By the time you read this, I'll have returned from a cruise

 

As most of my readers know, I write blog entries between 7 and 14 days before they are made available to my readers.  Soon, I'll be posting a record of my most recent California cruise which sails from Los Angeles to San Francisco, Avalon (Catalina Island, CA), San Diego, and Ensenada Mexico before returning to Los Angeles. When I decided on taking this cruise, I had hoped to visit my uncle in his Los Angeles nursing home.  Sadly, he died 11 days before the cruise.  Since it was way too late to cancel the cruise, I decided to go on it anyway - if only to have 9+ days in a row where I could present as Marian and not Mario.  

Right now, I plan to enjoy a full day in Los Angeles, not knowing what I'll be doing.  I've found that my cell phone has NFC, so that I can use Google Wallet to pay for trips on LA's mass transit system.  So, I won't be needing to use Ubers to get around in the daytime.  (I'll still need to use them at night, as I don't want to inadvertently travel through high crime areas after dark.)  For the times I'm near the hotel, I might bring a swimsuit, so that I can get a tan near the pool.

In many ways, San Francisco is like a second home that I stayed in for only a short while.  So, if I can, I'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes before returning to the cruise ship.  Catalina Island will be new to me, and I'm not sure of what to do there.  But, I'll be visiting RQS's cousin in San Diego.  This is something I look forward to, as this will be the first of RQS's relatives to meet me as Marian,

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this trip will bring me only pleasant memories.  I'll let you know when I start writing posts upon my return.

I now wish I hadn't booked an upcoming cruise

 

Before anyone gets any wrong ideas, I am still looking forward to my cruise.  But the conditions which made me select this cruise at this time have changed, and I would have preferred to be taking a different cruise with RQS later in the year.

But first....

My uncle passed away last night.  After 91 years on this planet, it was time for his soul to depart his body and travel into the unknown - whatever that might be.  He lived a long and successful life, having won more than one industry awards in a highly competitive and visible industry.  (Let's just say that you might have seen him win one of his awards 50 years ago, or so.)  He was always there for his family when he was needed, and I'll always be grateful for the assistance he offered when my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Last year, I chose to take a California Coastal Cruise, as a fallback if my uncle wasn't up to being visited.  Sadly, he had severely damaged his hip the autumn before, and it never healed enough to allow him to walk again.  (He fell trying to take care of a wife who was suffering with dementia, when his wife should have already been placed into a care home.)  When we visited Los Angeles last June, he had just been told that he'd never walk again.  With everything going on in his life at that time, I made it a point to try and visit him again while he was still above ground.  Today, I got the news that I was about a week or two too late.

Right now, the person in charge of my uncle's affairs has not made any arrangements for my uncle's memorial service/gathering.  I likely will not be able to attend this service if held before mid May, as my prior commitments preclude making any trips.  And, even if I could attend, I will not know any of the people who would be attending this service/gathering, as they are all industry insiders.

At least, there is one good thing to come out of all of this.  I will not need to bring along any male garments for my upcoming trip. (I'm sure that my uncle would have found a way to write a humorous story about this if he wasn't the person in the casket....)

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, several things will have happened:

1. My taxes will be in the process of being prepared.
2. I will be in possession of my new car.
3. DCD will have started his process of getting the car registered in his own name.
4. I will have given RQS her birthday present.
5. My luggage will be opened, and packing will start for my California Cruise.

Of course, a lot of things will have happened in between then and now.  And you'll be able to read about them over the next few days.

- - - - - -

When I told my brother about my tax situation, I realized how much my brother wants to isolate my financial life from his.  I should mention that he wouldn't give me a recommendation for an accountant if I needed one this year, but would only help me file estimated taxes to buy a little time for me.  My guess is that if an acquaintance of his sees my returns, then they will have an idea of what a slice of my brother's life looks like.

Cleaning out my old car has helped me find things I had misplaced over the years.  One of these things was a canvas bag that I thought was in RQS's place.  Surprise!  It was in my car's trunk.  There was way too much stuff back there, and I'm glad that I am finally emptying it out.  (Guess what I'll be doing on Monday!)

