS and have her try out the Saatva mattress I liked so much.  Given that RQS has fallen in love with her mattress from Bob's Discount Furniture. I figure that I will have a hard choice to make sometime soon - do I want a bed with a fixed base, or one with an adjustable base?

While I was away, I received a letter from a lawyer in Los Angeles that I am one of the beneficiaries of my uncle's trust.  My brother is more upset at the terms of what hell get from it than I am.  I guess it's because my uncle considered a close friend in LA that he's known for years to be as much a family member as his blood family is.  Given that I have seen a list of the beneficiaries, I have a strong feeling that my uncle wanted to see most of his money go to causes that he cared about.

I'm glad that I did a load of laundry on the second to last day that we were on the ship.  I only have a couple of days of dirty laundry from the cruise to add to my laundry basket for another load I have to put in to my co-op's washers/dryers before the end of the week.  The rest of the laundry in my suitcases can be put back into my dresser drawers.

Bill paying is a pain in the neck, and I had a small stack to take care of.  One of these bills was a credit card charge related to a cruise I'll be taking next year.  (More details on that later.)  I'm lucky that I have overpaid my co-op maintenance charges enough to skip one payment and still have a hefty surplus in my account.  (The same went for my electric bill as well, but not to the same degree.)  At this point, I am in good shape financially, even with an unexpected expense.

Depending on where I stand with my accounts, I'm thinking of surprising RQS with an expensive gift that we both can enjoy.  (No, it's not a ring.)  If I do so, it'll be closer to year end that I spring this on her.  She's a good woman, and I want to show how much I appreciate her being in my life.

Just before I took my recent trip, I found out that my online pharmacy was unable to reach my doctor's office to renew my prescription.  So I called the office this morning, and reached a receptionist who may not have bothered to see that the prescription is called in.  I'll have to double check this tomorrow, as I'm running low on this medicine.  Thinking about doctors, my CPAP machine is near the end of its life.  Tomorrow, I have to call the sleep doctor to see whether I need another consult and another sleep test before I can get a new machine.  (I also want to buy a second machine, just for travel.  But I'll talk with the doctor about that first....)  It's hard to believe that I got this machine 9 years ago!

As I said in the title of this post - I'm catching up on things....

The more things change, the more they remain the same with NYC housing

 

NYC has always been a hard place in which to live.  But now things are getting worse.  Recently, New York (not sure if the city or state) has enacted a law prohibiting landlords from evicting tenants for any reason without going to the housing court first - even after a lease has ended.  This makes it much harder to get rid of bad tenants who cause problems in the building for other residents.  

I'm not aware of all the factors that are affecting the above tenant's protest.  But I now see references to cockroaches and other vermin in this person's protest signage.  Without the ability to get rid of a bad tenant, a landlord could see an apartment trashed without the ability to remove the tenant.  In the case of my co-op, it took a water line break for us to find that an apartment had been abandoned and that it had been trashed - literally.  (There was trash in every room of the apartment, and we had to pay a contractor to clean it out before we could even fix the plumbing in the place.)  Even if a landlord wants to keep an apartment in good repair, he can't afford to do so - laws regarding apartment rent increases prohibit the landlord from making those repairs and raising the rent to what the market will bear.  So, apartments are being kept empty instead of being repaired and rented out.

Currently, NYC has 3 classes of rental apartments: Rent Controlled, Rent Stabilized, and Free Market Rentals.  Rent Controlled apartments are the most troublesome for landlords, as many rents were established right after World War 2, and have not gone up enough to match the rate of inflation.  Leases for these apartments have been handed down from generation to generation, as family members retain the right to live in their apartments in perpetuity.  Rent Stabilized apartments are slightly different, as a rent control board allows landlords to raise rents to some board approved degree - only after inflation has taken its toll.  These apartments lose their stabilized prices when tenants vacate the place.  In theory, landlords can evict bad tenants in these apartments, but don't often do so.  And then there the Free Market Rentals. There were no rent controls whatsoever, until this law changed.

