Precious Time and Bucket Lists

 

When I was younger, I sometimes felt like there were never enough hours in the day.  Although I feel this less and less as I get older, I find that there are not enough days in the week.  Today was occupied by two things: Shoveling my car out from the snow, and a co-op board meeting to be held in the evening.  As I get older, I dislike shoveling snow more and more, and would prefer to have a garage where I can put my car in case of bad weather.  

Why might you ask that I'm complaining of not having enough time?

The answer is simple.  The older we get, the less time we have to spend.  And, we're also fighting the body's normal decay process as well.  I have less energy to spend on things, which means that it takes me more time to do the things I could do in less time when younger.

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Knowing that I have only so much time left to me makes me think - what do I want to do with the rest of the good years of my life?  The process of answering that question also spends a portion of the time I have left to me.  Although my apartment is a mess (being perfectly tidy is a low priority for me), I still want the creature comforts that money can buy for me - such as a working range hood fan over my stove.  Being serious, I've already generated a bucket list of things to do and see.  Yet, like in the movie, the Bucket List, I've found that many of the things must be done by more than one person, including the completion of that list.

I consider myself lucky that RQS has been with me for the past 2 years, as I have a companion for that ride into old, old age.  And I feel that she feels the same way about me, especially when I have opened her up to new possibilities in life.  Yet, I don't think that either of us will complete the things we want to do on our bucket lists.  There is only so much time, and it becomes more precious every day.

Fortunately, I am out to the world in regard to being transgender.  This takes a big load off of my mind. Overcoming the fear of wondering what people might think made it easier to pursue other things on the bucket list with much less fear, as I have found that most of us worry about many things needlessly.  If we were to ask ourselves "what's the worst thing that could reasonably happen?" in a given situation might free us up to do things we might not otherwise do.  Heck, I've had to deal with a stolen wallet last year, and I was able to recover from it.  Many of us have had to deal with broken limbs, or worse.  Yet, we recovered.  So, if these are the worst things that could happen, why not try to check off items on your bucket list before it's too late to do so?

I'd love to see your opinions on this....

The first major snowfall in 2 years

 

February 13, 2024 - a snowstorm to remind us of how much of a nuisance show can be.  And I had the wisdom to move my car from my usual parking spot to a visitor's parking spot to leave room for the plow to push all of the shoveled snow.

If we didn't get any snow today, I'd have been out shopping for a new car.   Since I was up early enough to to get out and about in the morning, I had nothing better to do than test drive cars.  Instead, I had to wait until the snow stops falling to shovel out my car and then go food shopping.  Do I like this?  No.  It's not that I mind snow.  But it is simply getting in the way of me doing things important to me, such as picking up a small Valentine's Day gift for RQS.  (She already knows what her big gift is.  But a woman should always hove something to open on V-Day itself.

Thinking of new cars, have you noticed that most cars being sold these days are in shades of white, gray, and black?  It is much less common to see cars painted red or blue, and even less in other colors.  Gone are the days where I could get a VW Bug painted in Yellow.  Even though one could never sell a new car equipped like the old Beetle these days, this car was fun to drive.  More important than that, the car was a good car to learn on, because it could take a beating and still keep soldiering on.

When I had my Bug, I practiced driving in difficult driving conditions.  The only time the Bug could be said to fail me was when I had to brake or steer on a slick surface - there was not enough weight on the front wheels, nor any power, to help keep me from sliding forward when I wanted to stop, or when I wanted to go around a curve.  It was a car best suited for summers on the California Coast, and not for winters in New England.

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What cars bring back memories for you?

Meeting RQS's Friend

 

Yes, is a picture taken of me over a decade ago.  But I don't want to show a picture of RQS or her friend in this blog.

We had arranged to meet in NYC several weeks ago, and it was nice to be back in Marian mode again. RQS and I got ready to take the train into NYC, and I noticed that one of my dresses had a rip at one seam.  Since I couldn't wear that dress, I had to substitute a sweater dress in its stead - and that was a good thing, considering the cold weather outside.

