By the time you read this....

By the time you read this post, I should be back from my cruise.  I figure that I'll have a lot to write about in the time I was gone.  Did I overcome my anxiety?  Did I really have anything major to worry about?  How did our time in London go with my niece?  So many questions, and I hope to be able to answer them here.

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There's a part of me that wishes that my friends could all get their acts together and live the best lives that they can live.  Unfortunately, I often meet people who can't get out of their own way (such as DCD) or who are afraid to leave their comfort zones (such as MAR).  This can be frustrating, as one invests a certain amount of emotional energy into every friendship, and it's frustrating to see people fail when success should be in their grasp.  For example, do I expect to see DCD get his car on the road?  No.  Given the screw-ups he has had in getting the car out of my parking lot and getting to DMV to register the car, I expect that the car will die of neglect.  MAR has a similar method of failure, as she is unable to follow through on advice given to her to escape her current dead-end career.  Do I expect to see her apply for a job at the post office?  No.  She'll likely make excuses for why she hasn't done so.

The key difference between me and these friends is that I eventually leave my comfort zone to grow.  Going out and about as Marian was scary at first.  But it is now second nature.  The other day, I wrote to the Bermuda board of tourism and found out that I should not have any problems with being gender non-conforming.  However, I am waiting for a response from their Immigration department to be safe. (If I don't get one, I'll ask the security people at the pier when I'm there in Mario mode.)  Growth is not always comfortable.  And by the time you read this, I'll have grown a little as a seasoned traveler..

I find myself more interested in travel than before

 

When I was married, my late wife and I would take yearly vacations and not go too far from home.  The only places more than a day's drive away that we visited were California and Nova Scotia.  I think that had she lived (and our marriage had survived), we would have found a way to travel more.  However, that's one thing among many things that is impossible to know.

After my wife died, I had a good income and I found myself traveling to widows/widowers gatherings across the country, organized by AOL chat room hosts.  For the most part, I was looking to meet friends, while others were looking to find new mates.  That pattern continues today with me attending meetups.  But I digress....

Over the years, I found myself flying out to places such as Biloxi, MS; San Jose, CA; and Pigeon Forge, TN.  Yet, I only found myself traveling out of the country on the two cruises I took and on the trips I took to Niagara Falls and Toronto.  I never put my desire to travel into high gear, and visited places that were truly far and wide.  Without someone with whom to share my experiences, I feel that I might have been afraid to take the risk of leaving my comfort zone.

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When the Twin Towers were attacked on 9/11/01, two of my colleagues from the bank were caught outside the US.  One was North of the border visiting Montreal and the other was vacationing in Salzburg, Austria. They were stuck outside the US until our government figured out what to do. I could only imagine what they were thinking, not being able to come home when they planned to do so.  As for me, I was one of many people tasked with getting our bank up and running after losing our data center in that disaster.  Although I was safe at home, travel seemed a bit scary.  Yet, within 6 months, I went to another widows/widowers gathering in Las Vegas, NV.

It wasn't until my former cruise partner (FCP) suggested it in the 2010's that I took my third cruise.  And I found that I enjoyed the experience, as it was comfortable and allowed me to leave my comfort zone a bit, because I started traveling as Marian.  Yes, I got some strange looks.  But it forced me to learn how to overcome my fears and be the person I am today.

Although my upcoming Norwegian Fjord cruise will be done as Mario, I figure that it is time to get out of my comfort zone again (albeit, just a little) and experience overseas travel.  Who knows?  It could become addicting....