Meeting up - first time in a while

 

No, this wasn't the meetup I attended today.  If I had bothered to do so, I would have cancelled my RSVP, and stayed home.  Instead, I decided to go at the last minute (as Marian), and had a nice time....

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I hadn't been to a meetup of this group in a while, where I would meet the sponsor of the group.  So, cancellation would not be an option for me at the last moment.  Instead, I decided to get there a few minutes late, and was glad I did so.

One of the problems with many meetup groups is that people say that they will be going to dinner with the group, and then cancel without enough time for the sponsor to adjust the restaurant reservation. Some meetup group sponsors handle this by giving approximate counts to a restaurant, and then adjust it at the last minute.  They will account for the regulars who can be counted on, and for the snowflakes that melt away with no notice.  Others will charge a nominal attendance fee which goes into subsidizing the fee that the sponsor pays meetup.com to run the group.  Given the headaches many meetup group sponsors deal with, I never felt it was in my interest to run a meetup group.  Yet, I leave this option option open for the future, as I wouldn't mind having a regular night out with familiar people.  But I digress....

Arriving at the restaurant at 5:50, I found half as many people as expected at our table.  I decided to order two very filling dishes: a bowl of New England Clam Chowder, and a place of Fettuccine Alfredo topped with Shrimp and Sliced Portobello Mushrooms.  Yum!  Even though we were in a small chain restaurant, the food was worth the drive.

All too soon, the meal ended and we had to leave.  Hopefully, they will have more weeknight dinner meetups in the future....

A Half and Half Weekend

 

Often, I get to spend half the weekend in Marian mode and the other half as Mario.  This past weekend was one of those weekends. Given the cold weather that was coming in, I knew that going out as Marian would be harder to do without freezing a little.  So I made sure to be able to get that day in before the weather made things uncomfortable.

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When I picked RQS up at the train station, I had a simple question to ask her: Do we eat in or out?  (I had 2 steaks thawed out, waiting to be cooked in the ice box.)  RQS decided that we should eat out.  So we went to Savannah & Co. for a change of pace - and both of us ordered the Baby Back Ribs.  Yum! Then it was home for the evening.

The next day, we hung out around the house most of the day, with the idea of seeing Freud's Last Session in Pleasantville.  The press on this film said that Anthony Hopkins delivered a great performance, but the movie didn't strike home as well as the play did.  So, I had to see it for myself, given that I had seen the play 2 or 3 times in New York.  And I agree with the critics - fleshing out the film to include Freud's daughter took away from the interplay between Freud and C.S.Lewis.

Sunday could easily have been another day of rest for the two of us.  But RQS wanted to shop for a mattress, and I wanted to get out of the house.  So, at 3 pm, we drove out to the Bob's in Nanuet (I was in Mario mode, and I was in Marian mode when we went to the Bob's in Yonkers) where RQS bought a mattress, an adjustable foundation, pillows, and mattress protection.  She fell in love with the second mattress she tried out - and I think I might buy the same combination after I've had the chance to sleep in her bed next weekend.

Sadly, Monday came and I had to drop RQS off at the train station.  This was not a weekend to go into NYC, as they were having political protests in Union Square when RQS met her friend in that area for lunch.  As for me, I unboxed a jewelry cabinet and mirror and mounted it on the wall.  Unfortunately, I will have to redo what I did, as the unit is sitting too high on my door to use as a mirror.

 

Earworms - a short post

 

Above is the corn ear worm.  It has nothing to do with today's post, save for the idea of something that gets stuck in your head and keeps repeating like a broken record.

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For the past few days, an old tune has gotten stuck in my head.  No, it is not from a TV advertisement.  Instead, it is from a tune regularly modified and played on a TV show from my youth.  You may have heard it yourself: Pfft, you were gone.  The Hee Haw show ran from 1969 to 1992, and it got good ratings - even in cities such as New York and Los Angeles.  And "Pfft," became an earworm that often comes and goes in my head due to its pleasant silliness.  But "Pfft" is not the only earworm I've had to deal with.  For a long while, the jingle for the Radio City Christmas Show was stuck in my head, and I hated it. Other tunes have gotten stuck there, and I didn't mind them so much, as they provided a sort of rhythm that kept my mind moving.  

