After my wife passed, and before I met RQS, I often felt that there would be no one who could fit well into my life. In retrospect, it is obvious why several exes and I couldn't make things work. Add my transgender nature to the normal complications of life, and I felt that it would be a fluke to find a woman who felt comfortable with my full and authentic self. I felt like the woman pictured above - alone, but hopeful.
Yet, after a few conversations I've had lately, including a recent one with TCL, I started thinking of one of my wife's habits. She was a clothes horse who never pruned her wardrobe. I, too, am a clothes horse, but one who is pruning her wardrobe. And some of the pruning efforts have shown me that in my haste, I might get rid of things I really wanted to keep. To give the pruning process too much thought can result in paralysis - something I've experienced when the contents of my apartment reached a critical mass.
A while back, XGFJ helped me get some order in the corners of my bedroom. This order was lost during the pandemic. Lately, RQS has helped me go through the clothing I accumulated and quite a few donation bags have been delivered to a local charity. Yet, when I look at my closet, I am still finding clothes which are eligible for the next donation bag.
I'll bet that my late wife would be laughing if she could see me today. She had clothes hanging from the molding over the doors and closets, and I have done the same thing on occasion. Like her, I accumulated way too much, and couldn't muster enough energy to get rid of the things I no longer need, want or use. Unlike her, I've had assistance in getting this place into order.
Would she have felt comfortable with me wearing dresses outside the house? I'll never have the answer to that question. Would she be comfortable living with someone who was "out"? Again, I'll never know. But I do know that she coped with life the best way she could, and wasn't able to reach out for the help she needed when she needed it. Hopefully, as I get older, I'll know where to find help and be able to get it when needed....
