Sometimes, the best thing to do or say is nothing.

 

A philosophy which usually works for me is

When in doubt, do or say nothing.

All too often when I find that I "need" to act, I haven't thought enough things out.  This is what caused me to give the ex the "evidence" she needed to blackball me from a particular meetup group.  If I had done or said nothing, she wouldn't have been able to screw me.

Why do I mention this?

Recently, I caught myself thinking of a conversation I had with my ex that referenced the nagging issue of the meetup groups.  Instead of giving her any ammunition, I said nothing.  I can always say something later on when something really needs to be said.

Do I know if the ex is reading this blog?  I must assume: Yes.  So I offer some advice.  The closer you are (or have been) to someone who writes a diary, the more you should resist the temptation to read it.  If you do, you might find out things about yourself that you don't like or can't accept.

Sadly, I did say too much in a now deleted entry. And for this I am sorry.

- - - - - -

A year and a half ago, I lost FCP as a friend, in part because she decided to read this blog and find out what I really thought about her.  Since I was tired of her drama, this was not a great loss.  But losing the girlfriend afterwards was like a sucker punch to the gut.  At least, in the battle we fought last year, I got my punches in.  If I felt like s--t, she did too.  Unlike her, I will say that this pain could have been avoided.

It's just too bad that we haven't yet found a way to be real friends who meet now and then. And now, I doubt we ever will because of being too open with who I am.

 

PS: The original version of this entry was much longer.  I took my advice in its editing.

Right now, I'm glad I have my job

 

If it weren't for having a job, I would be raiding my savings account for much more money than I've needed to do this year.  It's not the job I want to keep forever.  Instead, it's the kind of job to keep until I have something better to do.

It's nice being able to go to work as Marian on a regular basis.  Yet, this job does not allow the social engagement I would like.  Yet, I can't complain.  The job is exactly as was presented to me.  And I'll do it to keep from draining savings.  If a travel opportunity opens up to me, I may leave the job so that I can take my trip.

There's not much I can do to make my job more interesting.  I think of it as a form of electronic "whack a mole".  It lulls me to sleep when I'm tired, and I need to make sure I have my coffee before starting work.  By the end of the day, my body clock is waking the body up, so that it can go home safely.  My boss could put me in a different area.  Yet, I think he's trying to be nice to me by giving me an easy job to do.  No complaints will come from my area of the peanut gallery.

- - - - - -

The other day, FH wondered why I don't buy a new car.  The answer is simple.  I hate draining my savings accounts when I am living on an artificially low income.  TCL understands this quite well, even though she's on a tighter budget than I am.  I expect that by this time next year, I'll be looking at buying that new car.  Will it be a used car, like Vicki might get?  Or, will it be a new car, like I usually get?  Either way, I will need reliable transportation while working and while dating.

This job gives me way too much time to think.  I have to remind myself to focus on other things when my thoughts go where they would likely make me sad or angry.  Here, I'm glad that I've been listening to a series of TV shows dedicated to Meditation.  I've found that they relax me enough to fall asleep AND that they teach me certain coping skills I need to short circuit the cycle of anger and sadness.

- - - - - -

Now that the pandemic is easing off, too many people will be rushing to get out and about.  This is the time that I may be avoiding the growing crowds, as I still expect another wave of the pandemic to cause many of us grief.  Instead, I'll stay inside, work as hard as possible, and possibly save some money for future travel.

I won't go into details, but....

 

This will be a short entry to replace the one I had originally posted.  I pissed off someone who I didn't want to piss off because of another communication failure between us.  The way we are going, I'm afraid we might never speak again.  And that's a shame.  Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

Those of you who saw the original entry will understand what happened.  Those of you who didn't, well - I won't go into things here.  All I can say is that I hope we can patch things up.....

Thinking about my friend, WDS

(If you look carefully, WDS is reflected as behind his dog.)

