The above picture was taken at a meetup with a group who now has gatherings when I am not free to attend due to scheduling conflicts. Trying to live life around other's schedules and needs gets exhausting for many, and it's easy to see how many people (like my brother) get overwhelmed by life. And I got to thinking this morning about how retirement doesn't always free us from our responsibilities to others, and the sacrifices we make to fulfill those responsibilities.
In my case, I've had to make a trade-off - go to meetups, or have a relationship with RQS. Which would you drop? If you said RQS, I'd slap you from here to next Tuesday. She's a keeper. But this has me run the risk of not being able to travel while I'm able to do so, as her health seems to be on the wane. Even with healthy eating, her body is betraying her. Do you think I'd want to give up on travel if something more important would get in the way?
While we're on the subject of travel, most of my readers know that I have often traveled as a female who carries male id. With the current administration in Washington, I'm not sure of how long I can do this. All it takes is for some person wanting to impress his supervisors by excessive use of authority to hassle me, and everything could fall apart in my life. I now have to think whether I should travel as a female for one upcoming cruise I plan to take.
Yet, my problems pale in comparison to others. For example, my brother's car was totaled (through no negligence of his own - his car was stopped at a light when someone hit him), his job is both life draining and a time suck, his volunteer efforts take up time, he manages the family homestead that we rent out, and he returns to a home which is not a refuge for him. RQS has to manage two life threatening ailments that could both cripple her and cause her to have an early death. Since both ailments run in both her blood lines, she is scared. And these are only two of the people close to me. Many others have it much worse than this.
Turning on the TV or radio is no escape, as we are bombarded by the latest atrocities going on in the world. The orange snowflake keeps trying to destroy the rule of law in the US, while his actions are destroying the security enjoyed by Americans that took generations to build up. Yes, globalization without a good social safety net has resulted in a lot of broken lives. But a return to a society where no social safety net exists would be even worse for us. It's bad enough when one person loses a job. But when entire states lose large percentages of their work forces due to social, environmental, and economic change, how can people cope? It's hard to feed, clothe and house one's family if no jobs are available, much less even afford proper health care. No wonder why many in the "Red States" live in fear of losing what little they have - they have always lived as serfs tied to the estates of nobility which never cared about their subjects.
If I were speaking to an audience of "Minorities" who complain about being victimized, I'd say
Get over it!
This does not mean to ignore those things that drain your soul. Instead, I want for people to conquer their problems and take control over what they can in their lives. We can not control what life puts in our way. But we can control how we react when we encounter these problems. Yet, sometimes, taking charge may involve doing the unthinkable. Years ago, the wife of a close friend was dying of the same type of cancer which claimed my wife's life. When she could no longer swallow any food and was in constant untreatable pain, she had to make an impossible decision - do I choose life or do I choose death? Many people would tell her to get doped up for the pain, and live the rest of her few remaining days in hospice without any quality of life. Without children to care for and a husband who could live without her, she chose to end her life while it still had meaning for her. (I was with her husband when this happened.) I don't know if I could have done what she did. But I hope I could do it, instead of wasting away in a hospital bed, burning money that I'd rather go to my heirs.
Please note that I first focused on the exception to my rule instead of the rule I apply to my life. I feel that it is my duty to try and conquer what problems life puts in front of me. It's hard enough getting by these days. And for my transgender friends who read this blog, I say:
Don't Give Up!
This too shall pass.
Some people may have to bear a heavier load in life than others. But you don't have to break under the pressure. Try to set limits. Ration your media consumption. Avoid "Friends" who are "Debbie Downers". Find people and places which recharge your batteries when you are around them. Even if you can't limit your responsibility to a ailing relative or friend, you must find time to nurture yourself. Just keep looking for hope, and you shall find it.
