Lunch with Maria - the only point of the day.

 

Years ago, I took a set of Boudoir pictures of my friend Maria, so that she could have something sexy to give her husband.  It was a fun evening, and I made sure NOT to view any part of her body that I couldn't see at a typical beach or swimming pool.  Neither of us were available at the same time - we were either both married, or one of us was "attached" while the other was available.  And yet, I don't think we'd ever have thought of each other as a romantic partner, as we never looked at each other as anything other than good friends who just happened to be in the opposite gender.

- - - - - -

The only thing on my docket for the day was lunch with Maria. We decided to meet at our usual place at 12:30.  Both of us got to Cold Spring on time, but we couldn't find parking close to the Cold Spring Depot restaurant.  So, I called her, and suggested that we drive to a diner in Beacon for lunch.  Fifteen minutes later, we were pulling into the parking lot and walking into the diner.

Maria was surprised to find me using a cane.  I noted that I don't always need it. But when I have to stand in one place for a while, it makes it possible for me to do so.  We sat down in one of the booths, and we caught up on each other's lives. I mentioned my two trips into NYC and our upcoming cruise, while Maria talked about her family and the problems she has been dealing with. As a grandmother, she should be able to give her grandchildren back to their mother at the end of the day.  But Maria has been doing the job of raising a second generation, while her daughter ducks the responsibilities of being a parent.  She's stuck doing so, and I hope that one day she will be able to have more leisure time to enjoy life. As it is, I may have said too much about Maria's life.  But, without seeing her face, and leaving the details of her life unsaid, I don't think she'd mind me mentioning this one aspect of her life, as she shares this struggle with many grandparents in our generation.

All too soon, we had to part.  Hopefully, we'll be able to meet again in December. I drove home, and took a much needed nap. And then, my day was over.  At least, I was able to wear my sweater dress again,  

Someone too poor to even maintain friendships

 

A while ago, I met a young woman at a meetup and developed a friendship.  Well, not a close friendship, but more of someone I could meet for dinner on occasion, and not miss it we didn't meet for dinner.  

- - - - - -

As my readers know well, I am lucky enough to be able to buy the things I want to buy - as long as it is in moderation.  If I want to meet a friend for dinner, I schedule it - and worry about my diet (or lack of one) afterwards. My friend is far from being able to afford dinner, and cancels our get-togethers more often than not. 

MAR is a 40 y/o health care aide who is getting tired of her job.  She wants to find something else, but feels locked into her role.  (I feel that she's afraid to spread her wings, but who am I to say?)   Her vocal style does not project confidence and quick thinking, and that may be what's holding her back in life.

Her body is wearing out from the physical labor part of her job.  Given that she is not a salaried worker, she depends on the number of hours that she clocks in to maximize her pay.  Unfortunately, she has never been able to clear out her debt, and this means that she will cancel dinners at the last moment when there is too much week at the end of her money.

- - - - - -

Today, as I expected, MAR cancelled dinner at the local diner.  I suggested a get-together 4 weeks later, and she feels she won't have money until July.  Dollars to donuts, she'll look to schedule something and then cancel at the last moment. 

I'm glad I don't count on this woman for serious friendship....

A Co-Op shareholder meeting - I couldn't wait for it to end.

 

Well, this was another day that I couldn't spend any time as Marian.  By now, the look on my face probably mirrors the look on the picture above.  OK, it's not that weird, but I feel that way after the weekend I've had.

- - - - - -

Around 3:30 pm, I finally got around to doing 2 loads of laundry while I got showered and dressed for the 6 pm board meeting.  By 5:30, I was out the door and off to the shareholder meeting.  We have had a problem for the past several shareholder meetings - not enough people attending for us to have a quorum. And this year wouldn't be different.