The other day, I wrote about WDS's latest response to an email of mine.  So I responded with another email of my own:

WDS, 

1. I understand that there are no promises. And I'm not a person who deals in false hopes.
2. I'm glad you are not in a care home. Do you have anyone looking in on you now and then? I have similar values as you do regarding the quality of life. It was important to me that I was there to support you in your time of need, and would do that again.
3. Can you take care of any paperwork that comes your way? Do you have someone who will contact your friends and family (I only know of a half sibling of yours) when the time comes?

Remember that I will support you in the decisions you make. If you need someone to come down for a short while to help, I will do so.

Please keep me up to date on things.... Although we haven't been in the same place in years, I still consider you among my best friends.

Mario

I'm hoping that WDS understands all of what I'm trying to say.

WDS is an atheist. So saying like "my thoughts and prayers are with you" would be an insult, as he thinks that religion and worship are worthless. The fact that he is in his rented home is important to me, as it means he can control his destiny to some extent. However, I am concerned about his ability to handle paperwork, as he lost part of the brain which controls speech and language. It has also affected to use the right side of his body. Since I remember him being right handed, the effects of the stroke would be enough to make me want to take a long dirt nap. So, I can only imagine what a fitness conscious person like WDS must be feeling right now.

I'll miss WDS, although we haven't seen each other in years.  When I got the short term job at the payments firm, WDS gifted me a top of the line iPad. He made sure I couldn't refuse his gift.  There are many more things I might want to enumerate, but I won't do so right now.  Instead, I only want for him to go into the dark unknown in the way he chooses to go.  Hopefully, he'll be able to do that.  From what I can tell by the following reply, I think he'll get what he wishes.

A former member of the dog club calls me daily or twice daily and comes once a week.
Yes, I can take care of paper work.

Thank you

This is all I need to know.  I asked if he wanted me to call him, but I think he'll say No.  So in many ways, I think this will be the last communication I have with my old friend.

 

 

Another visit to Mavis, more frustration, followed by dinner with someone new.

This is the last part which needs to get installed for my car's exhaust system to be complete.  However, when I arrived at Mavis bright and early this morning, they didn't have the part.  If the car wasn't driveable, I would be very mad.  As it is, I am quite upset.  No, I am not upset at the people at Mavis, as they are upset as well.  I am upset at a supply chain which has failed at a critical moment for me.

I am told that Covid-19 has affected a lot of supply chains around the world.  Couple this with the recent supply chain problem caused by a container ship blocking the Suez Canal, and one can start building a case for regionalization in addition to globalization.  When the pandemic first hit, no one knew how much of our medical supply chain was sourced from China.  I am not at odds with David Ricardo who suggested that there is mutual national benefit from trade even if one country is more competitive in every area than its trading counterpart and that a nation should concentrate resources only in industries where it has a comparative advantage. However, it also makes sense for regions to be moderately self sufficient during a pandemic.  Yet, one can go way too far with this idea, such as with North Korea's idea of Juche. A nation (or region) must find a happy medium, so that when many international borders have to be shut down, enough commerce can take place, in order to minimize the disruptions that result from closed borders and broken supply chains.

In my case, a minor supply chain breakdown is interfering with a visit to see FH at her friend's place.  The part never made it to Mavis at 9:00 as promised.  It arrived 4 hours late. As a result, the repair could not be completed early enough to allow me to make it to FH's friend on time.  And when I started to leave for Long Island to meet up with FH for an early dinner, she texted me to say that she was tired and that we should wait until next weekend to get together.  At that point, I started on a long drive, and decided to call FCM to say hello.  This hello ended up allowing us to get together for dinner, and chatting well into the evening.  Even though there are some warning signs, I feel good enough about FCM to consider a second get together.

 

PS: The next day FCM sent me a message that makes me feel we will stay in the "Friend Zone."  And that's OK with me, as she was a low priority dating prospect.

Maria. Maria. I just met a girl called Maria.

 

What a corny way to open up an entry.  But I figured that the focus of my day would be on just two things: (1) Having dinner with Maria, and (2) a Noisy Muffler.  And I was right.  Work passed by relatively quickly, and once I got into the zone, I didn't notice the 8 hours go by. So, the real day began for me around 5:00 pm.