Now that I have the information needed to get my new car on the road, I can give DCD the information he needs to start his process.  Hopefully, I'll have the old car out of my driveway soon.  If not, I know of at least one charity that takes donated cars.

Even though a bought theater tickets for RQS's birthday, I ordered a little something from Amazon for her to open up on the birthday itself.  Hopefully, she will like it.

And lastly, packing....   This will be a trip where I will spend one day as Mario and the rest as Marian. (I must visit my uncle while presenting as Mario.)  It's going to be nice to wear some warmer weather clothes for a change.  (I haven't worn a dress in California in ages, except while in transit to/from Hawaii.)  Since it will be Spring when I arrive, I have to bring sweaters (and a windbreaker) - especially for my time in San Francisco.  RQS's cousin knows I am trans, so it will be nice NOT to have to change into a pair of trousers when in San Diego....

An unexpected gift....

 

As my readers know, I enjoy cruising, both alone and with a companion.  But cruising can get expensive, especially when one wants to take bucket list trips such as cruising the Norwegian Fjords.  So I was pleasantly surprised to find that because I qualified for Social Security survivor benefits (I was married for 11 years, and was widowed at the age of 39), that I could get a payout on my late wife's account before converting the payments to come from my account.

Today, I received the survivor benefit payout, and I can now afford to take a cruise out of Los Angeles in the Spring.  Hopefully, I'll be able to visit my uncle before this cruise, as he doesn't have many years to go on this planet, and I want to see him while he's still (sort of) vertical.

- - - - - -

Now, the big question is: Where do I want to cruise to?  I can easily afford a 7-day California Coastal cruise.  And I can afford a 15-day Hawaii cruise.  But which one makes more sense?  That's the question I must answer soon, as I will miss having RQS with me even more if I were to take the longer trip.

It was a long weekend, and yet it seemed so short.

 

RQS came up here on Friday and left on Monday morning. The longer we spend time together, the harder it becomes for us to leave each other at the end of the weekend.  Soon, RQS and I will be packing for a cruise to Bermuda.  It'll be our first time there, and it'll be a chance to spend time together, away from our normal activities.  

It seems like the remainder of this year will be a busy one for us.  After our cruise, RQS will be going to see her sister, while I'll be cruising to the Bahamas.  We don't know how we'll be spending Christmas and New Year's Eve.  But I expect that we'll keep being busy well into the new year.  For example, I'm looking for an excuse to take a trip to the West Coast, so that I can visit my uncle in his nursing home.  When I was there earlier in the year, he wasn't up to seeing visitors.  This time, I am looking at taking a short 3-4 day cruise out of LA, seeing my uncle either on the day before or after the cruise.

I'm not too keen on visiting Los Angeles.  It's not the easiest city to get around without a car, and I am taking a risk that my uncle may not want to see me if I decide to visit.  Yet, he's in his 90's and doesn't have many years left to live.  So, I'm hoping I can visit and see him for one last time soon....

Sad News, with more to come (eventually)

 

Today's post will be a short one.  But it involves sadness caused by a situation that I have no control over, and frustration because I have limited access to information.

As I have mentioned before, both my aunt and uncle are in nursing homes for the ailments of old age.  When RQS and I were in Los Angeles earlier this year, we were not able to see my uncle, as he was just told that he'd never be leaving the nursing home due to his frailness.  Today, I finally heard from my uncle, and he is in a bad way.

Last year, my uncle fell and broke his hips.  From what I can understand, he is not a candidate for hip replacement surgery.  All they could do is patch him up.  He has been in the nursing home since then.  When I spoke to him in December, he still had the voice of a man who would resume his life as soon as he was certified able to do so.  Of course, this time never came.  In June, I talked with him for 5 minutes, and he still had a tolerably strong voice.  But it was one weakened by circumstance.  Tonight, he could barely hear me on the phone, and his voice sounded like someone with no interest left in living.

He is depressed, in part, because he has no children, and because his nearest relatives live a continent away.  Neither my brother nor I can hop in a car to see him.  If we were to visit, he'd have to hop on a plane, spend at least one night in LA, and then fly home after the visit.  This is why I scheduled a California Coastal Cruise for this past June.  If he was unable to see us, we'd still have a great time on the left coast.

