I got a call the other night about DCD

 

When I "sold" my old Honda Civic to DCD, I gave him a car in almost perfect repair.  A year or two ago, I replaced the car's exhaust system, and the car was running as quiet as when the car was first in my possession.  The other night, I found out how badly DCD is treating his car, and it made me sad.  He is not responsible enough to drive a car, much less own one.

NDC (as i called her in a prior post) called me right after I put a load of clothes in the dryer. She told me the story of how DCD screwed up the exhaust system on his car, making it sound like a convention of Harley Davidson motorcycles driving on the open road.  He lost his temper, sped through her complex, hitting a speed bump and making the exhaust system worthless.  But this wasn't all. He is now homeless and lives out of the car.  The other day, he ran out of gas, leaving his car in the middle of the street.  NDC lent him her charge card to buy a gas can and to fill his car.  But he dawdled enough, that she worried that he absconded both with the car and her charge card.  She was almost ready to call the police when he returned. NDC was livid.  DCD's car was still in the middle of the street a couple of hours after DCD called her for help.

DCD had medical appointments the following day, as part of making preparations for his upcoming cancer surgery and chemotherapy.  Without a car, he won't make it to those appointments. I expect that without the right help, he will die alone in his car - if he even gets to keep the car.  As for me, I don't want the car back when he dies - it will cost me more to fix it than it is worth.  At least, he and those around him will be out of their misery.

 

 

I never used a debit card, and see where that got me.

 

As I've mentioned before, my brother and I own a rental property on Long Island.  After several years of renting the house to tenants, we made the decision to replace the washer and dryer as we refresh the place for our next set of tenants.  Today, I would have bought the above laundry set, save that the debit card for the joint account had expired.

- - - - - -

I was originally scheduled to meet RO for lunch today.  However, her sister is having health problems, and she must help her sister out in time of need.  But where did this leave me?  I now had a free day where I could order a washer/dryer combination and schedule delivery for a time convenient for me to be in Long Island.  So, I decided to get dressed as Mario and drive to Yonkers.

Once in Yonkers, I made sure to check whether there would be any problems with the card, as both ATM cards could be connected to both my personal and our joint account.  (I wanted 2 cards, so that my personal card would always link to my personal checking account, and that the "business" card would always link to the joint account.)  Well, when I went to the ATM, I found that the business card had expired.  Since I wasn't going to use my personal account for the transaction, I called my brother and told him about this glitch, and said that I'd send him the information about the washer/dryer that he now had to buy.

Since I no longer had to go into the appliance store, I figured that I'd go to the cell phone store and pick up some swag they were giving away.  Unlike past swag offers, they were not giving away this item at all of their stores.  I just got lucky and got mine at the store in Yonkers that was near the bank.  And then, I was on my way home for the night.

- - - - - -

Having arrived home, I rested for a while before opening the co-op board meeting.  It's now a pleasure to have meetings that last only 2 hours.  However, we still have a lot of problems to deal with, as we're still dealing with the fallout from our prior managing agent's mismanagement of things.  While on this zoom meeting, I received a message from DCD's ex girlfriend. (I'll call her NDC for now.)   His tumor has returned - bigger than ever.  So, I ended up chatting with her for an hour or so, and found out more details about his life.  His mom bailed out his car, but kicked him out of the house.  Now, he mostly lives out of his car, going to his ex's house to wash and clean up.  This has put some stress into her relationship with her current boyfriend.  She effectively has a grown up stray that needs taking care of, and she (with current boyfriend) have set boundaries for taking care of this stray.  Hopefully, when he goes into the hospital for his next surgery and for chemo, they will be stuck with the responsibility of finding a hospice for him to spend his final days.

While we're talking about DCD, I have to mention that NDC emailed DCD's mom to tell her about DCD's health concerns.  NDC feels that almost everyone in DCD's family orbit is a little F'd up to say the least.  His mom has a room which was prepared for her late husband to spend his final days, and won't let DCD stay there for his final days.  DCD's kids know that he's not long for this world, yet they won't renew contact with him.  (NDC has no idea of why DCD's kids hate him, but we think it's because of DCD's ex wife poisoning the well of affection between them.)  DCD's ex wife may have felt that she could have found a better man, and her resentment could have been the root cause of their divorce.  Strangely enough, DCD's ex was the only person in his current and former family to show an inkling of caring for each other.

When DCD dies, and I expect it to happen this year, I will attend the funeral (if I'm not on a cruise) in female presentation. NDC has only seen me as Marian, though she knows I'm transgender.  DCD's family will not remember me, much less realize anything is amiss.  It'll be a sad day, but it'll be the least I can do to pay my respects.

Sometimes, the answer is simple.

 

A little over a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned an email I wrote to DCD.  The email was critical of his inability to be honest with people, or to manage the responsibilities which a normal adult would manage. And I think I know why this bothers me so much - I used to be a bit like DCD, and grew out of that stage of life. Sometimes, a person just has to grow up and act like an adult.  It took me much longer than it should have for me to be an adult myself, and I hurt the feelings of a lot of people along my way to adulthood (while legally being an adult.)  

