It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

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I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

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Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

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At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

I now find that I try to avoid talk of politics (a short post)

 

I am still recovering from the November election.  In short, the Democrats didn't have a chance, as people have way too short memories of the chaos of the first Trump administration.  This means that I don't follow political news as closely as I once did, and I try to talk about other topics whenever possible.

Why do I mention this?

It's midnight, and RQS wanted to get information regarding who Trump's latest nominees are, and I wanted to discuss other things.  Although we didn't have an incident, I was uncomfortable for a minute or two.  And I was very glad that our conversation shifted into a more comfortable topic.

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On other matters....

I was too tired to get moving until 4 pm, when we decided to finally make our way outside for a pizza, and then go to the movies.  Although the pizza was very good (as usual), we couldn't say that about the movie - it was sold out in both of the theaters we went to.  At least, we got tickets for tomorrow's showing.

In short, today was mostly a nothing burger, and it was just as well.  Tomorrow, it will be Pedicures for two, followed by a trip back to the movie theater....

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

 

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

This is a question that has a simple and logical answer.  Liberals put a greater priority on the rights of the individual than they do for the community's need for individuals to surrender their rights to the collective for its preservation.  For example, who do we value more?  Do we value the contentious objector to a war fought for questionable reasons, such as Vietnam?  Or, do we value the drafted soldier who may give up his life fighting in the same war where our nation's goals were not achieved?  Whose rights matter more, the individual or the community?

Historically, gender was viewed as a binary in Western culture. Either one was born male or female, and then slotted into the roles assigned to the associated gender.  Household and community tasks were assigned to the genders, and rarely did things not match accepted Western cultural norms. Reproduction was a higher priority than it is today, as both a large number of women died in childbirth, and many children died before they were adults. Homosexuality was discouraged, and being transgender was totally out of the question. As you can guess, people who did not meet these norms had to hide their true selves in order to survive.  

The 20th century brought us great change.  We had 2 world wars.  We entered the computer age. And Christine Jorgensen made news with her sex change (now called gender confirmation/correction surgery). Things people took for granted as unchangeable could now be changed.  Gender may be the first attribute assigned to identify a person, and traditionally has been based on a person's visible genitalia for good reason. This can scare people with weak self identities. These people tend to cling to traditional ways of identifying people, and reject transgender people as freaks - simply because they don't understand the emotional pains of people born with a brain that develops with the characteristics of one gender, while the body develops with the characteristics of the other. In short, those that reject transgenders as being weird are simply looking to conserve traditional ways of understanding the world.

When people are rejected by a collective group of people, they gravitate to others that will accept them. Liberals tend to be much more diverse in views and expressions, as they accept non-traditional ways of defining the world.  This is why transgenders tend to associate with liberals - we are accepted for who we are, and not being forced to comply with others' ways of looking at the world.

Yet, there will always be some transgender people who identify with others that hold "conservative" values - even when those others reject them because of being transgender.  I'll never understand why some people keep trying to belong to groups that would reject them. But then, humans are a tribal species, and none of us enjoys being rejected by our peers.  One trans person I've met moved to a "conservative" region of my state and decided to go to the local church - and was rejected because she was transgender.  I don't know what happened to this trans woman since then, but I know the rejection must have hurt her very much.

So I have to ask, have you noticed how political conservatives are using the "fear of the other" to control the masses?  Look at Trump's lie, saying that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, OH are stealing dogs and cats, then eating them.  This has "given permission" to crazy people to terrorize the residents of this city, and has forced schools, offices, and public events to be shut down for public safety. Contrast Trump's lies with objective reality - the Haitians have been a net benefit to Springfield, law abiding people who have helped in the rebirth of the city.  No wonder why transgenders skew towards being liberal - we have suffered like most of the groups that have been defined as "the other".

So, what do you believe and why do you believe it?

 

The older I get, the more I know when to get worried or not.

 

There is one big advantage to being young: The invincibility that one often feels propels us to take chances in life that older and wiser people might not take.  For example, when young, we often choose our mates on superficial characteristics.  For example: Is s/he good looking?  This question may have evolved as a way to determine the health characteristics of a person during the age that they are most fertile.  It also can reflect how high a status level a mate might have (especially in males), as both attractiveness and height can reflect both physical health and social position. 