After our too short phone call, I called my brother to report on things.  My brother gave me another tidbit of information which I did not have.  And I asked him to relay my concerns to my uncle's agent, as I do not have the agent's name, nor do I want to be the point of contact for information regarding my uncle's affairs.  (Also, I feel that my brother knows more than he lets on, and doesn't trust me with anything.  But that's another story for another day.)  Hopefully, I'll get more information soon.  But I know that in the long term, it will only be bad news.  And I feel sad about things that eventually must come.

California Vacation 2023 - Los Angeles

The Birth of a Nation.  It was one of the landmark films of American Cinema.  But its racism gets me sick when I think about how the KKK is portrayed in this film.  Yet, this film is referenced in the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures as part of its exhibit of how African Americans have been portrayed in American cinema.

But first....

Last year, I contacted MWL (a woman I once dated) to find out which shore excursions I should take when in Hawaii.  Recently, she contacted me to find out whether I knew of some good places to eat in Los Angeles in her upcoming visit. And after her return, I found out that she used the mass transit system (mostly buses) to get around town.  So that gave me the idea that we might be able to use LA's mass transit system to get around town, and avoid having to use Ubers or local cabs.  I didn't know how bad a decision that would be, given our the experience we were to have in this city.  

- - - - - -

RQS and I made a decision to see both the Academy Museum and the Petersen Automotive Museum before trying to visit my uncle in the nursing home.  We asked people at the hotel how we could get to an active Metro station, and no one had a clue.  LA is a car culture, and almost no one uses mass transit.  This was evidenced by the directions we got to a metro station "only" 4 long blocks away.  After walking there in the heat, we found that the station was was under construction and wouldn't be open until next year.  So, we ended up deciding to take an Uber to the museums.

This was my first time using the Uber app, and it took me a bit of time to get things working.  Luckily, we had help from an Uber driver who was waiting for an airport call.  After I got things set up and clicked on the "Ride Request" button, someone else agreed to the fare before our Uber driver even got the message.  AARGH!  We wanted to give him the business.  But we got a driver with whom we had a nice chat, and he helped us fix an error in the destination address while on the way to the museums.

Once at the Academy Museum, we gravitated to the exhibit of Blacks in Cinema, and I found it very interesting.  Although I identify as White, I knew of some of the racism Blacks faced in American cinema.  But I didn't know how diverse the black cinema experience was.  I found it interesting that movies targeted to the African American audience had as many themes as those targeted to a White audience, and often noted that the films had an all Black cast.

 
Both RQS and I noted that this museum gave a superficial view of what goes into making a movie.  New York's Museum of the Moving Image and New York's Paley Center gives the visitor a better idea of what goes into making a motion picture (Movies and TV Shows).  But I digress....

 
When we were done with the Academy Museum, it was across the street we went to the Petersen Automotive Museum.  And it was here that the full history of automobiles was on display, using individual automobiles (and motorcycles) to show the art of personal transportation by motorized vehicle.  We spent a couple of hours here, and wished we had more time, so that we could visit "The Vault."  But that's something for another visit.

Next, it was off to my uncle's nursing home.  On the way there (via Uber), my uncle returned my call and said that he wasn't up to having visitors.  Of course, this is understandable, as he was just told that he will never be able to return to his home due to injuries sustained in caring for my aunt.  So we walked around Beverly Hills a little bit, and then went for dinner at a reasonably proced Indian Restaurant.

After dinner, it was back to the hotel to get ready for our first day on the cruise ship....
 

By the time you read this....

 

By the time you read this, I will have both gone to a doctor to see about my persistent cough and have gone on my California cruise with RQS.  And I'll have much to report when I get back.

I'm not one who is comfortable going to new doctors, dealing with new procedures, etc. when it comes to my health.  So, it took a badly abscessed tooth to get me going to a dentist on a regular basis.  It took me almost getting pneumonia to start seeing my internist on a regular basis.  It took a former girlfriend to get me to see a sleep doctor. And it took a former friend to get me to see a dermatologist (who I should see again soon). As you can guess, I am nervous about going to the Doc in a Box today, and may write another post about it later on.