At 7:45, our attorney called the meeting to order.  He noted that we didn't have a quorum, and that the old board would continue for another term.  And then, the "fun" began.  Due to financial problems we encountered last year and that we are working to resolve, we have a shortfall for which we will need to make an assessment of all shareholders to cover this shortage.  Understandably, people were upset.  They were even more upset that our bank hasn't been able to give us final totals for us to work with.  So, we are going with our attorney's estimate for what we will need to pay, and we then gave an estimate of what we expect to ding our shareholders to make things whole again.

The meeting ended at 8:30, and I was able to make it to the diner for a chef salad before they closed for the evening.  It was nice to go there again, as it is a place I only go when presenting as Mario.  Yes, I ended up eating too much today, but I'll watch my diet tomorrow.

 

This is how my car puts on mileage

 

Lately, RQS has been dealing with a few health issues.  Several days ago, a specialist told her that she had to go to the emergency room as one of her tests came in at ridiculously high levels. She was discharged the same evening, with new scripts for new medicines.  Given this visit to the emergency room, she has not been her normal self - the feelings of helplessness and feeling ignored by the medical professionals came back and hit her hard.  

While in the ER, the doctors rescheduled an appointment to get her to another specialist 3 months earlier than originally scheduled.  During this visit, the doctor gave her advice on what she should be eating (for example, kill the carbs) and how much exercise she should be getting.  As an aside, the 2nd specialist suggested that she should find a replacement for specialist #1, as s/he didn't pay attention to her when she wanted to discuss how treatments for her first issue would interfere/intersect with treatments for the second issue.

As you can guess, RQS was not "all there" for the second half of the week.  So, when she came up to see me, she had a "comedy" of misfortunes occur.  First, her scarf got tangled in the wheel of her suitcase.  Thankfully, her Uber driver got it untangled and tossed everything in the trunk of the car.  As she was dropped off at the subway station, her cell phone fell out of her pocket.  Luckily, she had her ID, some money, and everything needed to come to Croton with her.  But she was totally out of sync with her normal self.  While RQS was on her way up, my ex-GF Patty told me that her sister's wake would be tonight.  If I were to have gone, I'd be dressing as Mario and driving to Fishkill to pay my respects.  This would have been an awkward introduction of Patty and RQS.  Luckily, I wasn't expected to pay my respects, as they were keeping everything small.  So, I dressed as Marian, and picked RQS up at the station.

There was no way I would take RQS straight to my place, as she was ravenously hungry.  So, it was off to the diner in Peekskill for dinner.  While there, she contacted Uber and sent in a request for help. Uber didn't respond quickly, so I thought of something after dinner - calling her phone to see if anyone had found it.  Someone did!  So we are meeting him at 10 am to pick the phone up and say thanks.  But this means that we have to get up at the crack of dawn to get showered and dressed, so that we could be in RQS's neighborhood around 9:30 am, and then mosey back to Westchester to see friends (with me in Marian mode) at 1 pm.

It took until 11 pm for RQS to fully relax (or, as much as she could under the circumstances).  Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, and I'm not looking forward to the drive....

Giving DCD his keys - A short post

 

I knew that if I were to go out today, it would be as Marian.  And the only thing on my docket was to meet DCD after work and give him the keys to his car.

- - - - - -

This morning, I woke up early.  So I made myself some breakfast, and went back to sleep for a while.  By the time I got up again, it was noon, and all I had the energy to do was to put folded laundry back into the drawers, and to hang some garments up in their appropriate closets.  When I finally was in the mood to get ready to meet DCD, it was 5:30 pm - and I put on one of the more comfortable dresses I have.

A problem I've been having lately is that one of my ear piercings wants to close up.  I may have to go back to the piercing studio and have the piercing redone.  But I'll wait until after I return from my Norway cruise to do this.  At least, I was able to push the pin through my earlobe without any pain, and wear some nice hoops.

I reached the diner where I was to meet DCD around 7:45 pm.  I figured that I'd get a seat and let him find me.  Well, he was a little bit late, so I made sure to hand him his keys before doing anything else.  Over dinner, we chatted about many things, but mostly his problems in dealing with confrontation.  He'll retreat from almost anything that makes him feel uncomfortable unless he has no escape.  So, tonight was not a night to prod him - I did more than that this past weekend.

