Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

The future looks scary, and not for the expected reasons.

 

Even though I am turning 67 this year, death hasn't yet scared me that much.  I still see a future ahead of me, and then - who knows?  But what does scare me is that I am transgender, and that the "religious right" in politics is targeting people like me for their pogroms.

- - - - - -

Recently, I awoke to a rerun of a program discussing how the Christian Nationalists are plotting to take over the levers of American government and take away hard earned rights from the LGBTIQ community.  This scares me, as I have been open enough to be easily persecuted if the worst happens.  Yet, I feel that I will have enough time to pack up my bags and find a temporary home if the worst happens.

But why does the fear of religious persecution keep me up at night, and not that of death?

All people die.  Why worry about something you can't control or avoid?  But being persecuted is something I might be able to avoid, and history has shown that it is possible if one is able to act early enough.  Right now, I fear that I might be living in the equivalent of Germany's Weimar Republic of the 1920's, and that we may soon enter the equivalent of the Third Reich of the 1930's.  Given that we know what happened to Germany in 1945, there is a lot for a thinking person to be worried about.

Do I have a plan for the worst case scenario?

Right now, I am working on an escape plan.  But this is not enough.  Anyone who leaves this mess may need to bring their money with them as well.  If I were in my 20's, I'd leave this country and put down roots elsewhere.  Canada might not be a good option, as I remember what happened to Austria when the Nazis had power.  The last thing that the US or Canada needs is to unify under a single government.  Ireland or the UK would be good options, but could they maintain their own independence? 

In youth, it's easy to find places where one can start life anew.  If I had to leave the US when I was in my 20's, I'd have had my choice of English speaking nations.  But 40 years later, I no longer have the skills that would make me desirable candidate to be accepted in a new country.

So, what am I doing?

For the most part, I'm speaking my truth to others, hoping they will see the dangers coming from the right.  Sadly, I think identity politics is finally going to get the best of America, and that I may find myself looking for the nearest border if the worst happens....

Sometimes, I don't have much to say. Sometimes, I have a lot.

 

Lately, I have been thinking of politics much more than usual. Given that Trump is going Senile and no one is standing in his way to get the GOP nomination, I'm a little concerned about what would happen if he has control over the "Football" again.

The former president is a narcissist who needs to be loved by everyone with whom he comes into contact. He has no loyalty to friends and family, nor does he have any loyalty to the country.  But he has a following of lemming like supporters.  This afternoon, while I was driving home, I stopped into a pizzeria. Sitting down at a table was the owner, a man who wore a MAGA baseball cap.  There was no way that I wanted to have a political discussion with this person.  So I took my pizza and walked to a table in the back to eat it.

Of course, RQS can say that I am a motor mouth.  And she'd be right.  I can go on for hours about some subjects, and have done so often.  But this time, I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and walk away.  I only wonder if this person really understood that he was getting conned by a master con man.

Poly = Many, Tics = Flesh Eating Insects

 

As I write this, the House of Representatives has just elected a new Speaker - an ultra conservative lunatic. Why do I call him a lunatic?  Anyone who opposes late term abortions to preserve the life of the mother has to be crazy.  His policies, such as a total late term abortion ban, if enacted, will put the lives of many cisgender women at risk.  Even though I am transgender, and never will directly have anything at risk with this policy, I have to fight for those that do - else, I will have no excuse to ask cisgender women for help when these lunatics attack us transgender people.

The previous speaker was elected after 15 votes.  Before the election was over, no actions could be taken by the house.  Due to an action from a radical from the far right, the first speaker was removed from his position, and it took 3 weeks for a new speaker to be elected.  Since they didn't change the rule which allowed the former speaker to be removed, I fully expect that we will see someone invoke it to remove this speaker when the current spending bill expires.  (Will we have a government shutdown or not?  A House without a speaker when the spending bill expires will be a disaster. But I don't put it past the far right....)

So, where am I going with this?

Right now, the "right" is busy fighting amongst its allies.  Moderate "conservatives" are being coerced to give their votes to the radicals. (Look at how Jim Jordan's allies allegedly gave death threats to people who didn't support him for examples of this coercion.)  My congressional representative voted for the current speaker of the house.  This cemented my resolution to be part of the bloc that (hopefully) votes him out next year.

Given that transgender people will continue to be a target of the far right, I expect that attacks against us will resume soon.  This means that we must continue our efforts to get more trans people into positions of power, so that we (and our allies) to check and balance the power of the lunatic right until sanity (hopefully) can be restored to the GOP.

Most of us are not ready to "out" ourselves and be targets for the lunatics on the right.  But we can vote for our allies.  So, it's time to register to vote, and participate in local politics when possible.  As they say, all politics are local.  That's where we can make our first stand against lunacy.   And I intend to do just that....