Arriving at Grand Central an hour ahead of our expected time, we killed some of it in the waiting room over a cup of coffee.  And then it was off to lunch.  When we arrived at our destination, I noted that it couldn't be the Chick-fil-A on the corner, as corporate management is anti-LGBT.  Luckily, we were meeting at the French themed shop next door. And that's where a complication arose - there were no seats, and RQS had already paid for lunch.  So we ended up walking a block to another place, and again - no seats.  Both places had turned into de-facto office spaces, with people both eating and working at the tables.  Again, we picked up and left - for the Wendy's next door.

Time flowed way too quickly.  Her friend greeted me as Marian, and we hit it off instantly. If I didn't have to be back in Croton by 6 to get my car out of the parking lot, we would have stayed longer.  But it was a good excuse to take my leave.  Surprisingly, I made it home by 5:15, as I caught a non-stop express to Croton and beyond. 

Car shopping - Weekend #2

 

I'm certainly not in the market for this old truck.  But I am in the market for a new car, and it will most likely be an SUV, given the options available to me.  Gone are the days of nice sedans and coupes.  We are now in the age of the do anything vehicle.  And this is not a bad thing, considering that we all seem to need to carry large things in the back of the car now and then.

This weekend, I was forced to stay in Mario mode, so that I could visit several car dealerships and have ID that matches my gender presentation.  What bothers me is that I won't be able to get my nails done for a few weeks, so that Mario looks like he's expected to look - like a boring, heavy set, old guy.  And we had a frustrated laugh at the first dealership we visited.

Most of us have gone through the frustrating experience that is new car shopping in the Unites States. First you enter the showroom and meet a salesperson.  Then, they ask for your license, so that they can check your credit report and start the process of structuring a deal designed to get you to buy their car with maximum profit. When the salesperson comes back with your license, he starts asking you about your budget for the car, whether you will be financing the car and what kind of monthly payments you can afford, whether you have a car you'd like to trade, as well as other information he will need for his finance guy to structure a deal.  Only then, do you get to the process of taking a test drive.

Now, I have been around this block before, and I have had many dealers try to screw me - even when I was willing to buy a car at MSRP (both before, during, and after Covid-19).  So, I've taken the time to learn how to NOT provide much negotiating information to the "enemy". And RQS has been a great help to me while we have visited the dealerships.

Before RQS came up this weekend, I had a pleasant test drive of a Honda at a local dealership.  The salesman knew that I've been to this dance before, and didn't try to hard sell me on the car I tested.  Instead, we had a long, leisurely test drive on both local roads and the highway, and I found this to be the best car I had tested so far.  Although there is one thing I don't like about the car (the CVT transmission), I'd buy this car at the right price.  This would become the car I measure things against in test drives planned when RQS arrived.

On Saturday, we visited the first of these dealerships, a Mazda dealership, where we were greeted by a salesperson who offered us coffee and proceeded to ask for my license, so that he could make a copy.  After an excessive amount of time, RQS and I were starting to get frustrated.  But then, I think the salesperson couldn't pull a credit on me, as I had frozen it when my wallet was lifted in Chicago.  And only when he gave up, did he return to the desk to try and extract more information from me - which he didn't get.  After the test drive, we chatted and I got his opening price for the car - something in a fair range for the vehicle we tested.  Unfortunately, it was getting dark, so we suspended our shopping for the day.

Sunday came, and we ended up visiting 3 dealerships.  The first one we entered, a Subaru franchise in Yonkers, got me to write a "Nastygram" (as I call it).  We entered the dealership, and the receptionist was doing her business on the phone and didn't bother to acknowledge us.  After 10 minutes of walking around, no one bothered to ask us anything, so we left.  (Given the large inventory on their lot, I don't think they are too successful a dealership.)  And then it was onto the next dealership - a Yonkers Honda dealership.  Although we were acknowledged promptly, we still had to wait a while due to short staffing. When we finally met with a salesperson, we were told that they don't do test drives on Sundays, and that she couldn't give me an out the door price - she was required to haggle.  Since there's no way we'd even consider doing this without even a test drive, we moved onto a third dealership in White Plains. This time, we were greeted promptly, "interrogated" for sales information, and given our test drive. Although we did get an out the door price, it would not be as good as the price I got before the weekend started.

