Giving DCD his keys - A short post

 

I knew that if I were to go out today, it would be as Marian.  And the only thing on my docket was to meet DCD after work and give him the keys to his car.

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This morning, I woke up early.  So I made myself some breakfast, and went back to sleep for a while.  By the time I got up again, it was noon, and all I had the energy to do was to put folded laundry back into the drawers, and to hang some garments up in their appropriate closets.  When I finally was in the mood to get ready to meet DCD, it was 5:30 pm - and I put on one of the more comfortable dresses I have.

A problem I've been having lately is that one of my ear piercings wants to close up.  I may have to go back to the piercing studio and have the piercing redone.  But I'll wait until after I return from my Norway cruise to do this.  At least, I was able to push the pin through my earlobe without any pain, and wear some nice hoops.

I reached the diner where I was to meet DCD around 7:45 pm.  I figured that I'd get a seat and let him find me.  Well, he was a little bit late, so I made sure to hand him his keys before doing anything else.  Over dinner, we chatted about many things, but mostly his problems in dealing with confrontation.  He'll retreat from almost anything that makes him feel uncomfortable unless he has no escape.  So, tonight was not a night to prod him - I did more than that this past weekend.

DCD told me how he got the car off the car carrier, and into a parking space.  I wouldn't have known how to do this.  So, he must have part of a brain to work with.  This made me glad, as I feel that he didn't screw things up to get the car off the carrier.  What did bother me is that he didn't have enough cash to pay for his meal, and that I had to front him $10 for his share of the bill.

On the way to his mom's place, DCD started talking about his family (and his ex-family - he is divorced), and how everyone expected him to screw up.  He accused his ex-wife of sabotaging him towards the end of their marriage, and even to poison the relationship between him and his children. Later on, I discussed this with RQS, and we both agreed - DCD doesn't want to take responsibility for his mistakes in life, and that others' expectations were likely based on objective reality.

At least, there is one thing DCD and I agree on: Our former therapist would never have been able to deal with my gender issues, and that I was wise not to bring them up with him....

An evening with DCD

 

DCD is a strange person.  He doesn't always learn from his past, and he makes the same type of mistakes over and over again.  Tonight was a typical example of dealing with him....

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I met DCD at a New Rochelle diner a little after he completed work for the day.  When he arrived, he started to tell me what was going on in his life, and I mentioned that his present situation with his girlfriend is similar to where I was with Ex-GF-M over 10 years ago.  His girlfriend is addicted to tobacco and alcohol, and wants DCD to participate in the addiction triangle: Person A, Person B, and the Addiction.  Whether or not Person B is addicted or not, Person B's behavior will either be that of participating in an addiction, or trying to deal with Person A's addiction.  DCD is the latter type.

I'm not saying that DCD has his act together.  He doesn't pay attention to advice given to him by well meaning friends, nor does he car about things such as payment instructions.  We chatted a little about Zelle and I mentioned that I don't use it because it has become a hacker's paradise.  Once a hacker is able to get into your account via Zelle fraud, the banks have a nasty habit of saying that your money is lost forever.  Yet, when we finished our meal, DCD didn't ask me how I wanted to get paid - he sent me money via Zelle!  This pissed me off!!!!  I planned to take the advice given by Clark Howard (Clark.com), and avoid the use of Zelle to protect myself from scams.  And now, I had to use it to receive money from DCD!  AARGH!!!!!  (No wonder why his relationships fail - he doesn't pay attention to any important messages from anyone.)  Luckily, I don't have any banking apps on my phone, and avoid them like the plague.  I prefer to use my PC or Chromebook for financial transactions, and was able to use one of my lesser bank relationships to receive DCD's money.

When I asked DCD why he uses Zelle, he mentioned that he doesn't like "float".  What he did wasn't related to float.  Instead, it was related to his record keeping - he doesn't want to worry about whether a check has cleared or not - if he does a small value payment via Zelle, the money has left his account and his account inquiry always shows a current balance.  (One the way home, I mentioned this to RQS, and she said that DCD will continue doing things his own way, and not care about what others say to him in regard to their interactions with him.)

