An early lunch with a friend, then killing the rest of the day

 

As much as I didn't want to get up this morning, I wanted to see my friend SJM, as we had a lot to catch up on.  So, when the sun came in my window, I closed my eyes, got out of bed, and headed out of the room for a much needed bio-break.  (Who doesn't, after a good night's sleep?)

Putzing around for the better part of 2 hours, I realized that I had better start getting showered and dressed to go out.  Since I had one more day's wear left for a green dress I wore last week, I decided to put that on today and launder it tonight.  It didn't take long for me to get showered, dressed, and made up to go out. What it did take was a little over 20 minutes for me to make it from my apartment to the far side of Ossining for lunch.  Yet, I still beat SJM to the restaurant.

I opened up by telling SJM of my brother and his recent issues.  And we agreed that he's doing what he has to do, but with a cost.  He's stuck in a Catch-22 situation, and there's not much he can do without abandoning some responsibilities, screwing up family life, or taking risks which would be fool hardy for a person of his age.  And then SJM told me of her husband's health problems (reminded both of us of what RQS is going through) and of the drama with her two sons.  All too soon, we had to end lunch and go our separate ways.

At this point, I figured that I might go to Poughkeepsie and look at what Lane Bryant had in the store for Spring.  Since I've already got an overflowing closet with dresses to go in a donation bag AND a dress coming to me from Universal Standard, I decided to avoid temptation.  Instead, I went to the bookstore and pick up a gift for RQS's birthday.

Since I now had nothing better to do, I decided to drive home and relax.  With a hunk of pizza dough in the fridge, I cut the hunk in half and made myself a 12" cheese pizza.  Yum!  It was far from perfect.  It needed something that wasn't there,  But, Yum!  It sated my appetite.  Once done with the pizza, I did some laundry. Although I have a basket of clothes that still need folding, I have some dresses and shirts which are hang drying.  Tomorrow, they will be hung in the closet where they return.

As for me, I am supposed to go to a meetup tomorrow.  I may go.  And then, I may not.  It all depends on how I feel in the morning.  If my leg is bothering me, I'll take it easy.  If not, I'll go out.

I understand why people feel overwhelmed these days

 

The above picture was taken at a meetup with a group who now has gatherings when I am not free to attend due to scheduling conflicts.  Trying to live life around other's schedules and needs gets exhausting for many, and it's easy to see how many people (like my brother) get overwhelmed by life.  And I got to thinking this morning about how retirement doesn't always free us from our responsibilities to others, and the sacrifices we make to fulfill those responsibilities.

In my case, I've had to make a trade-off - go to meetups, or have a relationship with RQS.  Which would you drop?  If you said RQS, I'd slap you from here to next Tuesday.  She's a keeper.  But this has me run the risk of not being able to travel while I'm able to do so, as her health seems to be on the wane.  Even with healthy eating, her body is betraying her.  Do you think I'd want to give up on travel if something more important would get in the way?

While we're on the subject of travel, most of my readers know that I have often traveled as a female who carries male id.  With the current administration in Washington, I'm not sure of how long I can do this.  All it takes is for some person wanting to impress his supervisors by excessive use of authority to hassle me, and everything could fall apart in my life.  I now have to think whether I should travel as a female for one upcoming cruise I plan to take.

Yet, my problems pale in comparison to others.  For example, my brother's car was totaled (through no negligence of his own - his car was stopped at a light when someone hit him), his job is both life draining and a time suck, his volunteer efforts take up time, he manages the family homestead that we rent out, and he returns to a home which is not a refuge for him. RQS has to manage two life threatening ailments that could both cripple her and cause her to have an early death.  Since both ailments run in both her blood lines, she is scared. And these are only two of the people close to me.  Many others have it much worse than this.

