Slowly eliminating clutter from an apartment

 

Over the past year, RQS and I have been clearing out a lot of clutter from my apartment.  It has been like playing a hybrid game of Jenga and Tetris, as I've had to find room for things I want to keep while both adding and purging things from the apartment.

One of the things many M2F transgender people do is to learn what clothes work (or don't work) on their bodies.  They also learn what clothes they should wear for all occasions, and make a lot of mistakes along the way.  But the thing we don't learn easily is how to purge clothes we no longer wear or no longer look good in from our closets, so that we look good and appear appropriate for all occasions in the clothes we have left in our closets.  Lately, I have purged half of my feminine wardrobe with the help of RQS, and donated what I had to charity.  Now, I have room to back fill a small number of missing items into my wardrobe.  And I present a much better appearance to the world, now that I have a better focus on what I can wear.

But this is not the only clutter that I've been sorting through.  The other day, I started sorting through all my kitchen utensils, and found a few that I will either give away or toss in the trash.  This is typical of what I've been doing lately.  I find a place where I've stored way too many things, and sort through them when I find the time and the energy to take care of a certain amount of work in one area of my apartment.  The other day, it was an area of the kitchen.  Before that, it was cleaning out corners of my bedroom. And even before that, was an area near my dining room table.  I've gotten used to taking two steps forward, just to take one step back in this long term project of removing clutter from my abode.

I am hoping that I will rid the apartment of enough of my clutter before some required electrical work must take place.  When it does, I'll have to move furniture (or have it moved for me) so that an electrician can do work in my place.  So I'm working on the clutter now, so that I won't be overwhelmed by it later on....

Seeing friends in person and via zoom.

 

The above picture has nothing much to do with today's theme.  But it has all to do with people supporting each other.  And that is what I'll discuss today.

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I had only two things on my docket (save for postponable things such as laundry).  First was having an early dinner with my friend, AR.  And then, a Zoom meeting with my friends Stephanie and Jen from Texas. But this is not how my day started.

Sometime in the morning, my aunt called me from California.  Since I know that she's suffering from dementia, I also know that the conversation would be short.  In our short chat, I found out that she still remembers who I am, but is not able to make much of a conversation.  All she could do was to say that she's coming to New York soon - something I know isn't true.  The call ended, and I realized that she has the cell phone that my uncle used to call me in Hawaii.  Instead of trying to reach my uncle, I decided to text my brother and see if he has an alternate number for my uncle on which I could reach him.  Unfortunately, my brother didn't call back, due to him being up to his eyeballs in projects.

Next, I decided to clear out many of the kitchen tools I don't use, and empty a gadget drawer.  Although I didn't clean out that much, I made more of a dent in the mess than I would have expected.  By the time I was done, I was ready to get showered and dressed - as Marian.  Since the weather outside was cold, I decided to wear a nice dress and leggings outfit which would be prefect for the day.  

I was out the door by 5 pm, and met AR at the Italian restaurant in town.  Yum!  We had a nice leisurely meal, and I had enough leftovers for a second meal.  (Too bad that I left it in my car - it'll probably be unsafe to eat when I get back to the car.)  AR knows me only as Marian, so I code switched all of my experiences to that of a female, talking about RQS as if she were a he.

Next, it was back home to chat with my friends Stephanie and Jen.  This was our first chat since I was "Out" to them as transgender, and the chat flowed as it usually does.  They are both interested in meeting me and RQS in Chicago, and we have a weekend date to plan for - as soon as RQS's taxes are done.  All too quickly, the chat had to end - we were all tired and talked out.

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Hopefully, my Chicago trip will come off as discussed.  It'll be nice to see these friends in person for a change....

Looking for things to do on the weekend.

 

Garfield.  It's one of my favorite comic strips.  Cat lovers will see many of the typical traits in this cat that they see in their own cats and others' cats.  One of my favorite strips featuring Garfield has no image of the cat in the strip, but his presence is known by a steak being held by his "owner", Jon.  In the 3 frame set, the steak is offered to Garfield, and by the time Jon finishes talking, the steak is gone.  Many of the jokes in this comic are food related, like the strip above.  Yet, Garfield's love of lasagna is only a small part of this well drawn character.  Over the years, we've got to know this cat as well as real cats we've had in our houses.

Unfortunately, one can spend only so much time reading the comics.  First, there are fewer papers carrying comic strips. And then, we have more opportunities to entertain ourselves on weekends.  This is where RQS and I often have problems trying to figure out ways to spend some of our time together.