- - - - - -

Tomorrow, we'll be flying to LA for our cruise.  On our one full free day in LA, we intend to see my uncle, and then do a little of the tourist thing.  Unfortunately, many of the attractions will close at 5 pm, not giving us enough time to do more than one museum or attraction.  But then, I never loved LA.  Its sprawl befits the description, "LA is a suburb in search of a city." I prefer to be in a traditional city.

Afterward, we will go on our cruise and stop in San Francisco for a couple of days. In a way, this trip is our way of connecting with family on the West Coast. First, we'll visit the place where I scattered my late wife's ashes. RQS won't mind that, as I was with her when she scattered her husband's ashes. (Of course, we'll spend the better part of the two days in San Francisco doing the typical tourist thing.) Then we will sail off to San Diego, where we'll meet up with RQS's cousin for the day. And all too soon, we'll be home.

It's been hard to identify why I am ambivalent about taking this trip.  And now I think I've figured it out.  It will likely be the last time I see my uncle while he's alive.  It may be the last time I visit San Francisco and go where I scattered my late wife's ashes.  It may be the last chance that RQS gets to meet her older cousin.  In short, it's a trip with a set of "Lasts" that is giving me a sense of sadness before it begins.

- - - - - -   

A while back, FCP criticized me, saying that I had nothing going on in my life. (I take this slightly out of context, as I don't want to rehash old wounds.)  I think she'd now say that I have a life of my own. It's far from perfect, but it's my life and I'm living it.

RQS makes me glad that she's in my life.  Unlike Ex-GF-M, RQS is willing to try new things when with me.  She is willing to get a little lost along the way, and explore what serendipity brings to us.  Unlike XGFJ, she's willing to force the issue and make me tell her how I feel.  And unlike my relationship with Patty, our relationship is built on solid ground - we both feel secure.  It's a shame that it took me almost 25 years to find a relationship that really works for me. But as they say, "you've got to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss)."  

It's Getting Close

 

Soon, I'll be on another vacation.  Hopefully, the above picture will give you a clue to where I'm going, and what I'll be doing. The problem is that I'm a little ambivalent about taking this cruise.  My uncle is frail, and I'll have to take mass transit to reach him.  Additionally, I won't be able to present as Marian during this cruise.  So, it won't be as much fun as it could be. With that being said, I still think I'll have a good time.  I'll be on the West coast, and I have always felt good when in California..  And, yes, I'll catch up on my posting when I get back.  

This will be RQS's first time in California.  It's been over a decade since I've been to either San Francisco or Los Angeles, and I'm looking forward to being in both cities again.  In Los Angeles, there are a couple of museums I want to see after seeing my uncle.  In San Francisco, it'll be nice to show RQS around and to explore new places which I haven't gotten to yet. When we eventually reach San Diego, we will connect with RQS's cousin. Hopefully, we'll have enough time to see her and see a sight or two before returning to the ship. Once done with California, it will be time for the obligatory stop in Mexico for compliance with the US Passenger Vessel Services Act. Then it will back to Los Angeles and onward to home.  

Why am I ambivalent?  I think it's because there isn't that much that excites me about this itinerary.  San Francisco is not the city that I remember.  Los Angeles is still a suburb in search of a city. We will not be able to explore San Diego the way we'd like to do if we visited this city by land first. And, Mexico is Mexico - not a place that interests me.  At least, I will have the company of RQS on this trip. And that's what's important to me.

Seeing friends in person and via zoom.

 

The above picture has nothing much to do with today's theme.  But it has all to do with people supporting each other.  And that is what I'll discuss today.

- - - - - -

I had only two things on my docket (save for postponable things such as laundry).  First was having an early dinner with my friend, AR.  And then, a Zoom meeting with my friends Stephanie and Jen from Texas. But this is not how my day started.

Sometime in the morning, my aunt called me from California.  Since I know that she's suffering from dementia, I also know that the conversation would be short.  In our short chat, I found out that she still remembers who I am, but is not able to make much of a conversation.  All she could do was to say that she's coming to New York soon - something I know isn't true.  The call ended, and I realized that she has the cell phone that my uncle used to call me in Hawaii.  Instead of trying to reach my uncle, I decided to text my brother and see if he has an alternate number for my uncle on which I could reach him.  Unfortunately, my brother didn't call back, due to him being up to his eyeballs in projects.