But what questions should we ask as we get older?  What advantages do we have because we have successfully made it to old age?  This is where I feel that I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  Yes, my body is slowly breaking down as a normal part of aging.  But the memories and skills I've developed over those years have given me the insights to ask better questions when choosing a mate.

Lately, I've been thinking about how many big mistakes I've made in my life.  Some of these mistakes occurred because I didn't have enough knowledge to make wise decisions.  Others were made because I didn't have the skills to implement those wise decisions.  When I was young, I had low expectations - if the woman I dated accepted me and we didn't kill each other, then she was acceptable.  Can I say that I'd have married my late wife had I known what would happen in the future?  Maybe not.  But would she have chosen me had she known what would occur in our marriage?  Again, maybe not.  I could say similar things about other women I've dated.  But with RQS, both of us knew what we were getting early on in our relationship, and we have similar values with complimentary communication styles.  This makes having a healthy relationship possible, and we have yet to shout "Tastes Great!" or "Less Filling!" at each other..

Many men look for "a nurse and a purse" when they look for a woman in their senior years.  Women also look for the same, with emphasis on the purse due to inequality of wealth between the genders.  Neither of us wanted that.  We simply wanted companionship, with a little romance on the side.  RQS knew I was transgender from our second date, and I knew about her issues the day I met her.  We feel good when we're together, and I'm glad that she brings up issues for me to handle before they have the chance to fester and cause us problems.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to take advantage of the benefits of being old before the drawbacks cripple us and make it impossible for us to enjoy the rest of our lives.  After my mom died, my dad became less active over the years, and eventually not able to live on his own.  Neither RQS nor I want to have old age take away our abilities to live life without being in a care home.  The care home may be in our futures.  But until then, we will try to live as best we can.  (Albeit with me in dresses most of the time.)

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But what do I worry about?

Lately, I find myself worrying about the possibility that the United States will become a fundamentalist "Christian" autocracy led by a bombastic narcissistic grifter.  It's bad enough that this person is a cult leader.  Unfortunately, we have seen the mess he made of this country in his 4 years in power.  Now, he has had 4 years to learn how to cement his control over the country, I'm afraid of what he will do to anyone who is not a white, straight, christian, cisgender male.  As it stands GOP loyalists have turned the clock back to 1973.  I'm afraid that it will turn the clock back to 1925.  

If we examine the events that occurred to end the "Roaring Twenties", American society changed from being an optimistic, outward looking people to a pessimistic, inward looking people within a few years.  What will happen if the GOP gets full control of the country again?  Will they screw things up as they did in the 1920's?  Will America become more like Nazi Germany than the USA under the New Deal?  Who knows?  But this is what I worry about at night....

 

I didn't do much today, save for grocery shopping and laundry.

 

I wasn't able to get to sleep last night.  So, all my plans for the day were fouled up before noon.  Originally, I was supposed to go out for an exercise walk while it was cool outside, contact an electrolysis operator for a consultation, contact my sleep doctor's office to find out when I should expect a call from the people setting up my sleep test, call the lab to set up the brain scan for a study I'll be participating in, and then get around to both laundry and food shopping.  It's not as much to do as it sounds.  But when one has no energy until mid afternoon, one can only do so much during daytime hours.

The first thing I took care of was to make the brain scan appointment.  It's a larger study than I might think, as it is being coordinated from a site in California.  Next, I tried to contact an electrolysis operator for a consultation, but both of the local operators were on vacation.  Finally, after getting showered, dressed and made up, I was out the door and off to Trader Joe's.  $35 later, I was returning home in time to get a load of laundry in before the soft deadline of 9:00 pm (start) / 10:00 pm (finish).  So, I carted my laundry downstairs, and got it done in time for RQS's arrival tomorrow.