I'll end up seeing DCD again on Friday, if only to hand him paperwork for the car.  Hopefully, he won't screw things up, as I want the car out of my driveway within the next 2 1/2 weeks.

Dinner with a friend

 

It's been a while since I've seen LK.  She's wonderfully pregnant, and her life has been taken up by the life inside her and the toddler who came out of her about a year and a half ago.  So, it was a miracle that the two of us were able to connect for dinner tonight.

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I'll always have LK to thank for helping me develop a decent feminine voice.  It's not the voice I want, but it's much better than the voice I had when I started transgender vocal therapy at Mercy College (now University)  And it's always a pleasure for me when we get together, as she was the only one of the student clinicians who showed true professionalism in her student work.  (I can only imagine how good she is when working with her clients today.  If I had a child with speech and hearing issues, she'd be one of the first people I'd want working with my child.)

Both of us arrived at the local (to her) diner around 5 pm, and we chatted as if it were old times.  I talked about my past and upcoming cruises, while she talked about the issues in her life.  Both of us needed to chat and this dinner gave us the perfect opportunity to do so.  All too soon we had to leave.  LK had to get up very early for work, and I had to go home.  So at 7:45, we went our separate ways, but pledged to meet each other 4-5 weeks from now. 

A telling of tales for the New Year

 

As usual, publication of journal entries in this blog is a little behind the times.   By the time you read this, 2 weeks will have passed, and I will have gone through an appointment with my GP, gotten a colonoscopy, and have had my teeth X-Rayed.  And those are only things that I know will happen over the next couple of weeks.

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When this weekend began, RQS came up on a crowded train from NYC.  Instead of eating what I had at home, we proceeded to the local diner as I was in Mario mode for the day  And this was a wise choice, as both of us had leftovers we could bring home to eat later on.  The manager and a long time waitress both noted that it was a long while since I've eaten there, and I mentioned that I had been traveling, spending half my time in Queens these days.  The last thing I was going to mention was that I spend more than half my time as Marian, and didn't want to "out" myself to them.

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Saturday came, and neither of us wanted to get out of the house.  And we didn't do much, save to make a shopping run as it was getting dark.  RQS needed a few things she could get at Walmart or Target, and I needed an excuse to take a drive.  So, off to Poughkeepsie we went, and then back home for the night.

But Sunday, New Year's Eve, was a different story.  I decided to let RQS stay in bad while I went to Church for the first and only time this year.  It was nice to reconnect with the rituals of my past, even though my late mother might have had another heart attack had she seen me in church wearing a nice dress and being addressed as Marian.  After church, it was off to Homestyle Desserts to pick up a cheesecake for the folks from Game Night and to pick up some cookies for RQS's friends, who we'd plan to meet the following day. About $85 later, I returned home to relax with RQS before going to Yonkers.

Not knowing what type of food we'd be eating, I decided to nuke some pre-made offerings from Trader Joe's for us to eat.  This wasn't needed, as there was much more than enough food to eat at our friends' place.  Strangely enough, most of us didn't end up playing any games.  The night was mostly spent by us talking with a few friends until shortly after midnight when we drove home slowly and carefully, making sure to avoid the amateur drunk drivers expected on the road this evening.

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New Year's Day came, and neither of us had any energy.  When RQS was looking for excuses not to go and visit her friend, I suggested that she had a GI Tract issue similar to that I often have (for real).  And this made it possible for her to sleep the day away until it was again dark outside.  The only reason I even bothered to get dressed was so that I could bring home a hot pizza for us to eat.  And then, it was back in my jammies for the evening....

I skipped going into the city today

 

When the day began, I was thinking of going into NYC and seeing a matinee performance of an off-Broadway play.  However, I didn't buy my ticket on time, and decided to stay in Westchester for the day.

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Considering that I didn't get out of the house until after 12:00 pm, I knew that trying to see another matinee would be pushing  the limits.  So, I decided to go for lunch at a diner in White Plains.  While there, there was a couple of women chatting away in Spanish, while the son sat quietly at the table.  By the time I was done, I wanted to tell the mother that her son was well behaved - but it wouldn't have been received as I'd meant it.  So I erred on the side of caution, and left the diner to visit my acquaintances at the LGBT Center

Having been to the LGBT center many times, I knew a way into the parking lot that allows me to avoid the building entrance for a pre-school on the other side.  When I entered the building, I met one of my old acquaintances, and we caught up on things while he was setting up for a meeting.  He introduced me to a few new people, and I left shortly afterwards, as the meeting was about to start.