Next, I decided to clear out many of the kitchen tools I don't use, and empty a gadget drawer.  Although I didn't clean out that much, I made more of a dent in the mess than I would have expected.  By the time I was done, I was ready to get showered and dressed - as Marian.  Since the weather outside was cold, I decided to wear a nice dress and leggings outfit which would be prefect for the day.  

I was out the door by 5 pm, and met AR at the Italian restaurant in town.  Yum!  We had a nice leisurely meal, and I had enough leftovers for a second meal.  (Too bad that I left it in my car - it'll probably be unsafe to eat when I get back to the car.)  AR knows me only as Marian, so I code switched all of my experiences to that of a female, talking about RQS as if she were a he.

Next, it was back home to chat with my friends Stephanie and Jen.  This was our first chat since I was "Out" to them as transgender, and the chat flowed as it usually does.  They are both interested in meeting me and RQS in Chicago, and we have a weekend date to plan for - as soon as RQS's taxes are done.  All too quickly, the chat had to end - we were all tired and talked out.

- - - - - -

Hopefully, my Chicago trip will come off as discussed.  It'll be nice to see these friends in person for a change....

I'm trying to figure a way to travel often as a couple

 

I should have taken out the barrette and used a darker shade of lipstick before having this picture taken.  But it reflects the imperfections one lives with when traveling - one can't bring a full makeup kit along on a cruise and have room for other things that are needed even more.

- - - - - -

RQS and I have been trying to figure out a way for us to take another cruise that fills two requirements: (1) To allow me to meet with my 90 y/o uncle in Los Angeles, and (2) To allow RQS to meet with her cousin in San Diego.  There are not many options that fit both requirements, but I recently found one that does.  

The cruise I found is a 7 day round trip cruise out of Los Angeles that goes to San Francisco, then Monterrey, San Diego, and Ensenada, MX before returning to Los Angeles.  The drawback?  The airfare may be almost as expensive as the cruise.  RQS can't justify spending money for her share of a trip to DC, a California coastal cruise in the Spring, and a Bermuda cruise in late Autumn.  I don't want to travel without her, but I might do so in order to see my uncle while he's "vertical."

Assuming that I take this 7 day cruise instead of the 15 day Panama Canal cruise I once looked at, I might decide to take it in Marian Mode.  But I'd need to travel to and from LA as Mario, so that I have the freedom to meet my uncle in the way he knows me.  Otherwise, I'd do the whole trip as Mario.  And that would depress me.

So, what would you do in my shoes?  Any suggestions?

This will be my last weekend with RQS before my cruise.

 

 
Both RQS and I have been packing for trips.  As reported here, I have two bags going with me to Hawaii. RQS has two small bags going with her as she travels South to see her cousin.  I'm not going to say much about her trip here, save that her preparation is getting in the way of our time together.  😞

- - - - - -

It is normal for two people to spend time apart from each other.  After this weekend, we will be apart for the better part of 3 weeks - and I will miss her.  But there will likely be another period coming up where the 2 of us will be apart for just as long - assuming that I take a Panama Canal cruise as an excuse to see my 90 y/o uncle in California.

My uncle and I are not close.  Yet, he is my uncle, and he once gave me a gift more valuable than money - security in a stressful time.   Almost 27 years ago now, my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I was busy with several projects at work, and one of them was visible to the CEO of the bank I then worked for.  Bush #41 had just signed a bill that protected people who needed family leave to take care of sick relatives, but didn't provide financial help for those people doing so.  Without knowing that my uncle's checkbook was open to my needs, I might not have been able to play political hardball and threaten to leave in the middle of a politically sensitive project.  As a result of my uncle's actions, I was able to force my management to give me the resources I needed to get the project done and be able to take care of my wife's needs as well.

In a way, I want my uncle to know that I'll be there for him if needed.  He is going through a stressful time, and he has no family nearby to count on.  (Yes, he has friends that are as close as family, but that's another story.)  So I want to check in on him in 2023, as my brother did in 2022.  Hopefully, he will appreciate the visit....