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....

Seeing Vicki for Lunch

 

It's been a long time since I've been able to see Vicki (#2) for pleasure.  The last time I saw her, her spouse had passed away, and there wasn't a good opportunity to introduce her to RQS, except for a fleeting moment.  Today, we finally got together for lunch and we went to one of our old standby restaurants - Aberdeen Cantonese Restaurant in White Plains.

- - - - - -

About a week ago, Vicki suggested that we get together for afternoon tea.  This morning, she decided to make a reservation and found out that the place was closed for July.  The next place she thought of was closed for the day.  So we ended up going to Aberdeen for Dim Sum.  Yum!

Aberdeen was just as I remembered.  Although there no longer are any Dim Sum carts parading around the floor, one can order exactly what he/she wants and have it delivered quicker than the time one would wait for a Dim Sum cart to make its rounds. This ended up creating a minor problem.  We ordered several dishes that all came at once - leaving us no room on the table.  However, we worked around this problem by focusing on eating one dish at a time, so that we could clear the table of dishes as we polished off what they once had on them.

I have to note that Vicki has a non-binary offspring.  She noted that given our nation's politics, that her child had to travel in male drag - even though they have a beard, they tend to wear clothing usually associated with females.  It's a shame that she had to do this.  But given the culture of intolerance being fostered by Florida's governor, it was the safe way for her child to travel.

All too soon, we had to part.  Vicki noted that she would like to meet RQS soon.  So I'll have to find some time when Vicki and RQS are free, in order to have everyone get together for dinner.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, so I go away from things related to being transgender

 

Today, I posted something that got no one's attention.  And I can't blame people for looking elsewhere for something interesting to read.  However, one of the problems with being confident in one's ability to interact with the world as a transgender female is that there is often nothing to say about the experience. Most of us transgender people are able to go out and about in our worlds with only minor complaints from the peanut galleries.

The first post I made today was triggered by something that bothers me: The plethora of computer wire interface standards, and having to have cables for every type of device I own.  Obviously, few people are concerned about all the extra cables which need to be carried when one goes away on a trip.  I guess most people take this for granted these days.

Just because I had nothing to say didn't mean that my concerns about life have gone away.  I still see the power grab from the fundamentalist and authoritarian right wing to be a major threat to me and civil society.  But there's only so much I can say about this before I get sick to my stomach.  People like our former president, the governor of Florida, and the governing majority of several state legislatures  are a existential threat to all of us.  

In the past, I've said that Liberals aren't much of a threat to society, as they focus on the needs of the individual.  Individuals tend to have a harder time imposing their will on groups made up of other individualistic personalities, as they are not as prone to need authority figures to authorize their behaviors.  This serves as a check and balance on Liberals' ability to impose extreme positions on others lives.  However, I have grown to believe that radical conservatism is a grave threat to society, as power hungry individuals find conservatives easy to manipulate because they need authority figures to both authorize and choose the actions conservative people will take.  They follow a "primitive brain" need to follow leaders who have achieved "top dog" status by the use of some sort of power.  They follow these leaders out of fear, and adjust their beliefs to fit stories told by those leaders.

There will always be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of society.  The 2023 debt limit debate has been used as a tool to bludgeon the liberals to give up supporting individuals in need.  At the time I'm writing this entry, I have no idea how this political issue will be resolved. But I know one thing - the lunatics are now in charge of the US House of Representatives, and they pose the greatest risk to us all, both conservative and liberal alike.

As I write this, a sad day.

 

As much as some people are happy to see this day, smart people also have a bit of sadness too.  Our former president has been indicted on 34 counts in New York State.  We have never seen anything like this before, and it will be a precedent no matter what results from the trial.

People who know me know that I despise our former president for how he divided this country and for how he normalized extremist nuts.  Even worse, he created a situation where professional politicians are afraid of his supporters - something reminiscent of 1930's Germany.  And yet, our republic has survived - so far.

Trump's lawyers have characterized this indictment as a political action, claiming that the ex-president's opponents are using the courts to harm him.  I find this amazing, as Trump is known for using the courts to get his way with others.  He claims that he is a political victim.  But he brought it on himself.  He pissed off too many people, and is now finding that Karma is a bitch.

I, for one, am upset that the trial will not take place until 2024, and that he will not be under any gag order to keep from aggravating the public in a way that would allow for a fair trial by a jury of his peers. I am also upset that there is no way to accelerate this case, so that it will not affect next year's election season.  I will be upset if this case creates a possible constitutional crisis, if Trump is elected but the trial is still taking place.  As they say, "Justice Delayed is Justice Denied" and Trump continues his tactic of trying to run out the clock.