My next stop was my home, where I decided to nap for a while before going to a trivia night meetup in Peekskill.  As much as I wasn't in the mood to go, I decided not to bail on the meetup.  And I enjoyed myself, in spite of not having the chance to chat much.

In short, it was a nice day out as Mario, and one of the last I'll have before my cruise as Mario....

A Cat's Health and seeing my Brother

 

I used to own too many cats.  4 cats in a 1-Br apartment are too many.  But what about 2 cats in the same space?  What happens when one of those cats die, and the older cat isn't feeling well?  That is what RQS was dealing with today.

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RQS had to put a cat to sleep last week, and now she's worried about the surviving cat.  Although the cat is showing its age, its health is on the decline. And today, she decided to call the vet and take the soonest appointment she can get.  Hopefully, this cat can be treated with affordable medicine, and that it will be healthy until its eventual passing away.

After RQS took care of the Vet appointment, it was off to lunch before heading out to my brother.  Traffic was still snarled due to yesterday's subway maintenance work, but we were able to avoid the worst of it to get to a diner.  It's hard for me to believe that there is a diner with a parking lot in Glendale, just 500 feet away from my favorite German restaurant, Zum Stammtisch.  But there it was, a small place with an unlit sign and a parking lot just big enough for 7 cars.  So we stopped in to eat.  Yum!  We'll keep this place in mind for Sunday mornings and afternoons.

When I dropped RQS off, it was time to visit my brother.  I figured that he wanted to show me some work to be done for the house.  Instead, he gave me some of the money he owed me.  Now, I have some play money for my upcoming cruise and for further car maintenance.  And then, we were off to dinner at Benihana. As much as Hibachi can be a fun meal, this restaurant left a bit to be desired.  First, it was over priced. And then, the confusing orders given by one party of 8 regarding food allergies and food preferences caused problems with the cooking of the food, resulting in my brother and I getting our meal 10 minutes before the rest of the table received their meals.  At least, we were able to get back to my brother's place in time for me to take care of a GI Tract issue.

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I may have mentioned the Dunning-Kruger effect before.  But I am surprised to find out how little my sister in law understands about how our government works, and how she blames the federal government (i.e. the President) for the organized criminals wreaking havoc in stores in our nation's large cities.  It is not the federal government's responsibility to stop crime in these cities, it is the state and local governments that are responsible.  She thinks she knows much more than she does, and blames the Democrats at the federal level for the problem. What happened to teaching how our government is supposed to work in our schools? But then, she watches Fox "News".  Need I say more?

All too soon, it was time for me to leave my brother's place and go home for the night.  My brother and sister in law hate night time driving.  As for me, I find it restful, as there are few traffic jams at this time of night, and I can get home quicker than had I left a few hours earlier.

DC Trip 2023 - Day 02

Chuck Berry's Cadillac.  

Chuck Berry had style to spare.  By changing the phrase "Colored Boy" to "Country Boy",  he made the song "Johnny B. Goode" a universal classic that has been covered many times by great guitar players.  I wish I could have seen him live on stage, doing his "duck walk" while playing his guitar as only he could.

And this sets the stage for today's destination....

RQS and I had tickets to arrive at the National Museum of African American History at noon.  But first, we had to have breakfast before going into Washington.  So we went into the lobby where breakfast was available, and found a better spread than the "continental breakfast" provided by some hotels.  In addition to the typical assortment of cold cereals and make them yourself waffles; there were "to-go" bags containing bagels, spread and fruit; as well as pre-made omelettes, breakfast meats, and hash browns.  Yum!  It was good enough to dissuade us from going to the 24 hour diner down the block.  (We ended up going there for desserts, but I'll mention that in a later post.)