DCD told me how he got the car off the car carrier, and into a parking space.  I wouldn't have known how to do this.  So, he must have part of a brain to work with.  This made me glad, as I feel that he didn't screw things up to get the car off the carrier.  What did bother me is that he didn't have enough cash to pay for his meal, and that I had to front him $10 for his share of the bill.

On the way to his mom's place, DCD started talking about his family (and his ex-family - he is divorced), and how everyone expected him to screw up.  He accused his ex-wife of sabotaging him towards the end of their marriage, and even to poison the relationship between him and his children. Later on, I discussed this with RQS, and we both agreed - DCD doesn't want to take responsibility for his mistakes in life, and that others' expectations were likely based on objective reality.

At least, there is one thing DCD and I agree on: Our former therapist would never have been able to deal with my gender issues, and that I was wise not to bring them up with him....

An evening with DCD

 

DCD is a strange person.  He doesn't always learn from his past, and he makes the same type of mistakes over and over again.  Tonight was a typical example of dealing with him....

- - - - - -

I met DCD at a New Rochelle diner a little after he completed work for the day.  When he arrived, he started to tell me what was going on in his life, and I mentioned that his present situation with his girlfriend is similar to where I was with Ex-GF-M over 10 years ago.  His girlfriend is addicted to tobacco and alcohol, and wants DCD to participate in the addiction triangle: Person A, Person B, and the Addiction.  Whether or not Person B is addicted or not, Person B's behavior will either be that of participating in an addiction, or trying to deal with Person A's addiction.  DCD is the latter type.

I'm not saying that DCD has his act together.  He doesn't pay attention to advice given to him by well meaning friends, nor does he car about things such as payment instructions.  We chatted a little about Zelle and I mentioned that I don't use it because it has become a hacker's paradise.  Once a hacker is able to get into your account via Zelle fraud, the banks have a nasty habit of saying that your money is lost forever.  Yet, when we finished our meal, DCD didn't ask me how I wanted to get paid - he sent me money via Zelle!  This pissed me off!!!!  I planned to take the advice given by Clark Howard (Clark.com), and avoid the use of Zelle to protect myself from scams.  And now, I had to use it to receive money from DCD!  AARGH!!!!!  (No wonder why his relationships fail - he doesn't pay attention to any important messages from anyone.)  Luckily, I don't have any banking apps on my phone, and avoid them like the plague.  I prefer to use my PC or Chromebook for financial transactions, and was able to use one of my lesser bank relationships to receive DCD's money.

When I asked DCD why he uses Zelle, he mentioned that he doesn't like "float".  What he did wasn't related to float.  Instead, it was related to his record keeping - he doesn't want to worry about whether a check has cleared or not - if he does a small value payment via Zelle, the money has left his account and his account inquiry always shows a current balance.  (One the way home, I mentioned this to RQS, and she said that DCD will continue doing things his own way, and not care about what others say to him in regard to their interactions with him.)

I'll end up seeing DCD again on Friday, if only to hand him paperwork for the car.  Hopefully, he won't screw things up, as I want the car out of my driveway within the next 2 1/2 weeks.

Dinner with a friend

 

It's been a while since I've seen LK.  She's wonderfully pregnant, and her life has been taken up by the life inside her and the toddler who came out of her about a year and a half ago.  So, it was a miracle that the two of us were able to connect for dinner tonight.

- - - - - -

I'll always have LK to thank for helping me develop a decent feminine voice.  It's not the voice I want, but it's much better than the voice I had when I started transgender vocal therapy at Mercy College (now University)  And it's always a pleasure for me when we get together, as she was the only one of the student clinicians who showed true professionalism in her student work.  (I can only imagine how good she is when working with her clients today.  If I had a child with speech and hearing issues, she'd be one of the first people I'd want working with my child.)