It's a sad time for America, as we can no longer automatically hold our presidents in high esteem anymore.  This indictment shows us that our leaders are only human and must be held accountable for their actions when called for.  In short, it's time for America to grow up and realize that we are no longer the special "Beacon on the Hill" that we once thought this nation to be.

We are under attack!

 

Now that the GOP has lost its war against Homosexuals and "Gay Marriage", they have turned their sights directly onto us, the Transgender Community.  If one looks carefully at the bills that have been passed which ban gender related treatment, we see an underlying hatred for things "Conservatives" don't understand, are fearful of, and want to rid the world of because of that fear.

I see homosexuality and being transgender as part of a greater intersex spectrum, something that happens when one part of a fetus's development (brain and body) does not happen according to typical gender lines. This is different from many people see intersex, as I include the wiring of the brain as part of the definition of intersex.

When people are not able to classify something into something they can understand and manage, their fears go out of control.  Rationality is lost, as primeval instincts kick in.  When people live under constant threat due to their inability to escape poverty, they turn to bombastic populist leaders. When people remember "the good old days" without seeing how bad they were for others, they want simple answers to complicated problems.  We now see all of these issues and more in the people who support the radicals in today's GOP.

We are under attack.  There are a large number of places in this country where I am afraid to travel as Marian because of being transgender.  My rights to be treated with dignity and respect are being taken away by the likes of the governors of Florida and Texas, all for political gain.  The people of their states (and other "Red States" as well) need scapegoats to punish for their misfortune.  Even though I blend in well with cisgender women, I would not feel safe in entering a public washroom in these states.  If I were to enter a place of public accommodation, I could be discriminated against without reason.  And, if I were to deal with law enforcement authorities, I could be treated in a way that puts my life at risk.  Is this right?

There is a culture war going on right now, and large swaths of the population who have retreated into political tribalism. There are large areas of this nation which are one party states.  In the past, even the dominant party in these states could reasonably be expected to be voted out if it didn't do a good enough job for their states.  This is not the case anymore.  People such as Florida's governor are trying to ban the opposition political party for actions many of its leaders took over 160 years ago. This is not democracy in action.  This is an authoritarian government in waiting that is trying to do this.

I'm not sure of what we can do next.  Strangely enough, I would take (the lunatic) Marjorie Taylor Greene's suggestion that we have a Red and Blue State divorce, and run with it a little. I'd suggest something a little bit more dangerous to the Red States: a requirement that the US Federal Government spend no more than 5% more or less in every state than it collects in tax revenue.  Since the Blue States contribute more to the government in tax revenues than they receive, this would be a net benefit to these states.  We could also set a federal minimum level for social spending in every state as a requirement for new federal projects to be placed in the Red States.  This would slow down the "Brain Drain" from Blue to Red states, caused by the poor education standards (as a whole) in those states. 

In my opinion, what we're seeing are the things that happen when there is a great difference in living standards between the rich and poor in a society.  Like the people of Brazil, America's people fell out of love with democracy and elected a bombastic and ineffective leader as it moved to the right, and then moved to the left as a backlash against the right.  Until we can force government to do its job, people at the margins of society are at great risk, as we are the pawns in a larger game of power.  

So what can we do to change things?  As a species, we do not like rapid or radical change. Progress can only come slowly.  In the case of politics, our leaders are in a continual battle to be reelected, so that they can gain power.  Not solving  problems is their best way to have things to rally against, and get votes.  As the parties become more extreme, the more likely one will pick a minority group (Jews, Muslims, Homosexuals, Transgenders, Political Opponents, etc.) as demons to obliterate.  But the question remains: How do we enact simple, long term changes to fix this?  To me, the answer is amazingly simple - term limits for all politicians.  Years ago, a friend told me that death gives meaning to life.  Without death, we'd have no reason to finish anything.  The same goes for elected leadership.  If a leader knows that s/he has only a limited amount of time to achieve anything, they will focus on getting important things done.  By that subtle change alone, there will be no need for scapegoats, as politicians would only be judged by what they supported, and not what they opposed.

Yes, I am proposing a subtle change to nudge the system in a way that benefits us.  This prevents the opposition from labeling this in a derogatory fashion.  And, if we were to "grandfather" all currently serving officeholders from these same term limits, we might get the support needed to make an important change in the system whose effect could be seen in a single generation.

What do you think? 

Politics - Another word for many flesh eating insects

 

Lately, there have been a lot of storm clouds in the sky for us transgender folk.  Now that Roe v. Wade has been overturned, the lunatic right is well on the way to eliminating same sex marriage, as well as the ability of transgender people to get both appropriate medical treatment and to have their gender recognized by law.