Turning on the TV or radio is no escape, as we are bombarded by the latest atrocities going on in the world.  The orange snowflake keeps trying to destroy the rule of law in the US, while his actions are destroying the security enjoyed by Americans that took generations to build up.  Yes, globalization without a good social safety net has resulted in a lot of broken lives.  But a return to a society where no social safety net exists would be even worse for us.  It's bad enough when one person loses a job.  But when entire states lose large percentages of their work forces due to social, environmental, and economic change, how can people cope?  It's hard to feed, clothe and house one's family if no jobs are available, much less even afford proper health care.  No wonder why many in the "Red States" live in fear of losing what little they have - they have always lived as serfs tied to the estates of nobility which never cared about their subjects.

 

If I were speaking to an audience of "Minorities" who complain about being victimized, I'd say 

Get over it!

This does not mean to ignore those things that drain your soul.  Instead, I want for people to conquer their problems and take control over what they can in their lives.  We can not control what life puts in our way.  But we can control how we react when we encounter these problems.  Yet, sometimes, taking charge may involve doing the unthinkable.  Years ago, the wife of a close friend was dying of the same type of cancer which claimed my wife's life.  When she could no longer swallow any food and was in constant untreatable pain, she had to make an impossible decision - do I choose life or do I choose death?  Many people would tell her to get doped up for the pain, and live the rest of her few remaining days in hospice without any quality of life.  Without children to care for and a husband who could live without her, she chose to end her life while it still had meaning for her.  (I was with her husband when this happened.)  I don't know if I could have done what she did.  But I hope I could do it, instead of wasting away in a hospital bed, burning money that I'd rather go to my heirs.

 

Please note that I first focused on the exception to my rule instead of the rule I apply to my life. I feel that it is my duty to try and conquer what problems life puts in front of me.  It's hard enough getting by these days.  And for my transgender friends who read this blog, I say: 

 Don't Give Up!  

This too shall pass.

Some people may have to bear a heavier load in life than others.  But you don't have to break under the pressure.  Try to set limits.  Ration your media consumption.  Avoid "Friends" who are "Debbie Downers".  Find people and places which recharge your batteries when you are around them.  Even if you can't limit your responsibility to a ailing relative or friend, you must find time to nurture yourself. Just keep looking for hope, and you shall find it.

 

 

I have my new bed!

 

Bed, n. - A platform on which to sleep, have sex, read books, or watch TV.  Which do you think I do most?  I'll give you a clue - I'm coming close to watching all 270 episodes of the original Perry Mason series.

Why do I start off with the definition of a bed?  Well, I had to get up early, so that I could shower and get dressed as Mario for the delivery.  However, I did all the shaving that I knew I'd need to do to switch into Marian mode after they left.  This meant that I was up and showered by 8 am, eating breakfast by 9, and resting on my sofa until noon.

Shortly after noon, I received a text saying that the deliverymen would be here in 15 minutes.  So I made myself presentable and walked downstairs to greet the men.  A few minutes later, they were removing my old mattress and bed spring, and assembling the adjustable base on which the new mattress would sit.  A few minutes later, they brought the new mattress in and made sure that everything was working before they left.

Now, I have the same bed and mattress as RQS.  I think that the people who delivered her bed rushed through the job, as they did not attach the "footer bracket" to the bed frame.  As a result, her mattress keeps sliding to the foot board of her bed.  (I might be able to take care of this issue when I visit her this weekend.) Luckily, I noticed that the bracket was properly attached to my bed frame, and I expect no future problems with my mattress.

- - - - - -

With the delivery being done,  I made a call to my doctor's office to arrange for next month's appointment, and then I rested a bit before changing into Marian mode to go to the movies with DS to see The Day the Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie.  But, before I would get to the movie theater, I decided to buy a new printer - I do not intend to spend twice the price for ink as I need to simply because HP is now software blocking the use of re-manufactured ink cartridges.  This meant that I'd be running down to Micro Center in Yonkers, and then going back Northeast to Mamaroneck.

