California Vacation - Day 05 (San Francisco)

 

26 years ago, I scattered my late wife's ashes in a spot under the Golden Gate Bridge, right behind Fort Point.  Due to 9/11, this spot is no longer accessible to the public.  But I try to get as close as possible each time I visit this city.  Today's visit would be special, as I don't see myself coming back to this city for a while.

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When I got up this morning, I planned to drop by Fort Point and then visit the Swan Oyster Depot for lunch.  My plans were to visit the fort first, and then take Muni (SF's Mass Transit system) to the Oyster Depot for lunch.  These plans were blown to pieces early in the day, when a lady asked if she could share my table at the buffet.

This lady and I start chatting, and it was as if we had been related to each other in a prior life.  We chatted from 9:30 am to 2:00 pm without stopping.  She never picked up on the fact that I am not a cisgender woman, as I code shifted my conversation to refer to my life with my late wife as if she were my late husband.  We talked about many of the things that only women could experience, such as "Boob Sweat" and struggles with one's bra.  We talked about our late spouses.  And we talked about what we liked about the opposite sex.  (I can translate well in a pinch.)  So, when her friend called her, I took this as a good opportunity to make my way to Fort Point via trolley car and bus.

Getting to Fort Point from Pier 27 is relatively easy.  One takes the historic trolley to Fisherman's Wharf, then walks a couple of blocks to catch the 28 bus to the Golden Gate Bridge.  From there, it's a walk of 0.8 miles (all downhill) to the shoreline and then to the Fort.  Once I paid my respects to my late wife (for which this might be the last time), I decided to make it back to the bus station for my return to the ship.  What was an "easy" 0.8 mile downhill walk was an arduous 200 foot uphill trek back (over the same 0.8 miles) to the bus stop.  By the time I reached the bus stop, I felt that I needed a shower.  Only one problem - it would have to be quick, because I had a 5:00 pm reservation at the ship's steakhouse and I would likely be a few minutes late.

When I arrived at the ship, I proceeded to my room, then stripped, showered, dressed (in fresh clothing), and reapplied my makeup before going downstairs to dine.  I chose both the sea scallops (with salmon roe) and the French Onion Soup for appetizers before trying the veal chop.  Although the veal chop was good for what it was, I found that it was not the cut of veal that I like to eat because of the texture of the meat.  (Give me a good queen cut of prime rib from Peter Luger any day....)  However, I don't have any regrets in trying this cut of veal, as I try to try out new things to eat whenever I can.

After dinner, I realized that I needed to rest, and I fell out for an hour or so.  Shortly after waking up for a while, I exchanged a series of messages with RQS before calling it an early night.

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, several things will have happened:

1. My taxes will be in the process of being prepared.
2. I will be in possession of my new car.
3. DCD will have started his process of getting the car registered in his own name.
4. I will have given RQS her birthday present.
5. My luggage will be opened, and packing will start for my California Cruise.

Of course, a lot of things will have happened in between then and now.  And you'll be able to read about them over the next few days.

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When I told my brother about my tax situation, I realized how much my brother wants to isolate my financial life from his.  I should mention that he wouldn't give me a recommendation for an accountant if I needed one this year, but would only help me file estimated taxes to buy a little time for me.  My guess is that if an acquaintance of his sees my returns, then they will have an idea of what a slice of my brother's life looks like.

Cleaning out my old car has helped me find things I had misplaced over the years.  One of these things was a canvas bag that I thought was in RQS's place.  Surprise!  It was in my car's trunk.  There was way too much stuff back there, and I'm glad that I am finally emptying it out.  (Guess what I'll be doing on Monday!)

Now that I have the information needed to get my new car on the road, I can give DCD the information he needs to start his process.  Hopefully, I'll have the old car out of my driveway soon.  If not, I know of at least one charity that takes donated cars.

Even though a bought theater tickets for RQS's birthday, I ordered a little something from Amazon for her to open up on the birthday itself.  Hopefully, she will like it.

And lastly, packing....   This will be a trip where I will spend one day as Mario and the rest as Marian. (I must visit my uncle while presenting as Mario.)  It's going to be nice to wear some warmer weather clothes for a change.  (I haven't worn a dress in California in ages, except while in transit to/from Hawaii.)  Since it will be Spring when I arrive, I have to bring sweaters (and a windbreaker) - especially for my time in San Francisco.  RQS's cousin knows I am trans, so it will be nice NOT to have to change into a pair of trousers when in San Diego....

