A more pleasant day, knowing that I'd be playing games tonight.

 

This is the way I wish my face could have looked when I was younger.  I'd have had a full head of hair, a female face, and a friendly, outgoing demeanor.  Instead, I grew up as a male, with all the repression of my authentic self that many transgender people have.

Given America's march towards an unchecked authoritarian regime, I needed something to cheer me up, as I wouldn't be able to present as Marian until next week.  Luckily, it was game night, and I made my trek to Yonkers for a fun night.  And tonight, both host and hostess were there for games, giving me to talk about their TG son after the games ended.

While there, I sent a link to one of our gamers (a leftist) for an article showing how close America is to having a "French Style" revolution.  I know he'll find that interesting when he gets the chance to read it. After the games were over, I had the chance to have a quick chat about the couple's TG son, finding out that almost everyone is trying to treat him with respect.  Something I didn't ask about, but got an answer I was glad to know, was that their son won't be getting any hormone treatments until he is 18.  I then mentioned that I felt they were doing the right thing, as he should be of legal age before making a permanent decision about his life and the body he will live in.

All too soon, it was time to leave.  It was pouring when I made it to my car.  So, I made my usual late night phone call to RQS (albeit, an hour early), while driving to Walmart for a second set of new bed linens. Now, I can alternate between sets on the bed and in the hamper.  I didn't have the time to get to the supermarket as planned, but this wasn't a real problem for me.  I can take care of that on my way back from Long Island this weekend.

A snowy weekend - and I left my car at home.

 

I had planned to be with RQS this weekend, but this put me at risk of getting fined by my co-op.  By the time I would get home, I expected to clear off 7" of snow from my car and possibly get dinged with a fine from my co-op.

- - - - - -

Friday started with laundry - 3 loads of it.  By the time I was packed, out the door, and on my way to RQS's place, it was 2-3 hours later than expected.  I didn't make it to RQS's place until 7:30 pm.  Luckily, she had already started to cook dinner when I left the subway and transferred to the bus to her house. The rest of the evening wasn't that exciting.  We fell into our usual routine and watched a couple of movies before felling asleep.

Saturday came, and with it, the exterminator.  Each month, the exterminator is scheduled to take care of RQS's building, and today was the day.  Once his visit was over, it was off to the library to drop off some books, and then to one of our go-to restaurants for a bite to eat.  They were about to close, so we decided to get this food to-go and eat it at home.

Around 7 pm, the snow started to fall and I knew we were in for the night.  Although we weren't planning on doing anything this evening, it made me feel a little worried - if I didn't get home early enough on Sunday, I could have some problems with my co-op.  As they say, "the die is cast", and I would deal with things after getting home.

Sunday came, and there was less snow on the ground than expected.  Even with this, I figured that I should leave RQS's place a bit early, so that I could shovel out my car in daylight and move it back into my assigned spot.  This way, the co-op has less of an opportunity to ding me for not getting my car into the street so that the driveways could be cleared.  I left RQS around 1 pm, and made it to Grand Central in the nick of time to make the 1:50 train to Croton.  By 3:00 pm, I was home, and had a chance to finish this post before shoveling some snow....

- - - - - -

On other matters....

It looks like the Orange Snowflake is trying to put the LGBTIQ community back in the closet.  (Not that we didn't know this already.)  We've seen him give executive orders to (fr now) make it impossible to get a gender marker changed on federal documents, as well as erasing any statistics that refer to LGBTIQ's from federal websites.  This is the first step among many in which he intends to hurt us.

Why do I mention this?

Stalin made sure that no statistics were kept for his reign of terror.  It is estimated that 28 million people lost their lives in the gulags while he was in power.  We may not be able to stop the Snowflake from deleting our history for now.  But we can throw a wrench into his plans in regard to another at risk group - the illegal immigrants.  How, you may ask?  Get congress to act by requiring that accurate statistics be kept.  The public has a right to know how much the Snowflake's removal efforts are costing, as well as being able to know how many illegals of each category are being removed.  The more data we have, the more tools we can have to force congress to act when the time is right.

Right now, GOP members of the house and senate are afraid of losing power.  What they don't know is by surrendering their chambers' powers to the Snowflake and the SA Nazi (Musk), they are surrendering their own power and won't get it back.  We've seen this happen before.  But now, we can take a different path of activism.  Lawsuits can be filed in friendly federal courts, and slow down the march to tyranny.  I suggest that everyone buy copies of On Tyranny, and How Democracies Die to understand what is going on, and how we can cause the Snowflake some grief.

Eastern Caribbean Cruise - Debarkation Day (02/02/25)

 

Our ship was situated outside New York harbor until roughly 5 am, when the ship started to make port in Brooklyn and end our cruise. The above picture was taken from the ship's port side camera's TV feed.  It's far from the same view when taken from a balcony cabin.

- - - - - -

Neither RQS nor I got enough sleep overnight, and I was awake from 3 am onwards.  Around 7 am, we went to the main dining room for one last time for breakfast.  A lady at the table next to us was on the same cruise I was on for my first MSC cruise, and had similar opinions as I did regarding that cruise. Luckily for us, this cruise was much better all around - the food was better and the entertainment was better.  Yet, service was still hit or miss. Our conversation turned to the day's politics, and people at the table next to her joined in - none of us liked what the Orange Snowflake was doing in DC.

