Lately, I find myself needing noise on in the background so that I can relax. If I leave the TV on, I have to avoid newscasts, lest I get distracted and pay too much attention to the news - a scary thing, these days with the Orange Monster in charge. But if I have quiet, I crave some form of sound coming in from almost any source.
- - - - - -
There is a part of me that enjoys relative solace. I'm not sure if RQS understands this, as I can't wear a sign that says: "I don't have the energy to hold a conversation right now." So, I participate in chat when we're together, when she wants to make it - she does the same with me, so it's a fair trade. But when I'm alone, something different kicks in. I leave the TV on to make some kind of noise, whether it be people speaking or music playing, it's a form of white noise that breaks the silence.
It's not easy for me to stay attentive to a TV show for long, nor do I listen to music in the way I used to do. Reading books can be hard for me, as I need to retain my focus to read several chapters at once, and then get back to the book later on. As a result, I have many books on my bookshelf that I want to read, but haven't forced myself to read. Old age has given me a form of ADHD that I have to deal with. AARGH!
At least, I still enjoy shopping for new dresses, even though I can no longer justify adding new dresses to my wardrobe without donating old dresses to charity that I am no longer interested in wearing.
