Dim Sum in Parsippany, NJ

 

It's been months since RO and I have been able to get together, in part due to sinkholes on I-80.  For both of us, it's a 90 minute drive to a midpoint destination.  If one of our key highways to Parsippany, NJ is out, it can add at least 30 minutes to the trip. For both of us, spending 2 hours to meet an acquaintance would be a non-starter.  So, we waited until I-80 was repaired fully before we scheduled lunch again.

I wasn't in the greatest of moods when I woke up.  Current affairs is very depressing, as one can't escape mention of the Orange Snowflake in the news.  I limit my interactions with the news, while RO tunes it out.  That doesn't mean that she doesn't care about what's going on.  Instead, it means that turning off the news is her only way of escaping the monster and his childlike voice.

While driving to the restaurant, MAR called me.  She doesn't have a stable job, and we have been trying to find a time and date when we could meet.  Even though this upcoming weekend is a rare open one for me, she was booked up already.  So, after a long conversation over the phone, we rescheduled our get together for 3 weeks from now.

Eventually, I reached the restaurant, and RO arrived a few minutes later.  It was as if little time had passed since our last get together, and conversation flowed like water.  We each had a bowl of hot and sour soup, and then split 4 dishes of dim sum - including some soup dumplings.  Yum!  All too soon, we had to leave, and we will try to schedule something within 4-6 weeks.

On my way home, I decided to explore the items in Lane Bryant.  Only one catch - I was trying to avoid the tolls on the Garden State Parkway.  This was a mistake, as I drove through the bowels of Patterson, NJ -from one side of the "hood" to the other. Eventually, I made it to the road I was looking for, and then made it to Lane Bryant (with a pit stop at Panera Bread.)  Luckily, I escaped the store without spending anything, and went home for the evening without further delay.

Some Unorganized Thoughts

 

I know that I have gotten much more political as of late, as I am very sensitive to the Orange Snowflake's regime and its desire to crush freedom and human rights in this country.  Being in one of the groups that he wants to erase from history, I don't want to be in his crosshairs.  So, I'll travel in stealth mode much more often than I'd like. In the past, I had ambivalence about applying for a second citizenship (via a foreign births registry).  But now, I know I need to be able to leave the United States if the government becomes even more authoritarian and hateful than it is now.  I no longer can take the risk of being caught up in a modern day pogrom instigated by the Orange Snowflake.

- - - - - - 

The last time I was in Chicago, RQS and I met with our Texas friends.  Chicago, San Francisco, and Boston are among the few cities where I feel comfortable traveling as Marian.  We're hoping to find a way to meet up with them again.  But it will need to be in a time and place which is good for them.  But where would we meet?  I miss being able to be with them in person, even though we were only able to get together in the same place once. 

- - - - - -

Although MAR says that she wants to get together with me, I think that she is too cash poor to do so.  I am not the one coming out of the woodwork to schedule things.  She is getting hit with bills that she can't afford on a home health care aide's salary.  I plan to keep in contact with her, but not attempt scheduling anything.  I'd be willing to pay for a cup of coffee at Starbucks.  But she thinks that getting together has to be done over dinner.  (As I write this, it's the first time I've thought about her in weeks.) Even if she thinks of me as a friend, she is not someone who has much to offer in the friendship.

- - - - - -

It's been a long time since I've seen Pat (my former hypnotist).  Each time I think of her, I wouldn't mind seeing her.  But I don't want to deal with her feelings of victimhood and loneliness.  She's lived a very hard life, and I understand why she feels the way she does.  Unfortunately, this has turned her into a demanding beggar.  (Beggar is the wrong word here, but I can't think of one that fits right now.)  When RQS and I last saw Pat, she asked if we could go to Starbucks for a cup of coffee.  I felt that she wouldn't mind a short drive into New Jersey to visit an outlet that always had more than adequate seating.  Yet, she felt upset that we weren't going to the one near her nursing home.  It was if she was afraid of being in new places, and wanted to demand that we visit a place of familiarity.  Who knows what the objective truth is?  Since then, neither of us has made any effort to visit Pat, and it's just as well.