- - - - - -

There is still a part of me where childishness exists, an ability to tap into my inner child and experience the world with a sense of wonder. Yet, the adult part of me is cynical and world-weary.  The other day, I had a conversation with my brother talking about how hard his adult life has been.  (He raised 2 children of his own, as well as dealing with his wife's son from her first marriage.)  Both the wife and stepson developed substance addictions, and my brother has had to deal with her issues for the better part of 3 decades.  Then he mentioned my issues, saying that I didn't have that easy a life.  In short, we both understood that life hasn't been easy for either of us and that we appreciate where we are in life.

When I was last with my brother, he handed me a letter that my dad meant for me to read after he died.  It was a good thing to read, as I felt it said something that my dad couldn't say while he was alive.  The letter read:

Dear Mario

Please don't mourn for me too much.

I know it will be tough for you, my not being there for you..

Always look back at the good times we had during our vacations.

Mom and I both loved you very much; we know this was no picnic for you.  But you were strong enough to manage it.

Always stay in touch with your brother and the family, as they will sustain you when things get rough.

Remember to keep your head about you before you speak and act.

This is not a lecture for you, but advice.

I love you very much, even though I did not tell you often enough.

Working to keep the wolf away from the door took up a lot of both mother's and my time.  We may not have given you the attention you may have wanted or needed.

However, we did care, and loved you more than you will ever know.

Keep fond memories of both mom and I in your heart and don't let things get you down.

Love Dad.

Well, I felt much better after reading this letter. No, it didn't change things.  Yet, it did say the things my dad couldn't say to me while he was alive.  My dad was the type of man who I was glad to have as a father.  He did the best he could, given that he had a limited education and had to always hustle to keep the same roof over our heads until adulthood.  And I think he was proud of the adults my brother and I became towards the end of his life.

- - - - - -

So, back to DCD....

He's turning 60 soon, and he doesn't have a pot to piss in.  He has no wife, no girlfriend, no career, and will eventually be unable to run home to his mom.  (She's nearing 90 years old, and I can't see her outliving DCD.)  He'll have to become an adult, even if that means admitting that he's unable to take care of himself and has to ask for help.

His answer is simple: He has to "Man Up" and be an adult while he can. Otherwise, I see him spiraling towards oblivion, dying alone with no one caring if he lives or dies.  Hopefully, he will make the right choice soon.

It's amazing - Life keeps throwing curveballs, and I keep fouling them off.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm a woman on the home front during the war years.  Yes, I have my female friends to comfort me, but the men that remained stateside all have problems not worth dealing with.  Today, I decided to write a message to DCD, telling him how I felt about him, as well as his relationships with others.  This message reads as follows:

DCD -  

Your ex contacted me first to find out where you were one day, as she couldn't reach you for a Friday shift. She then got into telling me how you were chronically late for shifts, and that you got fired from the job at the YMCA. She noted that she's moved on with her life, and wants you gone from her place. Yet, the other day, she came home and found you curled up on her bed. I have no objective way to know exactly what is going on with you and her, but it is unhealthy for you to live at her place or to even use her house as your mailing address. 

While on the subject of mailing addresses, she noted that you have had several P.O. boxes, that you have stopped paying, and that a lot of mail never reaches you. I know that you have changed your phone numbers several times, possibly because bill collectors are trying to reach you. In one case, they tried to send a service notice at her place, but you were not there. My advice to both of you is to cut the umbilical cord that holds you two together and start living your own independent lives.

Your ex made me aware of the fact that she told you not to call for assistance when your car ran out of gas, but to walk to the gas station and get a gallon or two to fill up the car. You didn't, and the car was taken from you. Can you bail the car out? Without income, I doubt it. I guess I will be on your long list of creditors, as you are already 6 months behind in payments. And without transportation, you will likely never be able to pay me back - like others who have tried to help you.

You need to ask for help. There are public shelters in Connecticut and New York. You are likely sick - the inoperable brain tumor for which you had radiation may be affecting your judgement. Get that help now, before you start spiraling down the path of helplessness and destitution. You have a habit of ignoring people's advice and going against their suggestions to prove you have good judgement - which you don't have. A while back, I asked you why you didn't try to get your child support lessened when you didn't have a pot to piss in. You didn't have a good answer. Right now, it is more important for you to only make commitments that you are certain to keep and not make those you only hope to keep if you are lucky. You should never have bought my car unless you were absolutely sure you could pay me back. Given your history, it'll be a miracle if you ever pay me back for the car. As they say - no good deed goes unpunished.
These comments are not meant to harm you. Instead, they are a last hope of getting you on a path where you seek help and get it, to rebuild yourself for the years you have left above ground. You can continue along this path of self-destruction. Or you can get help in rebuilding your life. The choice is yours. and only yours. You have burnt too many bridges among family and friends to get help from these sources. You may need to ask one last person (not me) to refer you to adult protective services for the help you need. But if you get that help, don't waste anyone's time. Start rebuilding your life., and take responsibility for your life and the decisions you make in it.