It was bright, sunny and cold when we went to DC.  But we got off at a station near the midpoint of the National Mall.  This meant that we'd do a lot of walking before reaching the museum about 30 minutes later than planned.  Unlike our last visit, we planned at the top of the building and worked our way down.  Our first stop was the section of the museum dedicated to blacks in entertainment. One could easily get overwhelmed by the historical artifacts contained here - and we spent most of our time in this section before moving onward.  From there, we visited another section which covered the history of Blacks in our armed forces.  Here is where history became sobering.  But I won't discuss my feelings here. At this point, both of us were tuckered out.  So we went downstairs to grab a bite to eat before finishing our museum visit for the day.

After a rest in our hotel room, we decided to go out for dinner around 9 pm.  The only restaurant we knew of was a sports bar / restaurant named for a former football player (Joe Theisman).  So we walked the 2 blocks in the bitter cold (it felt that way) to get a bite to eat.  Sadly, it was way too noisy there to enjoy a good conversation, and the food left a bit to be desired.  (It wasn't bad.  But it wasn't worth the money we spent on it.)  Luckily, we only had a short walk back to the hotel before we could go to bed for the night.

I'll never eat at this diner again.

 

This is what a typical plate of Fish & Chips looks like.  Usually, the fish is a battered fillet of cod deep fried with French fries on the side.  It could be a full fillet, or "longish" pieces of the fillet.  Either way, the taste of the fish should be mild.

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But first....

I hadn't been out of the house since Friday night.  And I knew I had to go out to shop for groceries, so I could have lunches for the week.  So it was into the shower, where I decided to go out as Marian - first to a diner for a bite to eat, and then to the supermarket to pick up food.  

When I arrived at the diner, I noticed that it was relatively empty.  Gone were the (pre-covid) usual group of baked goods on display.  The menu no longer had items which required the work of a full kitchen staff.  Instead, it was limited to things that even a beginning short order cook could prepare.  Too bad that I didn't choose a simple burger and fries.  From what I could tell, they had run out of cod, and substituted another fish in its place.  And it didn't fit my idea of what fish and chips was supposed to be. So, I made the decision to avoid this place for a while, and see what happens when the pandemic ends.

After dinner, I decided to go to Stew Leonard's to pick up food.  Luckily, this time I had my recycled bags with me - and I was able to get in and out of the place quickly.  There's not much to say about a visit to Stew's, save that I usually spend too much there.

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As you can see, this was a weekend where I accomplished nothing.  And nothing was good enough for me.  Hopefully, I'll have more energy next weekend, as there are many things I need to do....

The only thing I bothered doing was as Mario

I didn't have much to do today.  So I ended up staying inside until I went to dinner with GFJ as Mario.  No laundry, even though I had (3 or more) loads waiting for me to bring downstairs.  No straightening up the apartment, even though I've made a big mess of this place since my cleaning lady's last appearance.  And no shopping, although that would have occupied some time and alleviated some of the boredom I've been dealing with lately.

My transgender nature is a problem for GFJ, and I won't go into many details here.  Although I've said that Mario will always be available for her, she is uncomfortable when I present as Marian.  This is easy to understand.  But it has caused us problems, and I'd bet that she'd always have some reservations about Marian unless she were to learn how not to see Marian as a threat to her relationship with Mario.  Strangely enough, she had always encouraged my growth as Marian, and now things once repressed are now coming to the surface.

Driving to Newburgh for dinner is something I don't mind doing.  And we had a pleasant dinner once I arrived.  (She took a nap in the diner's parking lot while waiting for me - she was already in town, and it didn't make sense to go home just to come right back to eat.)  But after dinner, we had another serious conversation where nothing much was resolved.  Yet, with nothing final taking place, there is always hope we can come to an acceptable resolution of our issues.

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On the way home, I called my brother to find out what's going on in his life.  It seems like my sister in law is dealing with her problems and realizes that she can't help a son who doesn't want to be helped.  What saddens my brother is that the mother of their two kids lost many of the opportunities to bond with her offspring because of problems triggered by her son from her previous marriage.  Since it would be wrong of me to go into any more details right now, I'll have to keep quiet until I'm ready with a way to describe things that does not identify my family in the process.

At least, I expect Thanksgiving to be a calm day, even though I don't know what time I'll arrive at my brother's place.  His wife will be there without her eldest son, and her son will not be pulling the triggers that get in the way of her maintaining her sobriety.