A trip to Mystic Seaport

 

My brother is temporarily unemployed for a month, and this is the first real "vacation" he's had in years.  So, it was nice to spend a whole day with him, driving to Mystic Seaport and back.  

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The day began for me by not having enough sleep the night before, and rushing to get out of the house in time to meet him in Port Chester.  Once he arrived, we took care of a little personal business before going on our way - he needed some hand cream, and I needed a pair of tweezers.  From there, we spent the next 2 hours driving to Mystic to visit the museum.

Once at the museum, we found parts of it closed, possibly for the winter.  Yet, it well worth the drive to get there.  On the way, we talked "of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and whether pigs have wings." There are a lot of things going on in his life, and it looks like he's made the decision to plateau his career.  This will give him more time to live his life without the stress of staying upwardly mobile, while being with the people who make his life worth living.

It was nice to see these old buildings and ships placed into a context befitting a nautical town of the 1800's.  At one exhibit, we ran into a docent who started talking about his visits to San Francisco and its local beer - Anchor Steam.  Once he mentioned Anchor Steam, I got into the story of how Fritz Maytag once rescued the brewery, and how the pandemic ended up killing the brewery off.  Next, we explored the rest of the museum, visiting an old bank building, an old schoolhouse, and old chapel, and a whaling ship.  It was very educational for someone not focused on maritime history,  Yet, with half of the museum exhibits being closed, it means that we will return someday soon.

On the way home, my brother asked me to do some of the driving, as his back was killing him.  I was glad that he trusted me to drive his car, and we ended up at an Asian place outside of Norwalk.  The food was good, but not spectacular.  Once done with dinner, my brother took back the helm of his car, and we drove to Port Chester to say Goodbye until next time....

Another friend bites the dust - a quick post

 

Years ago, I dated the woman above.  It turned into a simple friendship, as we were in different stages of life.  Mary was about to retire, and I was trying to stave off a forced retirement for a few years.  Sadly, thanks to Facebook and its habit of reminding people of posts they made years ago, I found out that my friend had died a couple of years ago.

Mary once wanted to become a nun.  However, that was not her calling.  Yet, she ended up serving people in her own way, running a restaurant, running an Airbnb, and even managing hospitality for a service organization's guest house overlooking the Hudson river.  When I last was in contact with her, she had moved back to the San Francisco Bay area, and had just found subsidized housing that she could afford.

I always wanted to visit Mary the next time I returned to the SF Bay area, but we had lost contact and I had other things on my mind for the past few years.  When I was in SF on my recent cruise, I had forgotten all about her.  So I was very surprised to find out that she passed away in 2021.  Could it have been Covid-19?  Who knows?  I remember that she had a blood disorder that she knew could kill her one day.  Could this have happened?  I doubt that I will ever find out, as I was never in her close circle of friends.

By my calculations, Mary was 77 years old when she passed away.  She lived a good life, and she was one of those rare people that no one would have a bad word to say about her.  I consider myself lucky to have known Mary for a short period in life, and I will miss having the chance to see her again....

California Vacation 2023 - Some Final Thoughts

 

As some of my readers might know, I chose to cruise out of Los Angeles, so that I could visit my uncle. When I originally planned this trip, my 90 y/o uncle was taking care of himself and his wife in comfort. Unfortunately, things changed since then.  In trying to care for my aunt, not setting limits, he fell and broke his hip.  Now, both my aunt and uncle are in separate care facilities, and my uncle was just told that he will never be able to live on his own again.  He was not in the right frame of mind for us to visit.

I'm glad that RQS and I scheduled a day of sightseeing in Los Angeles in addition to visiting my uncle, as neither of us thought that the day before the cruise was a wasted day.  Yes, we could have done more things if we had done more research.  But we accomplished a lot by visiting two museums and taking advantage of serendipity when we could.

We were both impressed by the level of service provided by Princess.  Yet, we were unhappy with the Princess App. The app was slow, and didn't always provide the information we needed. For example, when we needed to find out the hours for the main dining room, the app did not provide that  information.  When we wanted to find out what performers were in the main theater and the times of their shows, we could not find that on the app.  We were better served by reading the paper Princess Patter.  Not everything was bad about the app.  But Princess has a long way to go before the app can replace many of the things best done the old fashioned way.