Marian

Well, I know he's a bit defensive, as I received the following:

I appreciate your support. As with my ex and her meaning, well, I get upset at the suppositions that are made. I may have burnt some bridges but I do not believe that my ex's or your knowledge base of my life gives you enough information to state that I have burnt so many bridges that I can not get get help from those resources. 

My wanting or not wanting to involve family and friends is a matter of my privacy and how I want to be seen by others. It disturbs me to have to explain this to you and as I have had to in past to my ex.

Defensive?  Yes.  And also a little upset, as I have called him to account for his own failings.  He's gone through a lot of shit in his life.  Yet, he has to learn to "Get Over It". Or simply, to climb his mountain of problems and conquer them.  One can either be a victim or survivor in life, it's all a matter of attitude.  DCD has to find that special power inside himself, harness it, and conquer all of his demons.  This isn't easy when you're approaching 60, and haven't a pot to piss in.

Did I handle things wrong?  I'm not sure.  Reading his response made me think that he's afraid to be honest with people.  He didn't challenge my core assumptions: that he is not able to handle responsibility that well, and that he needs help.

- - - - - -

Now, why did I say that I keep fouling off curve balls?

Well, the answer is simple.  The other day, my main credit card was compromised, and I'm finding it easier than expected (so far) to attach these accounts to a new credit card account. Today, I had to run out to several stores before a major snow storm arrives.  Couple all of this with having to think about DCD just before going away on a cruise, and it seems like I'm hanging on "at bat" as best I can.

An annoyance - just before I'm taking a cruise (a short post)

 

This is going to be a short post, as I don't know what to feel right now.

When I looked at my credit card account, I found a $2.00 charge that I couldn't explain.  I wasn't sure if it was a Patreon subscription I just selected.  But this evening, I got a message from my bank asking me to verify whether a transaction was authorized or not - it was not.  So now, I have to go through the headache of switching several auto pay charges from this closed account to the new account just opened for me.

I'm not going to worry about it right now.  I just hope that my other cards are not affected as well.  We'll see about that over the next few days.  Thankfully, this computer will have unlimited, non-streaming internet while on my upcoming cruise.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

DCD left the hospital, and again went to his ex's house.  His ex, N, texted me to say that she will drop DCD off at his mom's place in the morning, and let her deal with DCD's needs.

You can lead a person to work, but you can't make him think.

A day I should have done more things, but didn't

I had only one thing to take care of today, and I was lucky to even get that in because of how lazy I was feeling.  Did I really want to go out in the cold?  No!  But I had to pick up RQS's dress at the cleaner's, so that she'd have it onboard the cruise we'll be taking soon.  That forced me to get out of bed and get ready to go outside.  And today might be the last day I can spend even part of my time in Marian mode.

- - - - - -

The first thing I did upon waking up was to get my head together and figure out what I was going to do for the day.  One of the things on my list was to check in with DCD's ex to see if he made it back to her place.  (This would trigger her dumping him back at the hospital, saying that the man is homeless and has nowhere to live - her house was off limits.)  No news on that front.

Next, I expected a phone call from a firm which provides dietary and lifestyle coaching.  My doctor recommended this organization's services to me, saying that they could help me lose weight.  Given that I'm going on a cruise soon, I said that I'd look to start things up when I return from my upcoming cruise.

And then, I finally got showered and dressed to attack the world as Marian.  I wanted to wear my sweater dress.  But to do so, I needed to wear some thermal tights.  One problem.  The flannel tights I have are not control top tights.  So I felt that everything kept slipping down in back as I moved.  (Next time, I'll wear a pair of control top tights and put up with a little bit of the cold.)  Once dressed and made up, I was off to the tailor's to pick up the dress. The last time I was at this dry cleaning/tailoring shop, a different lady ran the place.  Now, the place looks more minimal than in the past, and the former proprietor was gone. This was a shame - I liked the former proprietor, and wished I could have struck up another conversation with her.

Not having any plans of where to go, it was off to Barnes and Noble to look at some books and kill time.  I knew that when I got home, that I would have to start packing for my upcoming cruise, as I had to drop off a large suitcase at RQS's place this weekend.  Arriving home, I found a package from Lane Bryant which contained matching panties for a nightie she gave me for Xmas.  I intend to wear the set for her when she's up here for Valentine's day.

Finally, I got around to packing.  This was my least favorite chore for the day, as I would have to be out and about as Mario for over a week.  At least, RQS and I agreed on the shore excursions we plan to take in San Juan.

The Co-Op, The Bank, and DCD - - screw ups and disasters.

 

Over the past 12 days, I have had a cough that won't go away. It has eased off a bit, and I am confident that it will be gone soon.  At my worst, I felt like the model above - as if some angry force had lodged itself in the back of my throat, and I had trouble coughing up the crap in my lungs.

- - - - - -

Today, I cancelled a meetup, as I wasn't in the mood to be with a large group for dinner.  Instead, I wanted to play it safe and stay home.  Given that I had to go to the bank to transfer money for my co-op, I was going to be stuck in Mario mode for the day.  There was no longer any need to change back to Marian for the evening, so I took this as an opportunity to get little things done, such as 2 loads of laundry.

