Thai Food - Yum!

 

 

One thing I love about being in New York City is that there are some wonderful restaurants in the outer boroughs.  Chachawan, in Ridgewood Queens, is one of those restaurants.  After having some good, but bland, Korean food the week before, it was a pleasure to go to this local joint for a Saturday evening dinner.

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When I'm with RQS, we try to find local restaurants in her neighborhood which have promise.  This restaurant is quickly becoming one of one of our favorites. She had a curry while I had the Three Flavors Duck.  Compared with the duck we had last weekend, this was wonderful.  I'd make the effort to go to this restaurant even if RQS weren't in the picture - it is that good.

A nice thing about New York City is that each neighborhood has at least one "go to" restaurant.  Ridgewood has several - including one of my favorites, Zum Stammtisch.  This restaurant has been in the neighborhood for 50 years, and I have been going there for 40 of those years.  When RQS and I finally get there, we will be taking a bus to reach the restaurant - it doesn't make sense to give up a good parking spot once you have found one.

Obviously, with easy access to Manhattan, it will be a while before we have completed our Ridgewood food safari. This is good, as there are no nearby Dim Sum joints like the Nom Wah Tea Parlor. But then, New York City is known for being a dining oasis....

Dinner with a friend

 

Last night, I had dinner with a friend from the meetup group whose meetings I irregularly attend.  She's a nice woman, about 30 years old, and not sure of what direction to take in life.  Sadly, she has a similar lack of charisma to me, and I think it is her mode of speech that makes me think she's lonely.

So what can make a good person repel people without bad habits or bad intent? This has been a question that I've asked of myself over the years, and I don't have a good answer.  But I know that I feel much more confident when presenting as Marian.  This might be because I have less social history as Marian, and less history of being rejected by people.  Our experiences add up over the years and influence how we express ourselves.  We learn to be timid or assertive from the body languages and spoken languages of our parents, coupled with the experiences we endure as we grow up. It's hard to undo these "lessons", as they force us to repeat these unproductive expressions of body language and of spoken language.

Luckily, being trans and expressing ourselves in our identified gender starts to liberate us.  We learn how to communicate in new ways and learning a new gender body language makes it easier for us to feel more confident and relaxed.  No, transition does not solve our problems.  But it gives us a tool to help us on our way to dealing with those problems effectively.  If it weren't for the fact that I want romance in my life more than transition, I'd be rushing down my path of transition because of the freedom I'm experiencing as Marian....

Starting to catch up with people

 

Harpo Marx has nothing to do with this post, save this is my favorite picture of him, and that he is my favorite among all the Marx Brothers as people. (Groucho is my favorite on screen.)  

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Today was my last day of work before the weekend.  And my schedule included dealing with a phone call from the Medicare Insurance Agent (for my Part D coverage) and having dinner with a friend from my meetup groups.  What I didn't plan for was a 90 minute phone call with my ex girlfriend Patty, as her hubby was busy with a gig.  So, bu the time I reached RQS, it was getting close to midnight.  

But first....

I haven't been sleeping that well, and I could have used another 2 hours of sleep before going to work.  But I was awake and alert all day.  I guess it relates to me having more liquid when I get up and some calories (in the form of carbs) to burn before leaving home.

After 8 hours at my workstation, it was time for me to leave and get ready for dinner.  Dinner was scheduled for 6:30 at a nearby restaurant.  Since I had the insurance agent scheduled, I pushed the time forward to 7 pm.  And this was a good thing, as the insurance agent didn't bother calling me.  Luckily, the restaurant is 5 minutes away from me and I got there at 7 o'clock sharp. My friend and I had a nice meal together.  She is young enough to be my daughter and she sees me as if I were a cisgender woman.  And that is how I relate to her.   

Once I got home, Patty and I had a nice long chat and caught up on things. I won't go into any of the details here, save that we talked about family members with similar issues, medicare issues, and residence issues.  We could have talked more, but her hubby got home and she wanted to spend time with him.  So I suggested a dinner foursome with RQS, and let her spend the end of the evening with her hubby.

Next was RQS.  We caught up on what was going on for the day, and then it was time to go to bed.  At this point, I picked up some clothing I'd need for the next day, and packed for an overnight with her. However, I made sure that I transferred everything from Marian's wallet to Mario's wallet.  The last thing I want is to have no ID in my wallet when I need it - as happened with XGFJ several years ago....

A conversation with FCP

Earlier this year, I found out that FCP had a grandchild and that her son had graduated med school.  So I sent her congratulations, even though we were still on the outs with each other.  Two weeks after the last message, she sent a message to tell me that she was offended that I sent a card to her son and daughter in law to offer my congratulations.  (She tried calling me, but I wouldn't have picked up if I knew it were her - I don't react well to someone screaming.)  I wasn't going to say this to her, but I knew that her son holds no grudge against me, and probably was glad to receive my card.

