There is one problem with retirement other than money....

 

I have touched on this theme before - if I have no reason to get up in the morning, I simply do not do so.  And I've been doing this a lot lately, as I have no energy to get up and do things.

Since I decided to stop working, I have only gotten up early if I had something to do.  Otherwise, I'd wake up late and stay up late.  There is no routine I have to follow, and I am much more relaxed.  Yet, I'm afraid of becoming a couch potato like my dad was, and then being unable to take care of himself in his old age.

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Last night, I chatted with RQS and she said that she needed another pedicure and asked if we could go to the nail salon when she arrives for the weekend.  Since I wanted to get my nails done as well, I said that if we did so on a Friday, I'd have to be in Marian Mode all weekend.  Knowing that she likes to see Mario, I figured that this would get her to think about doing the pedicure on Sunday before she leaves for her place.

Even though it is left unsaid, I know I am walking a tightrope as I expose RQS to my Marian presentation.  I always want her to know that Mario is always there for her, no matter how I'm presenting at the moment.  One of the things I learned as I examined the failure of my last relationship is that we didn't communicate enough.  XGFJ always thought that a hint would be enough for me to know what is going on in her head, while I knew that important things had to be bluntly stated.  In my current relationship, I make sure to "reward" RQS for speaking her mind - especially if it's not an easy thing to say.

So far, encouraging RQS to be open with her feelings has worked for me, as well as the slow approach I've taken to getting her used to my Marian presentation.  Hopefully, things will keep working out well for the two of us - she's a good reason for me to enjoy waking up in the morning in retirement....

Closing out a weekend with RQS

 

Last night, RQS and I stopped at the local Walmart to pick up some storage containers for her apartment.  Today was the day I had to drive her and those containers home.  And it was the perfect chance to introduce her to my brother and my sister in law.

We didn't get out of the house until early afternoon, and I took the chance to show her my old neighborhood on the way to my brother's place.  Things went well, and my brother picked up some Chinese food for us to enjoy before going home.  (I ate way too much of it.)  All too soon, it was time to go, and we drove back to RQS's place.

Now, it's always hard to find a parking spot in RQS's neighborhood, and I warned her that I might have to double park for a minute to unload the car, then leave.  Luckily, we found a parking spot after 10 minutes of cruising, and we spent another few hours together before I had to drive home.

This was one weekend that neither of us wanted to end.  One wonders when "reality" will set in....

A Better Weekend Day with RQS

 

Given yesterday's frustration, we decided to take it easy for a change.  Yes, it was another day in Mario Mode, but worth it, even if I'm not presenting as I'd like.  By the time we got out of the house, it was about 2 pm, and I figured that I'd show her were some people with money live in the nearby backwoods....

I'll always find it amazing how many large plots of land are available in the Hudson Valley.  No wonder why so many "rich" people are choosing to skip the Hamptons and buy more affordable land on the nearby back roads. For today's drive, I chose to drive along the original Albany Post Road in Putnam County and surprise RQS.

RQS, living in the outer boroughs of NYC, doesn't often get the chance to see large plots of land with one (or two) building(s) on them. Seeing these lots made her understand why good properties in the Hudson Valley are hot right now.  Although I do not know what the selling price of one property I am familiar with, I am sure that the owners made a decent profit compared to the price the property once sold for.

On the way home, we stopped in Cold Spring for a photographic expedition.  I stayed near the gazebo, while RQS experimented with her camera nearby.  As you can guess, this was an even better day than the day before.

A Weekend Day with RQS - With one important annoyance.

 

RQS came up earlier than usual this weekend, and I was presenting as a male for a change.  Given that we needed a change of pace, I suggested that we go to Hemlock Hill Farm and pick up some freshly butchered meat.  (When was the last time you went into a traditional butcher shop?  Other than this place, I haven't been to a butcher shop in ages.  But I digress....

Given that my phone was working perfectly when I picked her up, I figured that this would be a weekend where everything would be working correctly.  G**, I was wrong about that!  I had Pandora on in the background while driving to the farm, and shut it off before we entered the building.  RQS salivated at how good the meat looked, but I was not going to buy Porterhouse steaks for $28/lb.  Instead, I chose to buy the more affordable pork chops for dinner, and she bought some lamb chops to eat at home.  When I got back to the car, I found out that my phone was bricked.  AARGH!

After we got home, I figured that I'd try a few tricks to get the phone working, but to no avail.  Instead, I decided to open up my bankroll and buy a new phone.  Thank G** for Google Backup!  Most of my apps and data was restored to the new phone with few glitches.

On the whole, this day was better than I made it sound.  RQS and I firmed up plans for one shore excursion, and we still were able to have an enjoyable and tasty dinner....

