I had to buy some makeup today.

It's amazing how quickly I use up my containers of makeup.  I figure that I will buy two or three containers of Dermablend every year, while I buy three or four smaller containers of beard cover and of contouring makeup.  I don't bother to count how much setting powder and concealer sticks that I buy, as I easily make do with what I find in the stores.

Dermablend is not that popular a brand.  Yet, it is popular enough to have its own area in Ulta Beauty stores.  However, when I went to the new store in Hartsdale, no one knew where this makeup could be found.  Instead, I was directed to a different brand with a similar sounding name.  So I left the store, and had some falafel for dinner.

Once finished with dinner, I took a leisurely drive to Ulta's store in Dobbs Ferry, where I hoped that I'd have more success with their sales help.  When I found the makeup, I had to make a decision: Do I take a slightly different shade of makeup, or do I mail order the shade I really want.  Since the shade in stock works for me, I figured that a bird in the hand is better than one in the bush.  (Too bad that I didn't know that Dermablend's website was holding a 25% off sale.  But I digress.)  So, I bought the makeup, and took the roundabout way home.  (There was an accident blocking all Northbound lanes of the Saw Mill River Parkway, preventing me from using that route home.)  

I decided to make a quick stop at Trader Joe's to pick up some food.  As usual, I bought more than planned.  While checking out, the male cashier made some polite talk and said "Hope to see you tomorrow." Normally, I wouldn't think twice about this, save that he used the word "Tomorrow".  Could he be trying to send a subtle signal?  If so, he will be disappointed - both as Mario and as Marian, I prefer the company of women. And yet, I can take this as meaning that my feminine presentation is getting better than I might have thought.  What do you think?
 

 

Stone walls don't a prison make, nor iron bars a cage

As we age, we begin to see many of our friends enter assistive care facilities.  Sometimes, as in the case of XGFJ's mother, little assistance is needed to live a rewarding life.  In the case of my father, much more assistance was needed because my dad was no longer self ambulatory.  Like my father, some people prosper when in the right assistive care facility, as they can resume the socialization denied them by their former isolation.  But in the wrong facility, a social person can feel imprisoned.

When I visited Pat, I noticed how sterile and empty her new place seemed.  Save for the receptionist at the front desk, the place was devoid of people.  There was a small area to the right of the reception desk where kids could play, but I wondered - how many people are bringing very young kids to see their elders in nursing homes these days?  I rarely saw them when I visited my dad, and thought that this room was there more for show than anything else.

RQS and I walked to the elevator and got off on the 3rd floor. I was surprised at how quiet this place was.  Looking to my left, I saw another reception desk in front of us, this one being empty.  In another nursing home, or a hospital, it would be staffed by nurses in charge of patient care.  In this place, it looked like it was set up for a different kind of care facility, but left unused as it wasn't apparently needed to service the patients currently housed in this building. So, we walked down the aisle to Pat's room, knocked on the door, and were greeted warmly.

Pat and her daughter visited several care facilities before choosing this one.  It must have been heart wrenching for her to dispose of many of the things she accumulated over the years.  There was almost nothing from her old life present in the room.  The room was almost as sterile as the hall outside. And this said that this room was not "Home" for Pat.  It was simply a place to stay.

Unlike my dad's nursing home, Pat's place didn't seem to have the on-site services that my dad's place had.  For a place doing some of its business as a memory care center, I found it amazing how few safeguards were there to keep memory care patients from wandering off site.  People like Pat were tasked to find their own transportation to off-site doctors - and possibly get dropped off at the wrong sites with no one to help them get where they need to go.  Yet, they are prohibited from leaving the facility's grounds - even for a healthy walk.  Go figure.

The economics of nursing homes in the United States appalls me.  Like our prisons, many are places which have evolved to warehouse people who have no economic value to the larger society.  (I will not go into prison economics here, save that the "for profit" sector has very little incentive to treat inmates with the full respect that most humans deserve - something it has in common with nursing homes.)  As America ages, "for profit" nursing homes have sprung up, many with the goal of raking in as many Medicare dollars as is possible.  Service quality is not a major factor.  If it was, I'd see more evidence of "enrichment activities" than I did in Pat's facility.

Pat noted several things I won't mention here.  Let's say that one has to take what she said with a grain of salt - even if what she said rang true in my ears.  Without people to socialize with, Pat is now a lonely person with few ways of dealing with her feelings. In short, this place is a prison for her, a cage without bars.

 

We get old and don't see it happening

The other day, I reached out to my friend Pat, the former hypnotist, to see how she is doing.  And I found that she had moved out of her apartment in Lower Westchester county, and moved to an assisted care facility on the other side of the Hudson.  This news didn't surprise me too much, as Pat is 80 years old and was having trouble taking care of herself.  But what did surprise me was that she was having memory issues that made this home a better place for her to spend her final days.

I've known Pat for over 2 decades, and we have had many an interesting conversation in those years. So RQS and I decided to go across the river and meet Pat in her new digs.  Would they be nice?  Or, would they be a hell hole?  Would this be a place in which one could be happy in one's later years?  Who knows?  But this would all come out when we saw Pat.

Years ago, I dated a woman named Eileen who lived in the area where Pat's nursing home now is.  I'm now very familiar with the area, and suggested to RQS that we'd eat at a place 5 minutes away from the home.  This would allow us to get to Pat's place at 7 pm, and be able to take advantage of an excuse to leave - we were going to see a movie nearby, and needed to be there by 7:45.  I had chosen a Mexican place I had eaten at with MWL, but it had failed in the year since I went there last.  So, it was off to El Bandido for some Mexican grub.  The Bandit is an old standby, and it has been around since I dated Eileen many years ago. I knew the food would be good, and RQS agreed with me after we finished our Enchiladas.