Both of us arrived at the local (to her) diner around 5 pm, and we chatted as if it were old times.  I talked about my past and upcoming cruises, while she talked about the issues in her life.  Both of us needed to chat and this dinner gave us the perfect opportunity to do so.  All too soon we had to leave.  LK had to get up very early for work, and I had to go home.  So at 7:45, we went our separate ways, but pledged to meet each other 4-5 weeks from now. 

A telling of tales for the New Year

 

As usual, publication of journal entries in this blog is a little behind the times.   By the time you read this, 2 weeks will have passed, and I will have gone through an appointment with my GP, gotten a colonoscopy, and have had my teeth X-Rayed.  And those are only things that I know will happen over the next couple of weeks.

- - - - - -

When this weekend began, RQS came up on a crowded train from NYC.  Instead of eating what I had at home, we proceeded to the local diner as I was in Mario mode for the day  And this was a wise choice, as both of us had leftovers we could bring home to eat later on.  The manager and a long time waitress both noted that it was a long while since I've eaten there, and I mentioned that I had been traveling, spending half my time in Queens these days.  The last thing I was going to mention was that I spend more than half my time as Marian, and didn't want to "out" myself to them.

- - - - - -

Saturday came, and neither of us wanted to get out of the house.  And we didn't do much, save to make a shopping run as it was getting dark.  RQS needed a few things she could get at Walmart or Target, and I needed an excuse to take a drive.  So, off to Poughkeepsie we went, and then back home for the night.

But Sunday, New Year's Eve, was a different story.  I decided to let RQS stay in bad while I went to Church for the first and only time this year.  It was nice to reconnect with the rituals of my past, even though my late mother might have had another heart attack had she seen me in church wearing a nice dress and being addressed as Marian.  After church, it was off to Homestyle Desserts to pick up a cheesecake for the folks from Game Night and to pick up some cookies for RQS's friends, who we'd plan to meet the following day. About $85 later, I returned home to relax with RQS before going to Yonkers.

Not knowing what type of food we'd be eating, I decided to nuke some pre-made offerings from Trader Joe's for us to eat.  This wasn't needed, as there was much more than enough food to eat at our friends' place.  Strangely enough, most of us didn't end up playing any games.  The night was mostly spent by us talking with a few friends until shortly after midnight when we drove home slowly and carefully, making sure to avoid the amateur drunk drivers expected on the road this evening.

- - - - - -

New Year's Day came, and neither of us had any energy.  When RQS was looking for excuses not to go and visit her friend, I suggested that she had a GI Tract issue similar to that I often have (for real).  And this made it possible for her to sleep the day away until it was again dark outside.  The only reason I even bothered to get dressed was so that I could bring home a hot pizza for us to eat.  And then, it was back in my jammies for the evening....

I skipped going into the city today

 

When the day began, I was thinking of going into NYC and seeing a matinee performance of an off-Broadway play.  However, I didn't buy my ticket on time, and decided to stay in Westchester for the day.

- - - - - -

Considering that I didn't get out of the house until after 12:00 pm, I knew that trying to see another matinee would be pushing  the limits.  So, I decided to go for lunch at a diner in White Plains.  While there, there was a couple of women chatting away in Spanish, while the son sat quietly at the table.  By the time I was done, I wanted to tell the mother that her son was well behaved - but it wouldn't have been received as I'd meant it.  So I erred on the side of caution, and left the diner to visit my acquaintances at the LGBT Center

Having been to the LGBT center many times, I knew a way into the parking lot that allows me to avoid the building entrance for a pre-school on the other side.  When I entered the building, I met one of my old acquaintances, and we caught up on things while he was setting up for a meeting.  He introduced me to a few new people, and I left shortly afterwards, as the meeting was about to start.

My next stop was my home, where I decided to nap for a while before going to a trivia night meetup in Peekskill.  As much as I wasn't in the mood to go, I decided not to bail on the meetup.  And I enjoyed myself, in spite of not having the chance to chat much.

