Three Dogs and a Dinner

 

Well, I started off the day with scheduling issues, and things got worse from there.  No, not "worse" in the meaning of getting closer to a train wreck that's going to happen. But worse, in the idea that things had to drop so I could have dinner with a friend.

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I don't get the chance to see my friend Maria up in the Kingston area.  She's the type of friend who accepts me as Marian or as Mario - and has always been good to me in the short time that I've known her.  So, when she invited me for dinner, I knew I was going to drop several balls. First, I was likely to be late in calling FH to confirm our plans for tomorrow. Second, I was not going to be able to make my Zoom meeting with my Texas friends.  Lastly, I was likely to be late to chat with a new online friend in Wappinger's Falls. It was worth the schedule disruption to have dinner.

Maria's house is in an old section of town.  Her house was built with materials you can't get anymore: 12" wide wood plank floors, exposed wood crossbeams supporting the upper floor, stone outer walls, and other things that I can't remember off hand.  From what she told me, the house was started in the 1700's, and expanded at least twice in the 1800's.  It's one of those old houses on which one should do as few alterations as possible, as one doesn't know what other intermediate projects will be needed to achieve a desired result.  Yet, much of the interior looks modern because of the minor changes she made to make the place more comfortable - mostly in the kitchen and bathrooms, with new paint jobs in all of the rooms.

My original plan was to get to Maria's by 5 pm, and leave by 7.  This would allow me to attend my Zoom meeting (audio only), and then be in contact with both FH and my new online friend.  Since I was running a little late, the sun was going down when I arrived.  Once I opened the gate to her yard, I was greeted by 3 overly friendly dogs.  Maria was a little apologetic about the dogs, but I was very happy to have their attention.  (I love pets, but not the responsibility of having them.) Both dinner and our conversation lasted longer than expected.  I was glad of that, as we rarely get the chance to talk due to conflicting schedules. FH rang me at 9 sharp (she has a nasty habit of being too punctual), and I called her back around 9:30.  She showed some concern that I skipped out on my Zoom meeting to be with a friend.  But I think it's more because of the pandemic than anything else.  And she has good reasons for that.  She is less comfortable with the risks of being with people during the pandemic than I am.

Hopefully, I'll be invited back again soon.  Maria is a good cook, and it is nice to enjoy a home cooked meal now and then.  (Maybe, I'll also get to see her boyfriend one day soon.)

 

 

  

 

The other day, my telephone was like the switchboard at Grand Central Terminal

 

Recently, I had more people calling (or texting) me in one night than usually happens in a week. But then, it was perfectly understandable given the circumstances....

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Early in the day, my brother interrupted me while I was taking care of something important. He called me to let me know that a financial issue we've had closing out our dad's estate should be over soon - the bank is mailing out a check, and my brother will deposit it on arrival.  This means that, god willing, I should be able to afford to take my Hawaii cruise when cruising starts up again.  

Later in the day, Vicki called me to chat a little. I had just started to straighten out some of the mess in the apartment, and was interrupted.  A few seconds after Vicki hung up, my brother called again, just to shoot the breeze. I called my friend Vanessa to touch base on a course which required my help figuring out her problem with setting up an ad campaign on Google search, and she said that she'd call back shortly. So I took this time to chat with TCL. 

Once done with TCL, I received a message from a friend in Manhattan, and we "chatted" for a while before I was tired of texting.  So I bid her goodbye for the night. And almost immediately after wards, I received a text from a new acquaintance on Facebook, and we started to shoot the breeze.  Although she's talking with me as Mario, I know she'd be surprised to find out that I once frequented her store as Marian.  (That's something I will reveal at a future time.) While shooting the breeze, XGFJ texted me to chat a little.  She sent me a link for a store in her neck of the woods that opened a new location in Eastchester.  Applestone Meat is known for its 24x7 stores which use vending machines to dispense their products.  Although the meat is expensive, it is an excellent value if you like high quality beef.  By the time I was done with my new friend and my ex girlfriend, Vanessa called me back and we were both talking about her Google ad problems and catching up on what has been going on with our lives.

By the time midnight came along, I was fried.  This is one of those times I'm glad that I don't have to go to work in the morning.

I saw a friend today, oh boy. She's a lucky gal who made the grade...

 

I had only one thing of note on my docket today, and that was seeing a friend who knows me as Marian, but who also knows that Mario exists.  It's always nice to get together with her, as I can talk about both sides of my life and yet, still be accepted for who I am.  FYI, this woman and I met on a dating site.  And though she is dating someone else, we have agreed to be friends and enjoy the friendship.  It's nice to know that there are some people who accept anomalies such as me, and I am gladdened that this is the case.