- - - - - -

The family homestead is on the path to being rented out.  Our inspection is scheduled for next week.  Unfortunately, neither my brother nor I will be available to open up the place.  Luckily, my brother enlisted the help of a friend to admit the inspector into the house.  Hopefully, nothing else will slow down the process of getting new tenants, and for us to stop bleeding money from our bank accounts.

- - - - - -

The co-op board I'm on needs new members and new leadership.  No one should serve as long as we have.  But too many people are treating this place like a rental, and do not care to help out.  Sooner or later, the board's president will resign, and I will follow soon after.  Hopefully, I'll be able to buy a new place by then, and unload the apartment I live in before the crud hits the fan.  (No, I'm not planning on abandoning it while we're working out some issues.  I am planning to leave after they have been resolved.)

Will I miss being involved here?  Yes.  But someone else will need to step forward, and I will have to put myself first when things are running smoothly.

- - - - - -

That's enough for now.   

Someone too poor to even maintain friendships

 

A while ago, I met a young woman at a meetup and developed a friendship.  Well, not a close friendship, but more of someone I could meet for dinner on occasion, and not miss it we didn't meet for dinner.  

- - - - - -

As my readers know well, I am lucky enough to be able to buy the things I want to buy - as long as it is in moderation.  If I want to meet a friend for dinner, I schedule it - and worry about my diet (or lack of one) afterwards. My friend is far from being able to afford dinner, and cancels our get-togethers more often than not. 

MAR is a 40 y/o health care aide who is getting tired of her job.  She wants to find something else, but feels locked into her role.  (I feel that she's afraid to spread her wings, but who am I to say?)   Her vocal style does not project confidence and quick thinking, and that may be what's holding her back in life.

Her body is wearing out from the physical labor part of her job.  Given that she is not a salaried worker, she depends on the number of hours that she clocks in to maximize her pay.  Unfortunately, she has never been able to clear out her debt, and this means that she will cancel dinners at the last moment when there is too much week at the end of her money.

- - - - - -

Today, as I expected, MAR cancelled dinner at the local diner.  I suggested a get-together 4 weeks later, and she feels she won't have money until July.  Dollars to donuts, she'll look to schedule something and then cancel at the last moment. 

I'm glad I don't count on this woman for serious friendship....

Today, I presented both as Mario and as Marian.

 

I could easily blow a wad on Universal Standard dresses, as there are two on sale that I wouldn't mind buying.  With a 25% off code that will expire at midnight, I can only justify buying one of these dresses (sadly, not the one above in that color).  Instead, it will likely be a linen dress which is perfect for the upcoming summer.

But why do I mention dresses?

Well, today's schedule had me present as Mario when I went to the doctor, and as Marian when I meet with MAR for dinner.  And I'm almost always in a dress when I meet up with her for dinner.

- - - - - -

First, it was a visit to my doctor.  I know that he'll hector me about my weight, but I go there because I know that my health needs to be monitored, so that things don't get worse for me in this area.  My appointment was set for 10:30, and I didn't see the doctor until 11:15 (an intern did check my blood pressure around 11.)  By the time I was done with the doctor, I was hungry and craving a sausage and egg breakfast sandwich.  So, I ate some food, then dropped my suit off at the cleaners before going home for a couple of hours.

I rested at home for a while, and then changed into Marian before meeting MAR for dinner.  Although we agreed to meet at 5:30, she was there around 5.  So, I said to get a table, as I could be there in a few minutes.  Once there, we caught each other up on what has been happening in our lives. Both of us showed each other some of the clothes we were thinking of buying for ourselves.  MAR was a little envious of me and my travels, and suggested that she'd like to join me on one of my cruises.  Well, that won't happen for many reasons, one of them is that I'd have to reveal I am transgender.