My first stop was the bank.  I was tasked with transferring a sum of money from an expired CD to our savings account.  A manager said that I could go to a teller to perform this transfer, and I did so.  15 minutes later, the teller moved money in the wrong direction and asked for help.  So, I had to wait another 10 minutes for the manager, and then she took another 15-20 minutes to undo the teller's mistake and move money to its proper location.  And even then, the manager wasn't absolutely sure she did the right thing, saying that she'd call in the morning to confirm that the transaction was correct.

Now, I could go back home after a quick stop at the local pizzeria for lunch, and I rested until 7 pm when I started to do my laundry.  Just as I was about to put my clothes in the dryer, DCD's ex called.  N wanted to tell me a little more about what was going on.  When she got home from work, she found him curled up on her bed, looking like he was one of the homeless found in the NYC Subway.  She took him to the local hospital, as something was very wrong, and left him there.  She told me of a second, inoperable tumor that was found in DCD's brain, and the radiation therapy DCD went through.  After his first brain surgery, radiation therapy, and the COVID epidemic, DCD was no longer the same person N fell in love with.  Now, all N wants is for DCD to be a ward of the state, so that someone better capable than her would take responsibility to see DCD is cared for.

I was able to finish my laundry and fold it before I called RQS.  I have yet to pack for my upcoming cruise.  That will have to wait until tomorrow morning.

Doctor, Car, Co-Op and DCD (the latter two being F****d Up messes.

 

I should start out by saying that I knew that this would be a busy day.  What I didn't know was how much this day would take out of me.

But first....

My doctor visit was scheduled for 10:45.  I knew that it would be a long visit, as the doc tends to run late with his late morning appointments.  Today was no exception.  Even though I arrived at 10:45, the doc didn't see me until 11:10-11:15 or so.  Again, the doc is changing my medication mix to get things where he wants them.  However, he didn't say anything about one of the drugs he wanted me to start on a while back - before we knew that it could be covered by my formulary.

After seeing the doctor, it was off to the deli for a breakfast sandwich, and then home to rest.  One problem - I thought my car service appointment was for 2 pm, and not for 1 pm.  So I didn't have much time to rest.  Luckily, I live 15 minutes away from the dealership's service department, and got there on time.  So, I was back home by 3 pm.

I couldn't take a nap.  So I ended up watching YouTube videos until the Co-Op board meeting started. Before everyone joined in, I found out the current state of our finances - and they weren't as good as I'd like to see them.  Later on, I found out how our former management company fouled things up.  In short, their arrogance and lack of adequate communication with the board and co-op shareholders is the root cause of our difficulties. All I can say about this is that I'm glad that we have a good accountant and a good lawyer we can count on if things go bad.

And finally, I got a text from DCD's ex-girlfriend (I'll call her N for now).  He really screwed up this time, and no one's going to help him get out of his mess.  DCD has been sleeping in his car for a while, and let his car insurance lapse.  N has been giving DCD work to pay some of his bills, and she wants to be done with him.  If N's boyfriend were to find out how much she still helps DCD, he'd leave her.  So, she keeps what she does for DCD a secret from her current boyfriend.  Recently, DCD received some money from his mom and gave N a token payment for all the money he owes her.  You'd think that with the rest of the money he had, he'd bring his car insurance up to date.  Wrong.  A few days ago, he had no money, and asked N for some money to get gas.  N gave him $20, and told him to take a gas can, walk a mile or two to the gas station, and return to the car with gas.  Under no circumstances should he call AAA or similar roadside aid for help.  DCD ignored her, and called for a tow.  Someone ran his plates, and found that the car wasn't insured.  DCD's car was towed to a pound, and he was left without transportation.  He now has 30 days to bail out the car and get it insured, or the car will be gone for good.  (And with that, there goes any chances I have of getting the $2,100 he still owes me for the car.)  To make things worse, he broke into N's place, and is now squatting in her garage. 

If it were me, I'd consider being honest with my current love, and telling the truth.,  If N's boyfriend were to leave, then he isn't worth her time.  She needs to kick DCD out of her place once and for all.  He is sick, and needs help.  He still uses N's place for his mail, so that he can keep Connecticut residency.  One problem - he shouldn't be listed as living there anymore.  What would you do if you were N?  What type of help should DCD's parents give him, even if it is to steer him to a shelter and public assistance.  (Remember, DCD has had two operations on his brain, and might qualify for public assistance, being physically/mentally unable to hold a full time job,)  It's a dilemma for which I have no solutions. And I can say that I didn't depend on him paying me off for the car....

Doing nothing in the middle of the week.

 

Today's entry was written on New Years Day.  Neither RQS nor I felt like getting dressed today, so we took care of little things that we could do around the apartment.  Yet, most of the day, we were sitting around and watching YouTube videos.  RQS decided to bake some rye bread, and she took care of that during breaks in videos.

- - - - - -

So, why am I posting today's entry, instead of writing a "thought piece"?  The answer is simple.  I don't want to dwell on current events, as the prospects of what will happen on January 20th gets me upset.  With that being said, I am glad that the late President Carter's death will result in flags flying at half mast throughout most of January.