My alarms were set for 9 am, and I had to get myself moving by 10, if I wanted to make it to New Paltz by 12:30.  Given that I lollygagged a little, I texted my friend to tell her that I wouldn't be there until 1 pm, and that wasn't a problem. So I got dressed up as Marian (for the first time in several days) and made the drive North.

We decided to meet at the Clemson Brewing Company (formerly the Gilded Otter), and both of us arrived within minutes of each other.  Although there were people in the restaurant, no one was within 25 feet of us, so we both felt relatively safe.  We talked of conversations I had with a mutual acquaintance of ours, my trips to the city, her boyfriend, and of business in general.  (Did I mention that one of her clients is a firm I once worked for?)  

As most of us are painfully aware, the pandemic has affected businesses - some for the better, and some for the worst.  My friend's business has been affected for the worst, and changes going on at my former firm have made it worse for her.  Given her age, she is not yet ready to retire, and she is not in a position to jettison my old firm as a client.  To make things worse, they are trying to turn independent contractors into employees of a captive contractor, so that they have more control over these people. In one sense, this is good - these formerly independent contractors will get benefits.  However, it will gradually force them to jettison their other clients, and make them much more vulnerable to the whims of my old firm. 

Sadly, this conversation had to end, as she had to relieve her ex of dog sitting duty.  So we agreed to meet again soon, and I proceeded home for the evening....

Mid January Odds and Ends

 

 

Sometimes, I don't have much to say about any one topic, but I'm trying to keep my readers up to date on things with a post.  This is one of those posts....

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I've been having problems with my health insurance.  My membership number changed, and the paperwork to fix my problem has been taking longer than expected to be processed.  Today, I reached out to the company once more, and someone placed my issue on a high priority queue.  Hopefully, I'll have the bulk of the matter resolved by Monday, and the only thing left to do will be to connect the membership to a new email account AND to get things set up properly for my mail order medications.

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My brother and I are closing out accounts my dad had before he died.  They don't amount to much money, but they will provide us with much needed money for luxuries.  In my case, this money will help pay for a vacation or two.  In my brother's case, it will pay for a delayed trip to see my niece and her (to be) husband in London.  We had a minor problem with one of these accounts, as it got locked when my dad died. But we expect to have the money in our "grubby" little hands soon.

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I finally have my auto registration in hand.  There is only one more thing I need to do with it: replace the old sticker on my windshield with a new one.  Of course, I'll drive down to see my brother to see if he has the scraping tool needed to get the old sticker off the windshield - it's a perfect excuse to see him before driving over to see FH.

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My friend from my Thursday night gaming group has taken the plunge and is setting up her own online game night starting Wednesday evenings.  I think I'll have another something to look forward to while locked down inside, waiting out the pandemic.

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Next week, I'll be getting together with another of my friends who knows me only as Marian. It'll be nice to see her once again. But with the pandemic raging, this might be the last time I meet anyone other than FH, YGD, Vicki #1 , my brother and his wife for a while.  Of the people in my circle, I'm one of the few that is under 65 AND doesn't have a reason to be an early recipient of the coronavirus vaccine.

 

Hiking around Teatown Lake.

 

The other day, I went out with a friend from my Thursday night gaming group.  If I had met this woman as Mario, I'd have asked her out for a date a long time ago.  Even now, I sometimes wonder whether she'd be interested in Mario, knowing that I like to spend as much time as possible as Marian.

This week's hike (a very easy one) was the lake side trail around Teatown Lake. It's hard to believe that the last time I walked around this late was a little over 40 years ago, when I was a "youngster" in college.  The group I was in had no problems walking from a nearby retreat house late at night, and doing a 7 mile walk (my guesstimate) without thinking about it.  Today, I get a little nervous thinking of doing a 4+ mile walk.  And I've shied away from groups that I might have been welcome in, had I taken the chance to make the first move.

Now that the weather is about to get cold, I will miss these chances to be with my friend.  We don't talk that much when we are walking, but it's nice to have someone with me to be a catalyst for me to do healthy things with my life. Even if the weather weren't about to get cold, it looks like my friend has finally landed a job.  And I am very glad for her. 

When things warm up again, I expect that we will be getting together for our walks now and then - unless I am busy with a woman I'm dating.  Neither of us like hiking in excessive heat or cold.  So I think I'll have a hiking companion for those times I want to go out for a walk as Marian. 