What is it about earworms that make them so infectious?  I feel, like others, that they trigger other memories.  In my case, "Pfft" triggers happy feelings from childhood without directly triggering the memories that caused those feelings.  Television was an escape from an unhappy childhood, and "Pfft" was indicative of the things that made me smile way back when.

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Given the nature of earworms, a thought came to mind.  What would happen if a therapist could both find and use earworms to evoke feelings in a person undergoing therapy?  Could this be a helpful tool in treatment?  I'd love to be able to talk about this with the therapist who treated me years ago, as it would be an interesting discussion for sure....

 

 

 

Talking with a rare set of parents

 

I'm not going to say how I know this pair of parents.  But they have a trans child, and love that child unconditionally.  If I were to live my life over, I'd love to have parents like this couple.  (No, I'm not complaining about my parents.  But I'm not sure of how they would feel if I came out to them before I hit puberty.)

Chatting with this child's parents, I was pleased to find out that they were disenchanted with the parental support group that meets while their children socialize with other trans kids.  Why is this a good thing?  Well, they accept their child for who they are: Male, Female, or Bi-Gendered.  They do not ask why their child identifies differently than the gender they were assigned to at birth.  They simply focus on what's best for their child, instead of the image of what they thought their child would be as an adult.  Others in the parental support group have major difficulties in this area, as they are dealing with their grief of not having a child growing up in the way originally expected.

What father doesn't want to see his son grow up to be just like him (in good ways)?  What mother doesn't want her daughter to grow up just like her (in good ways)?  It's hard on many parents to find out that their child is transgender.  There is no roadmap for this.  Parents have to "wing it" and find their way on their own, as many friends and family will insist that "this is only a phase the child is going through" or "this can be fixed with the right instruction."  But it's not.  Most transgender children know that there is something different about them from an early age.

In our conversation, I noted that I could never talk to my parents about being trans, nor can I talk to my brother about this today.  Most of my friends know I am trans, but some of my long time friends (who I haven't seen in years) would go nuts if they found out about this part of me.  So I have to be very careful, unless I want to burn bridges that I don't yet want to burn.  Thankfully, this trans child will likely not have this problem going through life, thanks to the their parents.

As I said earlier - their child is lucky to have these people as parents, and I am very glad that I know them.

I'm surprised that I never heard about this man before

 

The other day, I attended a meetup at a local brewpub where a weekly trivia night was being held.  Given that I am transgender, I was very surprised that I didn't know about this man, NYPD Detective Ori Harbor.

Mr. Harbor is the first openly transgender detective in the NYC Police Department.  I guess that my ignorance was caused by two things: (1) I rarely watch the old-line broadcast networks anymore, and (2) I often take it for granted that the LGBT community gets to participate fully in social life in this area.  

I will admit that I live in a news bubble that skews to the left these days.  But then, the American right wing has gone so far off the rails with its form of Christian White Nationalism. As a result, I discard much of what they have to say because their media of choice uses fear to keep people in line and to keep its plutocratic leaders in power.  

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A while back, I started saying that the one thing a MAGA supporter fears most are law abiding black men with guns, as they can't be intimidated (as a group) by threats of violence.  I'm glad that I have to amend this slightly, as I can include the LGBT community in the group that can't be intimidated.  With groups such as the Pink Pistols out there, I have growing faith that we can survive this wave of hatred and oppression that MAGA stands for.

 

The day after

 

In many ways, yesterday was a day which I needed assistance to get what I needed to do done.  Today was very different.  I had the freedom to do what I wanted - even if all I wanted to do was rest.  And rest I did.