Over the past few hours, several people from my present and past sent me New Years' wishes, including a woman I once dated. However, the one communication I didn't expect was from DCD's ex-girlfriend, N.  Even though DCD is no longer N's boyfriend, she still tries to throw him some work to help him get by.  Unfortunately, DCD has gone incommunicado since the day after Christmas, and she hasn't been able to reach him for a shift scheduled for the end of the week.  I feel sorry for DCD, as both his age and health will get in the way of a "normal" job.

Several years ago, DCD had a benign brain tumor.  If I had heard him explain why he hasn't been working for a while, I wouldn't hire him due to the health insurance risk my firm might be taking on.  (Another reason for single payer healthcare.  For the time I've known him, DCD has never been able to own up to his failures and learn from them.  Last year, while driving him home from work (after a dinner at a diner), he talkws about his family holding an intervention for him.  Knowing him, he probably retreated into himself and walled himself off from honest criticisms of his behavior.  

When I sold DCD my Honda, I expected that he would be able to pay me $100/month until 24 payments were made.  Although I received 3 payments, he has avoided me since the 3rd payment.  I wouldn't push him into paying me, given that he still wants to try paying child support for his 2 kids.  It is unfortunate that he either refuses to get his support adjusted to reflect his lack of salary, or that he is unable to get the support amount changed due to other actions on his part. So, I will consider it a miracle if he ever finishes paying for the car, as I expect that he will pass away as an indigent without anyone being notified of it.

- - - - - -

On other matters....

RQS would like to get off of the ship at each port of our upcoming cruise.  I feel that it might be risky to travel as Marian and get off at some ports.  Since one of our stops will be in a port I have never visited before, I decided to write to the island's tourist bureau to find out whether I could travel as Marian, and still carry Mario's ID.  Depending on the answer to this question (and others I may have of other authorities), I will either travel as Marian (my preference) or as Mario (my default).

Given all of the positive feelings that have been expressed about Luigi Mangione and the healthcare CEO assassination, I wonder if he can get a fair trial.  A truly impartial jury will be totally ignorant of the world around them, something I wouldn't want for a jury evaluating evidence presented against me.  A biased jury will react to many things, including their opinions about the accused and their victim.  Given that our incoming president is being paid off by the highest bidder, I would love to see our current president pardon Luigi at the end of his term.  This will not affect the New York State case against this man.  But it can send a powerful message to the healthcare industry that the public is sick and tired of the abuses of that industry and will not take it any longer.

RQS noted that my brother tends to tune me out when I talk, possibly because I present facts with details before my conclusions.  Sadly, he doesn't realize that he does something similar.  But then, if we weren't related, we wouldn't bother being friends.  I find it amazing that we came from the same family.  But even more so, he is not a person who is introspective in any way.  I guess that my path in life made it possible for me to improve myself by learning from experiences - something I don't think my brother has done.

Well, enough for now.....

Odd Stuff Going On Here!

 

As I write this, it's 2  weeks before Election Day.  No matter what happens, I expect to see some serious problems resulting from the election.  Did the Orange Cry Baby Win?  Did the Orange Cry Baby Lose?  Right now, it looks like he's doing his best to undermine election results if he loses, and is trying to rally his cult members to do what they feel they have to in order to put their cult leader in charge of this country.

One of my Facebook Friends (a loose acquaintance at best) has drunk the MAGA Kool-Aid.   She loves to post anti-Democrat memes, even when objective evidence is all against her.  No amount of evidence can prove to a cult member that their view of the world is wrong - something from inside must trigger the self transformation.  The older one gets and the stronger a belief is held, the harder it is to see objective reality.

Why do I mention this?

In the case of the Orange Cry Baby, I worry that we'll see a repeat of the theme of January 6, 2021 - force the election to the house, and the GOP will put the Cry Baby in the White House.  I pray that this doesn't happen.

- - - - - -

Now that I've gotten my worries out of the way for now, I'd like to mention that I picked RQS's luggage up from her house, so that she need not schlep it on the subway and then onto Metro North to get here before our second Bermuda cruise together.  We had a nice meal together, and then it was time to leave.  Her neighbor was in the hall, and I was dressed as Marian, so I chose to wait a few minutes before leaving her apartment.

Just before leaving, DCD called - and I returned his call while on the road.  He's finally got my old car on the road, and it is enabling him to go to work.  No, he isn't earning that much.  But the car is doing what I wanted for it to do for him - have a way to get to work and start rebuilding his life.  We talked about a lot of things, and he was a little embarrassed about the mistakes he has made in his life.  I told him NOT to live in the past.  He can't change it, and dwelling there is not a good thing.  Instead, focus on today, and let tomorrow take care of itself.

When I got home, I found that I couldn't make reservations at the restaurant that RQS and I wanted to go to for Thanksgiving.  So I hunted around and found an acceptable place (a steakhouse) that is serving a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  Hopefully, this place will be as nice as the place we wanted to go to.  And if a place opens up at Hudson House, we'll drop the old reservation and make a new one there.