After a quick stop at the house to change into something prettier than I wear to work, it was off to see Maria in Poughkeepsie.  Giving her a 7:00 arrival time was just right.  We both got to the restaurant within minutes of each other, and then we sat down to dine. This was Maria's first time at the Mill House Brewpub.  I've been there a couple of times before, and I expect to eat good food.  But tonight, both the quality and quantity impressed me.  Although we spent a pretty penny on the meal (both of us had drinks), it was well worth the price.  (Too bad she couldn't drink any beer - we'd have shared a flight of drinks.)  Due to the rain, one drink was my limit.  But what I had went well with my pork schnitzel.  Yum!

We talked about many things, but the focus was on the stuff occupying my mind these days: WDS, the Ex-Girlfriend, FH and the other women I've been chatting with lately. None of these things in themselves is that interesting.  But when put in an overall context of how people relate to each other, how people communicate with each other, then it becomes interesting.  We could have gone on forever, but both of us were tired. 

All too soon, we had to go home. It was well worth the effort to see Maria again.  And I hope that I can get together with her and her boyfriend next time.

Mavis Tires - The second, but not final visit.

 

You might wonder why I show pictures of a car's exhaust system.  Well, the long pipe connecting the engine to the rest of the exhaust system failed, along with the parts closest to the tail pipe.  Yesterday, I brought the car to Mavis Tires, expecting to have the work completed by the end of the day.  However, the parts supplier couldn't get the parts to Mavis on time to get me out the door by 5.  So I was told to come back after work to get this work done and to get my wallet emptied.

Whenever I get work done on my car, I go as Mario.  Yesterday, this meant a quick stop at home to change into Marian before going to work.  Today, it meant changing into Mario after work before going to Mavis.  So I had to plan out my day very carefully.

- - - - - -

This morning, the Route 9A Southbound traffic jam from Croton to Route 134 was much worse than usual for 7:20 am.  Cars were bunching up at the end of the bridge out of Croton, and I had to take side roads to bypass much of the jam.  Another jam was around Route 133, and I had to again reroute to side roads instead of getting stuck in traffic.  If I didn't know the alternative routes on side roads, I'd never have made it to work on time.  But I did lose my chance to have a cup of coffee before starting work.

At lunchtime, I received the following message from WDS:

Hello Dear Friend,

1. My brain may recover, but there are no promises. The pressure of the two hemorrhages between my cranium and brain has already killed a whole bunch of brain cells.

2. I'm staying at a house that I rent. No, please don't try to help me. I don't want to live forever, and I definitely don't want to survive as a vegetable. Quality of life is very important to me. Remember that I have had personal experience with that subject and that I understand it well.

3. No, thank you. I get tired easily, and I have to allocate my efforts to selected activities.

I appreciate your friendship and offer to help, but this is an end of life state. I must choose the right path for me at the right time. 

Hopefully when the time comes, he will have someone near him to keep him company as he starts his trip to the great unknown.  Also, I hope that he has someone lined up to inform his friends and family of his demise.

Next, I received a text from FH that something was wrong, and she wanted to talk this evening.  It seems like she wanted more time to talk with her friend, and asked me to come for dessert instead of a midday dinner.

After 8 hours of playing digital "Whack-a-Mole", I was tired and ready to go home.  Instead, I could only stop there long enough to clean myself up, change clothes, and then go to Mavis.  While at Mavis, I texted Vicki, and she picked me up for an unplanned dinner at Panera Bread.  So, at 7:30, I returned to Mavis with a hope that my car would be ready.

My hopes for a quiet car were dashed when I was told that the pipe at the end of the muffler (see bottom left photo) was about 5 inches too short.  It couldn't connect with the rest of the tailpipe.  So I ended up with a noisy car that will have to take me up to see a friend tomorrow.  At least, the fellow assures me that this will be fixed for good on Saturday morning.  Damn.  It would be the only day I could wake up late, and now I can't do so.  AARGH!

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting up with Maria #2 after work.  It'll be nice to catch up with her again.