I don't have much to say today....

 

Over the past few days, I haven't had the chance to do much of anything or talk to anyone.  About the only things I have the energy or time to do during the week is to go shopping for necessities, and maybe do some laundry.  If it weren't for my belief that I should write something every day, even if it is a short paragraph, I'd switch to weekly entries.  But I'm afraid that I sill wouldn't have much to say.

- - - - - -

Right now, it looks like only one car dealership that is interested in cutting a deal I would find acceptable. If this doesn't work out, I'll put money into keeping my 9 y/o car on the road for another year, and take my chances buying a car next year.

My brother calls me up because he is bored with home life.  I won't go into his issues, save that he finds his time at the office a validation of the person he has become.  He has sacrificed a lot to get where he is, and he soon will grab his gold ring if all goes as expected.  Hopefully, all will go well for him.

Next year, I'm planning on taking a Panama Canal cruise.  I have only two requirements: (1) that I can visit my uncle in California at cruise end, and (2) that this cruise goes through the old locks.  Given the heat and humidity, this will be a cruise taken as Mario.  Yes, it's a compromise, but one I'm willing to take if I can see my uncle at the end.

Looking at vacations I want to take.

 

Here's a nautical mileage cruise I'm thinking of taking in the future.  I've been to most of these ports before, and it would be nice to visit the new ports soon with RQS as a travel partner.  

- - - - - -

Now that RQS and I have made a successful trip to Washington, DC, we have started thinking of taking another trip together.  A quick run to New England and Canada's Maritime Provinces is something that came to both our minds.  Unlike my last run into Boston with FCP, who insisted that I keep her son and future daughter in law occupied, RQS likes the idea of going to see "Old Ironsides," and have some clam chowder at Boston's Union Oyster House while in town.

I've never been to Sydney or Charlottetown, so these ports will be new experiences for the two of us. As for Halifax and St. John, we can always find an interesting excursion to go on in these cities.  But in Portland and Boston, there are things we can do without the help of the cruise line's excursions.  So, we have a lot more options than which are presented to us by the cruise line - but we have to be willing to make sure to get back to the ship on time if we exercise those options.

- - - - - -

Since 2022 looks like it is already going to be a busy year, I've already started to look at cruises for 2023 and 2024.  Right now, the cruise at the top of my list is a Panama Canal cruise through the Historic Locks which starts in Los Angeles and ends in Fort Lauderdale.  If we do this cruise (or I do it alone), it will be a great opportunity to get there a day (or two) early and see both my aunt and uncle.  They are in their upper 80's, and I want to see them while they are able to get around on their own.

 

 

The above 25 day cruise is something I also want to take sometime in the future.  Although it is scheduled for July 2023, I can't see myself spending money on another bucket list cruise this soon after the Panama Canal cruise I want to take.  Since I want to visit my niece (living in London) sometime in  2023 or 2024, I figure that this will be a 2025 trip assuming that this cruise is still being offered.

 

One way or another, I expect to be doing at least one bucket list trip per year....

I didn't have much to say today....

 

My late wife and I loved going to this joint on our two trips (together) to the West coast.  On all my trips to the region (save one), I made an effort to stop by this place for some of the freshest seafood I could get.  Even though it has changed hands since I was last out there, I expect that the new owners will treat the place with the respect it deserves, so that it can attract customers for many years to come.

So why do I open up about a restaurant a continent away from where I live?  The answer to that is simple.  I'm thinking of making a future Hawaii cruise an open jaw trip at both ends.  Instead of flying to Hawaii from New York (and returning to New York after the cruise), I'm thinking of flying to LA to see my Uncle, then flying to Hawaii for the cruise.  After the cruise, I would like to fly to San Francisco and visit some of the places my wife and I enjoyed when we were in the Bay area.  From there, I would then fly home to New York after a San Francisco stopover.  (Or course, I could fly to San Francisco first, then return home from LA.)

Considering that my uncle is 87 years old, I'm not sure if I should put off a trip to LA next year.  But I certainly don't want to let him know about Marian.  Why put him under any additional stress?  Yet, I want to be able to afford that Hawaii cruise.  So, I'm going to need to make a hard decision soon....