Many of us will always stand out as transgender, and that might not be a bad thing in "normal" times.  But in these times, we might be safer if we could live in the closet and quietly work to subvert the power of America's right wing.  This is far from an ideal situation, as we should not have to go into hiding to survive.

I am reminded of Central Europe in the early 1930's.  Germany quickly went from a democratic nation with religious freedom to an authoritarian nation with no religious freedom.  The nation was ruled by a man with a personality cult - something we have been temporarily able to stop for a while.  But we are not out of the woods.  The party that Trump led still wants power for the sake of power.  It has no real governing philosophy.

Right now, I am totally disgusted by the GOP, as they have let political cockroaches take hold of the party.  And, like cockroaches, they are hard to keep at bay.  I only wish we had the political bug spray needed to rid the GOP of this cancer that could kill democracy in our nation.

Sometimes, I let things slide

The title of today's entry may be a little misleading.  I'm not talking about not getting angry at something.  Instead, I'm talking about someone posting something political (and offensive) at work on office equipment and not planning on doing anything about it.

As I've noted before, my office is a model of diversity.  Somehow, we have people of all political persuasions working together.  Yet, one incident could set off a series of falling dominoes - and I do not plan on pushing that first domino.  For me, it is a female Trump supporter who has posted a "Brandon" sticker (a Trumpster's way of saying "Fuck You Biden") that bothers me.  No, it's not the idea that this seemingly sane person is a Trump supporter that bothers me.  Instead, it's the fact that she has affixed a political bumper sticker to her office equipment.

People will have very different views on life and yet work well together.  For the purpose of maintaining peace, I plan to let this defacing of office equipment slide - especially when I do not have to see it on a regular basis.  I just wonder what will happen to many of these Trump supporters if he is indicted, tried, and convicted.  How will these people keep their cool in the office when people like me start cheering?  Someone will push the first domino, and I don't want to be there when it happens....

Where is Skeeter Davis when you need her for a theme song?

 

At the time I started to write this entry, I was watching a film on Netflix called "Don't Look Up."  It's the story of two people who find a planet destroying comet, and all of the lunacy that happens when politicians and businessmen try to spin this knowledge for their own gains.  

All too often, we're finding that our political leadership uses emotional manipulation to keep the common people under control.  Much of our media dulls our senses, so that we won't notice the truths we have to deal with on a regular basis.  In the film, the media is painted as only wanting to deliver "happy news", trying to spin the projected destruction of the earth into an event that will benefit us all.  This is too close to real life for comfort, given the amount of "happy news" being broadcast on network TV.

What would happen if there was an extinction level event?  Given the past few years of politics, I think we'd fail to rise to the challenge.   Hopefully, Skeeter Davis would have had an alternate version of "It's the End of the World." in the can for us to listen to.

- - - - - -

But enough of that....

Today was a typical weekend day that started out with nothing for me to do, save clean up this apartment of mine.  And I proceeded to kill time as to not do that.  Then, I still have a hard decision to make - do I really want to keep this job I have?  I like having the money from the job, but I don't like how drained I feel after a long day at the office.  No, I can't complain about how I'm being treated.  It's the nature of the work environment that I don't like - it's an electronic assembly line that doesn't allow much for social interaction.  This is a problem for me, as I need more social interaction than I'm getting now.

After wasting the whole day in bed watching TV, I decided to go out as Mario.  It feels a little strange getting dressed this way, but it is the quickest thing I can do to get out - even if only to fill my car up with gas.  Unfortunately, I went to the wrong supermarket (ACME) as they did not seem to have a section where I could find pre-made meals that I could heat up at lunch.  So I picked up a couple of frozen dinners, and will eat them until I can go to Stew Leonard's or Wegmans to get something "Fresh."

Once I finished dinner, I called CWS.  Three hours later, we realized how long our call was, and called it a night.  But that wasn't the end of phone calls.  My friend Patty texted me to wish me a Happy New Year, and we ended up on a phone call that lasted another hour or so. 

It was the day after the storm, and I made it into work.

 

This is what parts of Mamaroneck, NY looked like after hurricane/tropical storm Ida came through for its visit.  Much of Lower Westchester could be described as places that "You can't get there from here."  And looking at the picture above, it is easy to understand why this is so.

- - - - - -

Right now, there is a lot of finger pointing going on.  After any major storm, politicians will make a lot of noises and do a lot of nothing.  In the case of Ida, images should be a wake up call that major upgrades to our infrastructure are needed to deal with the effects of global warming.  Unfortunately, this takes money - something we don't have enough of.