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A while back, I read a book called "Moneyball."   It explained how the Oakland A's were able to use statistical analysis to figure out how to produce a division championship team by acquiring talent on the cheap, not assuming that certain needed talents had to be possessed by a single ball player.  The A's changed how baseball looked at producing winning teams, and it influenced me in how I looked for friendships after breaking up with my ex.

Knowing that I'll never get the bulk of what I want in a relationship from one woman, I decided to fulfill my needs in completely different ways.  For example, I used to enjoy regular, if not daily, calls with the ex.  Now, I have them with TCL, even though she is only friendship material.  I now enjoy going out to dinner with the women I have dated, but do not yet expect that I can share my soul with any one of them so far. (I certainly can't say much about the physical part of a healthy relationship.) None of the pieces in the aggregate yet make up for what I lost. But I think I'm building up something more durable, and more likely to last.

Strangely enough, I think that being Marian is an important part of this rebuild.  Even though I expect that I will need to live much of my life as Mario, Marian is an essential part of me. There is a warmth that I could never show people when Mario crowded Marian out.  And whoever I end up with will need to accept all of me, for better and worse.

 

 

 

The best part of the day was doing the laundry

 

 

Years ago, this storefront was where the Whine and Dine meetup group used to meet.  Since then, the restaurant has closed, the meetup group shut down, and the owner moved to Texas to live a new life.  Why do I bring this up?  To answer this, I go back to the old phrase: "This too shall pass."

- - - - - -

Virtually everything now is being affected by the pandemic - even though we have a vaccine which will be available to most of us in the spring.  Most of us have 4 to 6 months before we are able to get vaccinated, and we will have one last season of being shut in our homes before we start the process of living lives that resemble the "normal" we remember from 2019. But those 4 to 6 months are a long way away, and the positive infection rates in New York are about 5% of all those people being tested for Covid-19 infection. 

Recently, several get-togethers I scheduled with some people have had to be postponed because of Covid-19.  First, I was supposed to meet with JM for a walk.  One of her friends that she met up with could have gotten infected, so JM waited until the results of her friend's Covid-19 test came in before risking new contacts with her friends.  Over the weekend, FL was in contact with two people, both of whom tested positive.  So FL cancelled dinner with me, and went to be tested for infection.  If she tests negative twice, then we will get together for dinner one week later than planned.

TCL and I try to talk with each other every day.  It's our way of making sure that there is someone there looking out for each other on a regular basis.  She's looking to adopt a new cat (or two) and I hope she finds one (or two) she likes.  As for me, I don't have that much to say in our conversations.  But the pandemic has affected both of us, as she is very concerned about letting anyone into her house.  Minor house repairs are being delayed, as she doesn't even want a handyman inside her house.  And I can't blame her.

Everyone I know is affected by the pandemic, and it looks like I'll soon have to become a hermit as well.  Now that people are retreating indoors, the high point of today became doing the laundry - as this got me out of my apartment for a while.  After a dinner with Vicki and shopping with FH over the weekend, I doubt that many people will be comfortable meeting with others inside their houses or indoors at a restaurant.  

As I try to remind myself, "This too shall pass."

 

 

I'm feeling a little bit down.

 

Although I had no present intentions to attend the dining group that I was blackballed from by my ex, it still stings a little when several months later, Mario was finally removed.  This leads me to wonder - did the ex find a new boyfriend?  It would be nice to think it so.  But that's not my horse, and certainly not my rodeo any longer.

For the better part of the year, this pandemic has gotten in the way of me healing from the slings and arrows of the recent past, and moving forward in my life.  As much as I like the women who have been passing through my life lately, I feel that I could have done better had I not been a failed relationship for 5 years.  No, I'm not complaining about these women or the failed relationship.  Instead, I was younger, a bit more attractive, and less calloused in regard to romance way back then.  For all I know, I'd have hooked up with someone who enjoyed the "whole" of me, and not be alone during the worst of the pandemic.

With all of this being said, I had some good things happen in regard to my feminine presentation. The other day, I went to an outdoor service where the ashes of a friend's husband were buried.  This woman's children liked me, and my friend said I was looking better than before.  (At the time, I was wearing a forest green maxi dress with a mock turtleneck.  I did look good in the dress, and I haven't worn it since last winter.)  This friend noted that I now appear completely natural when presenting as female, save that I am large.  (How true this is to others is something else.)  

At least, I still have family and friends.  No, not as many as I'd like.  But I cherish my family and the true friends I have.  And for that, I am grateful.