After several failed phone calls, FCP sent a text message and we had a series of message exchanges.  I found out that my ex girlfriend was much more unhappy in our relationship than she let on to me (the ex told me that she hinted a lot and expected me to pick up on her obtuse hints), and complained to FCP.  (I'd give a cookie to know who contacted who first, but that's another story.)  Given the way things were phrased in the exchange, I think that FCP wanted to make sure that my relationship with the ex was going to die, so that she could get even with me.

Now, I'm not going to go into details here, but I think I was set up by FCP without even sensing it.  It's just as well that things are over with both people, as there's nothing that would have come from the relationship with the ex, as we never talked about having a future together after 5 years of a relationship.  Being transgender was only one of the things that the ex couldn't deal with, and I'll leave it at that.  All I can say is that I wasted 5 years with the ex when I could have been searching for someone who could accept me fully as I am - in both gender presentations.  This is not a knock on my ex as much as it is a knock on two people who couldn't shit or get off the pot for as long as we did.

Do I know what the objective truth is regarding what happened all these months ago?  No.  But I'm closer to being able to say that the ex was unhappy, was unable to advocate for her needs with me, and was destined to leave a lot later than she should have.  Regarding FCP, I should have never had made public things which I did.  And both of us have grown because we no longer lean on each other for support....

 

 

PS: I had another message from FCP, and she was upset upon reading this.  She didn't like my accusing her of being in the middle of things and causing trouble, so she is blocking communications from me.  Sadly, she can't accept that others can come up with different conclusions based on the information available to them.  And, when neither person trusts each other anymore, it is very easy to assume the worst from the other.

 

Computer Interface Problems

 

No matter how programmers try their best, they will always screw up a little.  In my case, the programmer who designed the aa.com website made the page where security questions are saved not work with my internet security program (Kaspersky) on Firefox, Chrome, and MS Edge.  It could be a problem with another of the programs I'm using on my computer, but I was able to enter this data by using the Opera browser.

Sadly, there is no way to test software to run on every device.  But I feel that many programmers could do a better job - both when designing web sites (and their underlying software) and in internet security packages.  Sometimes, I'd like to have an easy way to disable all browser extensions for use on a particular web page AND disable most of the security checks as well.  Obviously, this is not an approach for the feint hearted, as one can do this for a web site run by a scammer.

It's very unfortunate that we need complex interfaces to perform simple computer functions on the web. Gone are the days where we could submit information without a Captcha and without multi factor verification.  And this is for the better, as more of our lives are managed via the computer than they were even 5 years ago.  We need to be secure, and this complexity is there for our benefit.

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Regarding the aa.com site....

I tried using my system with all of the major browsers.  However, I also use a version of Opera which has no browser extensions.  I'll bet that if my security package didn't tie itself in so tightly with the other browsers, that I'd have been infected with malware by now....

Everything's getting old these days.

 

This morning, I took off a half day from work for a doctor's visit.  After checking me up a bit, he noted that I needed to have some tests done, and I had to take care of going to another place in town to have them done.  AARGH!  I hate doing this.  But I will do so.  But this is not the only thing that's growing old - my car is getting on in miles, and it's time to get a replacement. I'm not happy about what needs to be done, as it will cost me time and money.  Time is now the most precious commodity in life, as we will never have enough of it.

It's amazing that the more I have to do, the less time I have to do it. This is the life of a busy person, even when s/he is not doing that much anymore.  Yet, I keep getting surprised by things.  This morning, I received some snail mail from Social Security about monies I had in a pension plan with the bank I once worked for.  The information I received was from 7 years ago - regarding a 401k I have with the bank.  It's nice to know that our government is trying to make sure that our citizens know about the retirement funds they have already earned with other employers.

The two remaining tasks I have to take care of before going to work is finding out when I can go in for the tests the doctor prescribed AND when I can bring the car to the mechanic.  I guess that getting old will involve many more appointments for things that are starting to break down....

The end of a long weekend

 

This was my best weekend yet with RQS.  Not only did she get to meet me in Marian Mode, but we went shopping for dresses together.  Hopefully, she won't get spooked when she has time to think about things by herself.

Today was a lazy day, where we stayed in our jammies until after breakfast, and then took a drive to see if the tire shop was open on a Holiday (I wanted to chat with the person in charge to see if this shop does certain work I need done.)  Of course, as I expected, the shop was closed for the holiday.  But we enjoyed getting out in the sun before tomorrow's oppressive heat comes.

If you were to think about today's image, that's the feeling we've both been craving for years.  (However, you'll never find me with a beard anymore.) Right now, I think we've found it in each other.  And I missed her when I dropped her off at the train station, barely in time to catch the train home.  Hopefully, she misses being with me as much as much as I miss being with her....