My current path to work goes through areas which could get flooded out.  However, I was lucky, as that the only traffic jam I encountered was less than 2 miles away from my office.  Even then, there were no floods blocking my path to work.  Instead, other people's paths to work were blocked in front of me, and the cars going in the opposite direction from me prevented me from speeding off an exit ramp, then making a right turn to make it the last mile to work.  So I drove on the shoulder to do this, and made it to work only 5 minutes late.  Not much for me to get frustrated about. But I can only imagine how it was for the man who hired me - he had to come from Jersey....

- - - - - -

But things could be worse than to have a bad commute to work - One could have had to drive home in the middle of this storm.  There are some people who are not "emergency personnel" (Firemen, Police, Doctors, etc.) who had to be at work and do not have the option to work from home.  An example of this class of worker is a New York City based sportscaster covering an out of town ball game from his hometown ballpark. When the 83 y/o John Sterling left Yankee Stadium after the end of the game against the Angels, he drove home during some of Ida's worst rains.  Due to floods, he got stuck in his car somewhere in Edgewater, NJ. Luckily, Spanish Language announcer Rickie Ricardo (I couldn't but chuckle at the name, given classic TV shows) was able to rescue Sterling safely and deliver him home. 

- - - - - -

Hopefully, my local readers made it through the storm safe and sound, with minimal property damage.

 

Where is Superman when you need him?

 

The once ubiquitous phone booth.  Once, they were all over the place.  Now, they are a rarity - especially wooden booths.  And this one was spotted in Bethel, CT about a decade ago in a small theater.  At least we know of one place where Clark Kent could change into Superman without problems.

Why do I mention Superman?  Well, there are many people who want a strong leader to deliver us from the morass we have been in.  Although the economy has been improving for most of us, there are many people being left behind - and many of these people are Trump supporters.  As a TG person, this bothers me a great deal.  The social coalition which supports this wannabe tyrant consists of people who'd impose their brand of theocracy on the whole nation - and put people like me at great risk.

It's hard to believe that DC comics once had Superman reminding us that America is supposed to be a pluralistic society.  Today, a message like this would be dismissed as leftist propaganda, and not a statement of core American ideals.  This is so sad.  Maybe, we need a real life Kal-El to become a modern age immigrant from another planet and remind us what our core beliefs were and should be again.  But then, I'd bet that half of this nation would label him as an illegal alien.

Dating is such a pain in the ass

 

My ex broke up with me shortly before the pandemic struck, and it was all downhill for a while.  When I received a hurtful email on my birthday, I knew that I could either continue to make things worse for myself and others, or to figure out a way to start healing.  In many ways, the less I say about the ex, the better.  So I will focus on the healing process.

- - - - - - 

A long time ago, I dated TCL.  And we decided to be "just friends" shortly afterwards.  Why did I not pursue a relationship with her?  She's the type of person who will meander from topic to topic, getting lost in the process.  In a way, it's like a programmer tracing code through a series of "nested IF statements" and getting lost in the depths of the statements.  TCL has to be interrupted in order for you to get a word in, and I don't think she realizes she does this.  If I don't get the chance to speak once in a while, I get bored.  Who wants to be bored by a person one might want to live with someday?  She was typical of many of the women I dated before meeting my ex girlfriend - all had one obvious trait that would get under my skin.

- - - - - -

My personal ad was out before the pandemic struck, but I met FH shortly after people were told they could meet outdoors while wearing masks.  No one really know how the virus spread in those days, and I can still remember driving FH home from the heart of Forest Hills.  She wasn't perfect, but she was better than having no one to keep busy with on weekends. However, this doesn't say much about FH.  She's an educated woman who was always commenting on her crazy family.  As the old saying goes, "it takes one to know one."  I'll always wonder if she asked herself whether she was as crazy as her siblings.  From what I can tell from her brother, he is a product of his environment and of his news bubble.  FH lives within NYC limits, and her brother in the suburbs. She's a Democrat, and he's a Republican.  Both siblings often see each other through a political lens.  Needless to say, I've heard her make incendiary statements about all Republicans.  Although they may be true of many in the GOP, it would be unfair to paint them all using the same brush.  Sadly, she's a person who doesn't know how to let things drop - and one has to do this in order to have a successful relationship.

During this time, I met FL, and we had a few dates before she backed away.  Of course, she was spooked by me as Marian, and broke up with me before we things got too serious.  FL and I are still friends, and we get along well.  Unfortunately, she now lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis. 

But there were other women. GS lives in the Hudson Valley, and we had a handful of dates before the weather got cold.  There was no real chemistry between us, but my female presentation wasn't an issue for her.  Instead, I think that her financial situation was precarious due to the pandemic, and she had bigger problems to worry about than dating.