This trip made RQS feel that we need to spend more time in California on our next visit.  Not only is San Francisco worth more than spending just two days there. But the same could be said for San Diego as well.  Only Los Angeles stands out as "a suburb in search of a city."  And who wants to visit a suburb when one can visit a city?

California Vacation 2023 - San Francisco (Day Two)

 

The first thing I wanted to do today was to take a trip to Fort Point, and pay my respects to my late wife. (This is where I scattered her ashes.) Unfortunately, the fort was closed, and I scuttled this plan for the day. Instead, we were off to the Swan Oyster Depot to have a good seafood meal.


After breakfast, we bought another day pass on the Muni, and walked over to the trolley stop to start our journey. Instead of the expected trolley car, a bus was servicing the line. This would be the theme for today’s travel - substitution. Even if we wanted to take a cable car for part of today’s rides, it looked like San Francisco’s cable car network wasn’t running, as I saw some buses running on the California Street cable car line as substitutes for the cable cars. The bus we took to the Oyster Depot was rerouted to avoid the area where the president was in town for a conference.

We made it to the Oyster Depot by 12:30, and ended up waiting 45 minutes to be seated. With only 18 seats in the place, a long wait is always possible here. But once seated and fed, it was all worth the effort to make it here. YUM! I had the smoked salmon with shrimp salad, while RQS had the mixed plate of clams and oysters. Both of us had clam chowder. It was well worth the $120 spent on this meal.

 

Then, it was back to the ship. Both of us knew that our stay in “Fog City” was too short, and that we’d want to visit this city again. As the ship left the bay, RQS and I got some interesting pictures from our balcony. It was too bad I couldn’t have book-ended stills and videos of our arrival in the San Francisco bay with our leaving the bay. But it was nice to get views of both Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge on our way to our next stop, San Diego.

This was not yet the end of our day. It was Italian Night in the main dining room, and our waiter made sure that we had extra dishes for each course. Yum! Although we didn’t eat everything in front of us, we had a good sampler of what the restaurant had to offer. And this was a nice touch that we didn’t experience on our other cruises. Did I eat too much? For the day, yes. But not at this meal. Everything was served in “human sized” portions. So if I had been hungry, I’d have no problem ordering a second (or third) place of something to enjoy.


Once done with dinner, it was off to the lounge, where we saw our two friends from the other night. This time, Sue was more a part of the conversation, and we had a couple of hours of good chatting before it was time to go to bed for the night.

California Vacation 2023 - San Francisco (Day One)

 

The first thing we wanted to do today was a shore excursion to the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park.  I’ve been there a couple of times before, and felt that would be a perfect place to take RQS on her first visit to the city.  So, after a rushed breakfast, we were off to find the tour bus that would take us to the garden.

One thing I have noted about tour guides is that they will often use “filler site” descriptions to avoid moments of silence on bus trips to the sites that people want to see.  For example, I can imagine a bus tour through Hartford Ct, where the tour guide says: “We are now passing the John Oliver Memorial Sewer Plant” when the guide has nothing else to say on a long ride,  And this ride was no exception.  

RQS was not disappointed by my choice of excursions.  This 5-Acre site is well worth the visit, as one can not help but get a beautiful, serene view from anywhere in the garden.  And after 90 minutes, it was back to the ship.  I found it hard to believe that we had already walked 2.5 miles, and still had more to go today.

After lunch, it was off the ship, and on to the Musee Mechanique at Fisherman’s Wharf.  There are many old time coin operated machines to enjoy there, as well as the more modern pinball and video arcade machines we grew up with.  One of my favorites is an old Wurlitzer which is a work of art that still plays music as if it were brand new.

Our next stop was to have clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl.  Yum!  It was a little pricey, but not outside of reason.  So we sat down in the cool San Francisco air and enjoyed some soup before getting on the Market Street Historic Trolley to the end of the line.

We had to wait a while for the trolley, and when it came, RQS and I were forced to sit in separate seats. This allowed me to get into a conversation with a SF local who told us how his city has changed since the pandemic.  Most of the downtown storefronts and office towers seem unoccupied, as the technology elite are now working from home.  Downtown office space is no longer needed, and the business depending on these workers have closed up shop.  We saw evidence of this ourselves, and still wish we could afford to live in this city.  