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While I write this, I have MSNBC on in the background.  Earlier, I had our former president's news conference on for a while.  As much as MSNBC panders to an educated elite, the ex president panders to an uninformed audience, an audience who lets authority figures feed them misinformation to be ingested without critical analysis.  Sadly, a significant part of our population believes his nonsense, as he is the leader of a political cult.  I can tolerate the left's talking heads, as they aren't feeding their audience the message that "White America is being overrun by illegal aliens that have come to take our jobs."  But I have to turn off Fox News' propaganda, as they have targeted people who are afraid of any cultural and economic changes that put "White Privilege" at risk.

After sitting down to write this entry, I opened up a letter from one of my credit card banks.  Seems like $3,700+ was credited to my card in error.  Next time I'm out as Mario, I'll visit the bank to see what's up.  If this was a debit, I'd take off my nail polish and visit the branch before picking up RQS at the train station.   Hopefully, I can get this error fixed AND have the service charge removed.

I've just enrolled in a scientific study

 

I won't go into details, but I've enrolled in a scientific study on brain performance that will last the better part of 3 months.  It will involve MRI Scans at the beginning and at the end of the study, zoom interviews, and use of some software for 15 min/day for 12 weeks.  This will be the first time I will be participating in any kind of study, and I think I should have fun doing so.

Why do I note this?

As I get older, I want to contribute a little to the world.  Doing anything related to politics is a non-starter, as I have way too many skeletons in my closet that, if exposed, would cause me a lot of grief.  The idea of leaving money to a scholarship fund still has value to me, but the logistics of setting it up may make this idea a non-starter.  Volunteering has lost its luster for me, given how little I enjoy many of the grunt tasks I once did.  So, when RQS told me about this study, I figured that I'd apply and see if I would be accepted.  And I was.   (More on this study later....)

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What I'd love to see is a scientific study on the types of people who hold rigid social/political/religious beliefs.  Is there something that can be gained by knowing how people function better than they know themselves?  Would this information be abused?  We already know how well political pollsters can gauge how the masses will react to certain messaging.  We already know how people react to selected advertising campaigns.  But at what level should this information stop being collected and analyzed?  Could we figure out why people join cults, and how to break their ties to their cults?  Could this be used in politics?  What about marketing?  Just because I'd like to see research in this area, I'm not sure if it wouldn't be misused.

We have extreme political polarization right now.  I'd like to be able to use scientific methods to end that polarization, as well as prevent it from happening again.  Sadly, populist leaders have an innate sense of how to manipulate people, and society at large doesn't have the tools to prevent populism from becoming a cult.  Life isn't simple as I'd like it to be....

I could ramble on  for a long while and say nothing of note.  So I'll end this entry here for today.

Guess where I'll be going soon....? (And, NO, it's not another cruise.)

 

By the time you read this, the Universal Standard sample sale will be over.  To its loyal customers, Universal Standard made many of its current sample pieces available online, so that they could clear out some inventory.  This T-Girl loves the quality of the store's products, and can only wish I had a nicer body on which to wear their garments.

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My late wife would be laughing at me, as I have become quite a clothes horse.  It's nice to receive a new article of clothing in the mail (or from Amazon, UPS, or FedEx) and have a chance to wear it.  Unlike my late wife, I tend to wear the stuff I buy - especially now that I'm buying clothes of a higher quality (preferably at a deep discount).  When I pass, I don't expect that there will be any garments in my closet that still have price tags, as most will have been worn several times.

As I've mentioned in prior entries, I have bought some exercise wear, so that I can go out walking and not get my good clothes ruined by sweat. I have also bought some nice casual clothes to wear on warm days - and will be wearing them soon.  But the question remains: what should this T-Girl wear in colder weather?  Fewer women are wearing dresses in cool weather than they did when I was a kid, and I don't want to stand out - I want to blend in with the other women around me.

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On other matters, RQS and I were discussing the personalities of our Texas friends.  One of these friends is very observant, saying relatively little, but shows quite a bit of confidence.  The other shows her rough edges, and I'd love to help her smooth them out.  But unless asked, I'll keep my mouth shut and give advice only when asked for.