I won't go through the whole list here, but I've gotten to hate having to learn a bit about a person, only to forget it later on.  I want to spend my time building memories with someone who cares for me.  Maybe that's why I said I wasted 5 years dating one woman - I have only so much time left to build memories, and I hate wasting time before I find that person I can build memories with.

- - - - - -

Lucky, the pandemic seems to be easing off, and things are slowly returning to "normal".  Hopefully, some nice women will "swipe right" on my profile, and that one of them is a good match for me, and me for her....

It was the day before Wednesday, and all through the house....

 

I miss being able to get out to the California coast, as it holds many memories for me.  My late wife always wanted to live in San Francisco, and I scatted her ashes there.  If there's something that lives on after we die, I hope she's happy with the choice I made....

Sadly, the pandemic has put a damper on many of the plans people had made for 2020 and early 2021 (so far).  Things will start returning to a new normal during the summer. Until then, I'm finding it hard to write something new every day.  And this means that I sometimes play "catch-up" in writing new entries for this blog. Today's entry was a slight case of playing catch-up.

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The other day, I chatted with an acquaintance from Manhattan. The more I talk with her, the more that I think that I'll be culling her from my contacts.  She's one of those left wing liberals who have no understanding of how our political system got as screwed up as it is, and is as hard set in her conspiracy theories as her equivalent from the right.  This the attitude that upsets me when Pat and I get into our political discussions, as it ends up in a feeling of resignation that they have already lost their battles with the world.

Lately, my sleep patterns have been screwed up.  Often, I have been falling asleep in the late afternoon, and losing much of the early evenings to do things.  Then, I've been falling asleep before midnight, and waking up too late to do much of anything without risking not being able to wake up at a reasonable morning hour.  At least, I've been able to be conscious by 9 am - if I want to make the effort to do so.

For the most part, things have been quiet around here - and I hope it stays that way.

 

 

 

It's the end of the week, and I hope things keep going well.

 

I find the news more interesting than most of the "entertainment" that is on TV these days.  But I'm not talking about politics, which can get quite boring after a while.  Instead, it's when the news outlet covers something other than politics - such as when a city shuts down its commuter mass transit overnight to save money.

This week, politics was the lead item for every newscast.  No, it was not because the Federal government was doing something new to screw us.  Instead, it was because the government was gradually undoing some of the messes that were made over the past 4 years.  I was pleasantly surprised that on the first day of Biden's presidency, that his administration rolled back some of the executive orders (XOs) which hurt the LGBTIQ community.   

Given that I ingest media which tends to have a center-left bias,  I can't help but feel good about what is happening.  However, if I were ingesting media with a center-right / hard-right bias, I might feel as if the world has collapsed around me.  The reality is somewhere in the middle - the operating bias of our Federal government has shifted towards the center, but with input from the left. A quick look at our president's nominees show that most of the candidates are well qualified for their positions.  However, if one looks from the perspective of our hard-right media, one would see candidates chosen because they meet a quota checklist.  Again, reality is somewhere in the middle.  When one has a surplus of qualified candidates, why not choose people that please key elements of the party's base?

Well, since this week has been pleasantly eventful, let's hope that next week is even better!

 

Politics can be toxic, and today I expected to see a lot of toxicity.

 

As I write this, the electoral college's ballots have started to be read in a joint session of congress, and evidence of Trump's disastrous effects on American politics is evident in what should be another boring session of congress.  All 50 states have confirmed their ballots, and some GOP congressmen and senators are challenging the ballots of the battleground states to show their loyalty to our (thankfully) outgoing president.

In another forum, one of my Facebook friends and I have an occasional discussion regarding Trump.  She has drunk all of the Kool-Aid in her glass, and still desires more.  I find it amazing how she tries to defend Trump (and the GOP) against anything that makes them look bad and the Democratic party look good.  But then, people who have been successfully scammed try to defend the scam, lest they feel like fools in front of others. This is human nature at its worst.

We are seeing the beginning of what could be the breakup of America along political lines, or the beginning of a healing process for this country.  If the latter, many of the people who served to enable Trump and his attacks on our democratic institutions will also need to call out the extremists in their party, and finally hold the populists in check.  And I see that the some of the GOP leadership is being forced to do just this.  Will they be successful?  Only time will tell.

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With the above being said, I can say that I have faith in this country and most of its people. On an individual level, most people are kind and decent people.  However, the human instinct to identify with a family, a tribe, and a nation can cause good people to do evil things.  That is why we need a representative government who will respond to the peoples' needs, but will take the time to think things out.  Today, we're seeing the reasons why America needs a government with built in "circuit breakers", because we will occasionally need a political reset when a major system failure is imminent.