 

Eventually, the trolley landed us in The Castro, and we decided to walk around a little.  We explored one of the local “general stores” (I don’t know how else to label it) and then walked back to the trolley stop.  On the way back, both RQS and I got a glimpse of a man, who if painted in gold, would look like a walking Oscar statuette.  The most notable thing about this man was that he was completely naked!  This fellow is a fixture around The Castro, and RQS only wished she had her camera out at the time, as her friends might not believe this otherwise.

The trolley ride back from The Castro was uneventful.  By the time we were back on the ship, we were too tired to do anything but have dinner and go to bed.  Four and a half miles of walking will do that to us.

California Vacation 2023 - We're on our way!

 

The California Coast.  I haven't been here in a while, but surprisingly,  I wasn't feeling that great about taking this cruise.  My uncle might not want to see me.  I might not enjoy the visit to San Francisco. And RQS's cousin (in San Diego) and I might not get along.  So many things could go wrong, and I wasn't yet ready for this trip.

So it was with a little trepidation that I trekked off to RQS's place on the day before our flight.  I took the time to explain this to her, and she understood how I was feeling.  She was a little nervous, as she'd be leaving her 18 year old cat with the sitter for 10 days.  Even with these things on our mind, we were committed to this trip, and hoped to enjoy it, no matter what happened.

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The next day, it was off to the airport.  We got there a bit early and breezed through security, leaving us 2 hours to kill before the flight was to board.  When we checked our bags, we found that our seats had been changed.  Our plane was changed, and we were lucky to get compatible seat assignments to what we had on the original plane.  We boarded the plane quickly, accidentally cutting in front of the line. And this gave us the leeway to find space in the overhead bins for our carry-on luggage and my CPAP machine.  Given that we were told that there might not be enough space in the overhead bins, this was a stroke of good fortune.

About 6 hours later, we were in Los Angeles, and made our way to the hotel.  We found that by being a member of the hotel's loyalty program, we could get free wi-fi.  So I signed up, but the software wouldn't let me finish the demographic entry process.  This was a problem that the hotel's staff couldn't fix.  And this caused me to be charged for wi-fi later on.  (Mariott's Bonvoy software is crap, and I don't trust their programmers to get things right - avoid the chain and its partners if possible.)  

Being tired, we didn't bother to shop around for a restaurant, as there was nothing in walking distance of the airport hotels.  Instead, we ate at the hotel, and spent $120 for a dinner we could get at a local diner for $50.  You can guess how quickly we fell asleep after dinner....

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, I will have both gone to a doctor to see about my persistent cough and have gone on my California cruise with RQS.  And I'll have much to report when I get back.

I'm not one who is comfortable going to new doctors, dealing with new procedures, etc. when it comes to my health.  So, it took a badly abscessed tooth to get me going to a dentist on a regular basis.  It took me almost getting pneumonia to start seeing my internist on a regular basis.  It took a former girlfriend to get me to see a sleep doctor. And it took a former friend to get me to see a dermatologist (who I should see again soon). As you can guess, I am nervous about going to the Doc in a Box today, and may write another post about it later on.

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Tomorrow, we'll be flying to LA for our cruise.  On our one full free day in LA, we intend to see my uncle, and then do a little of the tourist thing.  Unfortunately, many of the attractions will close at 5 pm, not giving us enough time to do more than one museum or attraction.  But then, I never loved LA.  Its sprawl befits the description, "LA is a suburb in search of a city." I prefer to be in a traditional city.

Afterward, we will go on our cruise and stop in San Francisco for a couple of days. In a way, this trip is our way of connecting with family on the West Coast. First, we'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes. RQS won't mind that, as I was with her when she scattered her husband's ashes. (Of course, we'll spend the better part of the two days in San Francisco doing the typical tourist thing.) Then we will sail off to San Diego, where we'll meet up with RQS's cousin for the day. And all too soon, we'll be home.

It's been hard to identify why I am ambivalent about taking this trip.  And now I think I've figured it out.  It will likely be the last time I see my uncle while he's alive.  It may be the last time I visit San Francisco and go where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  It may be the last chance that RQS gets to meet her older cousin.  In short, it's a trip with a set of "Lasts" that is giving me a sense of sadness before it begins.

