Caves

 

The Crystal Caves of Bermuda - a tourist destination that I want to see.  The drawback to visiting this place is (for me) the steps to reach the place - 88 steps.  This is the equivalent of walking down and up 5-6 flights of stairs.  For someone overweight with knee problems, this is not something that is done quickly. But it is doable.

Why do I mention this?

RQS and I are going to visit Bermuda in the near future.  Given the conservatism of Bermuda, I will not be traveling as my authentic self.  But I digress.  RQS doesn't know whether she will feel comfortable inside of the cave.  So I suggested that we try something out closer to home, in order to find out whether she'd like to visit this place.  (It's also an excuse to get away for a day or two, instead of hanging out in the usual places.)

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The nearest caverns similar to what we'd visit in Bermuda are found in Upstate New York.  The most famous of these are Howe Caverns.  Although I've been here before, I wouldn't mind visiting the place again.  And it is an ideal place to take RQS before our trip, as we might get to see the leaves start to change on our way up.  From what I can tell from my pictures of Howe Caverns, it will be a very different experience from Bermuda's Crystal Caves for RQS.  In New York, one walks through a narrow path, then reaches a small boat on which one reaches the far point of the tour.  In Bermuda, it looks like a walking path has been floated on a subterranean lake, where claustrophobiacs may only have their discomfort triggered by the ceiling height in the caves.

Will RQS feel comfortable in the caves?  Who knows yet?

We wouldn't make this a one day trip. This way, if RQS didn't like going through the cavern, we would stop at the New York State Museum in Albany on the way home.  It is a good museum, and well worth visiting when one's in the area.  From there, we could drive down either side of the Hudson and enjoy the sights along the way back to Croton. 

 

Taking care of business (part 3)

 

A week ago, electricians came to the apartment to remediate issues caused by the aluminum wiring in my apartment complex.  Not dealing with this issue would increase the possibility of a fire, and our insurance would not cover us until this work is complete.  Today was the second visit from the electricians .  However, this visit was to deal with outlets behind my bed and dressers that couldn't be reached on their first visit.  To get to these outlets, I had to dump lots of stuff into bins and boxes to get it out of the way (to be sorted out later), so that the furniture could be moved to access the outlets.

In the process of moving furniture, I found a lot of stuff that had fallen behind the dressers and bed that was too hard to get at in normal circumstances.  Once things are back to normal, I will sort through everything I put into bins and boxes to determine what stuff to keep and what stuff to trash.  This is something that everyone should do every few years, and it's been almost 30 years since I've done this because furniture movement is a daunting task for me these days.

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The electricians were supposed to be here at 9:00 am.  By 9:30, I was getting concerned that something was screwed up, as I had no notice of any problem.  So I did two things in parallel: Write an email to the co-op's managing agent to notify them of the problem, and to call them immediately afterward.  Obviously, I got someone's attention, as within 15 minutes, I found out that the electricians would be here within a few minutes.

When the electricians arrived, they were apologetic - they had come off of an emergency call (the electric had gone out in half of a person's house in White Plains), and couldn't make it back to me on time.  They were also surprised to find out that I hadn't been notified of the problem, as I would have been less anxious and annoyed at having to wait longer than expected.  Within 30 minutes, they had finished work on all 3 of my remaining outlets, furniture was back in place, and I was able to relax and take a nap.

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What I haven't mentioned about today was that I didn't get much sleep the night before.  So, when TCL called to tell me that she wasn't feeling well and couldn't do lunch today, I was a bit happy that this happened.  We can schedule lunch for when I'm more rested and awake....

A too short weekend with RQS

 

I've gotten spoiled.  RQS has been up here on a weekly basis, and I've enjoyed the little things she does for me - and I've told her how much I appreciate what she does for me.  Unlike my former relationships, RQS knows how I feel about her, and she's not afraid to tell me how she feels about things.  We both feel that we're fortunate to have each other in our lives.  We feel a little depressed when we have to part at the end of each weekend.

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Relaxation would become the theme for the weekend....  On Friday,  I was late getting to the train station to pick up RQS, and apologized  - Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa!  It didn't bother too much, as we ended up going for a nice drive before dinner.  (We had to pick up groceries, etc. before I could cook....)  Once home, we had a quick dinner and then relaxed.  It was nice to be able to spend a day in Marian Mode, as for the next 3 days, I'd have to present as Mario. 