Co-Op business and a trip to the store

 

I didn't want to start moving to go outside.  The weather forecast was terrible, and I didn't feel like getting dressed.  However, I had an exercise dress waiting at Macy's for me to pick up, and I didn't want to waste any time.

- - - - - -

Around 2:00 pm, I received an email from my co-op's president, telling the board about some issues people were having with our managing agent. (No, I won't go into any details here for privacy concerns.)  But this triggered my need to check in with her, resulting in a set of questions we need answered by our site representative, and a task for this person to take care of.

Next, I called my doctor's receptionist, and she established an account for me on their system.  Although I am connected, I can not yet send messages to the doctor via this portal.  Luckily, I'll be speaking with the receptionist again this week, as I have to schedule another appointment with the doctor (as well as scheduling a liver scan at Northwell's local office).

Now, I was ready to prepare to go to the store.  But I lallygagged a little, and it wasn't until 6:00 pm that I decided to go into the shower.  By the time I was ready to go out, it was raining.  But I didn't know hard it was raining until I got to the front door.  In for a penny, in for a pound - and I was out the door in the pouring rain.  Things got even worse, as my car's accident prevention system couldn't see through the pouring rain.  If I made it to Macy's by 8:00 pm, I'd pick up my dress.  If not, at least I was driving slow and safe.  

I arrived at Macy's around 7:40 pm, and the rain had eased off a little.  10 minutes later, I was out of the store, and the rain started up again.  So I drove home slowly and safely.  By the time I got home, the rain had eased off again, so I wasn't soaking wet as I got in my door.  But this is a trip I should have  deferred until the morning, and will do so next time it's raining this hard.

- - - - - -

On other matters, I was originally scheduled to see DCD tonight for dinner.  Now that he's late in making his monthly car payment, he is avoiding me.  Since I know that his car is off the road due to his actions, it serves him right to try to make it home in this rain via public transit.  Karmic justice....

I knew that this would be a problem

 

No, that is not my old car.  It's been generations since America knew how to build cars with real style.  But it reminds me of how much of a relic I have become in my old age.

- - - - - -

Like old cars, old friendships have their costs of maintenance.  In the case of DCD, I owed him for helping me move furniture, so that my (then) new carpet could be installed.  So, I figured that I could pay him back by offering him my old car at a below market price.  And this is where the problem comes up.  DCD is not paying me the money he owes me in a timely manner.

My brother and I talked about DCD a while back, and he figured that DCD would skip out on his payments.  Although I also figured this would happen, I am not bothered too much - the old car is out of my parking spaces, and is now his responsibility.  The other day, DCD told me that he failed to get "permanent" plates put on the car because he couldn't get in for an emissions test on time.  Dollars to donuts that this is a BS excuse from him.  Instead, RQS and I both think it is because he doesn't have the money to register the car in his legal state of residence - Connecticut.  

DCD had major health problems a few years back, and maintains legal residency at his (ex) girlfriend's house.  Ideally, he should find out how to switch his legal residence to New York (where he is a de facto resident), while keeping his Obamacare/Medicaid coverage.  But he doesn't do this.  As a result, he is paying an extra tax on the value of the car so that he can legally register the car in Connecticut, not jeopardizing his official Connecticut residency. 

- - - - - -

Do I think I will ever get all of the money DCD owes me?  No.  He is not a responsible person.  He avoids awkward situations, as I did almost 30 years ago - before I was forced to grow up.  Right now, he doesn't have a pot to piss in, and in late middle-age, that's a very bad thing.  I'm grateful I don't have his life to live.

By the time you read this....

By the time you read this post, I should be back from my cruise.  I figure that I'll have a lot to write about in the time I was gone.  Did I overcome my anxiety?  Did I really have anything major to worry about?  How did our time in London go with my niece?  So many questions, and I hope to be able to answer them here.

- - - - - -

There's a part of me that wishes that my friends could all get their acts together and live the best lives that they can live.  Unfortunately, I often meet people who can't get out of their own way (such as DCD) or who are afraid to leave their comfort zones (such as MAR).  This can be frustrating, as one invests a certain amount of emotional energy into every friendship, and it's frustrating to see people fail when success should be in their grasp.  For example, do I expect to see DCD get his car on the road?  No.  Given the screw-ups he has had in getting the car out of my parking lot and getting to DMV to register the car, I expect that the car will die of neglect.  MAR has a similar method of failure, as she is unable to follow through on advice given to her to escape her current dead-end career.  Do I expect to see her apply for a job at the post office?  No.  She'll likely make excuses for why she hasn't done so.

The key difference between me and these friends is that I eventually leave my comfort zone to grow.  Going out and about as Marian was scary at first.  But it is now second nature.  The other day, I wrote to the Bermuda board of tourism and found out that I should not have any problems with being gender non-conforming.  However, I am waiting for a response from their Immigration department to be safe. (If I don't get one, I'll ask the security people at the pier when I'm there in Mario mode.)  Growth is not always comfortable.  And by the time you read this, I'll have grown a little as a seasoned traveler..