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Yesterday was the end of a disrupted sleep cycle for me.  Today, I caught up on most of that sleep, not waking up until noon.  For many of us that would be a weekend luxury.  But for a retired person, one has the choice on when to sleep and when to be awake.  And I find that being awake well into the night allows me to enjoy the peace and quiet that only occurs on the graveyard shift.

When I finally got moving, I wasn't sure of whether I should go to the bank on co-op business or not.  I'm glad I put this off until tomorrow, as there was another check I had to get cut -and I didn't want to get dressed as Mario unless I didn't have to do so.  This allowed me even more free time before going to a trivia night meetup being held at a local brewpub.

Around 5:45 pm, I decided to get dressed to go to the brewpub.  Although the weather was cold outside, I decided to wear a comfortable dress and head off to Ossining.  I'd never been to the Sing Sing Kill brewpub before, and was pleasantly surprised to find it across the street from the local police station. Given that Spring street has been the dividing line between Ossining's nice and not so nice neighborhoods, it was nice to know that Ossining's government and businesses are working to make the village a better place to live.

At 7:00 pm, trivia night started.  By 8:00 pm, I was starting to feel tired.  None of the questions were in any of my strong fields of knowledge.  Even so, our group finished in second place.  I was glad to be out of there by 8:30 pm, and began to wake up while talking to TCL.  After I got home, I chatted with RQS, and then fell out for a while.  I guess it will take a little while longer until my body's circadian rhythm is back to my "normal".

I couldn't sleep, and I had a long day ahead of me

 

The above caricature seems fitting for today, as I had to go in for my colonoscopy today and then be awake enough to deal with a co-op board meeting.  Of course, I didn't get much sleep last night, so staying awake until I'm back home would be the most important thing on my mind.

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Around 6:00, I drank the last of the ghastly fluid, and I spent the next 2 hours treating myself like royalty - if you get what I mean.  And then I had the last liquid of the morning, as I wasn't allowed to have any fluids within 2 hours of my procedure.  Shortly afterward, I got myself ready to go to the hospital, and Vicki was waiting for me as scheduled.  She noted that it was a little bit of a surprise to see me as Mario today.  But then, she knows me in both modes, and part of her didn't realize that I'd have to present as Mario today.

Normally, I'd budget about 30 minutes to reach the hospital.  That's about how long it took, in spite of a few slow moving trucks that got in the way.  But we were there early, and that worked to our advantage, as I still had more paperwork to take care of when we got to the hospital.  And then it was upstairs to the floor where my procedure was to be performed.

Of course, my doctor was running late with other patients, and our expected procedure time was being delayed 30 minutes. Getting into my hospital gown, I realized that I'd be handing Vicki two of my most valuable things: my cellphone and wallet.  So I made sure to hand her these things before I packed my clothes into a small bag that would follow me into the procedure room and then to the recovery room.  At this point, I was "in for a penny, and in for a pound."  Any ambivalence I might have had became meaningless, as I was committed for the next 2-3 hours.

By the time the doctor was able to get around to me, he was an hour behind schedule.  Vicki noted that the doc looked like a famous singer - and I agreed with her.  Soon, I was whisked away to the procedure room, and was unconscious a few minutes later.  When I regained consciousness, I wasn't groggy, but I knew I was off.  Having Vicki with me gave me the confidence that nothing would be missed when the doc came to tell me what he found - nothing to worry about, but tissues were being sent to the lab just to be safe. Soon, I was dressed and ready to go.  Vicki and I went to the local diner where we both ate more than we should have.  The food was good, and well worth the extra calories.  And then I was dropped off at my apartment, where I'd spend the rest of the day.

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Once home, I took a nap, and woke up just in time to start the co-op zoom meeting.  It was a struggle to stay awake, as I was still recovering from both a lack of sleep and being anesthetized,  But I made it through the meeting, and was ready to go back to sleep once I finished my dinner....