The next morning, we slept late, and then took a long drive up to Dover Plains and back, stopping in a local supermarket for some Tipsy Scoop ice cream.  Unfortunately, they had only one flavor in the freezer, Mint Chocolate Chip, but it was good enough for our purposes.  So we went home, and I prepared some ribs for dinner. (You can guess what we had for dessert - something green....)

Sunday came too quickly, and I decided to drive RQS home.  I gave her a set of TV tables (small tables often used for eating TV Dinners in front of the TV) to get them out of my house.  But first, we went to my brother's place, as he had something he wanted to take care of with me.  The 3 of us had dinner, and then it was back to his place for a few minutes.  We then went to RQS's place, where Iwas lucky to find a spot in front of her place in which I could "almost fit" my car, and then unloaded stuff before heading home.

Being alone is such a lonely thing these days.  Now that I have someone in my life who accepts me as Mario and Marian, it is a little depressing when we separate at weekend's end.    But on the whole, I consider myself lucky.  How many TG's have given up on romance because they feel no longer date-able?  It's nice to know that I will not likely be in the dating pool again....

I didn't know what to say today ...until.

 

As many of my readers know, I like to shop for clothes from Universal Standard.  Many of their styles do not work for me.  But when they do, I jump on them when I have the funds to do so.  Last night, I received an email advertising their upcoming sample sale - and made it a point to go.

Later in the evening, I called RQS (as I normally do at day's end) and mentioned the sale.  It looks like I'll be traveling down to NYC to meet her and do some shopping.  Whether or not I end up buying anything isn't that important.  Instead, it is the chance to go shopping and examine the styles in-person, to see if they work for me or not.

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I'm lucky to be able to share this activity with RQS.  She is a doll.  I never could have done this with XGFJ.  But then, it's been almost 4 years since XGFJ and I broke up, and I'll bet that I'm just a shadow of a memory to her these days.  Then, there is FCP.  I think of her now and then, but the loss of that friendship has lost its sting.

Lovers and friendships may come and go.  But memories can be forever.  Lately, I've been eliminating excess stuff from my apartment, and some of the things I've been pruning are related to my late wife. The other day, I wondered whether I should toss out a music box that came to my apartment when my wife moved in, and remained long after she died.  Do I want 12 place settings and some 100+ y/o etched glassware?  It's hard to decide what to keep and how to eliminate some of the stuff that may have real value.

So, it may have been a blessing that I've been forced to clean up my place, in order for the electricians have access to my electric outlets.  I can get stuff out of the way, and then get rid of the excess as I have the chance to sort through the boxes.

I misplaced my wallet, and I got scared.

 

I've had friends who have been robbed.  I've had friends who have been pick-pocketed.  And I've had friends who have lost or misplaced their wallets.  Consider me one of those who have temporarily lost a wallet, only to find out that it fell out of my trousers in a safe place.

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Today, I started off by taking care of some laundry that had piled up, and paid some bills.  After a couple of days spent presenting as a male, I felt that it was time to get back into a dress and go out as my authentic self.  So I looked for my wallet, in order to transfer my ID from the male wallet I was using to the female wallet I intended to use.  And then a mild feeling of panic came over me.  Could I have accidentally left it at the buffet last night?  Could it have fallen out of my pocket when getting out of the car?  Where could it have gone?  Will I have to contact DMV, my car insurance company, and my credit card companies to get replacements for what I usually carry?  

Luckily, all of this worry was for naught.  When I came up from doing the laundry, I was in male mode and my wallet was in my back pocket.  After checking all of the places where I might have put the wallet, I ran out to the car and found nothing.  At this point, I felt that I was in for an excruciating time, as I would need to start the process of replacing the contents of my wallet.  But I was in luck.  My wallet had fallen next to the toilet.  (Yecch!  Lysol, please!)

Now, I have made sure that the wallet is in a safe place, and I am ready to go out as Marian....

Preparing to finish up the electrical work

 

This is how I'd like to stay on a Monday morning - comfortable in my bed, catching a couple more hours of sleep after the sun has come up.  But this will not be the case, as I will have to wake up and get dressed as Mario, and then move furniture around while the electricians finish up their work in this apartment.

The first go-round with the electricians wasn't as bad as I thought.  Yes, I moved a lot of furniture and sweated because they didn't turn on the AC when they could have.  But, it was over in less than two hours. And I see a way, that with a small amount of effort on my part, that they could be out of my place in less than an hour.  That will leave me the time to meet with TCL for a long delayed lunch, and maybe have time in the evening to do something else.