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A while back, FCP criticized me, saying that I had nothing going on in my life. (I take this slightly out of context, as I don't want to rehash old wounds.)  I think she'd now say that I have a life of my own. It's far from perfect, but it's my life and I'm living it.

RQS makes me glad that she's in my life.  Unlike Ex-GF-M, RQS is willing to try new things when with me.  She is willing to get a little lost along the way, and explore what serendipity brings to us.  Unlike XGFJ, she's willing to force the issue and make me tell her how I feel.  And unlike my relationship with Patty, our relationship is built on solid ground - we both feel secure.  It's a shame that it took me almost 25 years to find a relationship that really works for me. But as they say, "you've got to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss)."  

It's Getting Close

 

Soon, I'll be on another vacation.  Hopefully, the above picture will give you a clue to where I'm going, and what I'll be doing. The problem is that I'm a little ambivalent about taking this cruise.  My uncle is frail, and I'll have to take mass transit to reach him.  Additionally, I won't be able to present as Marian during this cruise.  So, it won't be as much fun as it could be. With that being said, I still think I'll have a good time.  I'll be on the West coast, and I have always felt good when in California..  And, yes, I'll catch up on my posting when I get back.  

This will be RQS's first time in California.  It's been over a decade since I've been to either San Francisco or Los Angeles, and I'm looking forward to being in both cities again.  In Los Angeles, there are a couple of museums I want to see after seeing my uncle.  In San Francisco, it'll be nice to show RQS around and to explore new places which I haven't gotten to yet. When we eventually reach San Diego, we will connect with RQS's cousin. Hopefully, we'll have enough time to see her and see a sight or two before returning to the ship. Once done with California, it will be time for the obligatory stop in Mexico for compliance with the US Passenger Vessel Services Act. Then it will back to Los Angeles and onward to home.  

Why am I ambivalent?  I think it's because there isn't that much that excites me about this itinerary.  San Francisco is not the city that I remember.  Los Angeles is still a suburb in search of a city. We will not be able to explore San Diego the way we'd like to do if we visited this city by land first. And, Mexico is Mexico - not a place that interests me.  At least, I will have the company of RQS on this trip. And that's what's important to me.

Ashes - a short post

 

Laffing Sal at the Musee Mecanique

Later this year, RQS and I will be visiting San Francisco on a California Cruise, and I will be showing her some of the places in town that have meaning to me. One of which will be the Musee Mechanique, where Laffing Sal can be found.  But of more importance is the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  I haven't paid my respects in over 10 years, and it's time I go back - even for a short visit.

Sooner or later, RQS will need to scatter her late husband's ashes.  And I will be there for her when she does it, as a (now ex) girlfriend was there for me when I scattered my wife's ashes 25+ years ago.  Over time, we all need to scatter the ashes from our past, so that we can get on with living.  This doesn't mean that we forget the past.  Instead, it means we are moving forward into the future.

Both RQS and I are taking the time to clean up our places.  In my case, I'm doing my best to declutter my place, so that required work can be done in my apartment.  I figure that I still have a few months to take care of things, and hope to have the bulk of these things taken care of before my cruise.  It will be nice to again have a place in the basement where I can seasonally store unused items from both of my wardrobes.

Dealing with snags when booking a cruise.

If all goes right by the time you see this, RQS and I will have finally booked a California cruise for sometime later this year.  Ideally, it should be a simple thing to call a travel agent, tell him/her what you want, and have the best possible vacation that fits your requirements.  In our case, we have complications related to seeing my uncle that must be addressed, and that's where the problem lies.

 

You will notice that the rate for the SUV is $87/day (plus taxes, etc.)  Given that airport prices are excessive, seeing a $240 total is reasonable for this rental.  However, the travel agent's quotes for this one item are excessive.  He got a rate of $235/day ($470 total).  Something is very wrong here!

 

I could go to a different rental company and get even better rates.   But I prefer to stay with a company that is nationwide in scope, has a high recommendation rate and charges reasonable rates.  Unfortunately, I feel that the travel agent didn't double check his work and gave us a rate for 9 days, and not 2 days.  (I could be very wrong on this. But RQS and I have both done our homework on this cruise, and have found that the other prices are reasonable for what we are getting.)

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Assuming we get this last snag worked out, we will be spending a day in Los Angeles with my uncle, 2 days in San Francisco, a day in San Diego with RQS's cousin, and the rest of the time soaking in hot tubs.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!