Today's political debates are a perfect example of the need for a reset.  Four years ago, Trump won a hotly contested election.  Many people in New York City and in the global banking community knew him to be a self-centered crook. But people outside these community saw him as a successful businessman, due to his former TV show.  They were bamboozled by the glitzy image he liked to show the public. With untruths running free across the internet, and people choosing to see "news" which only supports their own biases, there was no way a competent political insider could win the 2016 presidential election.  Four years later, after Trump applied a wrecking ball to our government and its political norms, it was time for a change.  And yet, we have two political tribes that are as polarized as ever.  So, we have the need for a reset.

I expect that the next four years will be that political reset.  Biden will likely be the president whose most important priority will be to cool off the passions of the public, so that the 2024 election will be more of a traditional choice of candidates.  Yet, this will not go as far as we need it to go - we need a government that can get needed things done.  America won't be able to heal unless we fix the underlying problems of government. And that means that political gridlock must not be tolerated.  

In 2017-2019, we saw what could happen when radicals from one political party controlled the levers of government. Once the House changed hands in the 2018 election, there was a check and balance on the party in control of government. In the 2020 election, we saw the public throw out a corrupt president.  Yet, they also voted to check the excesses of the party in charge of the House.  We're seeing something good - America as a whole wants moderation in government, and we may just be edging in that direction.

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When I started this entry, I didn't know what was about to happen.  No one, save for security people, should have needed to be prepared for the mob which stormed the capitol building.  These people are criminals, and should be treated as such.  But then, we have a criminal for a president.  And it's time that he be impeached and convicted for removal from office, or that the 25th amendment be used to remove him from office.  Yet, this doesn't address the underlying illness we have in this country - 75% of the GOP loyalists believe Trump's lies.  It will take at least a full generation to deal with this social sickness.

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Why am I writing about politics today?  Well, we are affected by the machinations of those people who we elect to represent us.  The Trump administration has not been friendly to Transgender people, and has acted to take away our rights and privileges.  How many of us remember that it was Trump who acted to expel Transgender people from the military?  How many of us remember his Education department's attacks on Transgender rights?  What about his administration's attack on the census collecting data on the LGBTIQ community?  We must remember the recent past, lest we allow an ignorant populist to get power again, harming us in his/her pursuit of power.

 

 

 

 

 

A grab bag of things to talk about.

 

I haven't been doing much as Marian these days.  It's not because I don't want to take the time to prepare myself to use my feminine presentation these days.  Instead, it's because the both the weather and the pandemic has reduced the number of opportunities I have to go outdoors. As a result, my "normal" tendency to shift to a nocturnal sleep pattern hasn't been arrested, and I found myself going to sleep "last night" around 8 am this morning.

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The ex girlfriend and I have had some limited email exchanges as of late.  After we aired out things, our recent communications have been friendly, but guarded.  I'm not sure of how much either of us can open up to each other given our past. But I will admit that I miss our old and frequent communication - does she miss it as well?  Neither of us should live in the past. But is there enough there for a good friendship?

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As I write this, my nephew and his girlfriend will be soon returning home to the "left coast".  They are both in their mid 20's, so I think that if they catch the virus, that they will survive it with only mild symptoms.  Even though the airline industry claims that their planes' HEPA filtered air is "safe", I have to be a little skeptical of their claims.  Now that I have my nephew's email address, I can touch base with him after he's back home.

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My friend Vicki has been very busy lately.  Today we had a short exchange of texts regarding a dress that interested me.  Given its price point and material quality, it fascinated me.  But we both agreed that it would drape poorly on me, and that it would be a waste of my money.  Other dresses looked like a better option for me.  But I think I still need to fill in the gaps in my wardrobe (tops, bottoms) more than just buying things for the sake of buying them.

Since Vicki has dropped a size, she'll be bring me some hand me downs to try on this week.  This gives me a strong incentive to clean up much of the clutter in my place, so that it won't be an embarrassment to me to have people over here again.

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2020 has been a very bad year for me, and I'm glad it's over for me.  I let my apartment go wild, and I need to clean up a lot of the clutter that has accumulated.  Every attempt to declutter things has only ended in disaster.  I guess it is the low grade depression being multiplied by being lonely that has affected me this way, and manifested itself in an excessively cluttered space.  So 2021 will be a year for me to work on this.

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I decided to make my kitchen look a little more comfortable than it has looked for the past 35 years.  I have a storage cabinet that stands on the floor and can provide extra counter space for work, or to place appliances.  Since my wife moved into the apartment, it has always been placed in a way to effectively narrow the entrance to the kitchen.  Simply moving the cabinet to stand against an adjacent wall had some benefits: (1) It forced me to clean up some of the garbage that has been hidden for years, (2) It opened up the kitchen and made it more inviting, and (3) It gave me more effective use of the space in the kitchen - it allowed me to move my vacuum sealer into a corner, while making it easier for me to access my toaster oven.   