Once done with our food, it was off to Pat's place.  The place looked both sterile and empty, and the only person other than Pat that we saw was the receptionist at the front door.  Once we knew where Pat's room was, it was off to her wing to see her.  It took a while for Pat to answer the door - there is only one person there with whom that she feels comfortable socializing.  And then, it was like "homecoming day."

All too soon, it was time to leave.  But RQS and I knew that we had a new thing to do - keep tabs on Pat for her daughter.  No one else will do it, so guess who had to step forward....

 

And now, we've booked another cruise

RQS has the cruising bug!  Ever since we went on our first cruise, she can't seem to get enough of cruising to new ports and exploring.

As of today, we are booked on an NCL cruise that will take us to Bermuda and back.  One of the problems with a typical Bermuda cruise is that there is not enough time on the island to explore and get a feel for the place.  Our cruise will give us that time, and we will still be able to skip unwanted ports such as Port Canaveral.

The two of us have similar tastes, and it's nice to have a travel companion with whom I can explore the world together.  I've noted that if I were to come into a significant sum of money, that I'd book a bucket list cruise for the two of us.  But that is a way off.  And then, how would I present on the cruise?  All of my ID says "Mario", when I want to do much of my traveling as "Marian".  So I'd be limited in where I could go, as most places are not trans-friendly.

So, I do my research in where we can go, and save my memories of a place to determine whether I can travel there as Marian in the future.  Not all of my travels will be on cruise ships.  But you can guess that a lot of them will be, as this is an inexpensive way to enjoy a vacation.

 

I'm thankful to have RQS in my life

 

My dining area hasn't looked like this in a while.  It now looks worse, but is getting better - with the help of RQS.  When we started cleaning up my apartment, things were much worse.  This table had become a dumping ground for things I hadn't gotten around to sorting out.  Now, with another hour or two of clean-up work, my table will look like it's ready for dinner.  And that's a miracle!

In the past 2 ½ years, this table has gone between clean enough for a cleaning lady to work on to a mess that would scare her away from the apartment.  And when we're done here, I start things with the cleaning lady, then start work on RQS's place.  She has even more stuff to prune than I did.  And it will be just as challenging task for her as my cleanup was for me.

As I've said in previous posts, I find it amazing how well we get along together.  I never dreamed that I would find someone comfortable with my transgender nature - and I found that person.  This is something I am very thankful for at this time of year....

Dealing with legal issues.

 

When my father died, my brother and I gained control of the family homestead.  We were lucky that my dad protected the house from claims from his creditors by giving the house to his 2 offspring, but retaining a life interest in the property.  In the years since my dad moved into the nursing home (and after he died), we have been trying to get around to seeing a lawyer to protect our interests in the property, so that it can be passed on to our heirs.

Recently, my brother and I finally got around to seeing the first of 2 lawyers to get proposals in how best to protect the property.  The first method we received is based on a constructive use of Trusts and an LLC (Limited Liability Corporation). We expect that the second law firm we visit will propose a similar approach.  Although my brother can set up a LLC (he does this quite often in his line of work), we agreed that if a LLC were to be set up for us, it should be done by external counsel.  This way, we won't be the ones to possibly screw things up if we have problems.

Admittedly, this is what people do when they have something valuable to protect and enough money to protect it.  I am very thankful that my parents raised us well, and that both of us have the resources and skills to provide for the rest of our lives. If anything, this is better than most gifts I could have received in life....

It's easy to binge watch TV these days

If I could change some things about the original Addams Family TV series, I'd have filmed it in color and have given it a run of 7 seasons.  It's a damned shame that some of the classic TV shows only lasted 2 or 3 seasons, and were under appreciated by TV execs at the time.  Given today's media environment, there is not enough product for all the streaming channels, nor are there enough non-reality shows to make TV interesting anymore.  RQS and I consider ourselves very lucky to grow up towards the end of the Golden Age of TV, as we were spoiled by 3 major networks still trying to define what popular TV would become.

For years, it was hard to watch many of the classic shows once they left the networks, and ended their runs in syndication.  The technology needed for people to binge watch their favorite old shows did not exist, or it cost too much for the average middle class family to buy.  However, things began to change once the average home had at least 1 VHS tape player (and later, a DVD player).  Now, people could rent shows from their local Blockbuster outlet, and watch them at their convenience.  Later on, the growth of the internet made it possible to stream shows from sources such as Netflix.  Now, it is possible to binge watch any show, as long as it can be found on the internet.

Many shows are still not available on the internet.  For example, I have yet to find any channel that makes Midnight Caller (with Gary Cole) available for streaming.  However, I have found that someone uploaded over-the-air recordings of this show to a streaming service, product which has seemingly been abandoned by its owners. This is one of many shows still unavailable to the public, unless one is willing to visit the Paley Center in NYC to view programs in its library.

Given that I have a family member who worked in the TV industry, I have an interest in quality TV.  I am saddened by all the so-called "reality" shows that seem to dominate the networks.  Unlike classic TV shows, these shows are cheap to make and can generate acceptable advertising revenue.  As for me, I have given up watching network TV, and have begun searching for classic shows (such as Perry Mason) on streaming channels to watch in my free time.  At least, I have a boxed set of The Man Show to make me laugh when I need to do so....