How does one change a lifetime of bad habits?

 

Over the past week, I came to realize that I have to change one of my habits - and fast.  I love to eat, but my choices in what I eat are sub-optimal at best.

Although I won't go into details, I found that I have all the symptoms of something serious.  Yet, my doctor never asked me any questions in regard to me having these symptoms.  This makes me uncomfortable in how he manages his patients.  But I am also responsible for this, so I won't blame things on him for my own irresponsibility.

Can things be reversed?  For the most part, yes.  But only if I lose weight by changing my diet and getting more exercise.  Hopefully, I'll be able to do this.

Any ideas on how to slowly make the changes I need, so that I won't fall back into old habits?

A thought on an angry ex friend

One reaps what one sows.  This is so true in many ways.  I lost a friend by revealing too much about her inner thoughts, and I will not be forgiven.  But now, I have an answer to a question that's been bothering me for a while....

FCP contacted me today, commenting on events that happened in the past.  In her anger, she supplied clarification about a conversation we had, communications between her and my ex-girlfriend, and her thoughts on my ex's feelings.  I don't believe that I said anything recently about FCP that she should have taken offense to, but one never knows what goes on in a person who feels she has been betrayed, and what she will do to feel she has gotten her payback.

Part of today's communication had pictures of FCP's family, FCP commenting that these are people I'd never see again.  Well, I know she's sending these pictures out of anger, trying to rub in what I lost.  But I discounted the possibility of seeing her son, daughter in law, and now their baby long ago, as FCP doesn't have it in herself to let her anger go and consider forgiveness.  Forgiveness benefits the forgiver much more than the person being forgiven, as it releases any control that the repressed anger has on you.  Some of what FCP said hints at a former over dependence on daily conversations with me. And yes, I had a dependence on these communications as well.  I grew from our friendship ending, and I hope she has done so as well.

Now, I did not tell the ex-girlfriend that I had my earlier conversation with FCP.  FCP had said that she's get in trouble if I said anything, so I kept my mouth shut.  But... FCP opened her mouth to the ex, as I'd bet that she needed to know if I said anything about the conversation.  It's not worth stirring things up with the ex, and FCP has been a lost cause for the past 2 1/2 years.

What I find curious is that FCP found my blog interesting and discussed it often with the ex.  I guess that FCP still found me interesting enough to follow, even though I had little to say about her anymore.   I also find it interesting that FCP has soured on communicating with the ex, as without me being a topic, the ex has nothing to talk about that FCP finds interesting.  

FCP claims that she has blocked me.  Who knows?  She is an angry woman who gets upset when she doesn't get the results she wants.  For me, she is finally out of my life, and leaving my mind quickly. I only wonder if she has/or will go back to some of the habits she used to have when I once knew her. I hope not - she has done a few things in the past 2 1/2 years which I feel she should be proud of.

 

 

PS: The ex-girlfriend sent me an interesting message shortly after I received the communication from FCP.  I will not go into the content, save to mention that FCP had no right to put words into the ex-girlfriend's mouth.

Patterns of behavior

 

Some people are very predictable.  One person I know had a regularly scheduled appearance at a weekly dining meetup that was like going to church on Sundays - a place of comfort which this person did not want to see defiled by another person's presence.  This attitude caused an irreparable rift between two people that scarred one of them for little reason.

Why is this important?

I chatted with a friend last night, and noticed that this friend wanted to lecture me about my weight and my sleeping habits.  Yes, both are terrible.  I should do something about both.  But I haven't.  It's a matter of willpower - and much more.  Now, I'm starting to see several patterns of behavior that I don't like in myself and in others.

One person I know has burnt relationships without noticing her role in those relationships' failures.  Sad.  But when you don't learn from the past, you are doomed to repeat it.  In my case, when pushed, I will fight - not worrying about the end result.  In my most recent case, if I backed off when an unreasonable demand was made of me, I could have been in a better place with our mutual connections.  Next time, I'll know that it is better to avoid a fight where I don't have the ground advantage.  I learn from my mistakes.

We all are creatures of habit.  For example, many of us tend to take one way to work, one way to the airport, and one way to see each of their friends or family members.  Years ago, I had a minor issue with a friend when she was directing me to Westchester County Airport.  The most direct routes would have me drive to Pleasantville or Thornwood, then cross over the hilly ridge (via one of two roads) to reach the road that would take me to the airport.  I preferred the route through Thornwood, while my friend preferred the route through Pleasantville.  She was a little upset at me at first, but then became more comfortable when I reached the road going to the airport.  Another person I know uses her cell phone in bed, then drops it as she nods off to sleep.  Habits are hard to break, and they help to make us predictable creatures.

When my last long term girlfriend broke up with me, I thought I was going to make a habit of going to the local church (where they knew me as Marian) more often. It was not because I am a devout believer.  Instead, it was the feeling of community that I wanted.  In the case of the person I referred to at the top of this entry, I guess that she is still looking for that sense of community she gave up years ago when she stopped going to her church.

 

You might be wondering...

 

You might be wondering how I spend many of my days lately.  No, I'm not talking of events I blog, but simply of the every day events that go on.  This post should give you a taste of the more boring parts of my life.

Lately, my sleep patterns have gone out of whack. It has become a common occurrence for me to go to sleep around 4-5 am, and wake up around noon.  This precludes me doing much during the day. But with sloppy snow on the ground, there's not much I really want to do outside.  Throw on the pandemic, and the high points of my week are the few times I go out to the stores to go food shopping and the times I've met with FH on the weekend.

Being with people always recharged me.  Now, with the pandemic around us, I have little interest in doing much of anything anymore.  It's easy for me to go for a day or two, not getting out of my jammies. It's not a good thing for me.

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Years ago, I used to send out boxes of Christmas cards. Now, I receive so few, that I tend to write holiday letters that are unique to each individual who writes me. And I feel that this is much more personal than a common greeting sent out to thousands of people who have bought the same package of cards.

Ever since I started with my meetup group's "Secret Pen Pal" activity, I've found that the mere activity of being "forced" to put my thoughts into words has helped me to have unique things to say to people.  No, I will never be a great wordsmith.  But I can organize my thoughts into things worth saying, and in a way that I hope brings other people a little bit of happiness when they read those words.

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You would think that the pandemic has given me time to clean up my apartment.  Without having someone nearby, it is a task that always seems to get waylaid. To make things worse, the place is not in shape to have my cleaning lady come over.  (But with the pandemic, I doubt she's entering many houses these days.)  I expect that by the time I am vaccinated, that I will need to make a serious effort to get this place cleaned up.

If I were to show you pictures of my place, you'd wonder why it got so cluttered.  With no place to go, and no one to have over, one easily gets into a "why bother?" mood.  I was one of those who did so.

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Well, it's time for me to stop writing and to get to do something else.  So I'll "see" you soon....