Monday came, and I wrote the "Nastygram" I mentioned above.  Even though I received an apologetic response later in the day, I won't return to that dealership.  I figure that I can get a better deal from other dealerships that carry its brands, assuming that I don't go with the Honda....

Tax Paperwork - a short post

 

Getting ready to have my taxes done is always an awkward experience.  Gathering up my forms is the easiest part of the process, save for the rental property that both my brother and I share an interest.  Given that my brother is a well paid, but overworked person, I rarely have received this last set of financials on time.

I'm glad that I'm not an accountant at this time of year.  One's person's numbers and forms would likely blend into someone else's in my mind - and I'd screw up both people's returns.  So I respect my brother a lot for starting a second career in his 40's, and doing well up to this point.  

Right now, my brother has got the weight of the world on him, and all I can do is give him encouragement.  He will soon have a lot of hard decisions in front of him, and all I can do is listen when he needs an ear, as well as remind him of what he's already accomplished in such a short time in a career.

In the end, my brother will still end up doing tax forms, if not for a large corporation, then for his family.  I wish him the best....

Game night - a short post

 

Although it was a perfect day to go outside and test drive some cars, I ended up staying indoors until it was time to go to game night.  

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One thing I've noticed at game night is that the people there always refer to me as SHE.  That's very important, as they know I'm transgender.  Whether or not I go for radical surgical alterations to my body or not is a minor issue with this group of friends.  People there are comfortable with the idea of being transgender, and just accept me as a normal person.

Even with being accepted, being the oldest person in the room does make me feel odd at times.  I am not good at games that require a lot of strategical thought - I might be more of a tactician than a strategist.  But I enjoy going there because I enjoy the company of younger people.  And that's something that will likely keep my mind active as I get older.

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With all of the above being said, I had a troublesome thought come to mind.  What would happen when people who only know Mario meet people who only know Marian?  I'd no longer be around.  But I'd hate to see people freaked out because I lived on both sides of the gender coin.

Dinner with a Transgender friend

 

It's not every day that I can get together with another person from our transgender community.  It takes a while for our conversations to get going because we come from opposite sides of the spectrum.  But, in the end, we get to chatting like typical ladies - albeit, not in the way one would expect.

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We arranged to meet at the restaurant at dinner time, but we screwed up which dinner time that was.  So, I ended up being 1/2 hour early, yet 1/2 hour late according to SKB's initial impressions of our time frame.  (I take half of the blame here, as I could have chosen the earlier to get there and we both could have gotten there at the originally expected time.)  One thing I can say - I don't want to be walking out on a side street near Atlantic Terminal / Barclay's Center after rush hour.  But I digress.  SKB ended up being later than expected due to a hunt for a parking spot. (There are many good reasons that I use mass transit in congested parts of big cities.) 

In many ways, SKB is the opposite of me.  I identify as a person who is left of center by today's standards. (I'd likely be considered a Goldwater Republican, the way he was towards the end of his life.)  SKB identifies as a person who is right of center.  I have almost no interest in sports, save for an interest in the history of baseball.  SKB has an interest in the most American of sports, football.  We should be like oil and water, but we always seem to have good conversations.

All too soon, our conversation had to end.  SKB was able to reach her house in 30 minutes, while it took me 30 minutes to reach Grand Central Terminal.  Since it was after 9:00 pm when I got there, almost every place where I could get a bottle of fizzy water was closed (or was closing down).  Luckily, one place was still open at 9:30, and I was able to get my seltzer before hopping on the train.

Normally, I get on a train that has a stop or two before reaching Croton.  This time, I caught the express whose first stop is in Croton.  As a result, I had to fight to stay awake just enough not to miss my station, instead of being able to fall asleep until the last stop.  Yet, I made it home by 11:00 pm, and was ready to fall asleep by midnight.