One of these days, I'd like to be presentable enough to spend the day in their area as Marian, and then revert to my male presentation for maximum safety.  This might mean bringing a little bit of both male and female wardrobes with me if I were to visit, and then switch between modes only for that part of the trip.  First, I want to see a Democrat elected as Governor again in that state....

This brings me to politics.  We're seeing a snow motion coup being staged by the GOP, with Trump as their charismatic leader.  What frightens me is that the people who'll being him to power will not be able to control the beast they have unchained.  We've seen this scenario 90 years ago in Central Europe, and I'm afraid it might happen here.  If the worst happens, Canada will only be a way stop for me, as I want to get completely out of Dodge before High Noon.  I wonder how many people will be able to make the last train out....

Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

The future looks scary, and not for the expected reasons.

 

Even though I am turning 67 this year, death hasn't yet scared me that much.  I still see a future ahead of me, and then - who knows?  But what does scare me is that I am transgender, and that the "religious right" in politics is targeting people like me for their pogroms.

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Recently, I awoke to a rerun of a program discussing how the Christian Nationalists are plotting to take over the levers of American government and take away hard earned rights from the LGBTIQ community.  This scares me, as I have been open enough to be easily persecuted if the worst happens.  Yet, I feel that I will have enough time to pack up my bags and find a temporary home if the worst happens.

But why does the fear of religious persecution keep me up at night, and not that of death?

All people die.  Why worry about something you can't control or avoid?  But being persecuted is something I might be able to avoid, and history has shown that it is possible if one is able to act early enough.  Right now, I fear that I might be living in the equivalent of Germany's Weimar Republic of the 1920's, and that we may soon enter the equivalent of the Third Reich of the 1930's.  Given that we know what happened to Germany in 1945, there is a lot for a thinking person to be worried about.

Do I have a plan for the worst case scenario?

Right now, I am working on an escape plan.  But this is not enough.  Anyone who leaves this mess may need to bring their money with them as well.  If I were in my 20's, I'd leave this country and put down roots elsewhere.  Canada might not be a good option, as I remember what happened to Austria when the Nazis had power.  The last thing that the US or Canada needs is to unify under a single government.  Ireland or the UK would be good options, but could they maintain their own independence? 

In youth, it's easy to find places where one can start life anew.  If I had to leave the US when I was in my 20's, I'd have had my choice of English speaking nations.  But 40 years later, I no longer have the skills that would make me desirable candidate to be accepted in a new country.

So, what am I doing?

For the most part, I'm speaking my truth to others, hoping they will see the dangers coming from the right.  Sadly, I think identity politics is finally going to get the best of America, and that I may find myself looking for the nearest border if the worst happens....

Sometimes, I don't have much to say. Sometimes, I have a lot.

 

Lately, I have been thinking of politics much more than usual. Given that Trump is going Senile and no one is standing in his way to get the GOP nomination, I'm a little concerned about what would happen if he has control over the "Football" again.

The former president is a narcissist who needs to be loved by everyone with whom he comes into contact. He has no loyalty to friends and family, nor does he have any loyalty to the country.  But he has a following of lemming like supporters.  This afternoon, while I was driving home, I stopped into a pizzeria. Sitting down at a table was the owner, a man who wore a MAGA baseball cap.  There was no way that I wanted to have a political discussion with this person.  So I took my pizza and walked to a table in the back to eat it.

Of course, RQS can say that I am a motor mouth.  And she'd be right.  I can go on for hours about some subjects, and have done so often.  But this time, I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and walk away.  I only wonder if this person really understood that he was getting conned by a master con man.

Poly = Many, Tics = Flesh Eating Insects

 

As I write this, the House of Representatives has just elected a new Speaker - an ultra conservative lunatic. Why do I call him a lunatic?  Anyone who opposes late term abortions to preserve the life of the mother has to be crazy.  His policies, such as a total late term abortion ban, if enacted, will put the lives of many cisgender women at risk.  Even though I am transgender, and never will directly have anything at risk with this policy, I have to fight for those that do - else, I will have no excuse to ask cisgender women for help when these lunatics attack us transgender people.

