I have finally retired!

 

Although I've been talking about retirement for a while, I was always afraid to pull the cord and take the leap into the unknown.  Well, the other day, an incident at work caused me to do some serious thinking through the past weekend and commit to leaving my job.

I won't say much about the incident that caused me to make my decision, save that I was very tired when it happened.  There is an acronym for things that one should be aware of for those people who are prone to let loose with their feelings: HALT - Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, and Tired.  In my case, I was tired, and bothered by someone who didn't have the ability to interact with me as a normal person would.  (This person is intellectually disabled, and I normally would avoid him to prevent him from getting on my nerves.  But I digress....)

My finances are in decent shape for my age, and I have no significant debts.  So I figured that the best thing for me to do would be to exit the job and step into the unknown.  I handed my resignation in to my boss at the tail end of the day, and didn't bother looking back  Later on, I texted several people that I had left the firm, and two of them were surprised.  One of them even gave me a call to chat, and she mentioned that people in my area were doing a hard job.  (I must agree, it is a hard job for most and one best suited to people who can perform a repetitive task for 8 hours each day. This is why many intellectually disabled people are best suited to work at this place; they can thrive in an environment where they can show that they, too, can make meaningful contributions in the workplace.)

Does this mean that I will never go to work again?  No.  But it means that I will be much more picky in the type of work I do and the amount of work I do.  I can always use a little bit of extra cash....

I now own most of the wardrobe I'll wear in Hawaii

Even though my Hawaii cruise is roughly 4-5 months away, I have gotten to thinking about the clothes I'll be bringing along on the trip.  

Although my trip is labeled as an 11 day cruisetour, there are only 10 days of scheduled activities - the first day is reserved for those people flying in from the mainland.  One could be 12+ hours in transit (like me) and arrive at the hotel in time for dinner.  And another person could be coming in from the West Coast, and arrive in time to spend a full day relaxing at the hotel.  I'll be out of touch for the better part of 12 days, as I lose a day in Eastbound transit due to the length of the flight and the time zone differences.

Since this trip will take place in the Winter, I have to carry a couple of outfits for mainland transit, as well as outfits for the 11 days in Hawaii.  I figure that I will wear something which I can remove layers from (or add layers to) while I am in transit. Of course, I have no intentions of wearing my coat while in Hawaii, but I must bring it along for my trip home.

Right now, I have 4 short, sleeveless dresses I've bought from Target, plus another from Lane Bryant.  I won't take all of them with me, as I will need a nice maxi dress fr more formal times.  But planning for this trip will force me to make decisions I don't want to make to keep things under control - such as limiting how much clothing I bring, so that my luggage falls within airline weight limits.

The way I see things, I'll need 3 pairs of shoes: the sneakers I'll wear onto the plane, "dressy" shoes (maybe a nice pair of flats) for "dressy" nights, and "water" shoes that I can use when going on a beach and walking poolside.  If I were traveling as Mario, I could make a pair of the shoes do double duty.  But, as most women know all too well, it requires more of an effort (and more clothing/accessories) to appear as a well put together woman.

Luckily, I still have time to plan my travel wardrobe.  But there will be other things that I have to plan for while traveling in female presentation - such as trimming my beard, and maintaining my made up face.  This will be a little bit more tricky....

Doing nothing and feeling good about it.

 

Today was a day where RQS and I stayed in bed until it was almost afternoon.  And neither of us felt bad about it.  I'm still getting used to the idea that I will be resigning my job, and finally retiring.  I feel both sad and glad that I am doing this, as it was precipitated by an event that I should have been able to prevent before it occured.

RQS sensed my sadness, and was a great comfort to me while we spent the day doing nothing except making breakfast and doing the laundry.  All too soon, we had to get dressed, so I could take her to the station for her trip home.  

Now, before I go on too much about how close we've become in the past few months, I have to say something about her cats.  They are not used to her being away as much as RQS has been lately, and they pounce on her whenever she gets home.  Although she will have friends stopping by to feed the cats when we go on our cruise together, I can only imagine how they will react after 10 days of her absence.

