A long drive for a funeral service

 

My original plans for the day were to take the train to Grand Central, transfer to a Long Island bound train heading for my brother's station, and meet him before trekking out to Sayville, NY for my uncle's memorial service.  Well, things got changed at the last moment, and I ended up driving to Long Island to get to his house on time to go to the funeral service. Now, if it were someone else in my life, I might have skipped out on the drive.  Traffic going in the other direction was fouled up for miles, while I had easy sailing to my brother's place.  And this is where I left the driving to my brother....

 

We reached Sayville about 45 minutes early, and we killed time at a local coffee shop.before going to the church.  The above picture does not do the interior of the church justice.  It was built over 130 years ago, when the town was a rural hamlet.  And it still has a bit of land which it maintains for use as a cemetery.  

 

But I digress....

Arriving at the church, we were greeted by the priest who discussed his plans for the service.  Shortly afterward, my uncle's nice (from his wife's side of the family) came in with some of her brood in tow.  And at 2:00 sharp, the service began, with a zoom transmission being made available to his friends in Los Angeles.  Twenty minutes later, the service was over, and we went to the repast being held at a nearby restaurant.

There's not much I can say about the conversations that went on.  What is more interesting is what my brother hinted to me about what might happen when my aunt dies.  Neither of us expects to inherit any significant sums of money. He feels that when my aunt dies, my aunt and uncle's joint estate will be liquidated, and we will inherit a small sum of money.  If I inherit enough for the two of us to take a vacation, I will spend it on a Hawaii trip for two.

I now wish I hadn't booked an upcoming cruise

 

Before anyone gets any wrong ideas, I am still looking forward to my cruise.  But the conditions which made me select this cruise at this time have changed, and I would have preferred to be taking a different cruise with RQS later in the year.

But first....

My uncle passed away last night.  After 91 years on this planet, it was time for his soul to depart his body and travel into the unknown - whatever that might be.  He lived a long and successful life, having won more than one industry awards in a highly competitive and visible industry.  (Let's just say that you might have seen him win one of his awards 50 years ago, or so.)  He was always there for his family when he was needed, and I'll always be grateful for the assistance he offered when my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Last year, I chose to take a California Coastal Cruise, as a fallback if my uncle wasn't up to being visited.  Sadly, he had severely damaged his hip the autumn before, and it never healed enough to allow him to walk again.  (He fell trying to take care of a wife who was suffering with dementia, when his wife should have already been placed into a care home.)  When we visited Los Angeles last June, he had just been told that he'd never walk again.  With everything going on in his life at that time, I made it a point to try and visit him again while he was still above ground.  Today, I got the news that I was about a week or two too late.

Right now, the person in charge of my uncle's affairs has not made any arrangements for my uncle's memorial service/gathering.  I likely will not be able to attend this service if held before mid May, as my prior commitments preclude making any trips.  And, even if I could attend, I will not know any of the people who would be attending this service/gathering, as they are all industry insiders.

At least, there is one good thing to come out of all of this.  I will not need to bring along any male garments for my upcoming trip. (I'm sure that my uncle would have found a way to write a humorous story about this if he wasn't the person in the casket....)

Sad News, with more to come (eventually)

 

Today's post will be a short one.  But it involves sadness caused by a situation that I have no control over, and frustration because I have limited access to information.

As I have mentioned before, both my aunt and uncle are in nursing homes for the ailments of old age.  When RQS and I were in Los Angeles earlier this year, we were not able to see my uncle, as he was just told that he'd never be leaving the nursing home due to his frailness.  Today, I finally heard from my uncle, and he is in a bad way.

Last year, my uncle fell and broke his hips.  From what I can understand, he is not a candidate for hip replacement surgery.  All they could do is patch him up.  He has been in the nursing home since then.  When I spoke to him in December, he still had the voice of a man who would resume his life as soon as he was certified able to do so.  Of course, this time never came.  In June, I talked with him for 5 minutes, and he still had a tolerably strong voice.  But it was one weakened by circumstance.  Tonight, he could barely hear me on the phone, and his voice sounded like someone with no interest left in living.

