Thursday, February 23, 2023

Ashes - a short post

 

Laffing Sal at the Musee Mecanique

Later this year, RQS and I will be visiting San Francisco on a California Cruise, and I will be showing her some of the places in town that have meaning to me. One of which will be the Musee Mechanique, where Laffing Sal can be found.  But of more importance is the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  I haven't paid my respects in over 10 years, and it's time I go back - even for a short visit.

Sooner or later, RQS will need to scatter her late husband's ashes.  And I will be there for her when she does it, as a (now ex) girlfriend was there for me when I scattered my wife's ashes 25+ years ago.  Over time, we all need to scatter the ashes from our past, so that we can get on with living.  This doesn't mean that we forget the past.  Instead, it means we are moving forward into the future.

Both RQS and I are taking the time to clean up our places.  In my case, I'm doing my best to declutter my place, so that required work can be done in my apartment.  I figure that I still have a few months to take care of things, and hope to have the bulk of these things taken care of before my cruise.  It will be nice to again have a place in the basement where I can seasonally store unused items from both of my wardrobes.


Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

 

"We will be closed permanently as of Friday, May 27th."

The above notice was posted on the window of the former coffee station at the train station I used to commute from.  And strangely enough, I miss the routine of going to work at a job I "sorta" liked. 

- - - - - -

This May, I'll have been separated from my job at the bank for 9 years.  And I don't miss what the job turned into at the end.  My last major assignment was a no-win situation with a person who did the work of 4 people, but wouldn't explain what she was doing so that she could be managed.  In fairness, she made herself indispensable, but at the expense of the people assigned to manage projects depending on her work.  

Much has changed in the past few years since I left my position with the bank.  My once useful skills are now obsolete, and I understand what those former steel workers felt when their mills closed down. Yet, I only have myself to blame for my skills becoming obsolete, as I can only blame those in dead one horse towns for not leaving before the one main employer there had the chance to shut down. It doesn't take much to see the writing on the wall.  But it does take some effort to heed the warning (as I did too late) that writing gives before disaster strikes.

- - - - - -

I see America in a culture war that no one individual started.  Instead, it is a natural reaction to the McCarthyism of the 1950's.  In the 1950's the "Red Scare" was used to manipulate people to fear Communists in their midst.  People were blacklisted by accusations alone, even though it was their right to advocate for America to use a different form of economic system.  (I won't get into discussions of Stalinism, and other good reasons to be concerned about Soviet problems infecting the United States in this post.)  Communism and Socialism became things to fear.  In the 1930's, we had "Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself."  In the 1950's, we were taught to fear everything, and to "Duck and Cover" for whatever good that would do.

By the time the 1960's came around, we were getting into the Vietnam War, and our youth started to wonder why we were wasting American lives.  Now, there was a rift in American society.  Half said: "America, love it or leave it." The other half said that the most patriotic thing we could do is to point out when a country is going wrong.  It was a good thing to challenge leadership when it is wrong.  In short, it is a good thing NOT to follow leadership when our leaders are taking the wrong path.

Since this time, America has gone through multiple political cycles, its pendulum swinging back and forth between conservative and progressive periods of political dominance.  Unfortunately, the conservative movement has now gained power by distortions of truth and by outright lies.  Honest conservatives have been pushed out of their own party, as the radicals seek only power in order to crush the progressives and what they stand for.  These radicals want to make America look like it did in the 1950's, a land where people of color were 3rd class citizens, a land where women took 2nd place to the males in their lives, and a land where the LGBTIQ population had to live in shame and fear.

- - - - - - 

As I write this post, I am thinking of last night's State of the Union (SOTU) address and its rebuttal.  The President's speech was one of unity and of goals.  The GOP rebuttal was one of fear, accusing the progressive movement of starting the culture war.  All the scary symbolic words were used in a way that I might buy into the message had I consumed a diet of right -wing propaganda. At least, I knew enough to tune out the GOP's spokesperson, as I couldn't bear to hear her lies and distortions of the truth, given her past history.