Once breakfast was over, we killed time waiting for our disembarkation group to be called.  Our number was called shortly before 9:30 am, and we proceeded to pick up our luggage and kill time inside the terminal, avoiding having to spend excess time in the cold waiting for a ferry that would take us to Atlantic avenue where we'd summon an Uber.  I noticed that staff was allowing handicapped people to take a shortcut and bypass the snaking line leading to the Customs/Immigration stations on our way out of the building.  So I told RQS to take out her cane, and we saved 15 minutes which we'd spend waiting for the ferry. The ferry came at 10:35, and we were at Atlantic avenue by 11 am, and the Uber got us back to RQS's place by 11:30 am.  However, I would still have to wait before I could go home - my brother couldn't pick me up until 4 pm.  So, I rested a while, and my brother arrived when expected.  

We were at the family homestead 30 minutes later, and we discussed what was needed to bring the house up to snuff for rental.  In addition to absolutely needed repairs, we may end up adding a half bath in the basement to increase the rent we can charge. Then, finally, I loaded my bags into my car and drove home.  With a stop for dinner and some food shopping factored in, it didn't take me long to get home.  Finally, I can sleep in my own bed again!

There are many levels of paperwork to be dealt with.

 

As I might have mentioned, I am in the process of getting a second passport.  With the lunacy going on in the USA, it would be foolish of any trans person not to have an escape route out of the USA if the worst were to happen.  (Given the similarities of 2024's USA to 1932's Germany, it's not as far fetched as many middle of the road Americans might think.)  To do this, in my case, one has to have a grandparent born in a particular country, then prove that you have a right to citizenship via "Overseas Births".  This means the following:

1. Get a copy of one's grandparent's birth certificate from the country of origin.
   (My brother mailed away to the appropriate people, and got a certified copy of this document.)
   
   
2. Get a copy of the birth certificate that shows one's parent qualified to be a citizen via overseas birthright.  (I was charged to take care of this.)
   
   
3. Get a copy of my birth certificate, showing my father (or mother) was my parent by blood. 
   (This would show that I qualify for citizenship via Overseas Birth.)
   

Steps 1 & 3 didn't take much time.  However, Step 2 took 14 weeks, as New York City and New York State had to be involved with this process.  Now that I have proof of my lineage, I can proceed to the next step - beginning the process of filing paperwork to get citizenship via overseas birth.

- - - - - -

Italy, Ireland, and the United Kingdom are 3 countries which allow for citizenship via overseas births.  However, the UK only provides for patrilineal overseas birth citizenship.  Yet, having an Irish passport allows one to BOTH reside in the European Union and the United Kingdom, as Ireland and the UK have treaties that were in effect before the EU was established.  From what I understand, Germany and Russia also have forms of overseas birth citizenship, but I won't comment on them here.

I also may qualify for a third passport based on my mother's lineage.  If I were to get that, I could travel (and possibly live) anywhere in the British Commonwealth.    Right now, I am focused on getting my 2nd passport based on my father's lineage, as it gives me the most freedom to travel if needed....

Keep your fingers crossed.

Idiocracy

 

With what's going on in America these days, I wonder if we're already in an Idiocracy.  The movie was supposed to be one big joke.  Yet, somehow, reality is becoming stranger than fiction.

- - - - - -

To start, I'll note that as I have become more educated, my politics have turned leftward.  No, it is not because my core values have changed.  But it is because I understand the world as a complex system that has no ideal solutions to its many problems.  People who lean right see the world in simplistic terms, as if the universe was a simple binary system.  

Unfortunately, the more complex a system becomes, the more unlikely it is to work well as there are a greater number of failure points.  America was designed well for simpler times.  Our constitution was designed to be flexible enough to be adopted to changing times.  But the one thing that couldn't be foreseen was that as our nation grew and technology advanced, that we would have millions of poorly educated people stuck in dead-end jobs, bereft of opportunities to advance themselves.  To make things worse, each of these uneducated people has an equal power in their votes which determine the direction our country takes.  Since each of these poorly educated people is a point of failure in our nation, no wonder why we are so dysfunctional as a nation.

Our founding fathers' big mistake was to assume that the majority of men (now people) running this country would be people of reasonable virtue.  They could not foresee a time where a person like our president to be could get elected by lying in his campaign statements.  Although educated people did not believe these lies, the poorly educated echoed them as if they were truth, helping to get this convicted criminal elected president.

When one looks at the president to be and his cabinet nominations, one sees great incompetence ready to take over the reins of government.  The best example of these bad choices is RFK jr. to be in charge of the nation's health.  Vaccinations have been responsible for the eradication of Polio; the reduction (if not elimination) of diseases such as Rubella, Whooping Cough, Measles and Mumps; as well as helping to slow down the spread of Covid-19.  Yet, RFK jr. is the darling of the conspiracy set who believe that vaccinations should be banned.  I have met the man, and found him to be lacking in the things needed to be an effective leader.  And he is only the tip of an iceberg.

I fear what will happen on inauguration day.  Will we be a nation run by idiots?  Or, will congress and the courts come to their senses and stop the executive branch from hastening the decline of our nation?  Only time will give us an answer to these questions....