He is depressed, in part, because he has no children, and because his nearest relatives live a continent away.  Neither my brother nor I can hop in a car to see him.  If we were to visit, he'd have to hop on a plane, spend at least one night in LA, and then fly home after the visit.  This is why I scheduled a California Coastal Cruise for this past June.  If he was unable to see us, we'd still have a great time on the left coast.

After our too short phone call, I called my brother to report on things.  My brother gave me another tidbit of information which I did not have.  And I asked him to relay my concerns to my uncle's agent, as I do not have the agent's name, nor do I want to be the point of contact for information regarding my uncle's affairs.  (Also, I feel that my brother knows more than he lets on, and doesn't trust me with anything.  But that's another story for another day.)  Hopefully, I'll get more information soon.  But I know that in the long term, it will only be bad news.  And I feel sad about things that eventually must come.

California Vacation 2023 - Los Angeles

The Birth of a Nation.  It was one of the landmark films of American Cinema.  But its racism gets me sick when I think about how the KKK is portrayed in this film.  Yet, this film is referenced in the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures as part of its exhibit of how African Americans have been portrayed in American cinema.

But first....

Last year, I contacted MWL (a woman I once dated) to find out which shore excursions I should take when in Hawaii.  Recently, she contacted me to find out whether I knew of some good places to eat in Los Angeles in her upcoming visit. And after her return, I found out that she used the mass transit system (mostly buses) to get around town.  So that gave me the idea that we might be able to use LA's mass transit system to get around town, and avoid having to use Ubers or local cabs.  I didn't know how bad a decision that would be, given our the experience we were to have in this city.  

- - - - - -

RQS and I made a decision to see both the Academy Museum and the Petersen Automotive Museum before trying to visit my uncle in the nursing home.  We asked people at the hotel how we could get to an active Metro station, and no one had a clue.  LA is a car culture, and almost no one uses mass transit.  This was evidenced by the directions we got to a metro station "only" 4 long blocks away.  After walking there in the heat, we found that the station was was under construction and wouldn't be open until next year.  So, we ended up deciding to take an Uber to the museums.

This was my first time using the Uber app, and it took me a bit of time to get things working.  Luckily, we had help from an Uber driver who was waiting for an airport call.  After I got things set up and clicked on the "Ride Request" button, someone else agreed to the fare before our Uber driver even got the message.  AARGH!  We wanted to give him the business.  But we got a driver with whom we had a nice chat, and he helped us fix an error in the destination address while on the way to the museums.

Once at the Academy Museum, we gravitated to the exhibit of Blacks in Cinema, and I found it very interesting.  Although I identify as White, I knew of some of the racism Blacks faced in American cinema.  But I didn't know how diverse the black cinema experience was.  I found it interesting that movies targeted to the African American audience had as many themes as those targeted to a White audience, and often noted that the films had an all Black cast.

 
Both RQS and I noted that this museum gave a superficial view of what goes into making a movie.  New York's Museum of the Moving Image and New York's Paley Center gives the visitor a better idea of what goes into making a motion picture (Movies and TV Shows).  But I digress....

 
When we were done with the Academy Museum, it was across the street we went to the Petersen Automotive Museum.  And it was here that the full history of automobiles was on display, using individual automobiles (and motorcycles) to show the art of personal transportation by motorized vehicle.  We spent a couple of hours here, and wished we had more time, so that we could visit "The Vault."  But that's something for another visit.

Next, it was off to my uncle's nursing home.  On the way there (via Uber), my uncle returned my call and said that he wasn't up to having visitors.  Of course, this is understandable, as he was just told that he will never be able to return to his home due to injuries sustained in caring for my aunt.  So we walked around Beverly Hills a little bit, and then went for dinner at a reasonably proced Indian Restaurant.

After dinner, it was back to the hotel to get ready for our first day on the cruise ship....
 