It felt strange to use my credit card with Mario's name while presenting as Marian.  But I wanted the printer, and no one gives much of a damn about how I present.  Before getting on the road again, I tried to reach my tax lady - to no avail.  So, I figured that I'd check with RQS on how to reach the tax lady, and send an email later in the evening.

My next stop was at Costco, where I bought another pillow.  Now, I have 4 new pillows, and have a completely new bed, pillows and bed linens. Finally, I made it to Mamaroneck, finding a parking spot without problems.  Then, I bought my ticket and found DS inside a darkened theater. As much as I am a fan of the old Warner Brothers' cartoons, there is no way a modern film can have the charm of the old films.  Yet, I enjoyed spending 90 minutes to watch this piece of fluff. Hopefully, we can do this again.

On the way home, I called RQS.  Some of the tests her doctors have ordered have delivered bad news.  This may get in the way of travel, if she can't get things under control AND stop the progression of a genetic weakness.  AARGH!  I'll be there for her.  But I'd like to have more of the good times with her, before things change for the worse.

At least, RQS will be able to get a comfortable sleep in my apartment when she's here next.

The Sleep Test Results are in!

 

Today ended up being the last day I was going to present as Marian for a while.  So I made the most of it when Vicki mentioned that she wanted to talk about something serious, but not critical.  Instead of laying around the apartment and doing nothing, I told Vicki that I'd meet her at 5 pm, and we could get a bite to eat.

Although I started getting ready around 3 pm, I was late getting out of the house, and barely made it to Lefteris Gyro on time to meet Vicki.  (The food is healthy, plentiful, and reasonably priced.  What more can you ask of a restaurant.  When I arrived, Vicki was already waiting for me at the table.  I almost didn't recognize Vicki at first, as she had her hair scrunched to the back of her head, exposing the area which alopecia has taken its toll.  (I made sure NOT to say anything about this.)  And then we got into our conversation.

I'm not going to say much about the conversation, save that it was related to health issues.  I mentioned that I got a call from the sleep doctor's office today telling me that I have severe sleep apnea, that I'd be getting a new CPAP machine and put on a regular schedule of new supplies.  YAY!  The only problem is that it will take 2 weeks to get approved by my insurance, and another 2 weeks before it arrives.  AARGH!  The way things are going, it will arrive when I'm away on another trip.

On my way home, I called RQS, and found that she was having trouble with printing a luggage tag for our upcoming cruise.  Since I couldn't solve the problem from a moving car, I suggested that she contact MSC to figure out what was wrong - and she now has a luggage tag for her suitcase.  Next, I stopped at the bank to deposit a check, then onward to home.

Arriving at my house, I met a new resident - a nice woman raising a child on her own.  Although I don't want to get her in trouble, I figured that I should ask our managing agent for information to find out if she's an approved resident.  Then, it was doing the last load of laundry before my trip.  

I can't wait to get on the ship!

 

 

 

PS: I received test results from the lab several weeks after the sleep test.  They confirmed what I already knew - I need my CPAP machine!

Chatting with an Ex-Girlfriend, followed by Drag Queen Bingo

 

Why does the image at the top of this entry focus on health issues?  The answer is related to the first part of my day, when I had the chance to speak with my ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago.  She has been dealing with health issues which the doctors have been unable to diagnose, and I'm glad that I was able to catch up with her.

- - - - - -

The day started with me feeling lethargic, and unwilling to go out for an exercise walk as planned.  Given that I had walked 3 miles the day before, I figured that I could catch up on my walking tomorrow.  By the time I decided to have something to eat, it was already afternoon.  So I made a Tuna Melt sandwich and got back to chilling out in the apartment.