Thinking about the year soon gone.

 

RQS and I seem to be spending most of our free time together, and we've got a routine that seems to be working for us.  This got me thinking about how my life has changed over the past few years, and how things seem to be crystalizing into something nice this past year.

- - - - - -

At the beginning of the year, I was concerned about visiting my uncle before he passed away.  Sadly, this did not happen, and I ended up taking a California Coastal Cruise by myself - one of the few times I've traveled lately without her.  (Yes, I will note that I booked my Hawaii cruise before I met her, but I did offer to have her come with me on the cruise.)  Our big trip was our Norwegian Cruise in June   And then, we took 2 separate cruises to Bermuda.  Cruising has become our favorite form of vacation, but the idea of visiting places already visited has diminished.  We want to experience new places.  And that may mean changing how we travel and where we go.

As we age, we have to worry a bit about changes in our health.  RQS has had her health problems, and I have had my issues.  I will soon need to search for a new GP, as my doctor is getting old.  He's a good doctor, but I have my issues about reaching his office, and the quality of his staff.  My sleep doctor is retiring at year end, and I need to find out who I will need to see for future follow-ups.  Luckily, the doctor who performed my colonoscopy is young, and I will likely be able to see him when I next need to have the lower part of my GI-Tract inspected.

Getting older often means that one will see his/her peers gradually die off.  Earlier this year, one of the people with whom I went to college suddenly passed away.  My cousin passed away just before RQS and I went on one of our Bermuda cruises.  And last night, I was told that the clinical supervisor for my feminine speech training at Mercy College had passed away due to a heart attack.  I live one of the more unhealthy lifestyles of people I know.  Yet, I've been lucky enough to maintain my addictions to air, water and food.  

Now that I've been out of the workforce for 2+ years, I miss work for only one reason - the social aspect of being in an office.  Towards the end of my work life, I knew that my efforts were underappreciated.  At the bank, I was no longer in the location where the company was growing, I was in a field that was quickly dying off, and I had been unable to make the transition to a new skill set in time to maintain my value to the corporation.  I was a misfit for the first job after leaving the bank .  And then, the next 2 jobs had no room for future growth.  So I'm glad that I have my days to myself.

Even with having days to myself, I'm finding that I'm attending fewer meetups.  More of them are being held on weekends, and I am no longer free on weekends.  More of my time is committed to being with RQS (and her time with me) than I ever had with XGFJ.  We stumbled into a solid relationship, and I make sure to tell her how lucky I feel that she's with me on this part of my journey through life.  Contrast this with my brother's life.  My sister in law's illness has put extreme stress on their relationship, and he stays away from the house to maintain his peace of mind.  Earlier in the year, he booked a Mediterranean cruise for August, and then cancelled it for reasons other than he wanted to mention - I think my sister in law's illness played a part in his decision.  Virtually all of his travel now is without his wife, and I feel sorry that they do not travel together to see their offspring.  I wouldn't trade my life with RQS for his life with his wife.  I prefer to spend my time with RQS when possible.

I am worried about what will happen over the next 4 years.  The president-elect is being reckless with his nominations, and will likely alienate us from the free world.  More important to me is the GOP's attitude towards transgender people.  Although I could live in stealth mode, I don't trust the powers that be not to violate my civil rights.  So I am working on getting a second passport.

So many things are in flux right now.  And yet, I feel calm.  Somehow, I'll find a way to survive and prosper - in spite of the world around me.

 

It would have been my late wife's 70th birthday today

 

Above is a photo of my late wife.  She was a wonderful woman, but not without her flaws. She, like the building she was in, is long gone.  But why am I mentioning this here today?

- - - - - -

I've been widowed more than twice as long as I was married.  Little things such as the color of her eyes have become hard to remember.  Only other little things remain, such as she said the word "Nasty".  And yet, she has always remained a presence in my life - if only as a memory that connects me to being a young, immature adult.

My wife knew that I enjoyed wearing women's clothing.  But I never would dare going outside in such things.  She tolerated me more than anything else.  Yet, I wonder what she would think had she survived her cancer and lived to this day.  Would we have gotten divorced over this, or for other reasons.  (If so, it would likely be our lack of communications skills, and for resentments that built themselves up over time.)  Would she have embraced me, and encouraged me to become the trans woman I became?  (This is less likely, given that we would be Baby Boomers with all the prejudices absorbed during that era.)  Would I have been satisfied with her after another 10+ years?  Would the love still be there after all we would have gone through?  There are so many questions that can't be answered, as that time line never came to be.

Losing my wife at the age of 39 did one hell of a number on me.  It made me afraid of not having someone to cling to when times got rough.  Yet, I didn't have the emotional age to supply that support to others.  After she died, I ended up in a string of relationships over the next 25 years before finding my current partner.  Will we stand the test of time?  I don't know.  But we have gotten off to a good start.

- - - - - -

Being trans puts a crimp into finding romantic partners.  Aging puts a crimp into finding new friends. As an older trans person, I understand why many older trans people can get quite depressed - I've been a victim of depression myself.  Yet, I make the choice every day - do I get up and live, or do I give in to depression?  So far, I choose to live.