Seeing friends in person and via zoom.

 

The above picture has nothing much to do with today's theme.  But it has all to do with people supporting each other.  And that is what I'll discuss today.

- - - - - -

I had only two things on my docket (save for postponable things such as laundry).  First was having an early dinner with my friend, AR.  And then, a Zoom meeting with my friends Stephanie and Jen from Texas. But this is not how my day started.

Sometime in the morning, my aunt called me from California.  Since I know that she's suffering from dementia, I also know that the conversation would be short.  In our short chat, I found out that she still remembers who I am, but is not able to make much of a conversation.  All she could do was to say that she's coming to New York soon - something I know isn't true.  The call ended, and I realized that she has the cell phone that my uncle used to call me in Hawaii.  Instead of trying to reach my uncle, I decided to text my brother and see if he has an alternate number for my uncle on which I could reach him.  Unfortunately, my brother didn't call back, due to him being up to his eyeballs in projects.

Next, I decided to clear out many of the kitchen tools I don't use, and empty a gadget drawer.  Although I didn't clean out that much, I made more of a dent in the mess than I would have expected.  By the time I was done, I was ready to get showered and dressed - as Marian.  Since the weather outside was cold, I decided to wear a nice dress and leggings outfit which would be prefect for the day.  

I was out the door by 5 pm, and met AR at the Italian restaurant in town.  Yum!  We had a nice leisurely meal, and I had enough leftovers for a second meal.  (Too bad that I left it in my car - it'll probably be unsafe to eat when I get back to the car.)  AR knows me only as Marian, so I code switched all of my experiences to that of a female, talking about RQS as if she were a he.

Next, it was back home to chat with my friends Stephanie and Jen.  This was our first chat since I was "Out" to them as transgender, and the chat flowed as it usually does.  They are both interested in meeting me and RQS in Chicago, and we have a weekend date to plan for - as soon as RQS's taxes are done.  All too quickly, the chat had to end - we were all tired and talked out.

- - - - - -

Hopefully, my Chicago trip will come off as discussed.  It'll be nice to see these friends in person for a change....

Looking at vacations I want to take.

 

Here's a nautical mileage cruise I'm thinking of taking in the future.  I've been to most of these ports before, and it would be nice to visit the new ports soon with RQS as a travel partner.  

- - - - - -

Now that RQS and I have made a successful trip to Washington, DC, we have started thinking of taking another trip together.  A quick run to New England and Canada's Maritime Provinces is something that came to both our minds.  Unlike my last run into Boston with FCP, who insisted that I keep her son and future daughter in law occupied, RQS likes the idea of going to see "Old Ironsides," and have some clam chowder at Boston's Union Oyster House while in town.

I've never been to Sydney or Charlottetown, so these ports will be new experiences for the two of us. As for Halifax and St. John, we can always find an interesting excursion to go on in these cities.  But in Portland and Boston, there are things we can do without the help of the cruise line's excursions.  So, we have a lot more options than which are presented to us by the cruise line - but we have to be willing to make sure to get back to the ship on time if we exercise those options.

- - - - - -

Since 2022 looks like it is already going to be a busy year, I've already started to look at cruises for 2023 and 2024.  Right now, the cruise at the top of my list is a Panama Canal cruise through the Historic Locks which starts in Los Angeles and ends in Fort Lauderdale.  If we do this cruise (or I do it alone), it will be a great opportunity to get there a day (or two) early and see both my aunt and uncle.  They are in their upper 80's, and I want to see them while they are able to get around on their own.

 

 

The above 25 day cruise is something I also want to take sometime in the future.  Although it is scheduled for July 2023, I can't see myself spending money on another bucket list cruise this soon after the Panama Canal cruise I want to take.  Since I want to visit my niece (living in London) sometime in  2023 or 2024, I figure that this will be a 2025 trip assuming that this cruise is still being offered.

 

One way or another, I expect to be doing at least one bucket list trip per year....