 

Thoughts on a VCR and on Travel

 

Ever since I started pulling wires to disconnect my old DVD player and connect a new one, I have not yet been able to get my old VCR to work.  The VCR is rarely used, but I want to be able to use it once in a while to play a tape of my late wife and I on a TV show.  As much as I'm starting to care for RQS, I will always miss my late wife and how she made my life better.

Although I think I have everything set up right, I know that I'm overlooking something.  I am very lucky to have had this poor quality recording, as it is all I have left of my wife, save for a few tiny pictures.  In the future, all there will be left of me will be a few pictures and the remnants of my thoughts on the blog entries I've posted.  This is normal in life.  From dust to dust, as they say....

Right now, I feel I have a few more good years left in my life.  Over the next two or three years, I plan to go on at least three to five more cruises, plus do some more land trips that I never have had the time or money to do in the past. For example, I will be doing another New England/Eastern Canada cruise soon.  And shortly afterwards, I'll be doing a Hawaii cruise on my own.  If all goes right, sometime next year, I will be doing a Panama Canal cruise with RQS.  Then I hope that we will be able to take some trips to South America (think: cruising by the Tierra del Fuego), Iceland, and Great Britain (with a Westbound crossing on the Queen Mary 2). At that point, I have to determine how much money we can spend on travel while we are both healthy enough to take bucket list trips.

When I went on my last cruise, the ship I was on had only 2 US type electric sockets.  In today's world, this is not enough.  By watching one vlog, I found out that the ship we're cruising on has USB ports on both sides of the bed.  If that's true, we will not need to play games with the extension core I use for my CPAP machine.  

It's nice to know that no matter what happens, that the world will keep moving forward when I'm long gone.  Let's hope that time does not come soon....

Anotther day with not much to say.

 

It's been over a decade since this picture was taken.  Things have changed a lot since then.  For example, I was afraid to be seen in any garment associated with femininity, and was overly careful on my first excursions "out".   Now, I don't worry about who sees me, save that I want to be in places where trans people's rights are protected.

For the most part, the past few days have had me catching up on much needed sleep.  I haven't made the time to do laundry, and I'll take care of that need tomorrow morning before RQS gets here.  This will be the first time that she'll have come here in a while that I haven't met her as Marian.

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RQS knows that I do a lot of socializing as Marian, and she has accepted my going out in the world as Marian.  Yet, it'll be a inverted surprise when RQS and I go up to see one of my friends for dinner with me in Mario mode, as this friend has only met me as Marian.  This will be a small, but true test of this friendship when this dinner eventually happens.

At this stage of my life, I am tolerably comfortable switching between gender presentations in order to have both a romantic life and a family life.  Yet, there's a big part of me that wishes I could have everything and stay in Marian Mode full time....

How do I feel, now that I'm retired?

 

Please pardon the slightly blurred picture above.  I was looking for a more colorful picture of me to post, and this is what I could find with a limited amount of time.  But why was I looking for something with color to post, you might ask?  Well, the answer is simple.  I feel that the weight of going into a soul crushing job has lifted, and that I am looking forward to the future.

Looking forward to the future does not mean that everything will be cheerful.  For example, if I assume that RQS and I will have a long term relationship, I must also assume the likelihood that one of us could die of old age before the other.  Who needs grief?  But that's a normal part of life if one lives to old age.  Having lost a spouse over 2 decades ago, I'd hate to go through that experience again.  And yet, the reward for taking that risk is worth all the pain it could bring.

I now have the freedom to plan and do new things.  Most of the big things I want to do involve travel.  Yet, the little things in life can be the most rewarding.  For example, I can hear it in RQS's voice when she talks about her exercise sessions.  This may motivate me to finally get back into an exercise routine - or, at least, I hope so.  (Right now, I'm looking at doing some yoga.  I'll talk about that in a later post.)  I may also get back to the reading I've put off, as well as taking care of the tasks I've long neglected.  

Yet, change does not come easily to me.  And this may be one of the biggest changes I'll deal with in life.  I could have muddled on, and continued to work at the soul sucking job.  But I'm reminded of Shirley, a woman I used to work with at the bank.  Her life ended on a very sad note.  Years ago, she worked full time, even after she reached retirement age, to have the medical benefits needed to cover her ailing husband's medical expenses.  Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  Her retirement was not one of joy, but of sadness, as she knew she would die with no one left to care for her husband. (Her retirement lunch was a sad ritual, as it was a formality that only made things worse for everyone involved.)  I do not want that fate.  This is why I chose to leave while I still have enough of my health to do the things I want to do.