I apologize for ranting too much

 

Lately, it seems to me, that I've been complaining about things going on in the world too much.  Yes, Our rights as transgender people are under attack, and our president is "owned" by Russia, and is doing Russia's bidding.  Yet, I am grateful to live in a state where I can come and go as my authentic self, without worry that I will be hassled by any law enforcement authority.

Yet, I've noticed something.  For reasons other than fear, I haven't been getting outside of my place enough and living an authentic life.  Could it be the weather?  (As I write this, it is raining outside.)  Could it be commitments I have that requires me to present as Mario?   (I had to go out as Mario in order to buy a new Mattress and Bed Frame last night.) Could it be anything else? (I did spend part of the day sorting out some of the containers behind my loveseat.) There have been so many things that I needed to do, that I have felt a little overwhelmed and have retreated into my comfort space.

One has to keep one's focus on what's important, so that can take care of the most important things first.  I may not have been doing that.  Yesterday, I worked around the house, possibly to avoid spending the money I knew I'd have to spend on new bedding.  It could be much worse.  My brother is putting in 50-60 hours each week in a job for which should only need 40. He also has to deal with fire department financials, managing the project of bringing the family homestead into a shape where we can raise the rent on the place, and to prepare financials for the house, so that I can get my taxes done.  And, to top it all off, he is flying out west to see my nephew for the weekend.

As you can see, there are other people who are under more stress than I am.  But I expect that we all will start to suffer if the orange snowflake does half the damage to America that he could be doing.  If you find yourself starting to be overwhelmed by fear and worry about the future, just remember these words that are applicable in almost every situation:

 

"This too, shall pass." 

 

The trick will be to keep one's perspective while it passes....

And sometimes, I even get phone calls.

Last night, I was talking to Maria for the better part of an hour.  She needed someone she could talk with, and I was the designated recipient of the phone call.  So, I listened to her vent about her husband's illness, her daughter's chemical imbalance and irresponsibility, and the breakdown of her computer.  Today, we had plans to talk with each other when she got off of work.

- - - - - -

This morning, I had totally forgotten about Maria's call as I went about my day.  Not having that much to do, I had the TV on in the background when she called. It seems as Maria was helped by last night's chat, as she was telling me about the sequence of events for her day - work, dropping the computer off at a fix-it shop, and then taking her husband for continuing medical care.

Maria is the type of person for whom doing the right thing isn't enough to keep bad things from happening.  When her first marriage ended, she was left with only the roof over her head.  For 6 months or so, she was sleeping on a bed she borrowed fro me.  Her ex-husband had taken almost all the furniture in the house as he left.  Her second (and current) husband had his own issues that I won't go into right now. It is the aftermath of these issues that is adding to Maria's problems.  Couple this with a daughter who is irresponsible, a grandson that Maria is raising, and a granddaughter on the way, and Maria is highly stressed.

Sadly, I don't see a happy end in sight for Maria.  Her husband is not the type of person who could advocate for himself that well, and seems to have given up on life.  I hope I'm wrong, but I'll be there for my friend of several decades when the worst inevitably happens.