The previous speaker was elected after 15 votes.  Before the election was over, no actions could be taken by the house.  Due to an action from a radical from the far right, the first speaker was removed from his position, and it took 3 weeks for a new speaker to be elected.  Since they didn't change the rule which allowed the former speaker to be removed, I fully expect that we will see someone invoke it to remove this speaker when the current spending bill expires.  (Will we have a government shutdown or not?  A House without a speaker when the spending bill expires will be a disaster. But I don't put it past the far right....)

So, where am I going with this?

Right now, the "right" is busy fighting amongst its allies.  Moderate "conservatives" are being coerced to give their votes to the radicals. (Look at how Jim Jordan's allies allegedly gave death threats to people who didn't support him for examples of this coercion.)  My congressional representative voted for the current speaker of the house.  This cemented my resolution to be part of the bloc that (hopefully) votes him out next year.

Given that transgender people will continue to be a target of the far right, I expect that attacks against us will resume soon.  This means that we must continue our efforts to get more trans people into positions of power, so that we (and our allies) to check and balance the power of the lunatic right until sanity (hopefully) can be restored to the GOP.

Most of us are not ready to "out" ourselves and be targets for the lunatics on the right.  But we can vote for our allies.  So, it's time to register to vote, and participate in local politics when possible.  As they say, all politics are local.  That's where we can make our first stand against lunacy.   And I intend to do just that....

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....

Seeing Vicki for Lunch

 

It's been a long time since I've been able to see Vicki (#2) for pleasure.  The last time I saw her, her spouse had passed away, and there wasn't a good opportunity to introduce her to RQS, except for a fleeting moment.  Today, we finally got together for lunch and we went to one of our old standby restaurants - Aberdeen Cantonese Restaurant in White Plains.

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About a week ago, Vicki suggested that we get together for afternoon tea.  This morning, she decided to make a reservation and found out that the place was closed for July.  The next place she thought of was closed for the day.  So we ended up going to Aberdeen for Dim Sum.  Yum!

Aberdeen was just as I remembered.  Although there no longer are any Dim Sum carts parading around the floor, one can order exactly what he/she wants and have it delivered quicker than the time one would wait for a Dim Sum cart to make its rounds. This ended up creating a minor problem.  We ordered several dishes that all came at once - leaving us no room on the table.  However, we worked around this problem by focusing on eating one dish at a time, so that we could clear the table of dishes as we polished off what they once had on them.

I have to note that Vicki has a non-binary offspring.  She noted that given our nation's politics, that her child had to travel in male drag - even though they have a beard, they tend to wear clothing usually associated with females.  It's a shame that she had to do this.  But given the culture of intolerance being fostered by Florida's governor, it was the safe way for her child to travel.

All too soon, we had to part.  Vicki noted that she would like to meet RQS soon.  So I'll have to find some time when Vicki and RQS are free, in order to have everyone get together for dinner.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, so I go away from things related to being transgender

 

Today, I posted something that got no one's attention.  And I can't blame people for looking elsewhere for something interesting to read.  However, one of the problems with being confident in one's ability to interact with the world as a transgender female is that there is often nothing to say about the experience. Most of us transgender people are able to go out and about in our worlds with only minor complaints from the peanut galleries.

The first post I made today was triggered by something that bothers me: The plethora of computer wire interface standards, and having to have cables for every type of device I own.  Obviously, few people are concerned about all the extra cables which need to be carried when one goes away on a trip.  I guess most people take this for granted these days.

Just because I had nothing to say didn't mean that my concerns about life have gone away.  I still see the power grab from the fundamentalist and authoritarian right wing to be a major threat to me and civil society.  But there's only so much I can say about this before I get sick to my stomach.  People like our former president, the governor of Florida, and the governing majority of several state legislatures  are a existential threat to all of us.  

In the past, I've said that Liberals aren't much of a threat to society, as they focus on the needs of the individual.  Individuals tend to have a harder time imposing their will on groups made up of other individualistic personalities, as they are not as prone to need authority figures to authorize their behaviors.  This serves as a check and balance on Liberals' ability to impose extreme positions on others lives.  However, I have grown to believe that radical conservatism is a grave threat to society, as power hungry individuals find conservatives easy to manipulate because they need authority figures to both authorize and choose the actions conservative people will take.  They follow a "primitive brain" need to follow leaders who have achieved "top dog" status by the use of some sort of power.  They follow these leaders out of fear, and adjust their beliefs to fit stories told by those leaders.