Around 4:30 pm, my Ex called, and we chatted for a while.  She told me of her hospital visits, her tests, and her doctors' unwillingness and inability to do much for her, save to prescribe some medications to help reduce some of the pain she was experiencing.  Although I won't go into all of her symptoms, I will say that the pain in her knees that she experienced when standing up made her dread each time she had to transfer herself from her bed to the bathroom to relieve herself.  If her medical problems weren't enough to ruin her summer, the health of her family and friends also was a factor in making this her summer from hell.  In addition to scuttling plans to vacation with a couple of friends due to that friend's health, my friend is currently unable to visit her ailing sister in her hospital.  And with all of this going on, she had to scuttle plans for a "bucket list" vacation.  (Hopefully, she'll be able to reschedule this vacation when she's feeling better.)

- - - - - -

By the time I got off the phone, I was starting to run late for the second thing scheduled for the day - Drag Queen Bingo.  (The first would have been lunch/dinner with LK, but she wasn't feeling well.  We've tentatively rescheduled a lunch for Friday.  We'll see what happens on Friday.)  So, I got shaved, showered, dressed, and made up, and was out the door by 7:00 pm.  Bingo was fine, although the place was almost empty.  For a change, I won something cheap - a gilded "Dust Collector" figurine shaped like a left hand with fingers crossed.

- - - - - -

This wasn't much of a day to talk about.  At least it wasn't a total "nothing burger."

I was supposed to get a Liver Scan but....

 

When I last went to my doctor, he wanted to have me get a liver scan.  Today was supposed to be the day.  However, events conspired against this from happening as planned....

- - - - - -

The last time the doctor gave me a script for a liver scan, I was hesitant in doing so.  There is a part of me that avoids doctors, and it took me a bit of time to get in the habit of letting a doctor monitor my health.  As I've said before, part of the reason I don't like doctors' visits is that I know that I'm not in the best of shape, and I haven't been willing to make the sacrifices needed to get into better shape.  (Round is still a shape, isn't it? 😀)  It's so much harder to do so in my middle 60's than it was in my early 40's.  But it can be done.  I just haven't done so.

To prepare for this test is simple - just avoid ingesting any fluids or solids between midnight and the morning of the test.  This is what I did.  My alarms woke me up after 3-4 hours of sleep, and I was at the clinic by 9 am.  Shortly after I arrived, the Ultrasound technician called me in and told me there was a problem with the script.  I was not the only one that had this problem.  Doctors are asking for a Fibre Scan, and the technician said that her group does not do this test.  Nor do they have anyone in the larger group that does this.  Something was wrong, and my doctor's office wasn't answering the phone.  So I was sent on my way with a simple question on my mind - what did my doctor really want done, and where could I get this done?  I figure that I'll let the doctor answer this question when I see him next week.

My morning was shot, as I had already gone out as Mario when it wasn't needed.  But there was one saving grace.  I could finally get some breakfast....

The doctor wants to run another test on me - a short post

 

I went to the doctor today, and he saw signs that made him want to have a liver scan done on me.  I've put this off for a long while, and don't relish going in for a simple scan.  Why, you might ask?  Maybe, I'm hiding from reality.  And maybe, I simply don't care.  This is why I wish I had a good therapist I could trust with both my eating issues and my gender issues.

Years ago, I broke up with Patty, then Ex-GF-M because of eating issues.  Both were good people, but they were triggering my food addiction.  Since then, I've never been able to restore the drive I once had to lose weight and live a more healthy lifestyle.  I've simply become complacent.  And I'm paying the price for being complacent.

Hopefully, this will be a wake-up call in the nick of time, as I want to stay healthy enough to live a longer life than I expect to live, now that I have someone I really care about in my life.  But it will take major changes in my life to do so.  At least, there will be one major non-health related benefit - I will be able to buy a new wardrobe that fits me well and looks better on me.

The trouble with taxes

This morning, I didn't need my alarm clock to awaken me.  Yet, I know I'll be exhausted by both the end of the day and by the end of the weekend.  And all of this is because of taxes....

- - - - - -

As I've mentioned before, I have had to find a new tax preparer because my old one retired.  I thought I had been lucky to know someone in the Trans community who could do this work. But her health problems got in the way, and she had to bail on doing my taxes.  This left me with 3 weeks to get my taxes done and no one to do them.