After dinner, I dropped my leftovers at my apartment, then drove to Stew Leonard's to buy some breakfast sausage patties.  One problem - they were nowhere to be found, as the store was arranged to supply patrons for their Easter dinner needs.  Yet, I found a lot of things I needed for this weekend's dinners with RQS.

On the whole, it was a busy but not hectic day.  Next week, I expect things to get hectic on the run up to my upcoming cruise.

 

By the time you read this....

By the time you read this post, I should be back from my cruise.  I figure that I'll have a lot to write about in the time I was gone.  Did I overcome my anxiety?  Did I really have anything major to worry about?  How did our time in London go with my niece?  So many questions, and I hope to be able to answer them here.

- - - - - -

There's a part of me that wishes that my friends could all get their acts together and live the best lives that they can live.  Unfortunately, I often meet people who can't get out of their own way (such as DCD) or who are afraid to leave their comfort zones (such as MAR).  This can be frustrating, as one invests a certain amount of emotional energy into every friendship, and it's frustrating to see people fail when success should be in their grasp.  For example, do I expect to see DCD get his car on the road?  No.  Given the screw-ups he has had in getting the car out of my parking lot and getting to DMV to register the car, I expect that the car will die of neglect.  MAR has a similar method of failure, as she is unable to follow through on advice given to her to escape her current dead-end career.  Do I expect to see her apply for a job at the post office?  No.  She'll likely make excuses for why she hasn't done so.

The key difference between me and these friends is that I eventually leave my comfort zone to grow.  Going out and about as Marian was scary at first.  But it is now second nature.  The other day, I wrote to the Bermuda board of tourism and found out that I should not have any problems with being gender non-conforming.  However, I am waiting for a response from their Immigration department to be safe. (If I don't get one, I'll ask the security people at the pier when I'm there in Mario mode.)  Growth is not always comfortable.  And by the time you read this, I'll have grown a little as a seasoned traveler..

An early dinner with a friend

 

Last night, I mentioned to Pat that I wish I could have been born a cisgender female who looked like this when younger.  If I were younger and in better health, I'd consider plastic surgery to make my face look more like this.  Today, I had lunch with a friend who has no idea that I am not a cisgender female.

- - - - - -

MAR is 36 years old, and doesn't have a good career.  I'm not really sure of how she got her bachelor's degree, as I think that this must have been a struggle for her.  But I digress.   

We met at the local pizzeria around 5:00 pm, just as the Trump verdicts were coming in.  The conversation we had was pleasant, focusing on things like getting a new job.  The last time we met, I mentioned that New York State was on a hiring spree, and that she should take the civil service tests to try to get a job with benefits.  Did she do this?  No.  So, I mentioned that the post office is looking for people and that she should apply at their open house to be held next week.  Do I think she'll do this?  Probably not.  But one can hope.

Before we left the restaurant, the waiter took $100 in $20's from us, and we asked for change of the extra $20.  He thought we had given him $80, and got confused.  Luckily, this didn't become a problem for us, as he gave us $20 from his own pocket - from which we gave him $15 back in a tip.

- - - - - -

My next destination was to Yonkers to pick up the lost earring - the hostess of game night found it, and was ready for me when I got there.  Sadly "Murder Mouth" (as she calls her dog - it can't be trusted around visitors) wouldn't relax, and that meant I couldn't stay and chat.  So, it was back home for the evening and to the basket of laundry that needed folding.... 

Taking care of business (part 1)

 

I had several things I had to do today: See a friend for lunch, arrange for a handyman to come and repair the tile in my bathroom, postpone dinner with Vicki, get my earlobe piercings looked at, and confirm my car's appointment for the annual state safety/emissions inspection.  And I was amazed that I got everything done.

But first....