If my wife had lived, we'd likely have become poor parents.  Since she couldn't bear children, we'd have had to adopt a child.  But then, we'd have to move to a bigger place that we couldn't afford on my salary.  Could I have done better in my career and progressed further (with appropriate pay increases)? I'm not so sure, as I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with a wide range of people.  So, I consider it lucky that we didn't have kids, as I don't think I'd have been able to raise them on my own.

- - - - - -

At this time of year, I often look backwards and examine where I have been and how I could have done better in life.  Recently, I realized something from childhood that I don't like - I used to look for the simple, brute force solution for problems.  It took me many years to look for subtle solutions to more complex problems.  Too bad that I didn't have this kind of insight earlier in life.

Yet, as I said in earlier posts, I now try to take life one day at a time.  I am concerned about the chaos our next president may bring.  But it is not triggering paralyzing fear, as it is now doing in many on the left.  There is a clarity I have now that I wouldn't have had a decade ago.  Is it because I've gained some wisdom?  Or, am I taking advantage of depression, and living life without a guarantee of a brighter tomorrow?  Who knows?  This doesn't mean that I can't get worked up when thinking about the possible chaos.  It only means that I'm choosing to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the potential chaos and not getting sucked into intense feelings when not needed.

As a trans person, I am concerned about what will happen over the next few years.  But, having lost a spouse, I have a better perspective on life.  She needed to be with someone with a cooler head than she had, and I now need to stay cool while chaos is all around.  And as long as I can, I'll try to keep posting here while I have something to say about the world we live in.

I now find that I try to avoid talk of politics (a short post)

 

I am still recovering from the November election.  In short, the Democrats didn't have a chance, as people have way too short memories of the chaos of the first Trump administration.  This means that I don't follow political news as closely as I once did, and I try to talk about other topics whenever possible.

Why do I mention this?

It's midnight, and RQS wanted to get information regarding who Trump's latest nominees are, and I wanted to discuss other things.  Although we didn't have an incident, I was uncomfortable for a minute or two.  And I was very glad that our conversation shifted into a more comfortable topic.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

I was too tired to get moving until 4 pm, when we decided to finally make our way outside for a pizza, and then go to the movies.  Although the pizza was very good (as usual), we couldn't say that about the movie - it was sold out in both of the theaters we went to.  At least, we got tickets for tomorrow's showing.

In short, today was mostly a nothing burger, and it was just as well.  Tomorrow, it will be Pedicures for two, followed by a trip back to the movie theater....

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

 

Why do transgender people skew towards being Liberal?

This is a question that has a simple and logical answer.  Liberals put a greater priority on the rights of the individual than they do for the community's need for individuals to surrender their rights to the collective for its preservation.  For example, who do we value more?  Do we value the contentious objector to a war fought for questionable reasons, such as Vietnam?  Or, do we value the drafted soldier who may give up his life fighting in the same war where our nation's goals were not achieved?  Whose rights matter more, the individual or the community?

Historically, gender was viewed as a binary in Western culture. Either one was born male or female, and then slotted into the roles assigned to the associated gender.  Household and community tasks were assigned to the genders, and rarely did things not match accepted Western cultural norms. Reproduction was a higher priority than it is today, as both a large number of women died in childbirth, and many children died before they were adults. Homosexuality was discouraged, and being transgender was totally out of the question. As you can guess, people who did not meet these norms had to hide their true selves in order to survive.  

The 20th century brought us great change.  We had 2 world wars.  We entered the computer age. And Christine Jorgensen made news with her sex change (now called gender confirmation/correction surgery). Things people took for granted as unchangeable could now be changed.  Gender may be the first attribute assigned to identify a person, and traditionally has been based on a person's visible genitalia for good reason. This can scare people with weak self identities. These people tend to cling to traditional ways of identifying people, and reject transgender people as freaks - simply because they don't understand the emotional pains of people born with a brain that develops with the characteristics of one gender, while the body develops with the characteristics of the other. In short, those that reject transgenders as being weird are simply looking to conserve traditional ways of understanding the world.

When people are rejected by a collective group of people, they gravitate to others that will accept them. Liberals tend to be much more diverse in views and expressions, as they accept non-traditional ways of defining the world.  This is why transgenders tend to associate with liberals - we are accepted for who we are, and not being forced to comply with others' ways of looking at the world.

Yet, there will always be some transgender people who identify with others that hold "conservative" values - even when those others reject them because of being transgender.  I'll never understand why some people keep trying to belong to groups that would reject them. But then, humans are a tribal species, and none of us enjoys being rejected by our peers.  One trans person I've met moved to a "conservative" region of my state and decided to go to the local church - and was rejected because she was transgender.  I don't know what happened to this trans woman since then, but I know the rejection must have hurt her very much.

So I have to ask, have you noticed how political conservatives are using the "fear of the other" to control the masses?  Look at Trump's lie, saying that Haitian immigrants in Springfield, OH are stealing dogs and cats, then eating them.  This has "given permission" to crazy people to terrorize the residents of this city, and has forced schools, offices, and public events to be shut down for public safety. Contrast Trump's lies with objective reality - the Haitians have been a net benefit to Springfield, law abiding people who have helped in the rebirth of the city.  No wonder why transgenders skew towards being liberal - we have suffered like most of the groups that have been defined as "the other".

