My journey towards femininity, with all the bumps in the road. Who knows where this road will lead? But it certainly will be a prettier road, and one well worth traveling.
Showing posts with label Newburgh NY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Newburgh NY. Show all posts
Monday, December 9, 2019
A weekend whose plan changed before it really started
Considering how busy GFJ and I would be this Thanksgiving, we decided that we'd get together for a date sometime after her two sons left for home. With the expected snow to come on Sunday, we changed our plans, so that we could see a movie on Saturday night, then go out to eat.
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Saturday came, and I didn't bother getting up until noon. Not only didn't I have much to do. But a couple of books that I placed on hold with the library had yet to come in. So my original plan of spending the day as Marian was completely scotched because of the change of plans mentioned in the prior paragraph. That was OK with me, as I hate getting dressed, only to switch into my alternate presentation for the second half of the day.
Around 3 pm, I left for Newburgh where Midway was playing. It was the only film that the two of us could agree on - either she had seen the film before, or it didn't hold interest to her. So we agreed to meet at 4 pm, and I started my drive at 3:10. Why do I mention exact times? Well, I got stuck behind a couple of tourists on Route 9, and couldn't push the speed limit as much as I'd like. (This is just as well, as I know I drive a little over the limit at times.) But what bothered me is that when I crossed the bridge, there was a big traffic jam just beyond old exit 10. So I bailed out before the jam, and took back roads to the theater. Luckily, I had taken most of these roads at least once before, and knew enough to follow the convoy from old exit 10 to a spot near old exit 7a, ending up less than a block away from the theater.
I arrived at the theater 5 minutes late, and we sat down to watch the film just as the movie started. Perfect timing - we didn't have to sit through the trailers. Midway is an enjoyable war flick, but I have one unavoidable criticism: They had to use CGI animation for all of the external aircraft carrier, US/Japanese aircraft, and air battle scenes, as there are no longer enough aircraft from either side to simulate the air battles. With this being said, I had to give the film makers credit for making things look as real as possible. If I weren't so familiar with CGI renditions of real life objects, I wouldn't have thought about CGI being used in the film.
When the film ended, GFJ noted that the air battles had too much gun fire. Part of me wanted to say "Duh!" but I didn't want to upset her - she probably compromised to find a film that I might like. Instead, I said that we should go for dinner - and it was off to the Chinese Buffet nearby. All too soon, dinner ended and we had to go our separate ways.
Later in the evening, my brother responded to a message I sent him. And he surprised me by telling me that he finally bought a new phone - a Motorola Z4. I think he'll be very happy with it. If I didn't already have the Z3, I'd be buying the Z4 for less than I paid for the Z3.
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Sunday came, and I woke up early enough to go to church. As much as I don't plan to be a regular church goer, there is something I like in the old rituals that gives me comfort. Due to the nature of religion, change comes slowly to the traditional service structure, and it's easy to pick up where one left off. If one is Catholic, you might remember when the church gave its approval for services to be given in the vulgar (read: common) tongue. In my church, the idea of "sharing the peace" was cribbed from changes occurring in the Catholic church at that time.
Sometimes, during a church service, my mind veers away from the service itself and onto simple ideas I wouldn't put together outside of a serene setting. Today, my mind started focusing on the word "communion" and how it relates to "community." From there, I connected the dots to the word "Communism" and I could see the disconnect between many "Conservative Christians" and the belief structure contained in the scriptures.
John Calvin posited that if you were going to be blessed by God in the afterlife, that God would be rewarding you in this life. Prosperity would become an indicator of being blessed. In short, we have the beginnings of the false gospel of prosperity that many people believe in. Today, many Evangelicals have given up the underlying message of Christianity (Feed the hungry, heal the sick, help the poor, etc.) and are doing the exact opposite. They are judging people without knowing the circumstances which affect those in need.
Communion, Community and Communism - What is the link connecting these words? It is a community coming together to take care of its needy. Sadly, the word "Communism" has been contaminated by the flawed political system and flawed economic theory that is associated with that word. The Red Scare of the 1950's still haunts us today. Use the words "Communism" or "Socialism" and one triggers up cultural memories of an era where America's propaganda machine labeled the Eastern Bloc as Atheists without morals or ethics. If one lived in this bloc before the Soviet Union fell, one would see his/her government as a problem, and see America's propaganda as just that. They would feel that America has no soul - we were caught in crass commercialism and materialism.
When the service ended, I was again reminded of the healthy version of these words. Communion - coming together to share ideas which make us better as individuals and as a group. Community - being part of a larger group, and not needing to be alone in this world. Communism - the idea that we voluntarily share with others so that their needs can be taken care of. No matter what that faith is, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc., a healthy faith teaches us that we are all part of something larger than we are, and that we should take an active part in improving that larger whole.
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After church, I took a quick trip to the grocery store in advance of the incoming storm. Unlike many people, all I needed was enough stuff to get me through a day or two. When the storm passes, the roads will be quickly cleared, and I can go out again. Until then, I might as well do another load of laundry.
Tuesday, December 3, 2019
The only thing I bothered doing was as Mario
I didn't have much to do today. So I ended up staying inside until I went to dinner with GFJ as Mario. No laundry, even though I had (3 or more) loads waiting for me to bring downstairs. No straightening up the apartment, even though I've made a big mess of this place since my cleaning lady's last appearance. And no shopping, although that would have occupied some time and alleviated some of the boredom I've been dealing with lately.
My transgender nature is a problem for GFJ, and I won't go into many details here. Although I've said that Mario will always be available for her, she is uncomfortable when I present as Marian. This is easy to understand. But it has caused us problems, and I'd bet that she'd always have some reservations about Marian unless she were to learn how not to see Marian as a threat to her relationship with Mario. Strangely enough, she had always encouraged my growth as Marian, and now things once repressed are now coming to the surface.
Driving to Newburgh for dinner is something I don't mind doing. And we had a pleasant dinner once I arrived. (She took a nap in the diner's parking lot while waiting for me - she was already in town, and it didn't make sense to go home just to come right back to eat.) But after dinner, we had another serious conversation where nothing much was resolved. Yet, with nothing final taking place, there is always hope we can come to an acceptable resolution of our issues.
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On the way home, I called my brother to find out what's going on in his life. It seems like my sister in law is dealing with her problems and realizes that she can't help a son who doesn't want to be helped. What saddens my brother is that the mother of their two kids lost many of the opportunities to bond with her offspring because of problems triggered by her son from her previous marriage. Since it would be wrong of me to go into any more details right now, I'll have to keep quiet until I'm ready with a way to describe things that does not identify my family in the process.
At least, I expect Thanksgiving to be a calm day, even though I don't know what time I'll arrive at my brother's place. His wife will be there without her eldest son, and her son will not be pulling the triggers that get in the way of her maintaining her sobriety.
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