Years ago, Triumph of the Will showed the world the danger of the cult of Hitler.  Roughly, 80 years later, we saw similar imagery and themes used by a now (thankfully) former president to get himself elected. White Americans who feel victimized, humiliated, and continually threatened by (too rapid) changes without a social safety net to depend on bought into his message of empowerment and reclamation of past entitlement status.

Sadly, the message coming from the radical right is one of fear.  They will put us transgender people back into the closet (at best) and make us fear for our safety if they can.  If they have power, many in their ranks will feel empowered to victimize anyone who doesn't fit the social models presented in shows like "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet", "Father Knows Best", and "Leave It To Beaver." There was no way where LGBTIQ people could be presented in a positive light, and no room for people of color to be seen as equal members of society.

- - - - - -

So what happened last night?  In short, we have seen the definition of what is at stake in the culture war. We can not be a reasonably democratic republic if we regress to an America based on 1950's American values. We can not be free if we are forced to live with 1950's cultural norms.  And, we can not be free if our bodies are not ours to control.

Luckily, most Americans are not supportive of the goals of the radical right.  But they must continuously be reminded (in a soft way) what is at stake if the radicals win.  We must take advantage of the tools protected in our constitution, and use them as effectively as the radical right has, turning their arguments against them at every opportunity.  

Years ago, Charles Chaplin lampooned Hitler in The Great Dictator. He said that he never would have made this film had he known about the horrors of the 3rd Reich. I feel that it is important to be able to laugh at authoritarians, as they do not know what they can do about being seen as pathetic caricatures of powerful people. So, I go back to the SOTU address and the radical right's politician who disrupted the address to call the president a liar.  If I had been the president, I'd have responded in a way similar to Groucho Marx gag from Duck Soup, and said: "I'm fighting for your freedoms, which is something that you'd never do."   

 

The more things change, the more they stay the same....

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Tax Paperwork Collection - a short post

 

At this time of year, most of us should have received all needed tax forms, and be ready to file our Federal and State tax forms.  In my case, I have enough paperwork coming in from enough places that I have to check each sheet against a list I've made to insure that I have everything needed for my accountant. Since my brother takes care of a the finances of a joint investment we own, I end up waiting for an extra month before sending paperwork to my accountant.

This year, I have to ask my account a simple question.  Does it make sense for me to drop the maximum amount I can contribute into a Roth IRA?  I'm not sure of where the stock market is headed, but I know that I want the tax advantages of a Roth IRA, as I will not need the principal invested for at least 5 years. (It makes sense for me to work part time, so that I can put money into this type of IRA.)

The big question I have to ask of myself: Do I want to work part time after I reach the age where I can collect Social Security?  What are the tax consequences?  How much more paperwork will I have to deal with if I do so?  (I can only imagine the headaches I'll face if I ever change my name....)

Monday, February 20, 2023

A long weekend with RQS, with little being done.

 

I ended up starting my visit to RQS on the coldest fay of the year so far in NYC.  Night time temperatures before wind chill factoring were in the low teens, and neither of us wanted to go out in the cold. Although I had to fight some traffic, it was an easy ride to her area, and I was able to find a nearby parking spot within a couple of minutes of arriving in her area. This was a good thing, as the air outside felt as if it was in the single digits.  This was one time that I wasn't traveling as Marian.

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and the temperature started to warm up.  Yet, it wasn't warm enough to want to stay outside for long, so we only ventured outdoors to get dinner and dessert.  We caught a bus to a nearby restaurant and had a mice meal of Veal Ossobuco over Risotto.  YUM!  RQS was surprised that dinner cost as much as it did after tax and tip.  So she decided to buy some pastries for us to have for dessert. Luckily, we were able to wait for the return bus inside the pastry shop, so we were relatively comfortable when we got home.

- - - - - -

Normally, Sunday would be the last day of our weekend together.  However, the parking spot I had didn't require me to move my car until early Tuesday morning. So I was able to stay an extra day.  As a result, we were able to visit Chelsea Market in Manhattan.  Although this is more a place to eat than one to buy high end food, we did find a couple of diversions - one of which being a bookstore.  (I ended up buying a book for myself and a book to give her for Valentine's day - she already knows of the tickets I bought her for an A.J. Croce concert to be held early next month.)