There will always be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of society.  The 2023 debt limit debate has been used as a tool to bludgeon the liberals to give up supporting individuals in need.  At the time I'm writing this entry, I have no idea how this political issue will be resolved. But I know one thing - the lunatics are now in charge of the US House of Representatives, and they pose the greatest risk to us all, both conservative and liberal alike.

As I write this, a sad day.

 

As much as some people are happy to see this day, smart people also have a bit of sadness too.  Our former president has been indicted on 34 counts in New York State.  We have never seen anything like this before, and it will be a precedent no matter what results from the trial.

People who know me know that I despise our former president for how he divided this country and for how he normalized extremist nuts.  Even worse, he created a situation where professional politicians are afraid of his supporters - something reminiscent of 1930's Germany.  And yet, our republic has survived - so far.

Trump's lawyers have characterized this indictment as a political action, claiming that the ex-president's opponents are using the courts to harm him.  I find this amazing, as Trump is known for using the courts to get his way with others.  He claims that he is a political victim.  But he brought it on himself.  He pissed off too many people, and is now finding that Karma is a bitch.

I, for one, am upset that the trial will not take place until 2024, and that he will not be under any gag order to keep from aggravating the public in a way that would allow for a fair trial by a jury of his peers. I am also upset that there is no way to accelerate this case, so that it will not affect next year's election season.  I will be upset if this case creates a possible constitutional crisis, if Trump is elected but the trial is still taking place.  As they say, "Justice Delayed is Justice Denied" and Trump continues his tactic of trying to run out the clock.

It's a sad time for America, as we can no longer automatically hold our presidents in high esteem anymore.  This indictment shows us that our leaders are only human and must be held accountable for their actions when called for.  In short, it's time for America to grow up and realize that we are no longer the special "Beacon on the Hill" that we once thought this nation to be.

We are under attack!

 

Now that the GOP has lost its war against Homosexuals and "Gay Marriage", they have turned their sights directly onto us, the Transgender Community.  If one looks carefully at the bills that have been passed which ban gender related treatment, we see an underlying hatred for things "Conservatives" don't understand, are fearful of, and want to rid the world of because of that fear.

I see homosexuality and being transgender as part of a greater intersex spectrum, something that happens when one part of a fetus's development (brain and body) does not happen according to typical gender lines. This is different from many people see intersex, as I include the wiring of the brain as part of the definition of intersex.

When people are not able to classify something into something they can understand and manage, their fears go out of control.  Rationality is lost, as primeval instincts kick in.  When people live under constant threat due to their inability to escape poverty, they turn to bombastic populist leaders. When people remember "the good old days" without seeing how bad they were for others, they want simple answers to complicated problems.  We now see all of these issues and more in the people who support the radicals in today's GOP.

We are under attack.  There are a large number of places in this country where I am afraid to travel as Marian because of being transgender.  My rights to be treated with dignity and respect are being taken away by the likes of the governors of Florida and Texas, all for political gain.  The people of their states (and other "Red States" as well) need scapegoats to punish for their misfortune.  Even though I blend in well with cisgender women, I would not feel safe in entering a public washroom in these states.  If I were to enter a place of public accommodation, I could be discriminated against without reason.  And, if I were to deal with law enforcement authorities, I could be treated in a way that puts my life at risk.  Is this right?

There is a culture war going on right now, and large swaths of the population who have retreated into political tribalism. There are large areas of this nation which are one party states.  In the past, even the dominant party in these states could reasonably be expected to be voted out if it didn't do a good enough job for their states.  This is not the case anymore.  People such as Florida's governor are trying to ban the opposition political party for actions many of its leaders took over 160 years ago. This is not democracy in action.  This is an authoritarian government in waiting that is trying to do this.

