A Busy Evening

 

As usual, I didn't do a thing all day - until evening came.  And then, I became active.  If the world started to wake up to get most activity done at night, I'd be in perfect sync with the world. But the world revolves around its axis, and not mine....

I was awake a little earlier than usual, but stayed inside my apartment until I had to get ready for dinner with my friend from the meetup group. When I left the house, it smelled like there was a fire nearby.  It's hard to believe that forest fires in Canada are causing the air pollution we're having in the Northeast lately.  It's even harder to believe that the particulates are enough for us to need to wear our masks again. But that day is here.

Reaching my friend, it took us a while to order dinner.  And then we discussed her wishes to change careers.  I'm not sure if she's going to make it, as she has a speech pattern that belies a slower intelligence for many people. But who am I to say?  It was a good conversation, and I think I was able to help her.  I'll find out when I get back from my vacation.

All too quickly, dinner was over, and it was time to go home.  Like a cisgender woman, I couldn't wait to take my bra off.  But it was going to be on for another 3 hours or so, as I was about to have a zoom chat with the friends from Texas with whom RQS and I are going to spend a long weekend in Chicago. So, I made it home, turned on my computer and waited....

Around 8 pm, the zoom started.  It was good that RQS is now a member of our chats, as it helps make her a 4th wheel for our group, having a good balance and moving forward to a good clip.  (How should I make a 4th wheel metaphor work when describing something that works well?)  Once we were done with the zoom, RQS and I had our usual daily chat. And then, it was to bed for the night.

I am more excited about a trip we're taking in the fall, than one in the summer.

The "Electric Kidney Bean", it's a beautiful piece of art in Chicago's Millennium Park.  And I'll be seeing it in person again this fall. I am looking forward to this trip much more than I am looking forward to my upcoming California cruise.  

And, why so?

Unlike my upcoming visit to California, my visit to Chicago will be done as my authentic self.  I'll be traveling as Marian for the trip, RQS will be accompanying me, and we'll be seeing my two friends from Texas.  After as many visits to California as I have done, a short stop in Los Angeles, San Francisco, and San Diego isn't all that exciting.  However, I've only been able to stay in Chicago twice for more than a day or so.  There is a lot that is still new to me there, and I want to see it all.

- - - - - -

RQS is looking forward to visiting Chicago, as she's catching up on the life she envisioned herself living when she was younger.  (No, I will not go into her unfulfilled early adult wishes here.  But I will say, that like my life, her life turned out much differently than she planned.)  It'll be nice showing her around the Windy City, as well as feasting on local specialties such as Deep Dish Pizza.  We'll have fun going to the Art Institute together, as well as being with friends with whom I grew close via Zoom chats.

The big question is: What does everyone else want to do?

I am a museum rat.  If the museum is large enough, or unique enough, you will find me wanting to go there.  In Philadelphia, I'd want to go to the Mutter Museum.  In New York, I'd look up the Museum of Finance.  In DC, I'd look to visit the International Spy Museum.  But what will we want to see in Chicago?  To answer that question, I'd build a list of places and things I want to see:

1. The Willis (formerly Sears) tower glass platforms.
   Assuming that I am wearing a dress that day, it will be the most unusual "up skirt" view possible, as I'll be standing on a clear platforming overlooking the sidewalk plaza below.
   
2. The International Museum of Surgical Science.
   This is Chicago's answer to Philadelphia's Mutter Museum.  I'm a person who likes odd things, and this would be an appropriately odd place to visit.
3. Wooden Block Alley.
   This is one of the last places in Chicago paved with wooden blocks.  Just like New York's cobblestone streets, Chicago's wood paved streets are almost all gone.  And it would be nice to see this historical relic.
4. Remnants of the World's Colombian Exhibition of 1893.
   The Japanese Garden is one of the few things that are left from this exhibition that took place 130 years ago.  Given that I love the Japanese Tea Garden in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park, this place is on my list of gardens to visit.
5. The Money Museum. (Not open to public since March 15, 2020)
   Chicago's Federal Reserve Bank has a museum of money that people can visit.  Ask yourself, when was the last time one could stand in the shadow of $1,000,000, and you'll know why this place is worth the visit.
6. The Billy Goat Tavern.
   The owner of the original Billy Goat Tavern cursed the Cubs to never win another world series.  And this was an effective curse, as it took the Cubs over 100 years to break the curse several years ago.  More recently, it was the inspiration for the Olympia Cafe skit on Saturday Night Live.  What better place to get a Cheeseburger with Chips and Pepsi than the place that started it all?
7. The Chicago Crime Tour.
   What visit to Chicago could be complete without visiting places that (Big) Al Capone made famous?
8. Chicago Pedway Tour.
   Chicago has a great underground system of walking paths which connect many of its downtown office buildings  Not all of the underground sections are connected to each other.  But enough of them are to make a tour worth taking.
9. Frank Lloyd Wright home and studio tour.
   I've taken this tour before.  But it is classic architecture that is timeless.  There are other Wright buildings in Oak Park that are worth seeing, and I hope to see more than this one while in Chicago.