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RQS subscribes to a service which tells her about free things to do in New York City.  However, most of these things take place on weekdays, are taking place in awkward places to get to from her house, and are not interesting enough for us to spend our time there.  So, we often go into NYC without much of a plan, looking to go for a meal at Katz's delicatessen, the Nom Wah Tea Parlor, or some other of our "go-to" places in Manhattan.  Our problem is that too many people now have the same idea.  The last time we went to Katz's, there was a line that stretched to the end of the block.  The last time we went to the Nom Wah Tea Parlor, the wait was 45 minutes long.  It's getting harder and harder to go to our "go-to" places these days.

You might ask, what do you want to do other than eat?  Well, both of us enjoy theater.  But the off and off-off Broadway scene isn't the same as it used to be before the pandemic. Yet, things are changing for the better, now that the 20 at 20 special is being held this Spring.  Although I am going to be busy much of the 20 days this special is offered, I hope to take advantage of it on one of my free days.  And, if there's something that RQS wants to see, we'll try to see it as well. This time around, I'm going to suggest Drunk Shakespeare, a performance of a Shakespeare play where one of the actors is totally "three sheets to the wind".  In other words, s/he is shitfaced drunk.  It's supposed to be funny, so I'll see what she thinks - if we're in NYC that weekend.

So much time and yet, not enough - a short post.

 

This week, I would normally have enough time to get out and about as Marian.  Even though I'm retired, there are many places I'd like to go, but not enough available time to go to them.  For example, I would have liked to go to the 9/11 museum today (it's free late Monday afternoons these days), but the weather will get in my way.  Other times, conflicting schedules waste a bit of my time.  I'd like to see some of my friends, but I'm rarely free on weekends anymore.

Given that we were expecting bad weather later tonight, I decided to drive RQS back home and then park my car in a visitor's space in the co-op's parking lot.  This way, I wouldn't need to move my car to make room for the plow to pile up snow behind my parking spot.  However, I might be "stealing" a parking spot from someone who may need a spot tonight.  So I will move my car from the spot when the snow ends, and not before.

Will I have enough time to do the ever increasing amount of laundry that I have accumulated?  Yes, but....  The question should be:  Will I use my time most productively?  And for that question, I must answer by saying I'm not sure.

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As I write this, I hear snow plows outside clearing snow from our parking lot. There is not much snow on the ground, but enough to cause trouble.  If I go outside to clear off my car, I will likely do it as Mario, as I don't want to ruin anything in my feminine wardrobe.  It is one of the decisions I have to make as a transgender person.

Being a transgender person who lives in both masculine and feminine worlds, I am always making decisions about how I will present myself to the world. It's not always easy for me, as I may have to switch presentations during the day and arrange my life to do so.  This is often the case when I schedule a doctor's visit as Mario, but then have another appointment that requires my presence as Marian.  Yet, I've managed to keep my life as Mario separate from my life as Marian.  Unfortunately, there is never enough time left for me as Marian.

RQS is aware and understands my need to be my authentic self.  I am very grateful to have her in my life.  Both of us know heartbreak, and are doing our best to build up a solid relationship that will last.  Yet, there are things that scare me at times. But I am not going to let those fears get the better of me.  When one commits to a relationship, one is there in good times and bad.  The potential for bad times will always scare me a little, as no one wants to deal with hard times early in a relationship. Hopefully, luck and good fortune will always be on our side.

 

The search for the missing set of keys

 

Unlike most men, most women carry their essentials (e.g. Wallet, Keys, Tissues, etc.) in a handbag.  When going out as a female, I do what other women do - use a handbag.  I have humorously described a handbag as being like a black hole: It has infinite capacity, and useful things can only be extracted from its "event horizon." Once deep enough into the bag, it's hard to find anything anymore.  This weekend, I learned how deep a handbag could get.

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On Friday, RQS and I decided to spend the afternoon driving out to Paramus, NJ again, so that she could pick up a miniature roasting pan like the one I have, that she could use in her toaster oven. Since this was a day I would be presenting as a female because of a planned stop at Lane Bryant, I got shaved, showered and dressed.  Then out the door we went.  It was a smooth drive until we crossed the river into Rockland county, where we hit the expected traffic jam just West of the bridge. But soon afterwards, it was smooth sailing to Home Goods, and then to Ikea.  After buying the pan, it was off to Lane Bryant where I looked at a few blazers that were slightly too small for me, while RQS looked at a couple of dresses.