The first thing I did was to make an emergency call to my former tax person, and I got the name of a new person.  This was the person who took over some of her old business, and is located in the old office space.  YAY!!!  Even better, this person is hungry and wants new business.  So, I'll end up picking RQS up at the station and driving down to my Trans friend to pick up my paperwork.  And then, I'll deliver this packet to my new tax person in Queens and hope for the best.

- - - - - -

This will be a half and half weekend for me.  At least, I'll be able to take RQS out to the movies and relax for a little while....

 

 

PS: We picked up the tax paperwork from my Trans friend on Friday, then delivered it to my new tax person on Saturday.  Although it rained like cats and dogs, I made it safely to Queens, where the new tax person is located.  And then, after an hour of waiting (we were in line to meet with this new lady), we had a pleasant conversation and a good idea of what the tax preparation would cost and when it would be done. It's a nice feeling to know that this headache is going away, and that I'll be able to focus on good things again.
 

Connecting with someone - A short post

 

Today's post will be short.  I had been exchanging emails with someone, and we finally had the chance to chat.  The chat was pleasant, and we will likely have lunch soon.

Why is this important?

Well, to answer that question takes time.  But I'm not going to answer it here.  Instead, I can say that this person was glad that I found someone nice in RQS, and I am glad that she has found someone nice.  It'll be a good thing when we finally meet again.

Reconnecting with people can be both a good and bad thing, depending on the types of ties that bind people together.  One person I know met up with a former roommate for a long weekend, and couldn't wait for that weekend to be over.  Other times, it's like the years that passed were like hours, and things pick up as if nothing happened in between.  In my case, it was good to reconnect.

- - - - - -

Lately, I've been trying to reopen things with a friend from my college days.  A lot of stuff has gone on in his life, much of it related to health and family issues.  His story reminds me of Tolstoy's opening quote from Anna Karenina:

"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

With my friend, this is all too true.  I knew him to have an unhappy relationship with his parents and siblings from high school days.  Now, things are even worse.  Hopefully, things will get better from him soon.  At least, he's found a way to retire from his second career.....

I can't wait for the new year to come.

 

This year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride for me so far.  My savings are draining quicker than expected, but they are well within the limits I set when I quit my job at the imaging company.  I'll have gone on 3 cruises by year-end, and have explored both Washington, DC and Chicago on multi-day city visits.  And, I have finally had to meet my friends from Texas for the first time in person.  With the exception of losing my backpack and having my wallet stolen, it has been a pretty good year so far.

However, things aren't always what they appear to be from the outside.  I still have billing issues with a health insurance company, and I'll need help getting this resolved once and for all.  My car is 10 years old and in need of replacement.  I'm still monitoring my credit reports to see if any bogus credit applications have been made using information from my stolen ID.  And, there is still one card that can't validate who I am, causing me problems in replacing the card.  Finally, I have a medical issue that will keep me up at nights until it is resolved.

It would be nice to assume things will be OK.  But I can't do so with any of the things I deal with right now.  Hopefully, none of them will cause me too much grief in the time left in this year.

The other day, I saw a vision from the past.

 

Sometimes, one sees the remnants of businesses that no longer exist, that were around in one's youth.  Bohack supermarkets is one of those long shuttered businesses.

- - - - - -

I can still remember seeing Bohack stores in the New York area.  Yet, I always wondered what happened to them.  When I did some research, I found that this business was larger than I remembered, as it had expanded into auto products and restaurants before the great depression.  (These businesses were dropped because of the depression.)  Later on, it was taken over by Gulf and Western industries, and over expanded into bankruptcy, finally shutting down in the 1970's.

Why is this important?