So, what do you believe and why do you believe it?

 

The older I get, the more I know when to get worried or not.

 

There is one big advantage to being young: The invincibility that one often feels propels us to take chances in life that older and wiser people might not take.  For example, when young, we often choose our mates on superficial characteristics.  For example: Is s/he good looking?  This question may have evolved as a way to determine the health characteristics of a person during the age that they are most fertile.  It also can reflect how high a status level a mate might have (especially in males), as both attractiveness and height can reflect both physical health and social position. 

But what questions should we ask as we get older?  What advantages do we have because we have successfully made it to old age?  This is where I feel that I have gotten better as I've gotten older.  Yes, my body is slowly breaking down as a normal part of aging.  But the memories and skills I've developed over those years have given me the insights to ask better questions when choosing a mate.

Lately, I've been thinking about how many big mistakes I've made in my life.  Some of these mistakes occurred because I didn't have enough knowledge to make wise decisions.  Others were made because I didn't have the skills to implement those wise decisions.  When I was young, I had low expectations - if the woman I dated accepted me and we didn't kill each other, then she was acceptable.  Can I say that I'd have married my late wife had I known what would happen in the future?  Maybe not.  But would she have chosen me had she known what would occur in our marriage?  Again, maybe not.  I could say similar things about other women I've dated.  But with RQS, both of us knew what we were getting early on in our relationship, and we have similar values with complimentary communication styles.  This makes having a healthy relationship possible, and we have yet to shout "Tastes Great!" or "Less Filling!" at each other..

Many men look for "a nurse and a purse" when they look for a woman in their senior years.  Women also look for the same, with emphasis on the purse due to inequality of wealth between the genders.  Neither of us wanted that.  We simply wanted companionship, with a little romance on the side.  RQS knew I was transgender from our second date, and I knew about her issues the day I met her.  We feel good when we're together, and I'm glad that she brings up issues for me to handle before they have the chance to fester and cause us problems.

I'm hoping that we'll be able to take advantage of the benefits of being old before the drawbacks cripple us and make it impossible for us to enjoy the rest of our lives.  After my mom died, my dad became less active over the years, and eventually not able to live on his own.  Neither RQS nor I want to have old age take away our abilities to live life without being in a care home.  The care home may be in our futures.  But until then, we will try to live as best we can.  (Albeit with me in dresses most of the time.)

- - - - - -

But what do I worry about?

Lately, I find myself worrying about the possibility that the United States will become a fundamentalist "Christian" autocracy led by a bombastic narcissistic grifter.  It's bad enough that this person is a cult leader.  Unfortunately, we have seen the mess he made of this country in his 4 years in power.  Now, he has had 4 years to learn how to cement his control over the country, I'm afraid of what he will do to anyone who is not a white, straight, christian, cisgender male.  As it stands GOP loyalists have turned the clock back to 1973.  I'm afraid that it will turn the clock back to 1925.  

If we examine the events that occurred to end the "Roaring Twenties", American society changed from being an optimistic, outward looking people to a pessimistic, inward looking people within a few years.  What will happen if the GOP gets full control of the country again?  Will they screw things up as they did in the 1920's?  Will America become more like Nazi Germany than the USA under the New Deal?  Who knows?  But this is what I worry about at night....

 

I didn't do much today, save for grocery shopping and laundry.

 

I wasn't able to get to sleep last night.  So, all my plans for the day were fouled up before noon.  Originally, I was supposed to go out for an exercise walk while it was cool outside, contact an electrolysis operator for a consultation, contact my sleep doctor's office to find out when I should expect a call from the people setting up my sleep test, call the lab to set up the brain scan for a study I'll be participating in, and then get around to both laundry and food shopping.  It's not as much to do as it sounds.  But when one has no energy until mid afternoon, one can only do so much during daytime hours.

The first thing I took care of was to make the brain scan appointment.  It's a larger study than I might think, as it is being coordinated from a site in California.  Next, I tried to contact an electrolysis operator for a consultation, but both of the local operators were on vacation.  Finally, after getting showered, dressed and made up, I was out the door and off to Trader Joe's.  $35 later, I was returning home in time to get a load of laundry in before the soft deadline of 9:00 pm (start) / 10:00 pm (finish).  So, I carted my laundry downstairs, and got it done in time for RQS's arrival tomorrow.

- - - - - -

While I write this, I have MSNBC on in the background.  Earlier, I had our former president's news conference on for a while.  As much as MSNBC panders to an educated elite, the ex president panders to an uninformed audience, an audience who lets authority figures feed them misinformation to be ingested without critical analysis.  Sadly, a significant part of our population believes his nonsense, as he is the leader of a political cult.  I can tolerate the left's talking heads, as they aren't feeding their audience the message that "White America is being overrun by illegal aliens that have come to take our jobs."  But I have to turn off Fox News' propaganda, as they have targeted people who are afraid of any cultural and economic changes that put "White Privilege" at risk.

After sitting down to write this entry, I opened up a letter from one of my credit card banks.  Seems like $3,700+ was credited to my card in error.  Next time I'm out as Mario, I'll visit the bank to see what's up.  If this was a debit, I'd take off my nail polish and visit the branch before picking up RQS at the train station.   Hopefully, I can get this error fixed AND have the service charge removed.

