I thought the day ended well until....

 

For the past few years, my brother has done the books and took care of the management duties for the house we rent out.  So I was glad when my brother texted me to let me know that the paperwork for 2022 taxes was ready, and that I could send it to my accountant.  I was in a good mood until I checked back on my computer and found a message from a friend's son.  His dad was killed in a hit-and-run incident, with a drunken driver leaving the scene of the accident.  If I had not texted my friend today, I'd have never known this had happened.

My former boss was one of three people that I wanted to stay in contact with after leaving the bank.  The first of these three passed away 365 days after we were both laid off in 2014.  Hopefully, he was able to collect his full pension in a lump sum payment, as he would have gotten a small fraction of that if the bank paid him the value of his ESOP shares.  The second person died about 4 years ago, and I was the only person from the bank who attended his wake.  And now, the last person has died due to some drunk's stupidity.  

Sometime this week, I expect to visit his family as they sit Shiva. Although I just had a mani-pedi, intending to spend the week as Marian, I will remove the polish and visit in Mario mode.  Neither he, nor his family knew about Marian, and this would not be the time or place to let them know.  Instead, it's the time to show respect for my friend and to try and comfort his family as best as possible.

Sometimes, being transgender can be quite boring.

One thing I tell most newly "out" transgender people (or, those who are thinking of coming "out") is that living as one's true gender does not erase any problem one is having.  If one is having family problems, living authentically may only make things worse.  (In the case of one TG woman I know, living an authentic life forced her into poverty, and put walls up between her and her family.)  But what should a TG person do?  Should one live a lie, and preserve a family and a career?  Or, should one make the decision to be authentic, and risk losing many of the things we value most?

As readers of this (and my previous) blog know, I lost a love (in part) because of my transgender nature.  I also found out what a former friend really thought of me, with her words of anger.  At least, I know that my immediate family and close friends would have stood by me had the ex carried through on her threats. But should anyone have to risk things like this?

Many of us worry about our jobs, as a large number of TG people live in states where we are not protected (or actually harmed) by law.  One inactive blogger I know lives in one of these states.  Although her family knows that she travels en-femme, she would have little protection in her state if her management took a dislike to her for this reason.  Because of this, she is careful when she comes out of the closet.

But what happens when one has paid the price to live an authentic life?

To answer the above question, I feel that the answer is best answered by the phrase: "It Depends."  In my case, I still have my foot in both the masculine and feminine worlds.  It's a trade off I'm willing to make to have a romantic life with a good woman.  I live on a pension, soon to be supplemented by income from social security and a 401k.  Yet, if things were different when I was much younger, I'd have rather lived as Marian for most of my adult life.

Now that I'm able to go out and about, my life has grown rather mundane.  I don't have that much to talk about at times - just like a "normal" cisgender person.  I still remember my former cruise partner getting mad because I mentioned too much about her life in my former blog.  Sadly, parts of her life were like a soap opera, and it was hard to keep on the correct side of the blogging line.  So, I'm much more careful in writing this blog, knowing that I might bore people from time to time with the mundane details of my life.

So what will I be writing about in the future?

Although I will continue to write about my mundane life, I will also be writing about my travels.  Some of these travels will be as Marian.  And other travels will be as Mario.  Hopefully, I will be able to continue my travels to more and more places and provide my readers with interesting stories based on my adventures along the way.

Two people I haven't seen in ages

 

By now, my readers must know that I am an unreformed Marxist - Marx Brothers, that is....  

I haven't seen DCD or Rose (a woman I used to work with) in ages.  DCD is taking a hiatus from living with his girlfriend, and DCD was up in New York visiting friends/family before returning to her home in North Carolina.  And I didn't recognize either at first, because of how different they looked the last time I saw them in person.

DCD is recovering from an operation, and there is a form of depression that has set into his life.  I won't go into any details, but his life has been a shit storm for the past few years and nothing seems to be getting any better for him.  Right now, he has a job that will start in May, but no car to get to that job. (Again, I won't go into any details on this either.  But I will say that he admitted that his pigheadedness caused the problem which will likely end his car's life.)  I'm rooting for DCD to continue his recovery.  Yet I can't help but think that his illness will eventually claim his life.

We met at a Chinese restaurant in White Plains, instead of the Japanese place DCD suggested.  Aberdeen is one of the better places for dim sum in the area, and I rarely have the chance to go there these days..  A few minutes after we sat down, Rose came in.  I didn't recognize her for sure, so I didn't go over to her table to say hello.  Given that it was over 10 years since I've seen her, both of our bodies have changed a bit.  Rose's face became more matronly, and her body expanded to look like that of a well fed Italian Grandmother.  When both of us finished our meals, Rose stopped by to say hello.  Not too much to say, save that she moved to North Carolina.  If I had the chance, I would have told her about my former coworker Frank, who suffered with terminal cancer while working and died 1 year to the day after he was laid off.  I hope he lived long enough for his wife to collect the full lump sum value of his pension, instead of the ESOP (Employee Stock Ownership Plan) value that he would have received had he died before taking the pension.

All too soon, it was time to go.  DCD had to make it home (with at his Mom's house), and I had to go and get my second Covid-19 booster shot.  The last time I was at the Yonkers Armory, one had to have an appointment for a Covid shot and the place was filled with people on line for their shots, or waiting for their 15 minute observation period to end.  Today, the place was mostly empty.  Hopefully, we won't need the place for a 3rd round of booster shots....