It's  a given - all things have a definite lifespan. I worry about my lifespan, given health issues such as my weight, blood pressure, etc., that are risk factors that could shorten it.  Right now, I am dealing with one issue that scares me a bit.  I feel well, but there is an unmistakable sign of a serious problem that must be taken care of - and soon! By the time this post is public, I will be in the process of seeing a doctor about it.  (I should say, at first, only a front line practitioner is doing triage regarding medical symptoms, and that I expect that I will need to see the specialist shortly afterwards.)

Hopefully, I will be OK after I am examined in depth, and that nothing is found that can't be fixed.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Dinner with my former student voice clinician

 

Today's entry is going to be a quick one, as I have to leave for RQS's place in a little while.  But it involves dinner with someone who helped me become the woman I am (for better and worse).

- - - - - -

Several years ago, I started transgender voice training at Mercy College's (now, University's) speech and hearing clinic, where future clinicians are trained.  Compared to the rates charged by one NYC practitioner who has an office on Broadway, I was getting a bargain.  But the help I could get there was limited, as the students rotated in and out of in-school clinical practice every semester.  As a result, the quality of service varied quite a bit, and that there would be a limit to the amount of help I could receive at Mercy.

LK and I have developed a friendship over the years. She is the only student clinician that I encountered who was "fully adult" (she was approaching 40) when I met her.  Last year, she had a baby, and his health complications got in the way of us meeting for a while.  So, getting together with her was a special event.  I was surprised to find that she is pregnant again, and experiencing all of the classic symptoms of pregnancy that she was lucky to have missed the first time around. I won't go into the details of what we chatted about, save that we caught up on each other's lives and hope to get together much more often, now that they have a handle on her son's issues.

All too soon, it was time to leave, and we had to go.  LK went home, while I went to Walmart to pick up a couple of last minute items that I needed for my trip.

How does one change a lifetime of bad habits?

 

Over the past week, I came to realize that I have to change one of my habits - and fast.  I love to eat, but my choices in what I eat are sub-optimal at best.

Although I won't go into details, I found that I have all the symptoms of something serious.  Yet, my doctor never asked me any questions in regard to me having these symptoms.  This makes me uncomfortable in how he manages his patients.  But I am also responsible for this, so I won't blame things on him for my own irresponsibility.

Can things be reversed?  For the most part, yes.  But only if I lose weight by changing my diet and getting more exercise.  Hopefully, I'll be able to do this.

Any ideas on how to slowly make the changes I need, so that I won't fall back into old habits?

A letter from a friend.

 

In 2019, I went on a solo cruise, leaving both FCP and XGFJ at home.  This was one of my most enjoyable cruises, as I did not have to care about what someone else was doing.  I didn't have to deal with FCP wanting to be the center of attention, and I didn't have to care about XGFJ dragging me out to do things I wasn't interested in at the time.  This cruise was all about me and my relaxation, and I enjoyed all the days I was on the cruise.

On the cruise, I met two people I wanted to keep in touch with.  One fell by the wayside.  The other, I'm still in contact with today.  This person (who I'll call CLK) lives in Canada, and we haven't seen each other since that cruise.  After Covid travel restrictions were relaxed, she passed through the NYC area on her way to/from a cruise.  Unfortunately, we weren't able to connect with each other then.  And today, I received a response to an email I wrote a couple of days ago.

CLK has been busy with her career, and is busy taking care of her aging parents.  Before Covid hit, she was scheduled to take a Panama Canal cruise on my favorite NCL ship.  Sadly, her mom had some ailments which caused CLK to cancel her cruise, and then Covid struck.  Things became hectic for CLK, as being a caregiver took up the past 2 years of her life outside of her full time job, and she had some issues of her own.

It's always a pleasure to receive a letter from CLK, as it allows us to keep in contact - and hopefully, meet up with each other again.  She now has a cruise scheduled with her family scheduled for later this year, and has a moonlighting gig as well.  I'm rooting for her and her family, as her mom is dealing with health issues typical of someone born 80-90 years ago.  I hope that next time I receive an email, that some of her mom's issues have been successfully dealt with.  But until then, I'll just wait for her next email....