I'm not sure of what we can do next.  Strangely enough, I would take (the lunatic) Marjorie Taylor Greene's suggestion that we have a Red and Blue State divorce, and run with it a little. I'd suggest something a little bit more dangerous to the Red States: a requirement that the US Federal Government spend no more than 5% more or less in every state than it collects in tax revenue.  Since the Blue States contribute more to the government in tax revenues than they receive, this would be a net benefit to these states.  We could also set a federal minimum level for social spending in every state as a requirement for new federal projects to be placed in the Red States.  This would slow down the "Brain Drain" from Blue to Red states, caused by the poor education standards (as a whole) in those states. 

In my opinion, what we're seeing are the things that happen when there is a great difference in living standards between the rich and poor in a society.  Like the people of Brazil, America's people fell out of love with democracy and elected a bombastic and ineffective leader as it moved to the right, and then moved to the left as a backlash against the right.  Until we can force government to do its job, people at the margins of society are at great risk, as we are the pawns in a larger game of power.  

So what can we do to change things?  As a species, we do not like rapid or radical change. Progress can only come slowly.  In the case of politics, our leaders are in a continual battle to be reelected, so that they can gain power.  Not solving  problems is their best way to have things to rally against, and get votes.  As the parties become more extreme, the more likely one will pick a minority group (Jews, Muslims, Homosexuals, Transgenders, Political Opponents, etc.) as demons to obliterate.  But the question remains: How do we enact simple, long term changes to fix this?  To me, the answer is amazingly simple - term limits for all politicians.  Years ago, a friend told me that death gives meaning to life.  Without death, we'd have no reason to finish anything.  The same goes for elected leadership.  If a leader knows that s/he has only a limited amount of time to achieve anything, they will focus on getting important things done.  By that subtle change alone, there will be no need for scapegoats, as politicians would only be judged by what they supported, and not what they opposed.

Yes, I am proposing a subtle change to nudge the system in a way that benefits us.  This prevents the opposition from labeling this in a derogatory fashion.  And, if we were to "grandfather" all currently serving officeholders from these same term limits, we might get the support needed to make an important change in the system whose effect could be seen in a single generation.

What do you think? 

Politics - Another word for many flesh eating insects

 

Lately, there have been a lot of storm clouds in the sky for us transgender folk.  Now that Roe v. Wade has been overturned, the lunatic right is well on the way to eliminating same sex marriage, as well as the ability of transgender people to get both appropriate medical treatment and to have their gender recognized by law.

Many of us will always stand out as transgender, and that might not be a bad thing in "normal" times.  But in these times, we might be safer if we could live in the closet and quietly work to subvert the power of America's right wing.  This is far from an ideal situation, as we should not have to go into hiding to survive.

I am reminded of Central Europe in the early 1930's.  Germany quickly went from a democratic nation with religious freedom to an authoritarian nation with no religious freedom.  The nation was ruled by a man with a personality cult - something we have been temporarily able to stop for a while.  But we are not out of the woods.  The party that Trump led still wants power for the sake of power.  It has no real governing philosophy.

Right now, I am totally disgusted by the GOP, as they have let political cockroaches take hold of the party.  And, like cockroaches, they are hard to keep at bay.  I only wish we had the political bug spray needed to rid the GOP of this cancer that could kill democracy in our nation.

Sometimes, I let things slide

The title of today's entry may be a little misleading.  I'm not talking about not getting angry at something.  Instead, I'm talking about someone posting something political (and offensive) at work on office equipment and not planning on doing anything about it.

As I've noted before, my office is a model of diversity.  Somehow, we have people of all political persuasions working together.  Yet, one incident could set off a series of falling dominoes - and I do not plan on pushing that first domino.  For me, it is a female Trump supporter who has posted a "Brandon" sticker (a Trumpster's way of saying "Fuck You Biden") that bothers me.  No, it's not the idea that this seemingly sane person is a Trump supporter that bothers me.  Instead, it's the fact that she has affixed a political bumper sticker to her office equipment.

People will have very different views on life and yet work well together.  For the purpose of maintaining peace, I plan to let this defacing of office equipment slide - especially when I do not have to see it on a regular basis.  I just wonder what will happen to many of these Trump supporters if he is indicted, tried, and convicted.  How will these people keep their cool in the office when people like me start cheering?  Someone will push the first domino, and I don't want to be there when it happens....

