So much time and yet, not enough - a short post.

 

This week, I would normally have enough time to get out and about as Marian.  Even though I'm retired, there are many places I'd like to go, but not enough available time to go to them.  For example, I would have liked to go to the 9/11 museum today (it's free late Monday afternoons these days), but the weather will get in my way.  Other times, conflicting schedules waste a bit of my time.  I'd like to see some of my friends, but I'm rarely free on weekends anymore.

Given that we were expecting bad weather later tonight, I decided to drive RQS back home and then park my car in a visitor's space in the co-op's parking lot.  This way, I wouldn't need to move my car to make room for the plow to pile up snow behind my parking spot.  However, I might be "stealing" a parking spot from someone who may need a spot tonight.  So I will move my car from the spot when the snow ends, and not before.

Will I have enough time to do the ever increasing amount of laundry that I have accumulated?  Yes, but....  The question should be:  Will I use my time most productively?  And for that question, I must answer by saying I'm not sure.

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As I write this, I hear snow plows outside clearing snow from our parking lot. There is not much snow on the ground, but enough to cause trouble.  If I go outside to clear off my car, I will likely do it as Mario, as I don't want to ruin anything in my feminine wardrobe.  It is one of the decisions I have to make as a transgender person.

Being a transgender person who lives in both masculine and feminine worlds, I am always making decisions about how I will present myself to the world. It's not always easy for me, as I may have to switch presentations during the day and arrange my life to do so.  This is often the case when I schedule a doctor's visit as Mario, but then have another appointment that requires my presence as Marian.  Yet, I've managed to keep my life as Mario separate from my life as Marian.  Unfortunately, there is never enough time left for me as Marian.

RQS is aware and understands my need to be my authentic self.  I am very grateful to have her in my life.  Both of us know heartbreak, and are doing our best to build up a solid relationship that will last.  Yet, there are things that scare me at times. But I am not going to let those fears get the better of me.  When one commits to a relationship, one is there in good times and bad.  The potential for bad times will always scare me a little, as no one wants to deal with hard times early in a relationship. Hopefully, luck and good fortune will always be on our side.

 

Hawaii Vacation - Day 10: Waimea Canyon & the Na Pali coast

 

Waimea Canyon - when the weather is clear, it is stunningly beautiful.  However, I got there on a less than perfect day.  And it was still well worth the visit.

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This was a day that started by me waking up an hour earlier than desired.   This wasn't a problem, as I spent the time organizing my big suitcase for my return trip home.  If I do this trip with RQS, I will pack less stuff and flip a coin as to which gender presentation I use on the trip.  (When I get home, I'll say of word of thanks to Kim (of Travelling Transgender) for effectively telling me that I should have no problems presenting as female, but carrying male id.)

After leaving the ship, I was directed to an incorrect waiting area.  In a way, I was lucky this happened because I was one of the first on the bus and was able to choose a good seat.  But I felt a little sorry for the fellow who waited next to me, as little special care was taken to make it comfortable to get to and on the bus.

 

Once we got moving, we went to a small state park for a bio break.  While there, we could go to the fenced in area to view the blowhole associated with the park. Every few waves, we'd see the blowhole spout and this justified using the park for a bio break.  Before I go on, this was the first time I went to a stall in a women's room that did not reach 6 feet above the floor.  So I tried to be very careful about adjusting myself before leaving the stall.  Fortunately, I have developed enough confidence and skills in my feminine presentation (even in rest rooms) that I do not draw attention to myself.  So, I was in and out quickly, leaving enough time for the other ladies in the queue to take care of their needs. 

 

 

Next, it was off to Waimea Canyon state Park.  After an hour of driving we reached the park - and the views were well worth the time and effort to get there.  Of course, it was time for another bio break. And again, the stall only extended up to shoulder height.  I wasn't comfortable doing my business there, and was glad I was leaving my stall before the next woman entered the place.  So, I went up the "zig-zag" path to both viewing platforms, and I was impressed by the views of the canyon.  Although it was not as colorful as in the picture at the top of this entry, it was still impressive.

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I hate to contrast Waimea Canyon with the Na Pali coast.  However, I couldn't help but think that leaving port to view the coast today was a waste.  No, it was not because the coast isn't magnificent.  Instead, it's because it rained the whole time we cruised along the coast.  The few pictures I took weren't worth the electrons used to record them. This coast is best appreciated in clear weather, like most of the Hawaiian sites.  On this cruise, my enjoyment was marred by bad weather at the Haleakala Crater, Volcanoes National Park, and the Na Pali Coast.  If I can, I'll try to make it back here in the next 5 years or so.  

And now, back to packing as I leave the ship early in the morning....

I did plenty of nothing, and nothing's plenty for me!

Today was a day that didn't lend itself to going outside.  The forecast called for a wintry mix, with about 3/8" of ice being deposited on everything.  This was not weather to drive in, and this made it a good day to stay inside - which I did.

Although I could have done a load of laundry, that would have meant getting dressed.  That's something which was not in the cards for today.  So the hamper continued to hold a load of clothes which could get done at anytime this week.  Given the choice between getting out of a warm bed on a cold day or staying comfortable, you can guess what my choice would be.

Later in the afternoon, I got an email asking me whether an 11:45 start time for speech therapy would be good for me, and I responded with a "Yes."  When I checked my schedule, I noticed a meetup I had scheduled for a Saturday afternoon in January - I had a timing conflict.  Sadly, I will miss this foodie meetup.  But I will continue on my path to developing a more feminine voice - and that's the more important thing to do in my opinion.

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Watching the news today, I become more and more afraid that we are heading down the path to a not so civil war.  Most of us would admit that we are in the middle of a cultural war.  America is polarized as it has been in only one other period in history, and that ended with the Civil War.  Whether or not one is a Republican or Democrat, this is not a good sign for us transgender folk.

The more I find out about what's going on in Washington, the more I worry.  In the past, I'd merely get upset at the "opposition party".  But now it gets my blood boiling.  I have to change the channel as soon as I turn it on.  And that's not good.  We are in the cross hairs of part of the GOP's base, and many of their proposed laws are aimed directly at us.

How do I deal with it?  More and more, I seek the entertainment that I grew familiar with when I was younger - shows like the original Perry Mason still make me feel that there is some form of justice in the world.  Old Westerns also serve the same function for me - the difference between right and wrong was easy to see, and one knew that good would triumph over evil.  Even though John Wayne in real life was not a man I could easily respect, I loved what his "cowboy" characters stood for - especially when John Ford was the director of the film.

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Like many people whose views I disagree with, I also yearn for the simplicity of the 1950's.  Unlike these people, I support the ideals which America stood for back then, and not the reality of what America was.  When I look at the old TV shows, I see part of what America could be, as well as by omission, things we need to fix for our future.

Right now, I enjoy the idea of relaxing and doing nothing.  Reality has a habit of catching up with us way too quickly for comfort....


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And if you've gotten this far....

Merry Christmas to you and your families!