Soon, it was a short drive home, where the next day's "fun" was to begin.  On the way home, we stopped off at Trader Joe's to pick up some food and loaded 3 bags into the car.  When we got home, I opened the door, put the keys into my bag, then loaded the refrigerator with what I brought inside.

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Saturday came, and we didn't start getting ready to go outside until early afternoon.  After getting ready to go out to RQS's friend's exhibit at a Yonkers art gallery, I noticed something was missing - my keys!  There was no way I could go anywhere without them.  It was a mad search for keys, and all I could find were Mario's set of keys on my desk.  So I knew to be extra careful with this set while out for the day.

We arrived at the art gallery and chatted with RQS's friend.  I was introduced as Marian, and RQS caught up on old times.  Then it was time to go home.  Once home, we tore apart the place and found nothing.  The keys found a good place to hide from us, and they weren't coming out without a fight. After a 2-3 hour search, we gave up, and I resigned myself to paying a locksmith to cut a new set of keys, and to programming the car key - at a cost of $250 or so.  Ouch!

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The clocks changed, but I couldn't get to sleep until 4 am or so.  Sunday morning arrived, and I only had 4 hours of sleep - for 2 days in a row.  But this time, I had an idea.  My bag has front and back zippers.  The front zipper opens a small section of the bag where a woman can put her lipstick, etc. to be accessed easily.  The back zipper opens a section of the bag (along with a bottom zipper) which can be used to attach the bag to a luggage handle for travel.  I've misplaced my keys in that pseudo-compartment before.  So I'd check this area again when I got up.  Lo and behold, the keys were there.  What a relief.  What a way to start the day!

An unplanned early visit with RQS

 

I chose the above image for no particular reason.  It just fit my mood for the start of the day.  Yet, it fits how I felt on waking up - tired, semi-conscious, dry-eyed, and stumbling to the loo.  It was time to go back to sleep, but I didn't....

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Due to reasons I won't post here, RQS came up from the city a day early. This meant that we could have dinner together and go to game night together.  (RQS usually has a compressed day on Thursdays, as she takes care of things that nourish her soul, as well as things to prepare for her visit the day after.)  So, it was nice to be able to have her up here and share an experience that XGFJ wouldn't share with me because I'd be in Marian mode.

Upon arrival, RQS and I went to the local Mexican restaurant down the hill from us.  Unlike the last time we were there, the place was relatively empty and we had a nice meal with decent service.  Because the place was empty, there was little reflected noise from the hard walls, and we were easily able to hear each other speak, unlike the last time we were there.  (This has been my big complaint about the place, not the restaurant, since it was rebuilt years ago.  The walls reflect and amplify sound, making it hard to hear conversations when the place is crowded.)  As much as I enjoyed the fish tacos I ordered, I wouldn't order them again unless I wanted to make a mess of myself - they were overloaded with filling!

Our next stop was game night, where I got into a game which required a little bit of experience before playing well.  Mistakes I made early on caused me to lose the game.  But I'd play it again later on.  At least, we were able to get RQS into a simpler game afterwards - Qwirkle.  It's a simple game where one tries to match colors or patterns (in rows) for points. (Don't ask me to explain the simple rules of the game at this time of day.)  

All too soon, game night was over, and we had to go home. 

All I did today was bake brownies and launder some clothes - a short post

 

This is the way I felt today.  I was not in the mood to get up and get dressed, much less leave the house. Yet, I ended up doing a couple of loads of laundry and bake a tray of brownies for tomorrow's game night.

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The good and bad thing about doing laundry in my building is that I must go up and down 2 flights of stairs a minimum of 3 times on laundry days.  This means I get a little bit of exercise (very little) each time I take care of this chore.  Yet, it seems to get harder and harder over the years, as I still want to carry two full baskets up and down the stairs, and feel less comfortable (safe?) doing this.  This is one chore I usually do in Mario mode, as I do it on days I don't feel like putting on my make up and going out in the world as Marian.

Once I was done with laundry, I started on the task of baking brownies.  A while back, I found a recipe for 2-ingredient Nutella brownies.  Tonight, I took out my mixing bowl, my hand blender, a baking pan I could put in my toaster oven, Nutella and 8 eggs.  75 minutes later, I had some tasty goodies I'll be bringing to game night/

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One possible bit of good news for me - due to a change of plans, RQS may be joining me for game night tomorrow.  I'd have rather had her enjoy herself throwing some clay and honing her pottery skills. But this change of plans was not one either of us would have chosen.  We've been given some lemons, and we're trying to make some lemonade.