In short, it was a nice day out as Mario, and one of the last I'll have before my cruise as Mario....

A Cat's Health and seeing my Brother

 

I used to own too many cats.  4 cats in a 1-Br apartment are too many.  But what about 2 cats in the same space?  What happens when one of those cats die, and the older cat isn't feeling well?  That is what RQS was dealing with today.

- - - - - -

RQS had to put a cat to sleep last week, and now she's worried about the surviving cat.  Although the cat is showing its age, its health is on the decline. And today, she decided to call the vet and take the soonest appointment she can get.  Hopefully, this cat can be treated with affordable medicine, and that it will be healthy until its eventual passing away.

After RQS took care of the Vet appointment, it was off to lunch before heading out to my brother.  Traffic was still snarled due to yesterday's subway maintenance work, but we were able to avoid the worst of it to get to a diner.  It's hard for me to believe that there is a diner with a parking lot in Glendale, just 500 feet away from my favorite German restaurant, Zum Stammtisch.  But there it was, a small place with an unlit sign and a parking lot just big enough for 7 cars.  So we stopped in to eat.  Yum!  We'll keep this place in mind for Sunday mornings and afternoons.

When I dropped RQS off, it was time to visit my brother.  I figured that he wanted to show me some work to be done for the house.  Instead, he gave me some of the money he owed me.  Now, I have some play money for my upcoming cruise and for further car maintenance.  And then, we were off to dinner at Benihana. As much as Hibachi can be a fun meal, this restaurant left a bit to be desired.  First, it was over priced. And then, the confusing orders given by one party of 8 regarding food allergies and food preferences caused problems with the cooking of the food, resulting in my brother and I getting our meal 10 minutes before the rest of the table received their meals.  At least, we were able to get back to my brother's place in time for me to take care of a GI Tract issue.

- - - - - -

I may have mentioned the Dunning-Kruger effect before.  But I am surprised to find out how little my sister in law understands about how our government works, and how she blames the federal government (i.e. the President) for the organized criminals wreaking havoc in stores in our nation's large cities.  It is not the federal government's responsibility to stop crime in these cities, it is the state and local governments that are responsible.  She thinks she knows much more than she does, and blames the Democrats at the federal level for the problem. What happened to teaching how our government is supposed to work in our schools? But then, she watches Fox "News".  Need I say more?

All too soon, it was time for me to leave my brother's place and go home for the night.  My brother and sister in law hate night time driving.  As for me, I find it restful, as there are few traffic jams at this time of night, and I can get home quicker than had I left a few hours earlier.

DC Trip 2023 - Day 02

Chuck Berry's Cadillac.  

Chuck Berry had style to spare.  By changing the phrase "Colored Boy" to "Country Boy",  he made the song "Johnny B. Goode" a universal classic that has been covered many times by great guitar players.  I wish I could have seen him live on stage, doing his "duck walk" while playing his guitar as only he could.

And this sets the stage for today's destination....

RQS and I had tickets to arrive at the National Museum of African American History at noon.  But first, we had to have breakfast before going into Washington.  So we went into the lobby where breakfast was available, and found a better spread than the "continental breakfast" provided by some hotels.  In addition to the typical assortment of cold cereals and make them yourself waffles; there were "to-go" bags containing bagels, spread and fruit; as well as pre-made omelettes, breakfast meats, and hash browns.  Yum!  It was good enough to dissuade us from going to the 24 hour diner down the block.  (We ended up going there for desserts, but I'll mention that in a later post.)

It was bright, sunny and cold when we went to DC.  But we got off at a station near the midpoint of the National Mall.  This meant that we'd do a lot of walking before reaching the museum about 30 minutes later than planned.  Unlike our last visit, we planned at the top of the building and worked our way down.  Our first stop was the section of the museum dedicated to blacks in entertainment. One could easily get overwhelmed by the historical artifacts contained here - and we spent most of our time in this section before moving onward.  From there, we visited another section which covered the history of Blacks in our armed forces.  Here is where history became sobering.  But I won't discuss my feelings here. At this point, both of us were tuckered out.  So we went downstairs to grab a bite to eat before finishing our museum visit for the day.