Giving DCD his keys - A short post

 

I knew that if I were to go out today, it would be as Marian.  And the only thing on my docket was to meet DCD after work and give him the keys to his car.

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up early.  So I made myself some breakfast, and went back to sleep for a while.  By the time I got up again, it was noon, and all I had the energy to do was to put folded laundry back into the drawers, and to hang some garments up in their appropriate closets.  When I finally was in the mood to get ready to meet DCD, it was 5:30 pm - and I put on one of the more comfortable dresses I have.

A problem I've been having lately is that one of my ear piercings wants to close up.  I may have to go back to the piercing studio and have the piercing redone.  But I'll wait until after I return from my Norway cruise to do this.  At least, I was able to push the pin through my earlobe without any pain, and wear some nice hoops.

I reached the diner where I was to meet DCD around 7:45 pm.  I figured that I'd get a seat and let him find me.  Well, he was a little bit late, so I made sure to hand him his keys before doing anything else.  Over dinner, we chatted about many things, but mostly his problems in dealing with confrontation.  He'll retreat from almost anything that makes him feel uncomfortable unless he has no escape.  So, tonight was not a night to prod him - I did more than that this past weekend.

DCD told me how he got the car off the car carrier, and into a parking space.  I wouldn't have known how to do this.  So, he must have part of a brain to work with.  This made me glad, as I feel that he didn't screw things up to get the car off the carrier.  What did bother me is that he didn't have enough cash to pay for his meal, and that I had to front him $10 for his share of the bill.

On the way to his mom's place, DCD started talking about his family (and his ex-family - he is divorced), and how everyone expected him to screw up.  He accused his ex-wife of sabotaging him towards the end of their marriage, and even to poison the relationship between him and his children. Later on, I discussed this with RQS, and we both agreed - DCD doesn't want to take responsibility for his mistakes in life, and that others' expectations were likely based on objective reality.

At least, there is one thing DCD and I agree on: Our former therapist would never have been able to deal with my gender issues, and that I was wise not to bring them up with him....

Catching up on things.

 

Catching up on things going on in my life....

1. This past weekend, RQS came up earlier than usual for a Friday.  Although Friday's schedule became open due to DCD's car financing issues (he didn't have enough money saved to register the car), the rest of the weekend's schedule would be affected due to DCD's problems in getting his car (my old Honda) out of my parking spaces.
   
   Although it rained most of Saturday, we had to stay around the house because DCD was supposed to come up with a car carrier and take the car away.  Sadly, he screwed that up, as he was supposed to have a friend come with him - and the friend's no-show prevented DCD from getting to U-Haul on time to get the car carrier.  We were a bit frustrated, as we could have spent the day at the movies, instead of watching reruns on TV.
   
   Sunday came, and DCD finally came up with the car carrier after work.  Although he was later than expected, we got the car running enough to get it on the car carrier, and finally out of the parking space where it dwelled for the past 5 weeks. However, he misplaced the car keys, and this proved to be a problem for him.
   
   DCD had lost the keys to the car, and was going to go to Honda to get new keys cut and programmed.  Luckily, on Monday, the car keys were found, and I arranged to give them to him tomorrow.  (DCD was a topic of conversation between RQS and I until I dropped her off at the train station Monday morning.)
   
   
2. I got in contact with my friend Vicki, and we were able to have an impromptu dinner on Monday.  Something happened to her that will have her thinking about her future and what she wants to do with it.  Since something like this happened to me a while back, I gave her the benefit of my experiences, and hope that she finds a way that is best for her in her forward path.
   
   
3. An appointment with my GP is coming up, and I am not looking forward to this visit, as I gained a few pounds on my last cruise.  (Normally, the increased physical activity on cruises causes me to lose weight.  But not this time.)  Part of me wants to postpone this visit, but this would likely be a mistake.
   
   
4. The two garments I expected from Universal Standard came on Saturday.  One of these outfits (a jumpsuit) looks good on me - especially if I'm wearing the right color bra and wearing my jean jacket over it.  The other garment, a sleeveless dress, doesn't look as good on me, and I'm thinking of returning it for credit.  Will I do so?  Who knows?  Maybe RQS can give me her opinion when she comes back here on the weekend.
   

Now, the car is gone - finally!

It took DCD long enough!  Today, he rented a U-Haul truck and a car carrier to remove his car from my parking spot.  And I screwed things up a little by not running the car engine over the past few months, letting the battery drain to the point where it wouldn't start the car.

DCD was supposed to get to my place by 5:00 pm.  However, he had problems with the truck he rented and had to exchange it for one with working Heat/Air Conditioning.  He got a little bit lost on the way to my place, but he made it here without incident.  And then the "fun" began.  DCD tried to start the car without luck.  I had seen the signs of this when my former cruise partner and I got stuck after a visit to NYC.  So I knew what was needed - jumper cables.  While I fetched starter cables, DCD drove the truck into the space next to my old car.  We got the car started without problem, and the engine started running well after a few minutes.  

