The above picture was taken on Easter, when I drove an hour to get together with the Fun Time Friends. The fellow in the picture went out of his way to get another picture taken with me. I wonder what he sees, and I wonder what's on his mind. But, if he were to invite me out, I'll politely decline. I'll make up some story about seeing some gentleman near me that I've known from childhood, and hope that he backs off.
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This is the first time that I've looked into a picture taken by someone else and started to see something resembling a feminine form. The more I live a good deal of my life as a woman, the more that I'll experience both the good and bad sides of what cisgender women experience every day. Sometimes, it can be something as simple as having to wait for a restroom stall to free up. And at other times, it may be something as risky as having to be on a poorly lit street waiting for a bus to come by. There are so many good and bad scenarios I can think of, that I won't even try to make a list of them here.
One thing I can say when I look at my face in the picture is that this is the face of a confident woman. In a sense, I can understand why the ex girlfriend broke up the relationship - she was afraid of what this path of life would do to me. When given a choice between courage and fear, I chose courage while she chose fear. But enough of her already, as I mention her only in passing.
Does the above picture of me show someone who can exude confidence? I'm not sure, but it is the picture of a person who hasn't yet developed her own style. Over the past 8 years, I know what I want to look like when I go out the door, and I know what I need to look like to blend in with other women. Yes, I've made a hell of a lot of mistakes to get to where I am in life. But, in certain ways, I feel better now than I did a decade ago. (This is not true in all areas of my life. It is my growth as Marian that is helping to give Mario reasons to have hope.)
As I like to say, when the Easter Bunny brings you some eggs, make sure that you ask:
Chicken Eggs or Cadbury Eggs?
And then act accordingly....