I've just enrolled in a scientific study

 

I won't go into details, but I've enrolled in a scientific study on brain performance that will last the better part of 3 months.  It will involve MRI Scans at the beginning and at the end of the study, zoom interviews, and use of some software for 15 min/day for 12 weeks.  This will be the first time I will be participating in any kind of study, and I think I should have fun doing so.

Why do I note this?

As I get older, I want to contribute a little to the world.  Doing anything related to politics is a non-starter, as I have way too many skeletons in my closet that, if exposed, would cause me a lot of grief.  The idea of leaving money to a scholarship fund still has value to me, but the logistics of setting it up may make this idea a non-starter.  Volunteering has lost its luster for me, given how little I enjoy many of the grunt tasks I once did.  So, when RQS told me about this study, I figured that I'd apply and see if I would be accepted.  And I was.   (More on this study later....)

- - - - - -

What I'd love to see is a scientific study on the types of people who hold rigid social/political/religious beliefs.  Is there something that can be gained by knowing how people function better than they know themselves?  Would this information be abused?  We already know how well political pollsters can gauge how the masses will react to certain messaging.  We already know how people react to selected advertising campaigns.  But at what level should this information stop being collected and analyzed?  Could we figure out why people join cults, and how to break their ties to their cults?  Could this be used in politics?  What about marketing?  Just because I'd like to see research in this area, I'm not sure if it wouldn't be misused.

We have extreme political polarization right now.  I'd like to be able to use scientific methods to end that polarization, as well as prevent it from happening again.  Sadly, populist leaders have an innate sense of how to manipulate people, and society at large doesn't have the tools to prevent populism from becoming a cult.  Life isn't simple as I'd like it to be....

I could ramble on  for a long while and say nothing of note.  So I'll end this entry here for today.

Guess where I'll be going soon....? (And, NO, it's not another cruise.)

 

By the time you read this, the Universal Standard sample sale will be over.  To its loyal customers, Universal Standard made many of its current sample pieces available online, so that they could clear out some inventory.  This T-Girl loves the quality of the store's products, and can only wish I had a nicer body on which to wear their garments.

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My late wife would be laughing at me, as I have become quite a clothes horse.  It's nice to receive a new article of clothing in the mail (or from Amazon, UPS, or FedEx) and have a chance to wear it.  Unlike my late wife, I tend to wear the stuff I buy - especially now that I'm buying clothes of a higher quality (preferably at a deep discount).  When I pass, I don't expect that there will be any garments in my closet that still have price tags, as most will have been worn several times.

As I've mentioned in prior entries, I have bought some exercise wear, so that I can go out walking and not get my good clothes ruined by sweat. I have also bought some nice casual clothes to wear on warm days - and will be wearing them soon.  But the question remains: what should this T-Girl wear in colder weather?  Fewer women are wearing dresses in cool weather than they did when I was a kid, and I don't want to stand out - I want to blend in with the other women around me.

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On other matters, RQS and I were discussing the personalities of our Texas friends.  One of these friends is very observant, saying relatively little, but shows quite a bit of confidence.  The other shows her rough edges, and I'd love to help her smooth them out.  But unless asked, I'll keep my mouth shut and give advice only when asked for.

One of these days, I'd like to be presentable enough to spend the day in their area as Marian, and then revert to my male presentation for maximum safety.  This might mean bringing a little bit of both male and female wardrobes with me if I were to visit, and then switch between modes only for that part of the trip.  First, I want to see a Democrat elected as Governor again in that state....

This brings me to politics.  We're seeing a snow motion coup being staged by the GOP, with Trump as their charismatic leader.  What frightens me is that the people who'll being him to power will not be able to control the beast they have unchained.  We've seen this scenario 90 years ago in Central Europe, and I'm afraid it might happen here.  If the worst happens, Canada will only be a way stop for me, as I want to get completely out of Dodge before High Noon.  I wonder how many people will be able to make the last train out....

Trans people are more varied than one might think.

 

When many people think of trans people, they think of predecessors such as Renee Richards and Christine Jorgensen.  Although these two trans women had severe gender dysphoria, we all share one characteristic: we all wish we were born into the other gender.  But that's the one thing that bonds us together, as many of us deal with this condition differently.

Many trans women take a path that involves exploring their sexuality, their gender presentation, and finally, body modification to make their bodies look as much like the image of themselves they want to be.  But this is still a simplification.  For many, gender preference is locked in at an early age, and only gets loosened up a bit when a trans person is exposed to the hormones of their identified gender.  One trans woman I know enjoys the idea of "adult play" with both sexes.  And yet, she has not been able to explore much after Gender Corrective Surgery (GCS or "the operation").  About the only thing she misses about life as a male is the ability to "go" standing up. 

Being "Out" as a trans person often prevents a person from finding romance.  For every trans person who finds romance, there may be up to 100 who are forced to give up on romance.  One of the reasons an ex-girlfriend broke up with me was that I am transgender.  It seems like most relationships break up because a transgender person comes "out".  This may be related to a subconscious fear that a partner's sexuality will contaminate the sexual identity of the other.  (Am I a lesbian if my male partner comes out as trans?)  Yet, there are many trans folk who go back and forth between male and female worlds with their partners' acceptance - including myself.