My alarms were set to wake me up at 7:00 am, so that I could attempt to get free tickets for the 9/11 museum in Lower Manhattan.  It was worth it for me to try to wake up early to get these tickets, but I was doing it with only 3 hours of sleep.  So I'd likely be tired most of the day until I've had a chance to nap.  Still, I didn't get to the site using the correct link, so refreshing the link at 7:00 am still resulted in failure as I was never presented with the option of getting free tickets.  AARGH!  Yet, failing to get 9/11 tickets would be a blessing, as I would be able to take a much needed nap later in the day.

Now that I was awake, I started to work on a blog entry.  Working on developing a travel blog that will develop into videos is work, as I have to be thinking of scripts I can use to make 10-15 minutes of useful content on a regularly scheduled basis.  (It'll need more meat and less filler than in this daily blog.)  So I worked on something based on my most recent trip.  Even though I'm not happy with this entry, it's good exercise for me.

About 11:00 am, I started getting ready to see my friend MAR for lunch.  I hated to get showered, as I don't like risking getting the failed section of the tiled wall wet.  (It's covered with both duct tape and a tarp now, but there is still a risk until a handyman fixes it.)  After showering and getting made up for the day, I put on a dress I bought several years ago, and went out for lunch.  We chatted for a couple of hours, talking about many things.  I'm glad that she is taking my advice, and trying to develop skills that will get her out of the job she is doing and into something better. She'll never be a rocket scientist, but she's capable of doing something that will make it possible to afford to live on her own.

Next, I had to make an appointment with a handyman.  My downstairs neighbor (who I haven't seen in weeks) had given me the name of a person who worked in his apartment for a contractor that the co-op used to fix damage from a plumbing problem originating from my apartment.  So, I called him, and we made an appointment for this Saturday (although he'd want to stop by after work today - something I couldn't do while out as Marian. Instead, I have him coming by tomorrow, while I'm out as Mario.)  Hopefully, this fix will both be done the right way and won't cost me too much money.  

Now that this was taken care of, I drove to the tattoo/piercing shop to have the piercing specialist look at my ears.  I was having trouble with one ear because there was a little gunk blocking the hole.  The other ear's problem was caused by the hole starting to close - and she took care of that.  However, she couldn't widen the hole without using studs that I'd never be able to take off and put back on easily.  So I went with replacing the studs I used to wear.

And then, it was home for a nap after a quick trip to the supermarket.  I'll have a lot to take care of tomorrow, but I'll deal with it then....

A last minute dinner with a friend

 

I found the above Garfield comic on the internet today, and felt it captured the spirit of today's dinner with a friend.  But first....

- - - - - -

Last night, I found that the scanner on my "all-in-one" scanner/printer stopped working when I tried to scan documents needed to be given a $100 cruise credit by the cruise line's shareholder relations department. Today, I started tearing apart boxes of stuff I stashed behind my loveseat to find the single purpose scanner I used to use.  After making a total mess in my living room, I found the scanner and tried to install it on my computer.  Unfortunately, there were no Windows 10 drivers for the scanner, and I ended up tossing the scanner in the trash.  

Once I was done with scanning futility, I decided to get showered and dressed to have dinner with my friend from the meetup group, MAR.  This woman is young enough to be my daughter, and works in a services field.  (I don't want to say too much more about what she does for a living here.)  We discussed many a thing, including my upcoming cruises.  And she surprised me by asking if she could come along with me on one of my less expensive trips.  (This woman has never traveled.)  There is no way I'd do this while seeing RQS, and I wouldn't ruin my relationship with RQS to do so.  (I wonder if my cruising with FCP negatively affected my relationship with XGFJ.  If so, I don't want to make that mistake again.)  I told MAR that if we were to do so, she'd find out much more about me than I think she'd like. (I've never mentioned that I am transgender to her, and I think that she believes that I am a cisgender female. Why ruin that image?)

So why did I mention Garfield and lasagna?  Like the cartoon cat, I love lasagna, and polished off a large portion at dinner.  Yum!  We may have lost a good pizza shop in town, where one could get a quick slice.  But we have a good Italian joint in its place, where I have never had a bad sit down dinner.