Once I got this task started, I noticed years of gunk that had accumulated on the ceiling fan.  So, I took some paper towels and removed most of the gunk.  (I'll save a thorough cleaning for another day, as I'll want sunlight to get a better idea of how much work I need to do for that cleaning.)  And then, I realized that I had mixing bowls which had been stored on top of my cabinets which likely had 25 years of gunk on them.  Since it was a "you might as well" task, I decided to find a step stool and give each of these bowls a thorough cleaning before putting them back on the cabinets.  Once they dried, I put these bowls in large, clear plastic bags, so that the gunk will go on the bags, and not on the bowls.  (Note to myself: If I ever do a complete kitchen remodel, go with cabinets that reach the ceiling, so that kitchen gunk stays on the outside.)

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Parting with things is very hard for me, but I think I'm going to finally clean out my downstairs storage compartment.  While doing this, I plan to get rid of my vinyl collection.  There are over 600 albums in the collection, and I haven't played any of them in years.  There are boxes of books downstairs that I could also give away.  Until places are accepting books for charitable donations, I will have to wait to dispose of them.  I wonder what else is in my storage compartment that I can get rid of. 

Once I clean out the storage compartment, I will move most of my unused, seasonal wardrobe into the basement.  While I do this, I will ask Vicki what she thinks of each piece, and determine whether I should donate the clothing to charity, keep it for future use, or pitch it into the dumpster.  Most cisgender women do not have as large a wardrobe as I have, and I want to pare it down to pieces that I will use often, and on a regular basis.

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Every time I go in my freezer and do a deep dive, I always seem to find food which has been frozen for too long, and that has to be tossed into the dumpster.  As a result, I will develop a plan to minimize the opportunities for this to happen again, and then gradually use up the good food left in the freezer.  Once there is enough room in my freezer, I plan to start buying some pre-made meals again. I plan to finally cancel my Freshly subscription instead of resuming it.  In its place, I plan to go back to Top Chef Meals, and buy 10 meals at a time.  To do this, I need freezer space.  And it's a good time to start cooking the food I put in the freezer over the past year. I guess I'll learn how to cook a little, so that I don't have to cook that much.

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Since politics has been a major part of most people's lives as of late (and will be until Biden takes office), I'll be glad when each day's news focuses more on the usual murders, fires, car crashes, and other disasters that befall us, instead of what our current president has/has not done to create chaos in our lives. Should we need to worry because a president leaves town without signing a needed Covid relief bill?  No.  But this is typical of a sociopathic 7 year old in a 74 year old body. And I'm very tired of his tantrums, and want him gone from the news.

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I figure that's enough for now.  Yes, many of these items are things I've covered before.  But as long as they have some importance to me, I will keep mentioning them....

 

 

 

Finally! We've made it to 2021!

 

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Yay!  2020 is finally over, and we've made it to 2021.  The first thing I want to say is that I hope that one ailing reader of this blog is still able to read it.  If anything happens to this reader, I hope that the spouse will drop me a line to let me know about things.

Last year was a very strange year.  I've written about the dispute with my ex.  But I have avoided mentioning that we've occasionally exchanged emails with each other.  My Facebook page has nothing worthwhile for her to read, and a mutual friend of ours would say that I have said nothing that references the ex there.  What I'll never tell her is that there will always be a part of me that will care for her, as both of us have likely put way too much between us to erase much of the pain from 2020.

Some of the strangeness of 2020 has to do with politics.  We've seen a president virtually go crazy, and no one from his cabinet or his political party bother to do anything about it.  We've been very lucky to see our election system hold, and that we will have a transfer of power on January 20th.  Since I'm writing this a little before Christmas, none of us have any idea whether our current president will be present at our new president's inauguration.  Will he be absent because he's to embarrassed to be present at an event that shows he's a loser?  Will he be absent because the inauguration will be both quiet and private because of the pandemic?  If I were the incoming president, I wouldn't bother with the usual pomp and circumstance, and would choose a private ceremony - to avoid creating a super spreader event.

I find it amazing how quickly "Big Pharma" developed vaccines for Covid-19.  And it's just in time.  America has gotten "pandemic tired" and needs to return to "normalcy".  Last spring, none of us would even think of taking planes to see family on the other side of the country. Today, Thanksgiving and Christmas have both become a sort of super spreader event.  I don't know how much longer we can take of not living "normal" lives.  And I think many people will be emotionally scarred due to life changes necessitated by the pandemic.  

2021 will bring a lot of changes with it.  And I look forward to most of them.  Hopefully, all of our lives will be a bit better this year....