Not all trans folk need GCS.  For example the porn star,. Buck Angel, hasn't felt a need to modify his body to have genitalia resembling that of a cisgender male.  As such, he has a unique category in the world of porn.  Some of my trans acquaintances have had GCS, and others have not.  Most are happy with their decisions regarding the surgery, as those with mild gender dysphoria are happy not having to go through a painful surgery and not having to dilate themselves several times each day.

You'll notice that I haven't yet mentioned social class, political affiliation, education level and sports.  Most trans folk remain interested in the same pastimes they enjoyed before coming out. identify as belonging to the same social class (not necessarily economic class), retain the same political affiliation (yes, it's strange to see GOP trans people staying loyal to the party when it is anti-trans), come from all levels of education and enjoy both "male" and "female" social interests.

Being trans may seem strange to many, but it is just as strange to us at times....

The future looks scary, and not for the expected reasons.

 

Even though I am turning 67 this year, death hasn't yet scared me that much.  I still see a future ahead of me, and then - who knows?  But what does scare me is that I am transgender, and that the "religious right" in politics is targeting people like me for their pogroms.

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Recently, I awoke to a rerun of a program discussing how the Christian Nationalists are plotting to take over the levers of American government and take away hard earned rights from the LGBTIQ community.  This scares me, as I have been open enough to be easily persecuted if the worst happens.  Yet, I feel that I will have enough time to pack up my bags and find a temporary home if the worst happens.

But why does the fear of religious persecution keep me up at night, and not that of death?

All people die.  Why worry about something you can't control or avoid?  But being persecuted is something I might be able to avoid, and history has shown that it is possible if one is able to act early enough.  Right now, I fear that I might be living in the equivalent of Germany's Weimar Republic of the 1920's, and that we may soon enter the equivalent of the Third Reich of the 1930's.  Given that we know what happened to Germany in 1945, there is a lot for a thinking person to be worried about.

Do I have a plan for the worst case scenario?

Right now, I am working on an escape plan.  But this is not enough.  Anyone who leaves this mess may need to bring their money with them as well.  If I were in my 20's, I'd leave this country and put down roots elsewhere.  Canada might not be a good option, as I remember what happened to Austria when the Nazis had power.  The last thing that the US or Canada needs is to unify under a single government.  Ireland or the UK would be good options, but could they maintain their own independence? 

In youth, it's easy to find places where one can start life anew.  If I had to leave the US when I was in my 20's, I'd have had my choice of English speaking nations.  But 40 years later, I no longer have the skills that would make me desirable candidate to be accepted in a new country.

So, what am I doing?

For the most part, I'm speaking my truth to others, hoping they will see the dangers coming from the right.  Sadly, I think identity politics is finally going to get the best of America, and that I may find myself looking for the nearest border if the worst happens....

Sometimes, I don't have much to say. Sometimes, I have a lot.

 

Lately, I have been thinking of politics much more than usual. Given that Trump is going Senile and no one is standing in his way to get the GOP nomination, I'm a little concerned about what would happen if he has control over the "Football" again.

The former president is a narcissist who needs to be loved by everyone with whom he comes into contact. He has no loyalty to friends and family, nor does he have any loyalty to the country.  But he has a following of lemming like supporters.  This afternoon, while I was driving home, I stopped into a pizzeria. Sitting down at a table was the owner, a man who wore a MAGA baseball cap.  There was no way that I wanted to have a political discussion with this person.  So I took my pizza and walked to a table in the back to eat it.

Of course, RQS can say that I am a motor mouth.  And she'd be right.  I can go on for hours about some subjects, and have done so often.  But this time, I knew enough to keep my mouth shut and walk away.  I only wonder if this person really understood that he was getting conned by a master con man.

Poly = Many, Tics = Flesh Eating Insects

 

As I write this, the House of Representatives has just elected a new Speaker - an ultra conservative lunatic. Why do I call him a lunatic?  Anyone who opposes late term abortions to preserve the life of the mother has to be crazy.  His policies, such as a total late term abortion ban, if enacted, will put the lives of many cisgender women at risk.  Even though I am transgender, and never will directly have anything at risk with this policy, I have to fight for those that do - else, I will have no excuse to ask cisgender women for help when these lunatics attack us transgender people.

The previous speaker was elected after 15 votes.  Before the election was over, no actions could be taken by the house.  Due to an action from a radical from the far right, the first speaker was removed from his position, and it took 3 weeks for a new speaker to be elected.  Since they didn't change the rule which allowed the former speaker to be removed, I fully expect that we will see someone invoke it to remove this speaker when the current spending bill expires.  (Will we have a government shutdown or not?  A House without a speaker when the spending bill expires will be a disaster. But I don't put it past the far right....)

So, where am I going with this?

Right now, the "right" is busy fighting amongst its allies.  Moderate "conservatives" are being coerced to give their votes to the radicals. (Look at how Jim Jordan's allies allegedly gave death threats to people who didn't support him for examples of this coercion.)  My congressional representative voted for the current speaker of the house.  This cemented my resolution to be part of the bloc that (hopefully) votes him out next year.