There has been a benefit to all of this work.  I've been forced to clean up my place enough to get access to all of my electrical outlets.  Next, I will need to get things clean enough to have visitors (other than girlfriends) come to this apartment for the first time in years.

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Now that I can see this apartment's progress towards being a welcoming place to have guests, it is time for me to look at buying a new sofa.  I have the sofa picked out, and I'm waiting for the expected Labor Day sale.  After trying out this sofa on 3 visits to the furniture store, I will be in Mario mode when I eventually purchase it.  

Once I've purchased the sofa, I'm looking at buying a new coffee table.  Gradually, I want to make my living room a place where I can be proud to have my friends visit if invited.  Yet, there's a part of me that would rather get together outside of the house, as I'm so used to NOT having people over here.

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After 40 years in one place, one accumulates a lot of unused stuff.  The Swedes have a word for what I'm doing: Döstädning, which means "death cleaning."  It is not a morbid concept.  Instead, it is a way of justifying the removal of clutter from a person's abode, so that the person can live a more happy life. I also like the Danish concept of Hygge, Pronounced "hoo-ga," this Danish concept cannot be translated to one single word but encompasses a feeling of cozy contentment and well-being through enjoying the simple things in life.  Recently, I have learned that the Swedes have a word for something I've striven for. Lagom is a Swedish word that roughly translates to "just the right amount" in English. Pronounced 'lar-gohm,' this term is more about frugality and striking a balance in your daily life between work and relaxation.

Throughout my 40-year career in technology, I found that I was living a life out of balance, a life that was not cozy, and a life that isolated me from others.  Now that I'm retired, I've found that I want something more out of the rest of my life - a connection to others, a feeling of comfort when at home, and being comfortable in my own skin.  In short, I want just the right amount of the things I enjoy in life, so that the rest of my life will be more enjoyable than the years before.

I tell people that it's not who has the most things when s/he dies wins.  Instead, it is who has the most rewarding experiences when s/he dies wins.  One can't take things into the afterlife (unless one is an Egyptian Pharaoh.)  But one can enjoy life to the fullest.  And if there is something afterward, those experiences will be what makes us rich.

Less is More

Lately, I've been driven to gradually eliminate clutter from my apartment to make room for the electricians to work on my electrical outlets and switches.   As a result, there is a great improvement on how the apartment looks, and a higher likelihood that I will again have a cleaning lady make regular visits to the apartment.

Looking at the above two pictures, you can easily see an improvement in the appearance of the area around my loveseat. Still, the work is far from done.  I now need to clean up more clutter in my bedroom, and then make room in my downstairs storage compartment to hold stuff that I use on a regular basis.  I'd consider storing containers with out-of-season clothing in this compartment, along with large packages of consumables (i.e. Paper Towels, Toilet Paper, etc.) that need not be kept in the apartment proper.

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I liken this process to answering the question:

How do you eat an elephant?

The answer given is:

One bite at a time.

That's the philosophy that RQS and I have been taking with cleaning out our respective apartments.  Both of us are dealing with the emotional value of objects.  With RQS, it is furniture and glassware inherited from family members.  With me, it is furniture and glassware inherited from my late wife, as well as some items gifted to me years ago.

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This evening, I watched a YouTube video on how to tell if you have too much stuff.  I'd say that most people of my generation have had to deal with this problem.  This has been a problem of mine for years now, and I feel that I must attack it while I'm still healthy enough to do so.  In the past 12 months, I must have donated 8-10 large bags filled with unwanted items and clothes and delivered them to a nearby donation center.  I have also given away 6+ boxes of unwanted books to a local library's thrift shop.  And I'm not done yet.

Part of decluttering is to provide temporary organization to the things one wants to keep, so that space can be made to hold things that are to be given away or trashed.  Once enough space is available, one removes the scaffolding of the temporary organization, and repeats the process until enough clutter has been eliminated to make a home feel comfortable again.  In my case, I have also taken on a philosophy that old things that are needed, but no longer are comfortable or reliable (i.e. worn out sofas and mattresses, and TVs that no longer work properly) should be replaced as needed to create a more comfortable living space. This means that I will be improving what's left in my home.

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Hopefully, in a few months or so, I will have a place that I will feel comfortable having guests in again. Until then, it will be a process of pruning what I own to a level where I consider the apartment a home, and not just a cramped nest....