- - - - - -

Monday was a day on the bonus plan, and we finished our binge watch of HBO's Perry Mason series.  RQS is hooked on this series and on The Newsroom.  (The 1st episode of the latter got her hooked.)  Unfortunately, the day was too short, and I still needed to do things at home.  So it was with a touch of sadness that I had to go home.

- - - - - -

Do I wish I could have spent time as Marian?  YES!  But it wouldn't have been practical for this weekend.  And, because I haven't heard back from an acquaintance in DC, I'll be spending all of my time there in Mario mode.  AARGH!  At least, RQS wasn't the person suggesting this.  Instead, I made the decision, as it made my efforts to pack for a 5 day trip to DC much easier than packing for a Marian/Mario trip.

Sunday, February 19, 2023

It looks like only Mario will be going on this trip - a short post.

 

A while back, I contacted two of my TG friends to let them know that I'd be in DC soon, and would love to get together with them.  Unfortunately, one of these friends is between two trips and would be unable to meet me that weekend I'm there.  However, I haven't heard back from the second friend, and feel that I have to write her off for this trip.  And this means that I might as well travel as Mario, making packing for the trip much simpler.

I'll miss being Marian on this trip, but it makes more sense to travel as Mario and carry much less with me.  It will be nice to spend time with RQS sightseeing, and again meeting her cousin and his wife.  This makes our trip more than just worthwhile, as we need to get away from home more often than we do.

Hopefully, RQS and I will take another trip later this year, but this one having me in Marian mode for the whole trip..

Saturday, February 18, 2023

A quick word of warning.

 

I'm not going to say too much today.  At the time I wrote this, our former president is using our transgender community as the target for MAGA hatred.  This disgusts me, as I don't like to see any group targeted for others' hate.  But, as they used to say in a kids' game: "Tag, you're it."

Unlike most LGB people, it's hard for many of us to go stealth.  Most of us can only hope to blend in as adults.  For children, it is even worse, as many are now unable to get the medical and psychological treatment they need for gender issues - governments have made these treatments illegal.

We have a war to fight.  But how to best do so?  I'd love to hear your feelings on this issue of vital importance to us.

Friday, February 17, 2023

Shopping has changed since the beginning of the pandemic.

 

Before the pandemic hit, I was accustomed to local malls and standalone stores being open to 9-9:30 pm, and many Walmarts open 24x7.  The best times for shopping were often the hour just before a store closed, or late at night, in the case of a 24x7 Walmart.  This has changed quite a bit since the stores reopened to their "new normal" hours.

Today, I lost track of time, and left to visit the mall where RQS and I were last weekend.  I figured that I'd go back to Burlington and buy the 2 dresses I was looking at on that visit.  So off to Rockland county I went, and I found the two dresses in the store as I expected.  At this point, I noticed it was 6:30, and thought I had enough time to make it to Lane Bryant in Paramus. So, I again got in my car, and proceeded to my next destination.

On the way down, I encountered a driver who did not want to let me into the correct exit lane, leaving Route 17 for Route 4 Eastbound.  Although I was signaling my intent, this clown almost caused an accident, as I cut in front of him just before being forced to exit in the wrong direction.  Of course, this clown decided to play a game with his brights, and I ignored him.  Once on Route 4, I signaled to get into a traffic lane, and this clown again decided to play games.  I can only imagine being a passenger in his car!  (Imagine the road rage this person must have been displaying....)  Once he was gone, I breathed a sign of relief before doing the half clover leaf across Route 4 to get to Lane Bryant.

In the past, this store would be open until 9 pm every day except Sunday.  Now, the store has a 7:00 pm closing time.  I'm glad that I only planned to look at some of the merchandise in the store, as I was not in the mood yet to buy a women's blazer that I found online.  Since the store had just closed, I figured that I could come back another day, and proceeded back home for the evening.

A meetup on a weeknight for a change

  Lately, there haven't been that many dining meetups held on weeknights.  Since I am booked most weekends, it's been a long while s...