Given that transgender people will continue to be a target of the far right, I expect that attacks against us will resume soon.  This means that we must continue our efforts to get more trans people into positions of power, so that we (and our allies) to check and balance the power of the lunatic right until sanity (hopefully) can be restored to the GOP.

Most of us are not ready to "out" ourselves and be targets for the lunatics on the right.  But we can vote for our allies.  So, it's time to register to vote, and participate in local politics when possible.  As they say, all politics are local.  That's where we can make our first stand against lunacy.   And I intend to do just that....

Game night and seeing an old friend - a short post.

 

My friend was up from Florida this week, but neither of us had the time to get together on our own.  She is blissfully ignorant of politics, and had no idea of how the governor of her state is hurting transgender youth.  Once I mentioned things as they are in the real world, she was a little upset.   But then, most people prefer to tune politics out of their lives, as they don't see the value of knowing what's going on behind closed doors leading to smoke filled rooms. I'm not out to knock this friend, as she has a warm and loving heart.  What I am out to say is that she made it to game night, and I had the first chance to see her in several years.

Tonight's game lasted way too long, and I tuned out long before the game was over.  There were way too many things to keep track of in this game, and my mind wasn't up to it - especially with two strong minded fellows "arguing" about the rules of the game.  I was only going through the motions, so that I'd have a pleasant evening - which I did.

After game night was over, I chatted outside with my friend and caught up on things.  She knows I'm trans, and it doesn't bother her.  If I weren't attached, I could see the two of us traveling together.  But, I am, and want to keep it that way.  All too soon, we had to part.  She had to drive back to Connecticut, where she was staying until the weekend, and I had to drive back to my apartment.  On the way home, I caught up with RQS on our nightly phone call.  It'll be nice to see her again, and I hope that nothing gets in the way of doing so....

Seeing Vicki for Lunch

 

It's been a long time since I've been able to see Vicki (#2) for pleasure.  The last time I saw her, her spouse had passed away, and there wasn't a good opportunity to introduce her to RQS, except for a fleeting moment.  Today, we finally got together for lunch and we went to one of our old standby restaurants - Aberdeen Cantonese Restaurant in White Plains.

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About a week ago, Vicki suggested that we get together for afternoon tea.  This morning, she decided to make a reservation and found out that the place was closed for July.  The next place she thought of was closed for the day.  So we ended up going to Aberdeen for Dim Sum.  Yum!

Aberdeen was just as I remembered.  Although there no longer are any Dim Sum carts parading around the floor, one can order exactly what he/she wants and have it delivered quicker than the time one would wait for a Dim Sum cart to make its rounds. This ended up creating a minor problem.  We ordered several dishes that all came at once - leaving us no room on the table.  However, we worked around this problem by focusing on eating one dish at a time, so that we could clear the table of dishes as we polished off what they once had on them.

I have to note that Vicki has a non-binary offspring.  She noted that given our nation's politics, that her child had to travel in male drag - even though they have a beard, they tend to wear clothing usually associated with females.  It's a shame that she had to do this.  But given the culture of intolerance being fostered by Florida's governor, it was the safe way for her child to travel.

All too soon, we had to part.  Vicki noted that she would like to meet RQS soon.  So I'll have to find some time when Vicki and RQS are free, in order to have everyone get together for dinner.

Sometimes I have nothing to say, so I go away from things related to being transgender

 

Today, I posted something that got no one's attention.  And I can't blame people for looking elsewhere for something interesting to read.  However, one of the problems with being confident in one's ability to interact with the world as a transgender female is that there is often nothing to say about the experience. Most of us transgender people are able to go out and about in our worlds with only minor complaints from the peanut galleries.

The first post I made today was triggered by something that bothers me: The plethora of computer wire interface standards, and having to have cables for every type of device I own.  Obviously, few people are concerned about all the extra cables which need to be carried when one goes away on a trip.  I guess most people take this for granted these days.

Just because I had nothing to say didn't mean that my concerns about life have gone away.  I still see the power grab from the fundamentalist and authoritarian right wing to be a major threat to me and civil society.  But there's only so much I can say about this before I get sick to my stomach.  People like our former president, the governor of Florida, and the governing majority of several state legislatures  are a existential threat to all of us.  

In the past, I've said that Liberals aren't much of a threat to society, as they focus on the needs of the individual.  Individuals tend to have a harder time imposing their will on groups made up of other individualistic personalities, as they are not as prone to need authority figures to authorize their behaviors.  This serves as a check and balance on Liberals' ability to impose extreme positions on others lives.  However, I have grown to believe that radical conservatism is a grave threat to society, as power hungry individuals find conservatives easy to manipulate because they need authority figures to both authorize and choose the actions conservative people will take.  They follow a "primitive brain" need to follow leaders who have achieved "top dog" status by the use of some sort of power.  They follow these leaders out of fear, and adjust their beliefs to fit stories told by those leaders.

There will always be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of society.  The 2023 debt limit debate has been used as a tool to bludgeon the liberals to give up supporting individuals in need.  At the time I'm writing this entry, I have no idea how this political issue will be resolved. But I know one thing - the lunatics are now in charge of the US House of Representatives, and they pose the greatest risk to us all, both conservative and liberal alike.