So far, RQS are getting so comfortable with each other that we are already looking at doing another cruise next year - specifically, the Panama Canal cruise I've been planning on for 2023.  She worries about her cats, but we'll see how they react after this cruise.  Since I'm going to be in Hawaii later this year, she's thinking of taking a cruise by herself while I'm away.  Could I have gotten her hooked on a way of taking inexpensive vacations?  I hope so, as I want her to be comfortable on the next few "bucket list" cruises I plan to take.

A trip to the reservoir

 

I usually pick RQS up from the local railroad station in feminine gender presentation.  This week, since she came up on a Saturday, I was dressed as Mario for a change when I picked her up.  And from there, we headed North without a fixed destination.

Now, being in male mode precluded a stop at Karina Dresses.  But this didn't prevent us from driving through Kingston and heading West from there.  I figured that we should reach the Bread Alone bakery before changing direction, and RQS said that this was worth the drive.  Not only was she impressed by the quality of the breads there, but she loved the small pizza we had on site.  Yum!  

Next, I decided to drive along the Southern side of the Ashokan reservoir, and we stopped at the dam (NYC no longer allowing cars to drive across it since 9/11) and took a walk.  Both of us captured some nice pictures such as the one at the top of this entry.  Even with the reservoir drawn down to Summer levels, it still was a great photo-op that we didn't miss.

At this point, both of us were tired and wanted to go home to eat.  This was one night where we conked out early, as we both needed a good rest.

Not much to say today.

 

Yesterday, I had to leave work early.  I finally am at a point where I know it's time to retire for good.  Although I feel a little sad, I know it's the right thing to do.

- - - - - -

Today, I received a text from a friend I was supposed to get together with tonight for dinner.  She was feeling sick and wouldn't be able to meet.  So I figured that I'd change back to Mario a day early, and get ready to meet RQS when she arrives tomorrow for a short stay.  This meant that (among many things) I had to remove the polish from my nails that was applied last weekend, and move my ID and money into Mario's wallet.  At this point, I won't be out as Marian until next week.

I'm still not out of the funk I got into yesterday, but I'm hoping that being with RQS will help me get over it.  We will see what it's like when she arrives....

Sometimes, I skip a night or two...

 

Last week, I skipped going to game night because the host and hostess had just gotten over a mild case of Covid-19.  I didn't think much of it then, but I decided to skip this week because I was feeling very down and would be a poor guest.  (I'm not ready to talk about why yet.)  But I will miss seeing the gang until next month....

- - - - - -

One of the things I like about going to game night is that I am with a group of people who accept me as Marian.  This is important to me, as I enjoy being with people who enjoy having me around.  Throughout my life, I have always felt like I am the odd person out, and it's nice to know I'm welcome with this one group.

By the time I see this group next month, a lot of things will have changed in my life.  Hopefully, I'll have much more good news than sad to report....

I don't know how I make it through the day.

 

Lately, I've been feeling very tired when I get up.  Most of the time, I can blame it on not getting enough sleep the night before.  Yet, I continue with the idea of going to work at a 9 to 5 job, as I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have to be somewhere on a regular basis.  This morning, I didn't feel like I had enough sleep the night before, and I felt lucky that I had some "extra caff" coffee available for me to start my day.

It's still nice being able to go to work presenting as female.  I wish I could have done this throughout my career.  However, it was many times more difficult being out and about as a trans person than it is now.  But I can't complain about my past.  My 40 year career in technology made it possible to effectively retire at 58, even though I've had several jobs in the past 7 years that allowed me to avoid draining savings too much.

- - - - - -

Today, I wished I could have stayed home and slept for a while.  RQS was out of town seeing a relative, and I didn't have much to do when I got home.  So I figured that I'd try to figure out why my VCR  wasn't working after I installed my new DVD player.  Somehow, I had to have unplugged the darned thing from its power supply, yet it appears to be plugged in.  If I can't figure this out, I may look for a used player at a thrift shop, just to be able to view a few tapes I can't get on DVD or Blu-Ray.

Once I gave up (for the night) on the VCR issue, I took a quick nap before calling RQS.  She'll be coming home soon, and it'll be nice to have her here again.  However, this will be an interesting weekend, as this will be the first time I'll pick her up as Mario in several weeks....