My ex broke up with me shortly before the pandemic struck, and it was all downhill for a while. When I received a hurtful email on my birthday, I knew that I could either continue to make things worse for myself and others, or to figure out a way to start healing. In many ways, the less I say about the ex, the better. So I will focus on the healing process.
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A long time ago, I dated TCL. And we decided to be "just friends" shortly afterwards. Why did I not pursue a relationship with her? She's the type of person who will meander from topic to topic, getting lost in the process. In a way, it's like a programmer tracing code through a series of "nested IF statements" and getting lost in the depths of the statements. TCL has to be interrupted in order for you to get a word in, and I don't think she realizes she does this. If I don't get the chance to speak once in a while, I get bored. Who wants to be bored by a person one might want to live with someday? She was typical of many of the women I dated before meeting my ex girlfriend - all had one obvious trait that would get under my skin.
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My personal ad was out before the pandemic struck, but I met FH shortly after people were told they could meet outdoors while wearing masks. No one really know how the virus spread in those days, and I can still remember driving FH home from the heart of Forest Hills. She wasn't perfect, but she was better than having no one to keep busy with on weekends. However, this doesn't say much about FH. She's an educated woman who was always commenting on her crazy family. As the old saying goes, "it takes one to know one." I'll always wonder if she asked herself whether she was as crazy as her siblings. From what I can tell from her brother, he is a product of his environment and of his news bubble. FH lives within NYC limits, and her brother in the suburbs. She's a Democrat, and he's a Republican. Both siblings often see each other through a political lens. Needless to say, I've heard her make incendiary statements about all Republicans. Although they may be true of many in the GOP, it would be unfair to paint them all using the same brush. Sadly, she's a person who doesn't know how to let things drop - and one has to do this in order to have a successful relationship.
During this time, I met FL, and we had a few dates before she backed away. Of course, she was spooked by me as Marian, and broke up with me before we things got too serious. FL and I are still friends, and we get along well. Unfortunately, she now lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis.
But there were other women. GS lives in the Hudson Valley, and we had a handful of dates before the weather got cold. There was no real chemistry between us, but my female presentation wasn't an issue for her. Instead, I think that her financial situation was precarious due to the pandemic, and she had bigger problems to worry about than dating.
I won't go through the whole list here, but I've gotten to hate having to learn a bit about a person, only to forget it later on. I want to spend my time building memories with someone who cares for me. Maybe that's why I said I wasted 5 years dating one woman - I have only so much time left to build memories, and I hate wasting time before I find that person I can build memories with.
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Lucky, the pandemic seems to be easing off, and things are slowly returning to "normal". Hopefully, some nice women will "swipe right" on my profile, and that one of them is a good match for me, and me for her....
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