Our next step was to get the car on the carrier hitched to the back of the truck, and we hesitated a bit because the rain had started up again.  DCD drove the car onto the carrier, and fastened it to the carrier before turning off the engine.  I then told him to separate the car keys, so that if one got lost, he'd be able to get back into the car, and this would be an issue later on.  Then, we took the better part of an hour to turn the truck (and car carrier) around.  Around 7:30 pm, we were done, and DCD was on his way.

Around 9:00 pm, I got a phone call from DCD.  He made it home, and would be storing the car at a friend's place.  But he made one mistake - he lost the keys,  Of course, it was an "I told you so" moment, and I made sure to do just that, as he always has to learn the hard way by making big mistakes.  At least, I am now done with the car, and it is completely his responsibility to take care of it.  

Before he left, I told him that he can start paying me for the car in July.  I'll bet that it will take him that long to get the car on the road again....

The car is gone. (Not!)

 

The original title of this post is one I hoped would be true when I thought of something to write about.  I've known that DCD has always been a flake of some sort, avoiding harsh truths when he thinks he could take an easy way out.  So I had my worries that he would flake out in the middle of the car transfer process.  For all I care, he could take the old car and not pay me for it.  I simply wanted it out of my parking spot.  And this is where I had my concerns when he said that he couldn't take possession of the car until early May....

Well, early May came and DCD decided to flake out on me.  I asked him if things are going OK with DMV, and all I got was:

After this - Crickets!   He didn't respond to messages, nor did he answer to phone calls.  He has the signed bill of sale, and all the paperwork needed to register the car in his name.  But if he can't register the car AND the car is stuck in my driveway, I'm the one holding the bag for the car until I can figure out a way to get the title back in my name and a proper copy of the release of lien.

DCD is acting like an embarrassed child who is afraid to take responsibility for his actions.  Sadly, I still have to act like an adult and deal with him until he does the right thing.  Then, I can disconnect completely, as his "friendship" has been shown to be worthless.

The car is no longer mine - a quick post

 

DCD and I finally did it.  Tonight, I signed over the car to him, and he can start the process of getting the car back on the road.

I'll miss this car.  But my current car is a better choice for me.  I need the safety features in the car, as I no longer have the alertness that I had 50 years ago.  Even now, I have started thinking about how long I will continue to be able to safely drive a car.  I'm roughly 67 years old, and I can see the differences between how I drove when just a few years younger and how I drive now.

Hopefully, the car will serve him well.  I wish him the best while he owns it, as he really needs a set of wheels to commute to and from his job.

- - - - - -

On other matters, I picked up my tax paperwork today and then filed these forms.  State taxes were in the range I expected, but at the low end of the range.  Federal taxes were slightly overpaid, so I will eventually get a refund which will go to my clothing budget.

I'm still cleaning out my old car - a quick post.

 

Right now,  my old car is sitting in my driveway.  The plates are off the car, and I'll soon be signing the paperwork needed to transfer the title to DCD.  Although I don't intend to clean out the car completely, I will take most of the next week to gradually get the rest of my crap out of the car, so that DCD can vacuum it out at his leisure.

I'll miss this car.  But I like the car I'm driving now.  It has quite a few miles before it gets mechanically old.  That's a good thing, as I don't want to have the car die on the road while I'm presenting as Marian.  (This happened with my PT Cruiser after 120k miles, and I didn't think it worth while to install a new transmission on a car that was worn out.)

In certain ways, a new car is like a new life.  Given that I have bloomed because I am out as Marian, I wanted a car that reflected my risk adverse nature and a car which I could enter and exit in a lady like fashion.  My new car allows me to do that.

I'm almost ready to sign away my old car.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm negotiating a contract with the fellow on the left.  DCD asks me a lot of questions that he should be able to answer by himself, such as computing Connecticut's tax on the car which he will soon be registering.

The other day, I met for DCD for a bite to eat, and I was ready to sign the bill of sale and the title, so that he could take these forms, plus the release of lien, and get the car registered in his name.  He wasn't ready to do that, as he still had to schedule an in-person visit to Connecticut DMV to get the car registered and get the plates for the car.  Hopefully, we'll be able to take care of this soon.

- - - - - -

Right now, the old car is sitting in an assigned parking spot, waiting for DCD to drive it away.  I want it gone by the end of the month, as I don't want a car I can't drive sitting in my driveway as long as my old PT Cruiser sat after its transmission failed.  Although I gave away that car 10 years ago, it never got on the road again.  The new owner planned to get the car fixed and never did, as he passed away before he had the chance to do so.

I'm lucky to have two parking spots I can use, as one spot blocks in the car in front of it when two cars are parked in these spots.  This is not much of an issue for a married couple, as they would be able to move a car so that the blocked-in car could get out.  But it wouldn't work if the two cars were owned by non-relatives. Yet, if I could find a Cheap, Low-Mileage, Well-Maintained 2 seat gas fueled Smart car, I might buy it - if only to be able to visit RQS and have a good chance of finding a parking spot quickly.

- - - - - -

If this deal with DCD falls through, I might put my old car back on the road again, just to have something cheap to drive to RQS's place.  Hopefully, this won't happen.....