I could go on and on, but I decided to leave off places significantly south of the loop for simplicity and safety.  This is not a city that I am not yet familiar with, and I heed the warning of Jim Croce when he sings that the South Side of Chicago is the Baddest Part of Town.  Why venture too far to the south, unless the White Sox are playing that day?

As you can see, this is a sample list that's going to be edited with the help of the women who will be with me.  It'll be new for all of us, and that's why I'm excited about this trip most of all!

Seeing friends in person and via zoom.

 

The above picture has nothing much to do with today's theme.  But it has all to do with people supporting each other.  And that is what I'll discuss today.

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I had only two things on my docket (save for postponable things such as laundry).  First was having an early dinner with my friend, AR.  And then, a Zoom meeting with my friends Stephanie and Jen from Texas. But this is not how my day started.

Sometime in the morning, my aunt called me from California.  Since I know that she's suffering from dementia, I also know that the conversation would be short.  In our short chat, I found out that she still remembers who I am, but is not able to make much of a conversation.  All she could do was to say that she's coming to New York soon - something I know isn't true.  The call ended, and I realized that she has the cell phone that my uncle used to call me in Hawaii.  Instead of trying to reach my uncle, I decided to text my brother and see if he has an alternate number for my uncle on which I could reach him.  Unfortunately, my brother didn't call back, due to him being up to his eyeballs in projects.

Next, I decided to clear out many of the kitchen tools I don't use, and empty a gadget drawer.  Although I didn't clean out that much, I made more of a dent in the mess than I would have expected.  By the time I was done, I was ready to get showered and dressed - as Marian.  Since the weather outside was cold, I decided to wear a nice dress and leggings outfit which would be prefect for the day.  

I was out the door by 5 pm, and met AR at the Italian restaurant in town.  Yum!  We had a nice leisurely meal, and I had enough leftovers for a second meal.  (Too bad that I left it in my car - it'll probably be unsafe to eat when I get back to the car.)  AR knows me only as Marian, so I code switched all of my experiences to that of a female, talking about RQS as if she were a he.

Next, it was back home to chat with my friends Stephanie and Jen.  This was our first chat since I was "Out" to them as transgender, and the chat flowed as it usually does.  They are both interested in meeting me and RQS in Chicago, and we have a weekend date to plan for - as soon as RQS's taxes are done.  All too quickly, the chat had to end - we were all tired and talked out.

- - - - - -

Hopefully, my Chicago trip will come off as discussed.  It'll be nice to see these friends in person for a change....

Zooming with a Texas Friend

 

 

It's hard to believe that I've only met Stephanie once in person.  Yet, the two of us have developed a friendship thanks to Zoom and the Pandemic.

Today, Stephanie reminded me that we were supposed to have a zoom meeting this evening.  So, I set it up, and proceeded to get showered and dressed to spend the evening as Marian.  I ended up rushing to get to the post office before it closed, as I had a box to send to Pat at her care facility in Rockland county.  In the box was a photo shopped picture of my two gender presentations together, as if two separate people had posed for a formal picture on a cruise.

Once done with the post office, I decided to take a drive to Uncle Giuseppe's in Yorktown, to see how the store's new location looks.  And they did a great job with the space.  In the past, it housed a "Food Emporium" before A&P took over Shopwell and other smaller chains, causing the space to be empty for years.  Now, the store is much better than any of the supermarkets that previously occupied the space.