Where is Skeeter Davis when you need her for a theme song?

 

At the time I started to write this entry, I was watching a film on Netflix called "Don't Look Up."  It's the story of two people who find a planet destroying comet, and all of the lunacy that happens when politicians and businessmen try to spin this knowledge for their own gains.  

All too often, we're finding that our political leadership uses emotional manipulation to keep the common people under control.  Much of our media dulls our senses, so that we won't notice the truths we have to deal with on a regular basis.  In the film, the media is painted as only wanting to deliver "happy news", trying to spin the projected destruction of the earth into an event that will benefit us all.  This is too close to real life for comfort, given the amount of "happy news" being broadcast on network TV.

What would happen if there was an extinction level event?  Given the past few years of politics, I think we'd fail to rise to the challenge.   Hopefully, Skeeter Davis would have had an alternate version of "It's the End of the World." in the can for us to listen to.

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But enough of that....

Today was a typical weekend day that started out with nothing for me to do, save clean up this apartment of mine.  And I proceeded to kill time as to not do that.  Then, I still have a hard decision to make - do I really want to keep this job I have?  I like having the money from the job, but I don't like how drained I feel after a long day at the office.  No, I can't complain about how I'm being treated.  It's the nature of the work environment that I don't like - it's an electronic assembly line that doesn't allow much for social interaction.  This is a problem for me, as I need more social interaction than I'm getting now.

After wasting the whole day in bed watching TV, I decided to go out as Mario.  It feels a little strange getting dressed this way, but it is the quickest thing I can do to get out - even if only to fill my car up with gas.  Unfortunately, I went to the wrong supermarket (ACME) as they did not seem to have a section where I could find pre-made meals that I could heat up at lunch.  So I picked up a couple of frozen dinners, and will eat them until I can go to Stew Leonard's or Wegmans to get something "Fresh."

Once I finished dinner, I called CWS.  Three hours later, we realized how long our call was, and called it a night.  But that wasn't the end of phone calls.  My friend Patty texted me to wish me a Happy New Year, and we ended up on a phone call that lasted another hour or so. 

It was the day after the storm, and I made it into work.

 

This is what parts of Mamaroneck, NY looked like after hurricane/tropical storm Ida came through for its visit.  Much of Lower Westchester could be described as places that "You can't get there from here."  And looking at the picture above, it is easy to understand why this is so.

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Right now, there is a lot of finger pointing going on.  After any major storm, politicians will make a lot of noises and do a lot of nothing.  In the case of Ida, images should be a wake up call that major upgrades to our infrastructure are needed to deal with the effects of global warming.  Unfortunately, this takes money - something we don't have enough of.

My current path to work goes through areas which could get flooded out.  However, I was lucky, as that the only traffic jam I encountered was less than 2 miles away from my office.  Even then, there were no floods blocking my path to work.  Instead, other people's paths to work were blocked in front of me, and the cars going in the opposite direction from me prevented me from speeding off an exit ramp, then making a right turn to make it the last mile to work.  So I drove on the shoulder to do this, and made it to work only 5 minutes late.  Not much for me to get frustrated about. But I can only imagine how it was for the man who hired me - he had to come from Jersey....

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But things could be worse than to have a bad commute to work - One could have had to drive home in the middle of this storm.  There are some people who are not "emergency personnel" (Firemen, Police, Doctors, etc.) who had to be at work and do not have the option to work from home.  An example of this class of worker is a New York City based sportscaster covering an out of town ball game from his hometown ballpark. When the 83 y/o John Sterling left Yankee Stadium after the end of the game against the Angels, he drove home during some of Ida's worst rains.  Due to floods, he got stuck in his car somewhere in Edgewater, NJ. Luckily, Spanish Language announcer Rickie Ricardo (I couldn't but chuckle at the name, given classic TV shows) was able to rescue Sterling safely and deliver him home. 

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Hopefully, my local readers made it through the storm safe and sound, with minimal property damage.