After a rest in our hotel room, we decided to go out for dinner around 9 pm.  The only restaurant we knew of was a sports bar / restaurant named for a former football player (Joe Theisman).  So we walked the 2 blocks in the bitter cold (it felt that way) to get a bite to eat.  Sadly, it was way too noisy there to enjoy a good conversation, and the food left a bit to be desired.  (It wasn't bad.  But it wasn't worth the money we spent on it.)  Luckily, we only had a short walk back to the hotel before we could go to bed for the night.

I'll never eat at this diner again.

 

This is what a typical plate of Fish & Chips looks like.  Usually, the fish is a battered fillet of cod deep fried with French fries on the side.  It could be a full fillet, or "longish" pieces of the fillet.  Either way, the taste of the fish should be mild.

- - - - - -

But first....

I hadn't been out of the house since Friday night.  And I knew I had to go out to shop for groceries, so I could have lunches for the week.  So it was into the shower, where I decided to go out as Marian - first to a diner for a bite to eat, and then to the supermarket to pick up food.  

When I arrived at the diner, I noticed that it was relatively empty.  Gone were the (pre-covid) usual group of baked goods on display.  The menu no longer had items which required the work of a full kitchen staff.  Instead, it was limited to things that even a beginning short order cook could prepare.  Too bad that I didn't choose a simple burger and fries.  From what I could tell, they had run out of cod, and substituted another fish in its place.  And it didn't fit my idea of what fish and chips was supposed to be. So, I made the decision to avoid this place for a while, and see what happens when the pandemic ends.

After dinner, I decided to go to Stew Leonard's to pick up food.  Luckily, this time I had my recycled bags with me - and I was able to get in and out of the place quickly.  There's not much to say about a visit to Stew's, save that I usually spend too much there.

- - - - - -

As you can see, this was a weekend where I accomplished nothing.  And nothing was good enough for me.  Hopefully, I'll have more energy next weekend, as there are many things I need to do....

The only thing I bothered doing was as Mario

I didn't have much to do today.  So I ended up staying inside until I went to dinner with GFJ as Mario.  No laundry, even though I had (3 or more) loads waiting for me to bring downstairs.  No straightening up the apartment, even though I've made a big mess of this place since my cleaning lady's last appearance.  And no shopping, although that would have occupied some time and alleviated some of the boredom I've been dealing with lately.

My transgender nature is a problem for GFJ, and I won't go into many details here.  Although I've said that Mario will always be available for her, she is uncomfortable when I present as Marian.  This is easy to understand.  But it has caused us problems, and I'd bet that she'd always have some reservations about Marian unless she were to learn how not to see Marian as a threat to her relationship with Mario.  Strangely enough, she had always encouraged my growth as Marian, and now things once repressed are now coming to the surface.

Driving to Newburgh for dinner is something I don't mind doing.  And we had a pleasant dinner once I arrived.  (She took a nap in the diner's parking lot while waiting for me - she was already in town, and it didn't make sense to go home just to come right back to eat.)  But after dinner, we had another serious conversation where nothing much was resolved.  Yet, with nothing final taking place, there is always hope we can come to an acceptable resolution of our issues.

- - - - - -

On the way home, I called my brother to find out what's going on in his life.  It seems like my sister in law is dealing with her problems and realizes that she can't help a son who doesn't want to be helped.  What saddens my brother is that the mother of their two kids lost many of the opportunities to bond with her offspring because of problems triggered by her son from her previous marriage.  Since it would be wrong of me to go into any more details right now, I'll have to keep quiet until I'm ready with a way to describe things that does not identify my family in the process.

At least, I expect Thanksgiving to be a calm day, even though I don't know what time I'll arrive at my brother's place.  His wife will be there without her eldest son, and her son will not be pulling the triggers that get in the way of her maintaining her sobriety.