After killing time, I returned home and opened the zoom meeting with Stephanie.  As usual, we talked for a long time. Although she would like for me to come down and visit, I don't think I'll be visiting Texas anytime soon.  Texas is not a place where a TG like me can feel comfortable, given all the Radical Conservatives one finds down there.  The last thing I need is someone trying to cause me problems because I violated their "bathroom laws".

Sooner or later, I will have to get around to visiting Stephanie.  Only one problem - how can I make it worthwhile for RQS to accompany me on the trip?  Also, how would we describe our relationship with each other?

Thoughts about Gender Non-Conforming Travel

 

One of the things that a transgender person might like to do is travel.  However, when the name and image on one's legal identification does not match that expected for one's gender presentation, this can get a person into a lot of trouble.  There is still a lot of prejudice against us out there, and I have been a worry wart about going places where I might not be welcome.

- - - - - -

I live in a relatively liberal area of the United States.  Yet, there are many people who would hate me simply for being transgender.  The closer to coastal metropolitan areas one is in this country, the more likely it is that transgender people are accepted.  (This doesn't mean that we don't suffer due to societal prejudices.  It simply means that most people tend to respect our rights as human beings.)  The further away one gets, the less we are accepted and the more we are subject to discrimination (and worse). So, I have learned to be very careful about travel outside my region, as I could get killed if I am in the wrong region.

Now, I've been told that I would be relatively safe in the Dallas, TX area.  But I can't be sure of this.  So I will avoid seeing my friends in the Dallas area until I look more feminine than I currently do.  Yes, I'd love to meet my friend Stephanie again, but it will be much more difficult now that I have RQS in my life.  Kim (of Traveling Transgender) has had few problems with her interstate travel (from the Austin, TX area), flying across the country on her business trips.  Sadly for her, she doesn't travel as much anymore, and she no longer posts about her exploits.

When I had FCP as a cruise partner, I had the pleasure of beginning to cross national boundaries while in gender non-conforming presentation.  At first, I worried about how people would treat me on the cruise, and I found that there was nothing to worry about.  However, I didn't know how I'd be treated when I left the safety of the cruise ship and landed on foreign soil.  In Canada, I found that my rights were protected by law.  And on islands part of the EU (St. Martin), I had no problems as well.  Yet, I feared getting off the ship in places like St. Kitts, as they are hostile towards the LGBT community. So, I developed confidence in cruising, but realized that I had to do some research before getting off the ship at foreign ports.

Recently, I took a Hawaii cruise.  And this time, I heard the dreaded "S" word, instead of the welcomed "Ma'am".  This was not true in most cases.  But it was true where my ID came into use - such as at the airport.  Yet, people took my dress in stride, and treated me with respect.  Did this mean that my biological gender was not an issue?  Who knows?  But I had no problems with gender presentation on my last trip.

But what about future trips?

I am thinking of taking at least one of the following cruises next year:

1. Panama Canal, with stops in several Latin American countries, including Columbia.
2. Norway (and Iceland?), with routes within the EU and also Great Britain.

The stops on the first cruise concern me, as I need to do research before deciding to travel in Marian mode.  Are my rights protected in Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Panama, Columbia and other countries along the way?  Since Cartagena is a port that I want to visit, I need to know this as soon as possible.  Although I've reached out to Rhonda (of Rhonda's Escape), I've yet to hear from her about documentation she used in her travels.  Hopefully, I will be able to get more information from more sources regarding transgender travel to these ports, so that I can be safe when I make this trip.

In the future, I hope to do more and more of my travel as Marian - even if I have to preserve my Mario identity for purposes I've discussed elsewhere.  But to do so, I'll need more information, and I will document what I find out in this blog to make travel easier for the transgender people who follow me.

Another quick post about some conversations

 

Tonight was a night of chatting.  If it wasn't KM from work, or Stephanie from Texas, it would be RQS keeping me chatting until after midnight.  So I won't have too much to say right now.

- - - - - -

The day at work dragged on, as I had a hard time staying awake.  At least, I was able to get a full day's worth of work done - even with the trouble I was having staying alert.  Since I planned to talk with KM after work, as well as Stephanie via Zoom, then chat with RQS, I knew I'd have no time to do any of the other important things I wanted to do tonight.