Now, NYC has even a bigger problem than before.  There are fewer incentives to be landlords, and we will see a speedier shift towards apartments being turned into condominiums, or new condominiums being built.  People like RQS would be in a bind, as they can't afford to buy their apartments (or others like them), nor could they afford to pay free market rates for the few apartments that are available.  Other cities don't have as bad a problem as New York, as they never made the mistake of preserving rent controls over several generations.  Yet, these problems might be a blessing to New York in disguise in the long term, as they tamp down the need for the city to keep upgrading its infrastructure for a growing population.  Could you imagine having to find enough water in the watersheds for double NYC's population?  What about the need for more mass transit options?  Sanitation?  I could go on and on with the problems we could have if real estate developers had their way.  But we need solutions today, and no one has any.  Too much success might be the one thing that kills New York City.  Hopefully, I won't be nearby when it dies....

Norwegian Fjord Cruise Vacation - 06/30/24 (Afterthoughts)

 

Having had a good bit of rest from the day before, I figure that it is time to collect my thoughts about my recent cruise.  It is truly a "once in a lifetime" cruise for, as the UN has declared the Norwegian Fjords to be a World Heritage Site and Norway is using this (for its own reasons) to eliminate conventionally powered ships from entering the fjords to reduce CO2 pollution.  Next year, it will be virtually impossible for us to go to Flam or Geiranger with the cruise lines of our choice because Norway is gradually banning cruise ships from their fjords, a process which will be complete by the end of the decade.

This was our first time traveling internationally by air.  For the most part, my worries were unfounded.  However, it was something well worth thinking about, as we would not be protected by US law while we were overseas and we might make mistakes that would be tolerated in the US, but not overseas.  If anything, the mistakes we could make are violations of custom, and not of law.  Most of these mistakes would identify us as uncouth foreigners and not as lawbreakers, such as when I raised my voice at the Tower Bridge.

London itself, proved to be a place that we need to explore when we have the time to do so.  To do this, we would need to visit in the early spring or in late autumn, so that we could ride the tube without needing to be cooled by non-existant air conditioning.  (We'd also have to corral my niece into being a tour guide for a few days for this.)  Like the fjords, we would need several large capacity memory cards for the photos we'd be taking on this trip.

I found that having a universal travel adapter to be an essential part of my travel kit.  I needed it for my CPAP machine in London, as well as for an extra electric socket on the ship.  (Thinking about my CPAP unit, it is time that I schedule an appointment with the sleep doctor, as my machine has reached end-of-life.)  Having extra USB-A to USB-C cables also helps, as most of my electronic gear uses the newer cabling standard.

The fjords are must-visit places, awe inspiring wonders that people should see at least once in their lifetimes.  If possible, the Flam railway is a must if you can get to Flam. (it will not be accessible in the future to most cruise ships.)  If in Alesund, one must take a cruise into the fjords, as we were gobsmacked there as much as we were on the Flam railway.

After Norway, we arrived at the port of Zeebrugge in Belgium.  It's about 45-60 minutes from Ghent, which I consider a place worth spending a long weekend, instead of a short day.  60 minutes touring the old town plus a 60 minute canal cruise is not enough.  As much as I wasn't impressed with the idea of stopping here, instead of stopping at another Norwegian port, I was glad that we came here.  Too bad that the port is so far away from Ghent, otherwise more people might have taken this excursion.

Finally, we had to return home.  If one can avoid returning to the USA in an airline that goes to JFK Terminal 4, do so.  If the weather is bad, this can be a taxing place for one's return home.  (Avoid Delta and Virgin Atlantic flights for this trip.)  I can't make any excuses for Terminal 4, nor should I try to do so.  The Port Authority of NY and NJ has no excuse for allowing any airline to subject passengers to this poor excuse for the international arrivals process for airlines using Terminal 4.  But then, JFK has been a mess from the time it was called Idlewild, and it will remain a mess long after I have passed from the scene.