KM told me about the goings on at the office from her perspective.  She's looking at the company from a youngster's point of view, someone who comes from a bluish collar background.  She sees opportunity in its chaos.  As for me, at an age where I should be considering retirement, I see something else - a company struggling to define its core business for future growth.  Sadly, I had to cut her off, as I had to connect with Stephanie.

Stephanie and I had a more meaningful chat.  She wishes that she could have met me much sooner in life, as we would have developed a closer friendship.  Little does she know that she would have seen me in a very different light had she done so, as I had yet to come out as Marian at the time.  Yet, I can see myself being like an older sister to her.

Once done with Stephanie, it was time to chat with RQS.  As usual, we had a long chat where I did most of the talking.  That seems to be OK with her, as she seems to enjoy hearing what I am saying.  We'll see if this continues over time....

A quick note: A box is on its way.

Today was the only day this week that I was in my male presentation.  As long as I see FH, I feel she needs Mario in her life, and not Marian.  And today gave me proof that FH is not the right person for me.

- - - - - -

The day started by me waking up early in the morning.  Since I didn't want to ruin my rest, I took care of necessities and went back to bed for a couple of hours.  Then, it was time to do a load of laundry, so that I could have some clothes for the coming week.  Since the clothes were in the laundry for the next hour, I ran to the post office to send a card to my niece in England.  While there, I saw the above box - perfect to send a backscratcher to my friend, Stephanie, in the Dallas, TX area.  

The running comment in our Zoom meetings is that Stephanie is always using some kind of tool to scratch her back, and never getting it just right.  So I said that I'd send her a backscratcher one day.  Today looked like it was going to be that day, now that I found the box at the post office. About 90 minutes later, my clothes were in the laundry basket, the backscratcher in the box, and I was headed out the door to FH's place.  After 5 minutes at the post office, I was on my way to Forest Hills to pick her up for a late lunch/early dinner.

FH is always a little picky about the clock.  If I'm running late, she'll text me to find out where I am - even though I shouldn't be texting while driving.  Luckily, I have found places where I could text her back safely without causing an accident.  But I'll need to tell her to call me instead, as I shouldn't have to look for a place to pull over to text her safely. After I got to her place, we made a trip to the local stationery store, so that she could get some needed supplies for her visit to her office the next morning.  (She works a Sunday-Thursday schedule.) Then it was off to a nearby outdoor mall to do some shopping and to eat afterward.

This is where I found out that we don't communicate well enough to be more than just friends.  The GPS took us to the site of the mall, but didn't give us an idea of where the restaurant was inside the mall.  So I made a couple of misjudgements regarding where to park, and she was only making things worse with her comments. Instead of noticing I was a little frustrated and needing the mental horsepower to figure things out in a place where I was unfamiliar, she kept commenting on not knowing where the restaurant was, and how far she might have to walk to get where she wanted to be.  I ended up raising my voice a little, but not shouting out of control, asking her to be quiet for a second, so I can keep my perspective on things - something she didn't know how to do.  Eventually, I figured out what I needed to figure out, and got us to a centrally located parking lot in this complex.

After doing a little shopping, FH and I went to the restaurant and were told that we'd have to wait an hour for a table.  This was not good enough for either of us, so we left - and then left the mall to eat elsewhere.  (FH was a little annoyed at the fellow who told us we'd have to wait an hour, vs. telling the next group that it was a 45-60 minute wait.  Big Deal.  Maybe he's dealt with this group before and coddles them a little.  But the difference in messaging and her reaction to that told me a lot about FH.  And then, when the fellow said that there is no in-restaurant waiting area, she ignored that until he mentioned it again.)  Eventually, we made it to a Middle Eastern joint in Ridgewood for dinner.  Then, it was back to her place to drop her off.  (This was not one of our best days.)  

Where the Ex complained too little, FH complains a little too much.  I'm still looking for a happy median.  Hopefully, I'll find one soon.  Life is too short not to have someone special to care for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS: I had to chuckle after scanning the selections on one dating website.  Someone who blocked me from a meetup group (not talking of the ex) is dating and her profile showed on my feed. I certainly would never consider someone like her for many reasons....